I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas on how to calm down my 11 month old. He gets very upset during diaper changes, even when I pull out the changing pad. He starts crying and flailing and I'm totally at a loss as to what to do. I'm the only one who changes his diaper other than occasionaly my husband, mother or a nursery worker at church.
I feel like he's kind of faking it because the moment I say "All done" and pick him up, he is happy as can be. It's almost like he doesn't like having to be still for a minute. I've tried giving him a toy, letting him pick a toy, letting him play with a wet washcloth, singing, etc. Usually, it catches his attention for a minute and then he gets upset again.
Any advice would be appreciated. It's to the point where I dread diaper changes.
Thank you all for your help! It was good to hear that a lot of people are going through the same thing.
I tried the distraction method again as well as giving him a lot of extra time with me before the diaper change. Neither thing worked, so when I laid him on the pad and he started to cry, I told him he needed to stop or he would have to sit in his crib...of course he just arched his back and screamed, so into the crib he went. When he calmed down, I took him out and tried again...that went on for 1/2 hour. Finally, when I laid him down for probably the 6th time, he wimpered a little. I gave him a toy and we started to growl at each other (his favorite noise) and I got the diaper changed without any tears. And we had a nice (dry!) cuddle time after.
I'm sure it won't be smooth sailing from here but I hope that if I'm consistent about this, maybe diaper changes can be a lot easier on both of us.
Distract with whatever is close and safe. I have worked at a daycare with kids this age and i have two of my own, they all go through this phase! It is horrible to try to tackle but remember-this too shall pass. They grow out out of it, some quicker than others.
have you tried warming the diaper wipes? Years ago ther were warmers tha you could wrap around whe diaper wipe container.
Warmly,
P.
This behavior is normal first of all. He may want to run and play and not want to be still that is okay... that is why he is a kid. Imagine if he wanted to sit and relax or work all day or something that us adults find fulfilling... how scared would you be? So rest assured that you have done nothing wrong nor are you doing something wrong. What if you gave him a chance to create his own situation. What i mean is, would you like to get changed in the living room, bathroom, on a towel, on your bed etc etc. You can let him know that "I can't let you stay in a dirty diaper, your bottom will get a rash." Where would you like me to change you at? Or another thing is he may want to be close to you in another way besides getting changed? What activities are occuring before the diaper change? Possibly try engaging with him for even 5 minutes, undivided attention, playing whatever he leads you to play. Let him know in 5 minutes we have to change your diaper but for the next 5 minutes I'm all yours. Set a timer if it helps you not to keep checking a clock and truly be undivided for him. Also, like you said about singing, make it into a fun game. Ask for his help, have him hold the wipes, have him pick the clean diaper or pull it up and hold it in the front. It can also be helpful to really express your feelings about this time. Tell someone who will just listen, not respond, not compare not judge, that you HATE diaper changes, that it makes you miserable that you feel worried something is wrong or he got hurt or whatever your deepest feelings are. Letting them out will help you begin the change without the mindset that this is going to be a terrible event. That alone can lead to a more pleasant time.
I'm a parenting instructor, teaching connection parenting skills locally. Let me know if you have more questions, or please give me feedback on how one of these options works for you. Sometimes our babies need to get their tears out, this may be the time he chooses to do that, so you may even hold him and let him cry and cry until he gets it out and then say, okay are you ready for a clean diaper now?
email me... ____@____.com
This is a great opportunity for your child to learn to obey and to submit to your authority.
That needs to be learned early so that when he is older and bigger than you he will have the respect for you that is necessary for a healthy relationship.
My 13 month old does the same thing. I try to give her something to distract her or I sing to her. If that doesn't work I firmly tell her "No crying, be happy.' If she is kicking and flailing I will give her a little pat on the leg - enough to get her attention. She does cry but soon settles and knows that I am the one calling the shots.
Honestly, these are hard times cause it is the first times they overstep boundaries. It is difficult to see our little ones be disciplined but in the long run it will make a world of difference.
Hang in there. And remember if you child is strong willed your will must be just a little stronger. Your child will be a better person for it.
Join the club.. we all go through it at some point. I remember many times having to literally pin my daughter down to get her changed. It's a phase (that may come back). My daughter is 27 months and still does it. I can get her to be perfectly behaved for a changing if Blue's Clues is on. DISTRACTION CAN WORK WONDERS :) Try it :)
Hi. My little boy is 22 months and he is the same way. He started even earlier than yours and I thought it would pass....but here we are! One thing that I find that works is to have a special snack for diaper changes. We use something like teddy grams or another cracker, but he only gets them when we are changing a diaper. He thinks they are a big deal...works most of the time for me. Good luck.
We are having the same issue with our 15mo girl. Our kids are changed most regularly when they wake up and when they go down for naps. We think it might be that she is associating diaper changes with bedtime.
My husband and I are going to try changing her in a different setting, such as the living room at the odd times and we will change her on the changing table only before and after bedtime and naps.
We'll let you know if there is a difference.
K. -
I made up a song for my 14-m/o that is exclusively associated with diaper change time:
(Sung to the tune of "Let's All Go To The Kitchen")
It's time to change your diaper,
Time to change your diaper,
It's time to change your diiii-PURRRR - -
Because you are stin-ky!
Because you are stinky,
Because you are stinky;
It's time to change your diaper,
Time to change your diaper,
It's time to change your diiii-PURRRR - -
Because you are stin-ky!
Normally, if I'm lucky, I'm done changing his diaper by the time I finish the song. For added fun, I show him the sign for "diaper change" during the song (I've taught him a bit of sign language) and now he's starting to show me the sign when he poops! Hey, maybe it'll help when it's time to potty train...
I've also made up songs and routines for shower/bath time, eating time, playing time, and getting ready to leave the house. I like think of it as my little way of him having personal attention from me throughout the day and getting him used to routines. Even my hubby finds himself singing them from time to time!
Hope this helps!
give him something to play with. My daughter started this at the same age. We just keep a toy or book or cup on the changing table. Worked like a charm.
My response has already been covered but I felt compelled to add my 2 cents because it struck a chord with me. I have a 14 month old who at about 9 or 10 months started behaving the same way. This child is the most agreeable, sweetnatured, happy, easy going baby ever but when I change his diaper he goes nuts. Just like you said, he starts flailing his arms, kicking his legs, screaming, crying big crocodile tears. At first I was completely dumfounded and at a loss. I was trying to figure out what would cause this much disrupt over something that doesn't physically cause pain or discomfort. Also, I am the person doing it... his most favorite thing ever =). I definitely don't look forward to diaper changes and his father rarely helps with them anymore.
After extensive research I've found recently that he will calm down when I sing a few of his favorite songs and/or make funny faces... He focuses in on my face and mouth and it seems to distract him. So far this is working 100% of the time. I don't always feel like singing for sure but I prefer it over the behavior so I suck it up. I'm told this will pass too so us mom's will just have to "hang in there"... Best of luck K..
My sister in law had a bag of tricks for her, by the changing table. Some times it was a pair of google eyes that she would wear, or a headband with a reindeer antlers on it, jsut to make it a little more fun and get the attention on something else.
He just hates having to do what YOU want instead of what HE wants. He'll just have to be mad and you'll just have to keep changing him. He'll learn who is in charge and he'll fine. Praise him for being patient but don't let it get to you.
~L.
Hi,
I'm sure you've tried this already, but just in case you haven't, singing is really the only thing that works for us. That or a toy that sings and lights up. Good luck!
Hi K., I bet you will get a ton of responses that people have experienced the same thing with their child. Eleven months is about when my son started acting like a turkey about it too. For me, I just went on and did it as fast as I could and didn't give his tantrums any attention, eventually he figured out it's a done deal and there is no escaping it! :o) Good luck!
I had that same problem with my daughter and my sister had the same problem with her son. Both about the same age as yours.
I honestly can't remember how long it lasted...a month, maybe two?? Not sure...but it did pass. With my daughter, not much worked...so I would just put her down and do the change as fast as I could! She eventually relaxed about the whole ordeal.
My son is 22 months and HATES diaper changes... we've tried everything too and it just comes down to doing it as quickly as possible. He just started back with hating them again this last month. I try to do it standing up if I can.. we use cloth so that can be challenging, but sometimes he's better then.
I think it's typical for this age.. I have friends that have 2 1/2 year olds that HATE diaper changes too...
My son went through the same thing. It will soon pass. In the meantime, give him a toy to play with during changes.
A friend of mine has a daughter who does the same thing. She actually tried using pull-ups instead and she reports that it saved her sanity. I guess because she (baby) can stand more while she's (mother) getting the new diaper on. It works for her. On the flip side it's also a good learning tool for cooperation...as in, this is what needs to be done and that's that, sorry if you don't like it. I myself have a dozen different things to pull out of my hat for entertainment; at times when my daughter is just being a crab about it, I either step back and wait or plow through anyways depending on my mood. I hope I helped, don't let it get to you too much. (Easier said than done right?!) Good luck!
Are there other times when he doesn't like laying down?
Is the changing table cold or a fabric that may be uncomfortable to him? Have you tried cleaning him up with just a warm water, moistened diaper - if you use wipes, maybe it's the wipes irritating his skin or they are too cold. If you really like wipes, try holding them between your hands to warm them up before putting them on his skin.
Does he like being diaper-less at other times? Maybe let him be "naked" for a few minutes after you clean him up?
Does he stand yet if he has something to hold onto? It's not as easy but still possible to change diapers while they are standing. Do you get the same reaction with him just standing on the floor (hardwood or tile, of course *wink*).
Another thought is, did he ever get hurt or frightened while on the changing table - poked with a pin if you use pins with cloth diapers (wraps are great!) or pinched with the tabs if he had disposable diapers, almost roll off, does he just not like being at the height of the table.
What if you change him on the floor? - same reaction? What if you change him away from home? Or is it only the changing table?
Also, it may just be a phase (which too will pass *grin*). Seems to me one of my grandkids just didn't like being restricted from moving around - can't be bothered having to stop... having too much fun learning and exploring.
Good luck - keep trying different places and ways of changing the diapers ... you may find the clue or he'll just decide, "oh OK Mommy". ~M.
I went through the same thing with my son. I did all the things you did to try and distract him, but to no avail. Eventually it will pass. Just don't take it too personally and know that many kids go through it.
I had the same thing with my now 2 year old son. Right around the same time, he decided he didn't want his diaper changed either. My biggest words of wisdom... Be very very fast!! I just ended up holding his legs down and going as fast as I could to get it over with. The other good thing is.. it is just a phase. It will eventually stop. So hang in there and before you know it, he will be on to something else and you will be through it
