13 Month Old Needs Constant Attention

Updated on September 22, 2008
B.S. asks from Tampa, FL
16 answers

Hi moms. My daughter recently started this thing where she wants my attention constantly. If I put her down she cries. If I walk into another room she follows me and cries. If I sit at the computer for 5 minutes she circles me and whines. I know she loves her mommy and maybe I'm to blame for doting on her, but I JUST WANT TO MAKE DINNER WITHOUT HOLDING HER!!! How do I properly correct this behavior? I've tried redirecting and it works only temporarily. If I ignore her she keeps whining. If I bend down to give her a hug in hopes that she'll stop, she continues to whine. I sit on the floor and play with her often, but she wants me on the floor all the time. I've been paying bills, making phone calls and planning meals from the floor. Any advice?

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So What Happened?

Thank you all for your advice. I'm going to let her whine a little and then take a time out to play and snuggle. When i say it's constant, IT'S CONSTANT, so I am going to let her whine a little. I appreciate all of the feedback.

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N.S.

answers from Tampa on

I'm wondering if she needs a change in scenery? Do you go on walks outside? We occasionally have days like that and I know it's due to a combination of teething and being in the house to long. Oh, and maybe a little stress on my part. My little one picks up on that in a minute.

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N.H.

answers from Tampa on

My son is 14 months and he also does this a lot. My mother-in-law said he's just bored so I got some more challenging toys for him. He is also A LOT worse when he is teething!!!
Good luck

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C.S.

answers from Lakeland on

My kids have always been "mama's girls" as well. I think it's normal. She may actually be getting some molars and be in some discomfort.

Have you tried babywearing? There are lots of good slings out there that will let you wear a toddler on your back (especially the mei tai or soft-structured carried like the Ergo). That way she gets the closeness she craves while you get to go about your business. The bonus is the extra exercise you get!

Check out some different types of slings here:
http://infantstoddlers.suite101.com/article.cfm/guide_to_...

If you don't want to buy new, you can usually find used ones for sale on ebay.

Good luck!

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C.S.

answers from Lakeland on

My best friend went through exactly the same thing with her first child. I was lucky, my first child wasn't like that but my second child (currently 2.5yrs old) does want me all the time.
Ultimately you are in a power struggle and the way you handle it will affect what your daughter learns she can do to manipulate you. It's definitely something that will possibly go away, but that's all dependent on how you handle it.
My suggestion is to ignore it. If there are things you need to get done, do them and show your daughter that there are times when she will have to wait. You'll just have to grin and bare it when the crying/whining escalates. It seems cruel at first, especially to a new parent but for my best friend, the problem corrected itself in almost under a week. Consistency is the key. Children learn from repetition and if you "teach" her that sometimes she is the one in control, it's natural that she will take advantage of that. Ultimately it's the personality of the child that will determine how long the behavior persists (my daughter is much harder to "break" than my son every was). Good luck!

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S.L.

answers from Tampa on

Hi B.. I can totally relate to your situation. While I love the fact that my 14 month old craves my attention constantly, it is difficult to get certain things done during the day, especially making dinner! This is what I have done that seems to work. I sit her on the floor in the kitchen, give her some pots, pans, spoons and so on and let her play near me. This distracts her while I am cutting vegetables and things like that. Sometimes I do end up carrying her while doing some chores which I don't mind at all because I know separation anxiety is a big stage right now but if it is a safety concern (such as I am draining boiling water) then I do set her down for a few minutes and she does whine which is ok sometimes. Good luck. This too will pass, she will get older quickly and some day she will not want you hugging her while her friends are around!

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C.F.

answers from Tampa on

It's completely normal. It's just seperation anxiety which starts around 9 mos. or so. Be happy! It means she is bonded to you. She should outgrow it, but ignoring her after redirecting her, or simply reassuring her with your voice rather than picking her up all the time should help slowly bring about a change. I agree with the other parents about not having to sit next to her every waking moment while you do normal household things. Let her follow you, keep a running talk of what you are doing. She will learn language and social skills just by watching and being with you. When you do require a break from being her "one and only" have Daddy spend some father-daughter time with her. Good luck!

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R.W.

answers from Tampa on

Break the habbit now. If you have bills, cooking or other things to do then do it. Let her whine. It is not going to hurt her to whine a little, even a lot if there is nothing wrong with her other than wanting your attention. If your cooking give her some pots and pans and a spoon to play with. If you are doing bills put her in the high chair with some toys where she is by you but you can still do what you need to get done. You can have her close without having to sit on the floor with her. That is why there are such things as high chairs. A friend of mine had a daughter that was like yours. When it came time to go to school she had a lot of trouble. I had warned her to break the clinging when she was little but she thought it was cute. Well cute wasn't so cute when she was five and it was time to start school. She ended up not getting to go to school until she was seven. Do you want that for you daughter?

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J.D.

answers from Tampa on

My dayghter is almost 14 months old, born 7/25/07, and she is the exact way! I don't know what to do either. She follows me around the house crying...I get her playing and involved with something so I can get something done in the house...a minute or two later when she realizes I'm gone she is crying again. I even get her 6 year old brother to play with her and all she wants is me. So weird...it sounded like you were describing my little girl. I'm at home with my little one too. I feel your frustration. I wish I had some advice for you. At least you know you're not the only one. Good luck!

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M.H.

answers from Sarasota on

Most likely, she will get over it. I remember my son doing this at 15 months old. I was really firm on trying to make a dinner and have us all eat together, but at this time frame, that was near impossible. Cooking was agony for me because he just hung around me and cried and whined. This lasted for a couple of months and I switched to very easy dinners and take out during this time. I didn't "correct" it, I just stuck it out and it went away. Good luck,

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C.C.

answers from Tampa on

YOU are in charge of "her behavior". If you want to change it....then DON"T hold her constantly. She will adapt...and it's healthy for her tolearn how to console herself and play independently.

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G.B.

answers from Sarasota on

Nothing wrong with whining and crying. Good for the lungs! You're not ignoring her, but let her cry. You're always around when she cries, so she's not hurting herself. Let her cry!!

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H.B.

answers from Tampa on

I don't feel this is a behavior to be 'corrected', she loves you and wants to be near you. She is undergoing emotional, developmental and physical changes as she grows and is looking to you to fill the security gap she feels during these changes. As much as her wanting to be cuddled all day seems like a big inconvenience, it is just one of her needs at this stage, and pushing her away or choosing NOT to fulfill that need will likely cause more harm than good. Let's face it, kids aren't 'convenient', but that's not why we had them right? Hang in there and fill her needs for the time being. I strongly feel that the more physical contact and closeness that you offer whenever she needs/wants it will create a much more settled, secure and confident child that trusts and knows that people will be there when needed, especialy her parents. If she feels like she has to beg for cuddling, is told no or isn't provided it when needed, she will stay clingy, whiny and insecure...

I would invest in a sling, carrier or wrap and wear her throughout the day as much as possible. I am certain this will resolve her emotional stress, and free yor hands for housework, computer, dinner, whatever else has been keeping you from her when she is upset. Keep in mind that kids mature and develop at al different rates and some also have sensory needs that others don't seem to have. Give her what she needs and you will all be happy and the outcome will be great! Best wishes and happy wearing! Cheack out the mothering.com website and search baby wearing. She is not too ld nor too big. My Beco carrier holds up to 45 pounds!

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S.M.

answers from Tampa on

B.,

Much like other respondents, I can relate. They do grow out of it, but it takes time. My husband helped a bunch and would just take our son into another room while he was throwing a fit, I would go for a walk or just get away. Don't let it get to you though, 'cause it can wear you down and as it did me....caused me to start resenting motherhood. Make sure your little one is getting enough sleep and as others have said a change of scenery.

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B.G.

answers from Tampa on

My daughter just turned 18 mos. She does the same thing. It is totally age-appropriate. I remember when my 3 yr old did that at the same age time frame. She will eventually get over it. Redirection is all you can do at this age.

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D.S.

answers from Tampa on

Hi B.,

I have a 19 month old that does the same exact thing. I know it is hard, but keep ignoring her and she will finally stop. My daughter still does it but not as much as she use to. I now can tell if she wants something else like a snack or drink. I use to just stop everything I was doing and just sit on the floor and be with her, but I am breaking away from that and she is getting better with going and finding something to do on her own. She still has to be right there where I am, but she is doing better with entertaining herself. She turns it back on when her Daddy comes home and he typically picks her up:) I try to keep different toys everywhere (kitchen, office) so that there is something she can play with to keep her busy if I am cooking or on the computer and I just keep talking to her. I believe the best thing is just to be consistent. Good Luck:)

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A.A.

answers from Punta Gorda on

Hi there,

This was a hard phase for us too, but it was only a phase. I always tried to remember to enjoy the moment and ignore what seemed like an inconvenience to me. I always held my daughter through this age and eventually found a sling that worked so I could multi-task.

I would not call this a behavior to correct - I would actually reinforce our bond by picking her up. She will outgrow it. Mine did!

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