18 Month Old Will Not Sleep---please Help!!!!

My 2.5 dd has never been a good sleeper. It is like a roller coaster. She will sleep well for a few weeks/months and then get thrown off by a late bedtime, holiday, illness, etc. We are then starting
all over.

Please read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"(weisbluth by Marc Weisbluth (I think he wrote it). This book saved us and taught me how to get her to sleep. Earlier bedtimes help and sometimes crying it out are the only things that can get her back on track. Before going through this, I swore I would never let any of my babies cry it out, but I was so sleep deprived and desperate I was willing to try anything. It works for her. When the pattern of not sleeping begins, I will always check to make sure she is ok (just not wanting to sleep) and sometimes I do go in and check on her.

What is wrong with letting him cry to exhaustion? Let him cry it out. Dont go in to "rescue" him when it is sleep time. From bed time to wake up time. Each time someone goes in and see's him he "wins" and right now it is a battle of wills that you can not afford to lose. Put him down for bed and tell him you love him and you will return when it is wake up time - and explain he needs to stay in bed and sleep until then -- then calmly leave. The first time he will cry (maybe for a long while) but each time you do this he will learn that you mean what you say - and eventually his 18 month old "will" will get it and he will go to bed. If he gets out of the room, calmly (as calm as possible) pick him up and return him to bed without saying a word to him (other than the first time to tell him it is not wake up time yet) - you may need to do this 40 times (but once he gets it, you win forever). Try doing something super busy/exciting the first day or two so he is exhausted when you put him down - then he wont cry as long (like a bounce house at a pumpkin patch or a day at the park running around the entire time)

We started sleep training CIO with my boys (2 and 4) when they were like 6 months old (as our doctor recommended)- by now you have taught him that if he cries enough and puts on a show you will eventually give in. We all love our kids but we need to sleep and we need our sanity. You can do it. Some kids dont sleep well, but with some training it will get better.

Good luck to you and I wish you the best.

I dont know if you have tried this, or are even willing to try, but have you tried laying with him until he falls asleep or at least calms down?? We started a bedtime routine with our daughter (now 4) when she was about 18mos - reading a book and mama or daddy would lay with her for a short time - maybe 10-15mins. Somtimes we would play a nighttime CD and we would pick a number of songs (never more than 3 or 4). Most nights she was sleeping before the time was up. I know it may become a routine that is hard to break - I still lay with her most nights - but I also think its special time for just the two of us - I know there will come a time when she wont need me anymore. But for now she's happy and content, I get a few minutes to spend alone with her and relax ;o). Good luck to you ....

I can't bring myself to ever then them cry it out (for more than 1-15 minutes)... I'm sure the Dr. has checked anything physical. Molars was my first thought. If it were me (as upopular as it is) I would let him sleep with me and see if it still happens. Best of luck... you are not going crazy, just sleep deprived.

Like you said, you've tried everything else. I wouldn't feel guilty about letting him cry. He will get over it. Your whole family (him too!) will benefit from it. Once I finally decided it was our only option it worked like a charm- he slept longer too. Although at this age (instead of an infant) he can cry for a long time (and more loudly), he can also remember more too; so hopefully night 2 will go significantly better than night 1. So put on your favorite show, open a bottle of wine, and pretend you don't hear him. Also, in my experience, checking on my son made him more angry and caused him to cry harder. So I forgo the whole check-on-him-every-however many- minutes thing.

Just wanted to say that we are in a similar boat with our third, age 14 months. She is only starting to take naps in her crib and sleep through some portion of the night (teething aside... when will they EVER come through?!) because I broke down and did a Cry It Out method with her. That was two months ago, but we'd been doing a different method since mid-December. I started out doing it with checking periodically. For Fynn, checking = *really* upsetting her, so I stopped.
A few things that help us have a better chance at success at bedtime include following a routine (I tell her it's bedtime, she picks out jammies if it's night, clean up and change her, take her to her room to put on music, turn off lights/close blinds and nurse until she's relaxed; once she's down I cover half of her crib like a canopy with a large-ish blanket... it makes things darker during the day and she seems to rely on it anyway at night), having music and... the most important of all... we finally put her in her own room about 10 days ago. I could kick myself because she is sleeping better now that she can't hear my bed squeak or our alarms going off. My husband is able to take a shower in our bathroom again (okay, that's a draw because I liked when he was showering downstairs, too, lol).

When answering sleep questions in the days before Fynn kindly pointed out that not everyone is as easily managed (thanks, kid!), I always stressed the importance of sticking with whatever you try. I think eight months was long enough with our old way. I wish we could have gotten through without CIO, but it has helped her and me.

Hugs.

Hi S.,
I would make sure that it is not acid reflux. Don't let the dr. brush this possibility under the rug. My daughters symptoms were chronic cough and congestion when she was diagnosed with severe acid reflux at age 2. Have you tried a wedge under his mattress? Have you tried a white noise of some sort? If his health is 100% ok, I don't know what to tell you except I hope he changes soon.
Best of luck!

Is he otherwise occasonally fussy? Is he ever gassy? Does he act like he's uncomfortable - kicking his legs around a lot or arching his back? I'm wondering if he has an unrecognized food allergy or something that is causing him pain and making it impossible for him to relax. I would try cutting out dairy from his diet for 2 weeks to see if that helps since that is such a common food sensitivity (rice milk instead of whole milk, etc). Also, if you are still breastfeeding, you need to cut it out of your diet as well. If that doesn't work, you could try cutting out soy, eggs, and wheat (I'm assuming at that age he's not had nuts yet).

Alternatively, could he have reflux? Some babies have silent reflux, which means they don't actually spit up. You can google it for a lot of tips on helping him sleep if you think this could be the case. My little guy was 17 months old before he outgrew his reflux, so it can take a long time (and in this case, you will probably get there soon). And he did not sleep through the night(even with meds) until after he had outgrown it.

He might be cutting molars - my DD went thru that and she was up a lot compared to normal STTN. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weissbluth is a great resource. I suggest reading that as he can give you tips that utilize both CIO and checking on your child (if CIO makes you uncomfortable.) Your little one is old enough to manipulate you...and unfortunately it seems like it is working! It happens to all of us :) He NEEDS his sleep as do you, albeit for different reasons. Have you checked with the doct to make sure nothing is physically wrong? Teething? Sick?

Hi S., at 18 months he should understand when you tell him no crying and to lay down, I have a 17 month old in my daycare who screams and crys alot, and when he does I make him lay down, all's I have to do is point to his blanket and he knows to go lay down. At 18 months I would not call it cry it out, he's choosing to cry and probably doing so because he knows you will go to him, don't take this the wrong way, sweetie I'm not being criticle, I've been a mon for 28 years with 3 grown kids and a 4 week old grandson, and I have been a daycare provider going on 15 years so i have a lot of experience to share. For nap and bed time have a relaxing routine, and don't let him control you or be in control with his crying, because you are exhausted and you have other children. The 17 month old I have here I can't control his screaming because my hands are tide for discipline but at the same time his screaming not olny wakes up the 6 month old in my daycare but it scares him and thats just not right, there is age appropreit discipline for all ages, you have to find one that works for your son, I would get your husband to become a strong disciplinarian to resolve this problem, most dads have a look that will straighten a child right up, Going in his room letting him up, giving him his way is fueling this behavior andit has to stop for you and the rest of your family, pray this helps you some. Just remember the advice you get on here is only advice you don't have to take it. I would talke to your mom and your husbands mom first hear what they have to say, because they have raised children already. J.

Our 1st child was like this - every hour he was up. I totally know what you are going through and it is insanity. He was so needy. I was completely against it but I reached such desperation we decided to do a "cry it out" method. It was so hard for me - like my heart was being ripped out. My husband would make me go walk the dogs so I was not in the house. It helped him to learn how to sleep 3-4 hrs at a time. This was when ie was 12 months old. He never slept through the night and he never was a good sleeper till he was 3 or so. Now at 7 he is great. Anyway - I am very glad we did it bc it saved me from going insane. But it was very hard. I feel for you!!!

What about trying little steps to make the night go better for you? My 9mo old (third child) was finally my good sleeper (STTN from 2-5 months), then became a bad sleeper with teething, crawling, etc. He got to the point of up all night unless he was held. I started setting up a pillow and blanket on the floor so I could lay with him, and after the first night (since he just thought it was playtime), we both slept a lot better! Last night, instead of laying on the floor with him, I lay next to the crib with my hand through the slat touching him and he actually did great!
I hate CIO (first son threw up - and he was too little to be doing it on purpose, and hate to think the baby is falling asleep while crying), but have done a modified CIO only at bedtime when they were older and could understand. I tell them that its bedtime and I will be back in one minute to pat them, and that they need to rest. Of course they cry but as soon as you're back and patting them they relax, it usually only takes a couple rounds until they fall asleep while patting (or rocking the first few nights). After a few days they know you are coming back so don't need to cry anymore! I have found that once you get the 'going to bed' part down, the nights seem to get better on their own!

3Day Sleep Solution with Davis Erhler. Look it up online. My babies were both sleeping 12hrs/night at 4 monthsand YES! It's possible! :) U will b well rested, ur baby and she is the BEST with schedules and eating (yes, they both go hand in hand). As long as u have a healthy toddler, it can happen. Get her video online or consult with her (I did and it was worth every penny!!) good luck to u! :)

I don't know what you've been doing up until now, but it sounds like the last step is to let him cry. I've heard some babies will cry until they vomit (intentionally), I don't have any suggestions if it reaches that point.

Were your other children easy sleepers? Has everything been okay until a certain time, or has he always been this way?

Did you try co-sleeping? He may just be a needy child. My daughter wouldn't sleep unless she was next to me until we figured out the swaddle and swing thing. Then, when she outgrew the swaddle, we kept her in our bed with us.

Sorry if I'm not much help. My daughter was not a good sleeper for the first 5 months of her life. Then we've managed to keep up with the changes she needs at each new step like: move her to her own crib to start but bring her back when she woke up, then as she weaned from night feedings we put her back in her crib, let her fall asleep on us and then lay her down, let her stay awake before laying her down, established bedtime routine, etc.

Good luck.

I feel your pain for I am still getting up with my 21 month old several times a night. Could your little guy be getting his 2 yr molars? You could try a dose of tylenol or motrin tonight. I was extremely frustrated last month with my son getting up hourly every night until I noticed his lower molars were coming in. Now he's working on top ones and I'm still getting up at least 2-3 times a night. None of my kids slept through the night until after age 2 when all teeth were in. I give the kids a cold drink when they wake, lay them back down and rub their back till they fall back asleep. If they wake between 4 and 6 am I give them a Go Gurt and that usually holds them for a couple hours.
Toddlers go through insecure phases as they begin to have vivid dreams at this age. My little guy wakes up screaming about snakes and crying out, "No, No way!". Before you let your little one cry it out, just check out this research: http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/science-says-.... This too shall pass.....I promise. My older son and daughter were awful sleepers until about age 2 when they finally slept through the night. Now they are 3 and 6 yrs and sleeping 10-11 hours every night. Midwife Mom of 3