2 Year Old Sharing/standing up for Herself

It's hard for a 2 year old to understand the difference between sharing (your choice) and having something taken away. I remember some time back, a mom here taked about sharing and how she always made her child give the other kid the toy - but that isn't sharing, it's just being taught that you're always last and your feelings never matter - this mom's complaint was that other parents didn't make their kids give her toddler their toys if she wanted them, she thought they weren't "sharing."
There's a difference between sharing and taking turns. If it's a communal toy, and the other child wants it, I'd tell your daughter "one more minute, then it's Henry's turn." That's taking turns. Sharing means they are playing with the same thing together. I'd be sure to use the terminology that way, so she knows when she's sharing and when she is going to need to give someone else a turn with a toy. It's absolutely fine to teach her to say that she's not done with something or that the other child can have a turn in a minute, but at 2, she is too young to grasp that concept and needs you or whomever is the adult in charge to step in. She may feel powerless to say "no" or that to do so would not be "sharing" as she's taught. She does need to know that sharing doesn't mean having her toys taken away, and it's important to get other parents involved, so that if their child is taking something from her, they should be the one to tell their child to ask if he can have a turn and to keep him calm as he waits a reasonable amount of time for his turn

Hi K.,

It sounds like you have a child with a very gentle soul. It's a beautiful thing to see, but at the same time, I understand why you would want her to learn the difference between a gentle soul and a door mat.

When I was teaching I heard another teacher tell her children in a really great way how to draw that line. I remember her telling her kids in class that, "Sometimes sharing means waiting until someone else is finished." She made sharing not just the responsibility of the person with the toy, but also the person who was wanting and waiting for the toy, because taking someone else's toy is definitely not sharing.

The easerst way to teach her is through play. Pretend play with her and set up a situation where someone is taking her toy and then teach her how to say, "That's unavailable" when a someone tries to take her toy. It will give her practice and help you set up several different situations through play. That way she will feel more comfortable using the words. You can also set up play dates with your friends' children or children in her daycare whom she gets along with. When they come to play, closely supervise and intervene when necessary. Just ask her, "Are you finished with that toy?" and if she isn't ask her, "What can you say?".

Hope this is helpful.

L.

Dear K., Your daughter sounds like a sweetheart. Two years old is not an easy time and it has been years since I was in a playground with my children. The last scenario you described should include the other childs parent. If your little girl is verbal it is great but it can be lost on the other child who may not be at that level. I would think when 2 year olds are involved all parents should be visible. It is not you or your daughter that should be telling the other child to share. If you can bring the other parent over, explain the situation an ask them to handle their child, If you cannot find the other parent you should ask for the toy.. say your daghter is not ready to share this and take your child to another area. Yes you can tell your daughter that she should stand up for herself but it seems that fighting is not her personality which is not bad. I hope this helps. Grandma Mary

I would say that you do the right thing by reminding her to stick up for herself when she gets upset. I always try to step in and keep my 2.5 year old son from taking other children's toys, but I have little issue with another parents correcting him if I am out of the room.