2.5 Yr Old HITTING...and How Often Should I Take a Break Fr Him

I don't have a lot of advice, but I want to offer you some encouragement and empathy!! This is normal 2yr old behavior for boys. A mom of only a girl will not be as likely to understand the world of boys. And, let's not forget, a Mom of a 9 year old has pretty much completely forgotten the day-to-day struggles (and sometimes agony) of dealing with a 2 or 3 year old!!

You know...it's actually very healthy (and normal) that your son is testing these behaviors on you and not on others outside the home. You'll see this years down the road too....at Parent-Teacher conferences, your son's teachers will tell you what an intellegent, sweet boy you have and you will need to check if she's talking about the same kid! :) Your son's cognitive development and reasoning skills depend upon testing the rules. But you want him to test the rules in the safety of his own home...where he knows you will love him unconditionally no matter how much trouble he gets into. This shows you how powerful and "safe" your relationship really is!

Yes...you need to take breaks. I wish I had taken more breaks -- I think it would have made those "terrible 2s and 3s" years much more pleasant and enjoyable. Plus, it benefits your son to spend time with a loving relative or close, close friend. Take breaks -- and try to do it on a regular basis. Don't wait until those ocassions when you "can't take it any more." In summary: TAKE BREAKS!

I understand your frustration for sure. I am home for now with my kids and my husband and I have agreed that I have Wednesday evening and some time over the weekend "off" and away from the kids. I guess I need more of a break than other people and am luckily in a position to do so. My advice to you is to figure out what your point of still feeling good is as far as taking a break. I think that when you wait until you are at your breaking point then you really cannot enjoy your time apart from each other and your kiddo may even read the separation as your reaction to bad behavior. This is definitely not what you want. If it turns out you are comfortable with going two weeks without a break then regularly schedule time for yourself and time for your kid in daycare on that schedule. If you find more frequent breaks are more cost prohibitive as far as daycare see if you can arrange to trade off babysitting with another family. You might even find someone who recognizes the strains of being a single parent who may not insist on an even swap of time so long as your kid plays nice with their kid

I hear you loud and clear, he sounds like my 26 month old. Unfortunately tantrums come with the territory as little ones learn self-control. It's our job to assist them and point them in the right direction...especially since we don't want them to grow up this way!

What's working for us is something I read: "When your toddler behaves aggressively, make sure he understands that it's not his anger you disapprove of but his violent expression of it. Don't tell him not to get angry or not to show that he's angry. (Look at us, WE get angry!) Simply acknowledge his feeling — and perhaps even sympathize with it — but then remind him that it's much more constructive to use his words to tell you why he's upset. Help him practice expressing his anger verbally. Show him that once he can talk about his anger, the two of you can try to come up with a solution to whatever's vexing him." He's acting out of frustration and needs to learn to use his words.

That said, do NOT allow him to hit you. When he hits grasp his wrists firmly and look into his eyes and say," I know that you're angry, but you may not hit me." When you feel him relaxing, and not until, let go. If he hits again grasp his wrists again, repeat what you said the first time, and hold longer, repeating as many times as necessary until he calms down. (Yes, it's work on our part.) Expect him to comply, be consistent, do not reward inappropriate behavior, but do praise him when he stops and hug, kiss and love him, and divert his attention ASAP by talking about something else or getting him involved in a different activity.

Rather than try to sum up the advice I'm using in a few sentences I'm giving you some links I'm finding extremely helpful.
http://www.nasponline.org/resources/behavior/tantrums_ho.... ~ "Temper Tantrums, Guidelines for Parents"
http://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/discipline/i... ~ "Controlling Hitting, Biting, Pushing & Shoving"
http://www.thebabycorner.com/page/2481/ ~ "Correcting Toddler Behavior - Biting, Hitting, & Throwing"

Don't feel guilty about needing a break, I'm also a single parent and understand. Since the entire parenting role is solely on you it's important to take time for yourself. I have family to help me out and still don't take the time for myself that I should, but I'm working on it! So I don't see that having a weekly "time out" for yourself to have dinner, see a movie, etc., is too much. It will actually help you to be refreshed and better able to cope with your son : )

Well first time he hits you, you must stop whatever your doing and look him in the eye and say no. you may not hit anyone. You are going in time out because you did this. Pick him up put him in corner or on a step. He must stay there for the age of the child. He is two so two minutes. If he gets up or moves you pick hm up put him inthere again for 2 minutes. Let him scream but you do nothing and definitely say nothing. And plan to do this atleast 5 times in the beginning. Now Im not against spanking a child when they really deserve it but I think that it would send the wrong messsage especially if you are trying to teach him not to hit. Getting rid of him or dropping him off does nothing but get him alienated from you. Also how do you teach a child to behave in public areas without taking them there to begin with. Are you sure he is not picking this up at day care. If he continues to have the issue after a week start taking toys away and play dates

I'm not all that familiar with the happiest baby method either but I like time outs. I think if you put him in time out each and every time it happens then it will help. You can do it even if you're in a store or restaurant you just have to be prepared for people to stare at you! I've done it many times though! I also use the cart as a discipline method for my child when we're out. She's 3.5 and although I don't have a hitting issue sometimes she just gets whiney or wants to dilly dally and look at EVERY thing on the shelves, etc. so I tell her that if she can't keep up or whatever she'll have to get in the cart. Now that she's "big" she doesn't want to ride in the cart, so this helps. Although I believe in time out, you have to have some other options up your sleeve too. After time out I always ask my daughter why she's there and she has to tell me. Then she has to tell me what she should have/could have done instead of what she did do. Then she has to apologize for what she did either to me or the offended party. If she hit someone then I always tell her it's okay to be upset (or frustrated, angry, sad, whatever...), but it's never okay to hit. Sometimes we'll talk about other coping mechanisms too. At 2.5 he should be able to understand some of that. I'm not sure how much he talks yet, but even if you start with something like "I know you're feeling upset right now but it will never be okay to hit mommy." This way you are addressing his feelings and communicating your standars in a direct, loving way.

As far as your other issue I think that it's okay to take him to the drop in place every few weeks. I get that you don't want to drop him off all the time and that you want to spend time with him but of course you need a break! I think you need it more when they are particularly challenging. It's better to have a small break than to snap on your child! Even if you're having a rough day you could take him for just an hour, get yourself a coffee or something, calm down and then pick him up. I really do think that's okay and I think it is teaching him coping mechanisms as long as you have remained calm and loving despite your own anger and frustration.

You might also consider hiring a high school kid for the summer to spend some time with him on the weekends or whatever, even if you're home or just running errands. It'd be good for him to bond with someone else and you'd have another option of an in-home babysitter as well as the drop off place.

Hang in there! It's always worse when they are in a "phase"...although that's pretty much all the time, some phases are worse than others! ;)

When ever you feel overwhelmed it is time for a break, no shame in that, we all need a break from time to time. It is easy for those with 2 parents in the household and grandparents and all that to help out to judge, just ignore them and do what is best for your family. You can not be a good mom if you are burned out all the time!
As for the hitting, when he does it hold his hands and arms and just keep telling him no until he stops fighting. Be consistent and constantly keep saying "no, we do not hit". I would also be sure to avoid spanking as a punishment because that will send mixed signals at this point, you telling him it is not ok to hit and than hitting. Best of luck and Blessed Be.

You need to show him the appropriate way to touch. Along with the "happiest toddler" stuff of acknowledging feelings and getting on his level, after you tell him "ouch, no hitting, that hurts!" you show him how to be "gentle." You stroke his arm or face gently, then take his hand and stroke your arm or face with it gently, while repeating "gentle touches."
Taking a break is really important, although I have no room to talk, I could count on one hand how many times I've been out without my kids in 6 years time! But right now I'm doing parenthood on my own as my husband is on military duty, and I am aching for a break more than I ever did while he was home! So as a single mom, I'm sure you really need it, and deserve it too! Take him to the drop off daycare twice a month, if that's what you need. Have it planned on your calendar, with an activity planned out for yourself. If you know the day is coming, and know what you're going to do, just knowing the break is coming (even if it's still a week and half away) will help you get through the tough days.

I agree wtih Kellhy's method for the hitting. But I don't believe you are getting rid of him. Everyone needs time to themselves and you shouldn't feel guilty about it at all. During the school year I dropped my 2 year old off at a Mother's Day Out program for 5 hours a day, 2 days a week. I needed some time. It made me a better mom. I found myself not getting as frustrated with her and really enjoying our time together that much more. Now that school's out, I plan on dropping her off at a hourly daycare once a week for 3 hours a day to have time to myself. She loves it. She is interacting with other kids and she has learned so much good. She has learned some bad, but not enough to outway the good.

Take a break as much as you need. I'm a full time working single mom with no family around. I feel super guilty about asking friends to watch my kids (since I have 2) and so I do buy the "parents night out" package that my daycare offers every month. That's the only break I get. I think people who are not single moms do not get that you are with your child 100% of the time the minute you get out of work. There is NO running to the drugstore late at night for the medicine you need - without taking the baby with you. And, honestly, it's tiring. So, take a break if you need it. I don't take as much as I want to because I can't afford it. But, I sure wish I could take a break once a week!

In regards to the hitting, personally, I think you need to be super firm about it.

Good luck!
L.

I feel your pain! Our nearly 2-yr old son hits himself in the face whenever he's frustrated. He used to have tantrems where he would flop down on the floor and bang his little head on it, but he's stopped that and now just hits himself. We grab his hands when we can but we're hoping it will just run its course as he gets older and can understand how to vent.

Sounds like you found out how Mamasource is also a place for Mamas to annonymously press their agendas and feel superior. Just try to ask a question about breast feeding, organic foods, corporeal punishment or cloth diapers! By the way, I take our son to the drop-in day care occassionally and he loves it! (Adventure Kids, Plano) I drop him off around 9:30, then pick him up before 1. He's had lunch their too, then we're home and by 2 he's asleep for nap. My wife is the ful-time worker and I still work part time. Some days I just need to get things done!

I don't think you're "getting rid of him," but taking these breaks, because of hitting doesn't teach him a thing. Taking a break is great and needed, but you should not take a break, because you can't appropriately deal with his behavior. Does he hit at daycare? If not, then the issue is at home. Does he get consistent time outs and toys taken away when he does naughty things, or do you coddle him? He seems to think it is OK to act out against you, but no-one else. That means, he has no respect for your authority. Start disciplining him with time outs and the loss of a favorite thing, each time he does anything naughty. When he hits you, say "Ouch! that hurts mommy, " or a firm, "We don't hit." Then show him a good touch. I wonder if her is lacking discipline and structure, and is acting out?? Is it very frustrating and overwhelming for a toddler to not know what's expected of them. They act out, when they don't have this. Is his schedule mostly the same every day? Does he get up at the same time, nap at the same times, eat meals at the same times, have the same bedtime routine, and go to bed at the same time...every day? If not, he needs this. Do you consistently and firmly discipline him every day? He needs that, too. I agree with Jen C., spanking for him hitting is very confusing...I would stay away from that.