3 Month Old Not Falling Asleep Before 11Pm-midnight

With my first son, I put him down while drowsy, and he did quickly learn to be a self-soother and has slept well alone since about 5mo (we co-slept prior to crib transition). My second son, who is now 5 months, is VERY different. He has a very hard time settling down to a calm state and fights falling asleep. Routines do help some, but he still nurses to sleep, and even this sometimes requires a lot of walking and rocking. The only thing that keeps him asleep(and me too)is being tucked in b/t me and his dad, where we all sleep well. I have had to throw out the advice of parenting books and even my own prior experience, and just find a solution that works best for this kiddo. Something else I'm going to start is to give him chamomile b/f bed to see if this helps. Good luck, and do what brings peace to yours and your baby's night.

Wow. Having a baby is a big life change, isn't it? Our first was a terrible sleeper--we struggled big time until just recently (she is 2.5 now). One thing that did help when she was tiny was that we would "pre-heat" her crib with a hot water bottle, so that she went from warm arms to a warm bed. Also, we used the "No cry sleep solution" for ideas, and I would (at least sometimes) nurse her until she was very sleepy, then take away my nipple, and hold and rock her to sleep. That some things easier than always nursing to sleep. Good luck with this--it is really tough, and I feel for you--even though I don't have any great advice! Best wishes. We are just praying that #2 (due in April) will be a better sleeper!

Also, sometimes we would "wear" baby to sleep in a sling or carrier--just walk around the house with her, or go for a walk outside (in the summer) until she fell asleep. That worked pretty well for us as well.

Swaddle him so he doesn't feel like he isn't being cuddled anymore. My son was a hard one in that he fell asleep with me holding him and wanted to continue that. The only thing that broke the cycle was to lay him down awake. Do not nurse him to sleep, keep rubbing his cheek while nursing, playing with his fingers or whatever necessary to keep him awake. When he starts showing signs he is falling asleep, lay him down swaddled and walk away. I never believed in crying it out until after they were 6 mos old, but laying them awake and allowing them to fuss for a few minutes was the only thing that worked for me. If he continues, go in and rub his back, talk to him softly, put on a music box but do not pick him up if you can help it. Swaddling gives them security and helps ease that transition from your arms to the crib. Make sure you burp him too after each feeding, as gas and build up can cause tummy pain.

I had (still do) good sleepers by doing this and never had issues with night time battles in toddlerhood by teaching both of my kids to fall asleep on their own. Having him fall asleep while nursing will teach him you are his human pacifier which will lead to a whole different issue. Just try feeding him, keeping him awake, maybe changing his diaper right after the feeding, then swaddle him and lay him down.

Good luck. He is still really young, it will change soon I am sure.

Dear K. - Trust the instincts of your child - if he wants to be held and nursed to sleep - go for it. You are not creating a bad habit. Nursing and snuggling are natural and not bad habits - especially for an infant as young as your son - every biological response he has tells him he is unsafe when left alone - a survival mechanism millions of years old - honor this. He will change over time - especially if he feels held and supported in sleep. My daughter slept with us and nursed to sleep until she weaned at 16 months - effortlessly - without crying. She has slept 11-12 hours a night ever since. She was not ready to do this at 3 months or one year. Please read the book the Continuum Concept. I wish you all the best

K.-
First off congrats on your new little one. My son was an awesome slepper (down for 4hr. ,Nurse, down for 4hr, Nurse, down for 4hr.) UNTIL at about 6 to 8 weeks. He would be up till 10..11or midnight...all with us keeping the same 8:30pm routine. I was ready to pull my hair out because this went one for about three weeks until we found he had bad reflux. He would do the same thing your son would as soon as I layed him down. As for us the only thing we could do for about three weeks was to have him sleep in his swing by our bedside on low. The movement along with the incline really helped. Our son refused to swaddle...he's a huge squermy sleeper. So an inclined sleep positioner in his crib was out. Also there is a product called the belly band which puts pressure on the belly and that has helped a bunch of friends littleones..So over all we went through all this from six-ish week to three months old. It was tiring but he eventually maturred and now sleeps well 80% of the time and every now and then we have a few off nights then back to good again and he's 15 months now.
Hopefully some of that helps....unfortunatly they change sleep habits every few weeks until their about two...although most changes are minor some are major. Good Luck!!!

Hi K. - my second nursed to sleep as well and he puts himself to sleep amazingly well. I do encourage you starting next month (or sooner) help him learn how to go to sleep on his own so that means laying him down when he is very very drowsy.

Here are a couple of tricks to tryL

Since he is still little little, consider swaddling so he feels secure in the bed. Also when you lay him down, be careful that he doesnt have that "floating" feeling putting him in the bed - its very scary and disorienting. What I would do with my sons is hold them close to my chest with one hand under their bottom on one behind their heads. I held them all the way down to the bed so that meant that I was bending over all the way down to the bed. I kept one hand on their tummy and one hand on the top of their head as I stood back up and left it there until they were relaxed again. Also, I used fleece crib sheets because my sons didnt like how regular sheets were cold.

At 3 months, babies still remember the warmth and security of the womb so that is why they like to be fully supported and have your hand on their head.

Hope that helps you! Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg is a must read. Also look at Happiest Baby on the Block videos which are very helpful especially for very young babies. Both much superior to Baby Wise.

We had a lot of success with swaddling. The tighter the better. By that age, when they're big enough to bust out of most blankets, the Miracle Blanket (sells online) is supposed to be, well, a miracle. I'm definitely a fan of the putting them down awake during the day, but I think nights are different. Sleep is sleep. Good luck, mama. Rest well when you can.

is sleeping with baby a consideration? breastfeeding babies are very safe sleeping with mom if fluffy pillows and blankets are kept away from baby. don't worry about "bad habits" breastfeeding baby is the BEST start possible and though there are a lot of schools of thought, sometimes it's just best to drown those out and listen to our babies and our own hearts, instead of everyone else's advice. A great book is Dr. Sears (Martha Sears') The Breastfeeding Book. It talks about breastfeeding, sleeping, and one of my favorite "quotes" is that when a baby is left to cry 1)you become desensitized to listening to baby's cues and searching for other possible causes for the crying and 2) a baby left to cry doesn't learn to sleep, he learns that no one is listening to him (very sad). . . . i've come a long way in my own journey of what i thought i was SUPPOSED to do. . . like baby shouldn't nurse to sleep because she'll equate eating with sleeping. . . and not letting baby sleep with me. . . and baby needs to cry it out and baby needs to be in her own room no later than 6 months. . . . to just realizing that I know best, not everyone else. . .and what's important is YOUR heart, and the decisions you and your partner make together with regards to your baby. good luck. . . sleeping with baby allows more sleep for EVERYONE!!! that's the biggest lesson i've learned :)

Hi K.
We nursed our 1st to sleep all the time. It is hard to break the habit. Well it was for us. Babies can be naturally fussy that time of night anyway which makes the going to bed routine even worse. Our 2nd was better and our 3rd now is usually better-- why? because we were better at it. We're not the cry it out types and still aren't.

Our routine that worked for us was to nurse, try to burp, lay down whilst in the 'milk coma'. We'd stay there in sight with our hand on his chest or put teddy/rolled up towel by his legs so he 'feels' someone there. Sometimes we'd play soothing music.( we made an itunes playlist) It takes time but eventually they get it that the world doesn't end when they go into the crib infact it's a nice warm cosy place.

Hope you find what works for you and your family. Don't forget to mention it to your ped.

I've always been a co sleeper, so I've never had problems like this...it was the best thing to do with MY babies and MY body and mind.

My first baby, a boy, would NOT sleep in a crib EVER, so I went with what worked according to what was most important to me--SLEEP (for this discussion).

I've never been the Mom who didn't want my life to change because of children (in general), so I allowed my routines to change enough to mold to the need of my babies and then steer them to a new normal for both of us. It's always worked, I've always had sleep, and I have never really stressed about anything.

The most important thing for you is accept that there really is NOT a "right" way to do things. Through the books out, tell your family and friends to mind their own business and look into yourself for the answers for mothering your baby. Follow your heart and your instincts--they know better than what some book or someone else. NO ONE in the world from the beginning of time to the present has EVER mothered THIS baby, so NO ONE knows the answers!!! And YOU are the ONLY one who will (and hubby).

Be flexible. It doesn't HAVE to be the crib right now. It could be his Car Seat. You could take the mattress out of the crib and then nurse him laying on that where ever you want him to sleep so that you're not disturbing him with movement once he's out. You could get a co sleeper bed to put beside your bed so you can nurse him in your bed and then scoot him over to "his" bed. There are SO many options. Be creative. Let the "experts" be experts in their "theories" and YOU be the expert on YOUR baby.

You are so smart and you love your son so much, you'll do well. Just trust that your baby's Mommy knows him and is doing her very best.

Have no worries, you'll find your groove.

Hi-- Congrats to you on your new baby and your breastfeeding relationship. I suggest you attend a local La Leche League meeting to hear from an accredited Leader and other nursing moms about how they handle this sort of situation. All LLL services are free and they have a lending library of excellent books and DVDs you could borrow. LLL has saved my sanity thousands of times.
I got a lot out of the DVD "The Happiest Baby on the Block." He goes over susing a swing, waddling and "shushing," but also points out that breastfeeding does meet all of baby's comfort needs perfectly. Also, Dr. Sears' book "The Baby Book" addresses nighttime parenting. Your LLL group would have both. Find it at www.llli.org.
I think you sound like a very responsive and intuitive mom. You are wise to meet your baby's needs and teach him trust. I have a four-month-old now and he is ready to go down for the night before I am. I have adjusted my bedtime to be abit earleier, just because I need good rest and don't want to waste his best sleep doing chores, etc. ;) The evening routine is slowly shifting later for him, though, and I suspect your little man will do the same.
This is my third child and I've never regretted nursing my babies to sleep. I think it's snuggly and healthy for everyone. Some people might call it a "bad habit" but I think of it as a "sure-fire quick-fix" and an instant soothe for me and my child. It's just a matter of perspective, I suppose, but I think you're doing great. (And BTW, my older children no longer need to nurse to sleep, but are very people oriented and value being tucked in and kissed goodnight.)
Best wishes!

K.,

Am I really understanding that you let your 3-month-old child cry for 3-4 hours in their crib in the hope that someday he will give up and quickly go to sleep.

I am hoping I am missing something.

With my whole heart, C.

If you haven't already, try giving him a pacifier right before he falls asleep in your arms. Then when you lay him down he may just wake up and start sucking on that, so he will still think you are near him. I know it worked when my son was that age. Also, have you tried music in his room to soothly calm him to sleep. Maybe the lack of background noise scares him as well. Hope this helps.

The baby whisperer solves all your problems is my baby bible. It is by Tracy Hogg. There is a forumn too: Babywhisperer.com and they have both saved my life in multiple baby emergency instances.
I think the problem is that you are putting him down when he is deeply asleep instead of putting him down while he is drowsy. Then he wakes up and doesn't know where he is. The equivilant of someone moving your bed in the middle of the night to somewhere else.
The best gift we can give our kids is the ability to fall asleep by them selves. IT takes about 3 days of being really consistent but then you will have a boy that will fall asleep by himself without needing to nurse.
Another thing occured to me while I was typing all this...you may have some reflux going on. When you lay him down and then he wakes up and screams it may be that he is getting some of those gastric juices coming back up. Does he have the same problems with naps? Try elevating his head.

Great book: "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West and Joanne Kenen. Other than them being kind of anti-co-sleeping, I loved the book. There's lots of info I got there that I didn't find anywhere else. Like when people say "drowsy but not asleep" it should still take your baby something like 20 minutes to fall asleep. (Not crying, just going to sleep.)

The book is broken into sections by developmental stages so you're able to customize your approach. I'd been nursing my son to sleep every night and at 15 months, he was getting up like 7-8 times a night! (We weren't co-sleeping at that time.) I used this book and within a couple of weeks got him sleeping 11 hours straight... and there was hardly any crying at all.

With my 2nd son, I have co-slept from the beginning. It's so much easier and less disruptive for all of us... and he gets to fall back to sleep so gently every time. Don't be afraid to try it. My DH likes co-sleeping so much that even when we got our toddler to go to sleep on his own DH would bring him into our bed when we went to sleep!

But yeah, trust your baby. He's still so new and has no idea where his warm, cuddly sleeping place went! ;)