3 Year Old Peeing on Himself

I love how little boys get so involved in playing trucks and stuff that they lose all concentration in everything else. My son is in his 20s now and I still remember having to force him to eat before allowing him to go out to play. He is now a body builder--in other words, he learned to eat.

Give him a kiss. He will outgrow this.

This is normal 3 year old behavior. The average age of potty training for boys is 38 months, so I say congratulations for having accomplished this WAY sooner than most boys :)

This is typical 3 year old stuff.

For nighttime, a lot of children, especially boys, are not night trained for a while after potty training. Just let him wear a pull-up; he will outgrow it.

As for the not stopping to go potty, I think you have to make stopping to potty attractive by punishing him with a time-out MUCH longer than it would have taken him to stop and potty. You have to make it worth it to him to stop. So, a 10 minute time out when he wets himself because he didn't want to stop playing and afterwards an explanation that it would have taken him much less time to stop playing and go potty than it did to wet himself and serve a time-out. You're right, he does know what he is supposed to do, he's just choosing not to do it.

Oh my goodness! HE IS THREE!! Many children are NOT reliably potty trained until closer to 4, and certainly not at night. This is NOT a training or behavioral issue - it is most likely that his body is not developmentally ready and his brain isn't getting the "full bladder" signal. Waking him up two times a night means that he is not getting enough sleep, and neither are you! It's essential that you let him develop normally and without punishment for something that's most likely beyond his control!

You can do a time out for mouthing off or for hitting, but for heaven's sake, not for being a little boy!

Put him back in pull-ups and if he thinks to go to the bathroom, great. If not, he's not wet all over. If you want help protecting his sheets, I can tell you what we did for my son. Also, some kids have something called nocturnal enuresis which means night time bedwetting. This can continue into the teen years and is treatable but not with punishment.

If you continue to attach shame to this behavior, it's going to backfire. It's possible that your work with delinquents has you riding your own son really hard, and while I think that could backfire on you in a lot of ways (because he will rebel against excessive control), I think it absolutely doesn't apply to toilet training. I even hate the word "training" because it's not really a skill that can be learned before the body is ready. It's kind of like punishing a child because he doesn't walk at 9 months like the kid next door, or because he can't talk in full sentences. I promise you that your child will not go to kindergarten in diapers, and that he is learning and developing in other areas even if his bladder is not mature yet.

He is not a juvenile delinquent.
Nor, at 3, in danger of becoming one.
He is 3 - they have accidents.
Why on earth would you punish him for a normal bodily function - especially overnight. When he is asleep.
Of course the poor child understands - he understands that you are disappointed in him. Disappointed over something that he has no control over.
He is not having accidents to upset you. He is not having accidents because he is a bad child.
He is having accidents because HE IS THREE!!!!

Look, I get that working in your field you see the worst - but you and your husband must learn to not project that onto your child. I worked in youth development for over a decade - I certainly did not take the worst that I saw and expect my son to become that.

Ease up please. Learn to understand your little one, his body, its functions, and treat him like the three year old he is. Not the Delinquent that you are afraid of.

"Holding him accountable."

????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your very misguiding and age unappropriated expectations, are probably putting too much pressure on him. You want to make sure he doesn't get out of hand? You deal with delinquents, your son is NOT one. Stop treating him like he is. If you have to wonder if you are overdoing it, then you probably are. You have to understand, as he ages...the more you try to control him and program him...the more he will do to pull away from you. The more he won' come to YOU with fear, worries, concerns. The more his personality and self love will disappear. Please, rethink the pressure you put on him NOW, before it's too late. It's in his best interest.

ETA: Why did you change your wording? Drives me nuts.

Your son is only three. I may be reading your post wrong, but it seems like you and your husband are trying to have as much control over him as possible to prevent him from becoming a "delinquent". Sometimes kids have accidents and some are just so inundated with rules that they are trying to have a tiny bit of control over their lives and toileting is the one thing they can control.

Ease up on him. Don't serve him any more punishments- you never know, he may NOT have any control over this.

I think I am coming in a little late here but hopefully you will see it anyway. When my two and 3 year old are outside playing-they hardly ever come inside to pee. They are too little to be 'right' all the time and so is your son. I have always known not to scold them when they have accidents UNLESS they are purposefully peeing inappropriately. Which I know my 3 year old still does (he pees in containers and inside his play kitchen from time to time and yes I do 'talk' to him for that). I do not think your son is peeing inappropriately since he is wetting his pants while playing. He just turned 3, I am afraid you might do harm by scolding him for 'accidents'. I also do not agree with another poster who said make him clean himself up, it just seems too damaging to me since he really can't help it. No accountability until at least 4.
BTW you would flip at my house. My guys just started potty training and they have like 3-4 accidents a day-not fun but it really does not bother me. They seem a lot more upset about being wet than I am to have to do a little extra laundry.
-Good luck with him, he will get there soon.
-all my best
C.

It's time for your and dad to be "held accountable" and do what you've been told. Poor little guy!

ADDED after the SWH: Tiffany, you still seem convinced that he is wetting himself during play on purpose. When you ask him if he needs to go and he says no, he truly believes he does not need to go -- he is not lying to you or manipulating you. Children his age do not always feel the "urge" or understand that their bodies need to pee -- this is why you see kids waiting until the last second and then crying out that "I've gotta go NOW" and not always making it. But your SWH indicates that if you ask him several times, he says no, and then he wets himself, you consider it willful and on purpose, so you punish him. He isn't doing it on purpose. He does not know how the urge really feels every time yet and play is so engrossing he can't listen to his body well yet. If you don't believe us here when we say it's normal and is not intentionally bad behavior, then please talk to your pediatrician and describe this and ask: "Is it normal for kids this age to not feel the urge to go, especially if they are distracted?".....You are still expecting too much from his brain and his body for a child his age. Please be sure that you physically walk him to the potty no matter what he tells you about feeling or not feeling the urge to go. You are leaving it up to him when he needs just to be told it's potty time and he can see his special book that only lives in the bathroom!

Original response:

NORMAL.

Please, please revisit your expectations.

Do you know the term "age-appropriate expectations"? It's extremely valuable to parents especially with a first child. You mention that you already suspect you're pretty strict with him, and that you and your husband both work with juvenile offenders "and want to make sure he doesn't get out of hand." At age three? Please reconsider that a three-year-old isn't yet on the road to delinquency no matter WHAT he does; and certainly, controlling his bladder -- a physical function over which he may have NO control at times -- is no reason to crack down on him.

His bladder is still developing so there will indeed be times, even if he is officially "potty trained," when he will wet himself or the bed. It's a fact of life and is age-appropriate for a three-year-old. It sounds as if you and your husband believe that your son is somehow intentionally doing this -- "He says he understands and won't do it again, but he does" -- which sounds like you think he can control this. He cannot. Yes, sometimes kids do use peeing as a method of control because it's all they CAN control and no human can make another human pee or poop on command and they know that. But your son who listens well and obeys you likey is just going through a phase (and be warned it can be long) where his bladder has not caught up with his brain knowing he should control it.

Children this age get distracted by play and wet themselves. Normal and not a power play on his part. Ensure that you have him take potty breaks during play time and make the bathroom fun with books he only sees while on the potty.

Children this age wet the bed. So do older ones -- if he does it when he's older, will you then discipline him as if he does it on purpose? His body does not yet really read the cues that he needs to wake to pee; he is sleeping soundly enough that he does not wake in time. Normal.

Especially if you and your husband are tough on him in other areas, please, consider a parenting class or a talk with a professional who can just let you know more about age-appropriate expectations. If you expect too much, too soon, you will frustrate him and yourselves, and will end up punishing him for things over which he has no control. When he gets older the stakes will be higher, not just for toileting but for a host of other things. Learning the stages of development and what is and isn't happening at each will help you not pressure him beyond what is appropriate. He's only three and many kids don't fully potty train for several years yet, night and day.

You are punishing him for something that is normal and sort of out of his control. Sure a child should stop when they need to go but they are just figuring out that feeling so they misjudge. It could be that unneeded pressure of you punishing him is what is making it worse.

Your son is normal.
Don't hold it against him. Or he will learn not to confide in you or express himself to you nor to trust you... and he will get emotionally pent up and learn to hide his feelings from you.
This is his body.

No matter how long a child is potty trained, they WILL have accidents. It is childhood. They are not absolutely perfect.
At this age, they are not even fully developed nor even their brain nor even their emotions.

ALL of my daughter's Teachers, from Preschool to Kindergarten to 1st Grade, ALL said UNANIMOUSLY that kids these ages have accidents. And if a kid has an accident, they do not make a big deal of it.
Kids who are 3, don't even have fully developed impulse control yet.

Per night time dryness, know that it does not occur even until 7 years old and even later sometimes. And night time dryness is completely different than day time pottying. It has to do with the physiological development of a child's brain/myelin nerve sheath/and organ coordination.

Your son is completely normal.

With my kids, I bought 4 waterproof bed pads from Amazon, and I put that directly under them, and therefore the sheets did not get soiled.
No biggie. My son is 6, and still wet at night and has a night diaper. My son's Teacher said normal. But parents don't want to admit that. But the Pediatrician says this is normal. But sure, he has been potty trained for years now. He still has accidents. Even at 7 years old, my daughter had a few accidents. I just explain to my kids that their body is not ready yet to be dry ALL night.

EVEN my kids' elementary school, in the Health Room, they stock extra clean clothing and undies for the kids that have accidents. They NEVER EVER, scold or shame or punish the kids for it. They are so young.

Your child is ONLY 3 years old.
Not a 12 year old.
Your expectations of him, needs to be age appropriate.
Otherwise, he will grow up, being so pressure filled and not able to be, himself. A child needs to be himself... to know himself and his feelings... that is how a child becomes self-assured and happy.

Kids are not robots.
They need to vent, they do have accidents, they need to know that they have a soft place to fall when sad or grumpy, they need to be allowed to know themselves and their emotions.
He is only 3.
Controlling a child so much... does not mean they will be better than another child. And some kids who have lots of freedom to express themselves, grow up very well too.
High control of a child, does not make them robotic. Nor perfect.
Some people are good rule followers... but, they are emotionally or mentally immature. It depends on how they are nurtured or not.

I know a girl, who is now a Teen. 16. All her life, her parents ruled her with a tight leash. They were SO proud of it! She was always overshadowed. By them. What a goody two shoes she was and a great obedient student. Everyone raved about her! BUT, behind their backs, everyone would say that that poor girl was just a robot... and just doing things because her parents were so so controlling. It was like that girl couldn't even have her own thoughts or ideas. Her parents always knew better. BUT they did NOT know... their own child. They only knew the stereotype "child" they wanted and they raised her like that. Well now... she is just going all out, defying THEM. Because, she can't stand it anymore. The parents now, have a hard time with her. Because... They do NOT even know, her. They never really knew her anyway. They only knew what they... wanted. Not what or who their child was and is.
It is really sad. She is so... much, trying to reject them. And she resents them. She is now, being herself. But yes, she is still an "angel." She's a good kid... but is just being herself now. And her parents are aghast. But they were the one's who did not "allow" her, to be herself.
The girl, even vented to me once, saying "My parents pressure me SO much.... I can't even talk to them about anything unless its what THEY want me to say. I have to be so perfect. They are lucky I am smart. What if I was dumb? They couldn't handle it."

The one piece of parenting advice that I KNOW is great advice:

Never, ever, punish for potty-related issues. Period.

eta (I hope you read this)
Children at the age of 3 do NOT know right from wrong. They know what feels good, what feels bad, they know what gets what kind of reaction out of you. They know cause and effect, they do not understand that behavior or situations are intrinsically right or wrong, kids can't do that until about age 7 or 8. You really need a childhood development book, for you I would suggest a Psychology of Development textbook, since that kind of thing seems to be right up your alley. Maybe if you could understand the developmental stages of the growing brain, you could understand the behavior better. Punishing for anything potty-related is asking for serious behavioral issues later on. I like what the one poster here said about thinking about it like learning a skill, not a behavior that needs to be controlled.

Wetting the bed is something that stops on it's own when his body is ready. Until then use waterproof pads and change them daily, anything else would be a futile attempt at controlling something you can't really control.

Come on the kid is obviously nervous if your giving him time outs for accidents. They get nervious they forget until the last minute and then its to late. What he is doing is quite normal. And some kids especially boys wet their beds until they are around 13. Again its normal. Your kid is starting to get a complex about the whole situation.

If you work with teens then you know about kids that turn out anal retentive/super controlling, so much that they can't cope without being in total control of every situation. They were punished for potty training issues.

You're going to punish your little 3 yr. old for a natural stage of life? Kids have accidents nearly daily even in kindergarten. Let him be normal please.
***********
When he starts staying dry it happens because his brain will start sending a signal to the kidneys to stop urine production when he goes to sleep. Until his brain sends that signal to the kidneys he will continue to produce urine all night long, he has NO CONTROL OVER THIS AT ALL. He cannot control his brain chemicals anymore than he can control how much blood is flowing through his heart right now. It is a chemical reaction.

So, until his brain is sending this chemical signal to his brain to turn off his kidneys he is going to be making urine all night. Unless you sit him on the toilet all night he is going to be wet when he wakes up.

Let this child sleep all night. He needs his rest and it makes absolutely no difference on his being wet or dry at night if you wake him up or not. SO STOP the madness! Let him sleep, you get the rest you need, and let him wear pull ups so you don't have at least double your normal laundry. It makes the bills go up and makes you tired of doing laundry.

Pull ups at night. Some children's bladders are not ready to hold overnight till they are 6 or older. YOU can't improve the situation. It will improve when his body is ready for it to improve. Relax, please. I think you are over doing it. Please get some information on child development so you are reacting in ways that are appropriate to his development. Look into loveandlogic.com. also - it's a parenting style that I think will give you a comfort level in terms of teaching children to make good choices, accountability, etc. Your work with troubled children is making you hyper about your own kid. If you hyper control him, it could backfire. Find the balance, for all of your sakes.

May I suggest another way of looking at it? Instead of using discipline to correct a negative behavior, what about looking at potty training as learning a new skill? You wouldn't send him to a time out for missing the ball while trying to hit it with a bat, right? Even if he's been consistently hitting the ball the last few months. Instead, you'd probably look at how great he IS doing, how well he's doing at this skill, give him a few pointers or adjustments and keep going, right? I am guessing that by treating the accidents as disciplinary problems, he has become anxious about peeing and this is making him more nervous (and creating my accidents). After making sure there are no new pants with difficult buttons or jeans (zippers are impossible when you're 3 and have to pee!), and instead easy elastic waist band and soft, cotton underwear, start by watching him for signs that he has to pee. My 5 year old still starts dancing, wiggling and practically vibrating when he has to pee, but is having too much fun to take notice. Gentle reminders help - like, "what do you think your body is telling you?" It teaches them to look for and be more aware of the cues their body is sending.

Your little guy is still an angel, even when he wets his pants. He isn't doing this spite you. He is just a little guy, learning a big, important new skill. It takes time and lots and LOTS of practice. Please be patient.

We have a newly potty trained 3 year old, too. We wake him up to pee when we go to sleep, and again when my husband gets up (early!) for work. This works well for us at night.

And yes, what you are experiencing is PERFECTLY normal.

Enjoy this phase and go tell that little guy how proud you are of him! :D

Kids don't have full control of their bladders and things happen. It's hard to make it to the potty on time, every time. He sounds like a fantastic little guy. Cut him some slack and help him by grabbing him a clean outfit and a giving him a hug. He's not doing it on purpose and he'll get it all figured out in time. Keep up the good work. :)

It's normal for children to wet the bed until they are 8 and older (a doctor isn't even concerned until then.) Even children who have been trained regress when things are going on in their lives they can't express to us...a move, a new school or sibling, a death of a loved one or pet, any new change in their lives. Limiting water doesn't help, their bodies need to be physically ready to hold it all night, neither does waking them to pee train their bodies. Stop stressing over the bed-wetting.

The daytime accidents you make his responsibility for changing clothes and cleaning up, because he's making the choice to not go to the bathroom. He takes off his clothes, puts them in the dirty clothes hamper, and gets in the shower with a bar of soap and washcloth to clean himself. Make it as time consuming and laborious as possible, the point is to help him realize it takes much less time to get up and go to the bathroom when he needs to then to pee on himself and take him away from his activity a much longer time.

Be matter of fact about the "accidents." Say "Oh, you wet your pants. Now you need to stop playing to go clean up." Time outs aren't meaningful, time away from the fun activity is. Hang in there, might just take one time. And for those who disagree with a 3 year old cleaning himself as a consequence, 1) Three years is not a baby anymore, and capable of understanding a natural consequence, and 2) this advise came straight from a doctor's mouth. Worked after one time with my nephew.

Oh, and I have seen kids with strict parents turn into delinquents. Back off and spend as much time as you can showing him love. Not spoiling him, loving him. Kids who don't feel loved are the ones who grow into delinquents.

I've found that the potty training issue when they're playing is less that they don't want to stop and more that they misjudge how bad they have to go.

My daughter had occasional accidents up until age 8, and still has them once in a great while. They were usually because she was interested in something and didn't want to stop and thought that she could hold it. Then suddenly she couldn't hold it anymore and usually she ended up wetting her pants on her way to the bathroom.

Don't punish your son! Treat it very matter-of-factly. Have him participate in cleaning it up, but don't make it seem like he's being "punished" by cleaning it up. Make him feel like he's helping to clean it up. That teaches him that everyone makes mistakes, it's okay to make a mistake, and that when you do make a mistake, you just clean it up.

We made my daughter wash out her panties. She didn't do a very good job (we never let her know that) but the point was that she was learning to be responsible for her actions.

When she got older and had the occasional accident (and we're talking maybe 1-2 a year) she'd just wash out her panties on her own, hang them up, and then get a new pair. That's what you want, right? A Delinquent doesn't take responsibility for his/her actions.

When my daughter was about 6 and she was still having the occasional accident when playing we'd set an alarm for every 30 minutes. She had to go to the bathroom and "try" every 30 minutes. She got tired of having to stop playing and try, that she decided on her own just to go as soon as she had to and we were able to stop using the timer.

And you know, she's 11 and she still pulls the "I have to go to the bathroom" as soon as we get in the car--and AFTER we've asked "Does anyone have to use the bathoom?" before we left the building! *sigh*

Just don't punish. Encourage.

Perfectly normal. Potty training is a process, and regression is often a part of that.

Next time it happens, just treat it matteroffactly, with no emotion. Don't get mad or upset. Just treat it like it is not a big deal (but don't laugh it off either, just be factual "Looks like your pants are wet. Time to change your clothes"). Do not punish him. Do make him change his clothes and wash his hands after changing/touching his soiled clothes.

You can try to set reminders, like "It's time to go to the library. Everyone needs to try to go potty before we go."

At night, if need be, use a pull-up. I suspect the increased accidents are due to stress from the punishment.

Remind yourself--you cannot control his body, only he can. You cannot make him eat, go to the bathroom or sleep. Only he can do that, and trying to force it only turns into a battle of wills and then no one wins.

At three years of age they are still learning how to control their little bladders. I think you are expecting to much of out of your three year old. I have one too and to this day he still has accidents during the day and at night. I would suggest putting a pull up on him at night so that if he does wet the bed you dont have to end up washing sheets. Please dont wake him up 2 x's at night to go pee, if you continue to do that his bladder will not get stronger and he will not learn how to hold his pee until he wakes up or his body will become programmed to wake up several times during the night to pee which in turn will affect his moods and behaviors because he will be getting interrupted sleep during the night. Usually boys are fully potty trained by the age of 4. Just keep doing what you are doing and keep working with him, it will come. good luck.

he is normal. this is not bad behavior .. stop punishing him. just change the wet pants and do not mention it at all. all little kids have accidents.. this is normal even 5 tyear olds in kindergarten have accidents.

just read your so what happened... if he cannot tell when he has to go.. DO NOT ASK him.. take him to the potty on a schedule. every 2 hours or whatever frequency he needs to go.. Once he can successfully stay dry with 2 hour potty trips.. then give him 2.5 hours.. then 3 hours.. I took my duaghter the bathroom on schedule for a long long time.

I would not wake him up to go potty. if his brain is not ready to wake him up to pee. you waking him up will not teach him anything.

my son was dry at night at 3. he would wake up to pee if he had to.

my daughter is still wet at almost 7. she wears a pull up every night and wets every night.

Maybe this will help. My 90-year-old father and I often reminisce about the past and his childhood. Recently he told me that he is very ashamed about his current urinary incontinence because he had the same problem as a child. He was not completely potty trained until he was 5 and he wet the bed on occasion up to the age of 10 or 11, and even a few times when he was in college !! He was not able to control his body, and that was that. If that is the case with your son, any type of punishment, (timeout is a punishment because it withholds attention and sends the message that he has been bad) is counterproductive. The fact that his accidents increased after serving timeout indicates that it is not an effective way of dealing with his problem. As you explained in "So What Happened?" you ask him if he needs to pee and he says "No", and then after he pees you give him a timeout. He still links the timeout to the fact that he wet his pants because you obviously wouldn't have given him a timeout if he hadn't.

Here's another way to handle it. A three-year-old can understand if you have a little talk with him. "Billy, I have a problem and I would like you to help me solve it. When you wet your pants, you have to stop playing and Mommy has to clean it up. That makes Mommy tired. You are a big boy but I know you still forget to go to the bathroom by yourself so Mommy would like to remind you. I am going to ask you to stop playing sometimes and walk with you to the bathroom so you can go there and and not wet your pants. And I'll give you a "star on a chart, little toy, healthy cracker, piece of fruit (no candy please!), etc. every time we do this together, OK? " Stop after each sentence above and ask him if he understands, or you see that he is following your ideas. Obviously you don't have to use the exact words, but I think you get the idea. Leading him to perform the expected behavior will help him immensely.

PS. I haven't read other responses to this post. I may be repeating them !!

hes 3 & time management is a learned behavior. have you tried setting a timer and no matter what when it goes off he has to go sit on the potty and try? we did intervals of 45, 30, 15, 15 - when he did go then we would start back at 45. its a few weeks of constant timer setting but its worked for several of our friends & our son who didnt potty train until after 4 :(

i do suggest not punishing for accidents...its not good to put shame on him for it even if you did ask. remember he is only 3...dont ask if he has to go tell him he has to go try. good luck