4 Girl Year Old Out of Control

explain to her what is going on, that it's not her fault, that none of what she is doing is going to get you and her father together and that if she wants to continue with this behavior it is her choice but that it won't change the fact that you love her and want her to be happy even though her dad is not living with you anymore. She needs assurances that she is still loved and you aren't going to try to get rid of her. There are a lot of changes in her life now and she needs to know why. Don't need to get too specific just general. Don't do any fault finding.

she seems to be very stressed out and so do you. I would suggest asking her why she is acting like that. It very well could be her way of reacting to no longer having daddy living with mommy. Also a new job for you is another big change for her so probably its her way of saying I don't like what is happening I feel like i'm loosing control of my life.

If it keeps up try going to group therapy with all the kids. I'm sure they all are upset about the split up.

I don't know if you've sat down with your kids and just discussed what's happening in the family and their lives and talked openly about it. It might be good to do so they can voice how they feel and ask questions and you and your husband could explain that they are still loved, etc. THEN I would set them down again and say to her mainly that these are the rules even if the situation is not how it used to be and there will be certain things not tolerated and list them and then list the discipline for each thing. She'll know what to expect and then follow through and be consistent with it.
I know it must be heartbreaking for all of you and some just show it differently.
I would also consider counseling if at all possible and at least leave it open in the near future.
The link below is to a very good seminar on marriage and I didn't look up the dates in our area but if you could go to this I reccomend it highly.

http://www.familylife.com/site/c.dnJHKLNnFoG/b.3204559/k....

I agree about the stress. Kids are so sensitive to tension and will act out when they sense it (trust me, I KNOW). In addition to seeing a counselor, I would suggest "Love & Logic" parenting book and class. It's all about love and all about giving kids choices (choices provided by you). My favorite tactic for when kids argue with you is to say, "I love you too much to argue." You repeat this every time they try to argue. Eventually they give up because you are a broken record to them with a loving message. Now, when my kids start to try to argue, I only need one "I love you too much to argue" and they are like "OH MAN! Okay mom." Miracles I say! LOL.

Best of luck with your little girl and with your divorce. It's not easy, but you will get through it.

A. A.
wichita.citymommy.com

Children often act out when parents are getting divorced. Try giving your child choices--say "It is time to take a shower--do you want to walk to the shower or skip? Do you want me to brush your teeth or do you want to do them. You must give the child a certain sense of power. Be sure to never hit, no yelling and never speak poorly about her father.
Look into parenting classes such as Redirecting Children's Behavior or Love and Logic.
Good luck.

of course she's acting out because of the divorce. in my opinion, right now she needs structure and lots and lots of love. plan special mom and kiddo nights where you go to a park, or have a movie night, or whatever. but on regular school/work days, stick to a routine. up, dressed, feed the dog, brush teeth...etc. expect her to keep up with her reponsibilities, and discipline (like clockwork!) if she fails to do so. the best thing you can do for her right now is to provide stability and predictability. there will be an adjustment time, there always is when there are changes. but you're the mom, be stable and reliable and still show her you love her and will be there for her. it may not happen overnight but you'll get through it. just have patience with her, but allow her to make the decision of whether she acts responsible, or gets the discipline. don't make it personal or act like it matters one way or another to YOU. you're not the one who has to live with the consequences. she does. if she chooses that, then okay. maybe next time she'll choose to do as she's told instead of being disciplined. if it's up to her she's likely to think about it and make wiser decisions, instead of acting out in anger.

T.,

After reading the other responces that talked about the speration issues I think if this has been going on since she could talk and walk then maybe it is somthing else going on. The speration just added to the problem.
I hope I am wrong but it sounds like she acts just like my child. I am NOT saying this is what she has just a thought.

It sounds like O.D.D. (oppositional Defiant Disorder)in the begining stages. Look it up and see what you think.
It is workable but is much better the earilier you start working with her. It will take alot of patientance and consictancy.

Feel free to contact me and I will do what I can to help you info support what ever I can even if it isn't O.D.D.
Just show ALL the kids as much love as you can.

Hang in there you can do this.
D.

I doubt if this all started since the divorce, I am sure alot of this was going on before. Sounds like she needs her pants pulled down and a good hard swat on her bottom and if that don't fix it then the next swats get harder until she gets tried of the swats and does what she is told. Works every time.