5 Year Old Still Having Accidents

Don't worry...I would say to keep doing what you are trying. My 6 yo daughter had the same trouble until she was almost 6. Just happened at Grandmas when she was playing with her cousins and drinking more water/juice than normal. Hang in there. He will get through it. I would just tell her to change her underwear and wash herself-put everything into the empty washing maching and then to think about listening to her body more. It eventually worked. Best wishes, we've all been there so don't think that you are alone or that there is something wrong with him. He's just fine, just taking a little longer for him to "listen" to his body.
A.

If he is asking for a reward, how about giving him one for being accident free for at least 2 weeks? Keeping a calendar near by. Starting over at day 1 at each accident. My son does somewhat of the same thing with getting too busy playing. He hasn't had an accident, but I'm waiting. And, IMO, you're doing right by not punishing him. It's not like kids have accidents just to make us parents mad. Just have him get clean clothes and go about your day. He'll get it.

Actually, he may be right about getting a reward when he goes successfully. Of course, he may just go in the bathroom and not use it because he wants a reward. One idea along that same line is that he get a reward at the end of the day for not having any accidents. That would give him an incentative to go the whole day without having an accident. Of course, the reward could just be getting praise when he goes, and then something more tangible at the end of the day. And maybe he could get a big reward at the end of the week if he goes all week. Or to begin with you could make it something like if he is accident free 5 out of 7 days he'll get a big reward. You can either have a specific reward in mind, or make a list and let him have the reward of his choice from that list. You could use a calendar, or the two of you make a chart together with the date on it. Then maybe you could put a sticker on the cahrt if he goes all day without an accident. Kids tend to like stickers a lot, and he could have the job of putting the sticker on the chart. Then you and he will both be able to see his progress. I think I would try that rather than giving him something after every successful trip to the bathroom. We had the same problem with my niece when she was about that age. She would be too busy playing to go to the bathroom. She would hold it as long as she could, but then have an accident because she waited too long to make it to the bathroom. We could usually tell when she had to go though. We would remind her that she needed to go use the bathroom before it was too late, and assure her that whatever she was doing at the time would wait on her to get back. If one of us were playing a game or something with her when it was obvious that she needed to use the bathroom, we would refuse to continue until she used the bathroom. This worked pretty well with her, so your son may just need a reminder. Good luck!

Hello M.. I believe that there are medical disorders that cause children to have potty accidents. However, your son NEVER goes during the night? Makes me think it isn't medical; whenever my daughter who is 5 has accidents, it is at night (or while waiting for the bathroom, family of 6 one toilet). I say make him clean it up. Shoot, when my almost 2 year old makes a mess I make her help clean it up. No matter how or why she made the mess.
Your son thinks he should get a reward every time he goes successfully, well, that made me think that he just doesn't always want to use the potty. He knows all the ins and outs of going to the bathroom. I would punish him; make him clean it up (he lives in the house too, I make ALL my kids help clean), then punish him either with a 5 min time out or by taking away whatever toys he was playing with that prevented him from going to the bathroom. I think an hour is way to long for a child that young. I would make him stand in the corner for a time out and when that doesn't phase him, make him put his arms in the air for the time out. After a week or so, if the time outs aren't helping, add to the discpline with the loss of a toy or what not, but I don't think that is a behavior that ignoring or rewarding will help. He appears to be past the stage of a reward for each time he goes potty. Best of luck!

He knows he has to go. He knows how to go. It is past time to start punishing him for not using the toilet. A 3 year old is capable of being potty trained and a lot of 2 yr olds; it is not a question of whether he is capable or not. Put him in his room for at least an hour the first offense, repeat offenses add an hour. Or facing a corner or wall in time out. After about 3 times he will get the picture. Rewards only work parttime.

My 10 year old occasionally still has them. I try not to get angry with him. It's not their fault. There is medicine they can give you to help with it, I have not tried it yet. I don't like giving my kids medicine. I'm just trying to reduce his chances of having it and not making a deal about it. Eventually it will stop I am told and in the meanwhile I don't want to create any psychological issues on top of it. I read somewhere dairy may make it worst so we try to avoid dairy at bedtime. Good luck.

Welcome to the world of boys- they get so busy and focused nad they forget- it will stop when he is in school. It is samazing how peer presure effects how they suddenly know to go potty.

REGARDLESS of whether he wants/needs to go....go on SCHEDULE! Then.....take that time to read, talk about things, etc. to take the pressure off him to go while you just sit and wait. Make this time VALUABLE for both of you. The struggle will go away. TRUST ME.....this is EXACTLY what we did and she began to look forward to the time we had on the potty.

Play "I Spy" games, read, talk about all kinds of things INCLUDING that he shouldn't have to have a reward for every time. Remind him that you and daddy go without rewards because it's the right thing to do.

Make a sticker chart and everytime he goes successfully, he gets to put a sticker on. Abbie did this and was SO proud of filling up the chart. In addition, she was ready to show anyone and everyone how many times she had gone to the potty successfully.

Use this chart for counting too. Start counting with him the number of times he goes successfully. Make a goal, if you want and then use it for "beginning subtraction/addition". If our goal is six times and we've done it four, how many more times do we have to go successfully today?

Then, goals/rewards can be things like his favorite vegetable, favorite dessert, extra time at the park, etc. for the long term goal...all six.......vs. the short term (every single time)

A GREAT early lesson in goal setting and learning to make quality time out of the struggles.

I would not punish or reward him for having an accident. I think you are doing the right thing by having him clean up his mess. It teaches him to be responsible and to accept responsibliity for his actions. So be having the accident there is a natural punishment by going to the bath room he gets the natural reward. Maybe he is getting to much liquid between bathroom breaks. Is he drinking out of a sippy cup? Maybe give him smaller cups of water. That way he is not drinking out of habit or boredom and he will make it to the bathroom in time. I noticed whe nI took the sippy cup away we had much fewer accidents, my kids get as much water they want they just dfon't walk around with the cup anymore.

It is something that you might want to bring up to your ped. But it definetly sounds like he is choosing not to go to the bathroom.
Goodluck! Let us know how he's doing!

My aunt potty trained all 4 of her kids on the reward system and it worked for her. I tried...my son got to the point that he was going when he wanted the reward and not going when he didn't. Just waiting worked with us. He hasn't had any in awhile, but everytime he gets stressed about something, he'll have them and also if he's in a new place he'll for extended periods of time (camping etc) b/c he'll try to hold it too long and forget he's so far away from the bathroom. The start of school last year caused a lot of accidents, and I'm worried about this year.
His doctor said it's normal. Boys get busy, they don't want to stop playing to go to the bathroom. Hang in there, the accidents will stop! :)

My step daughter had the same problem and we took her to the dr. She ended up having under developed ureturs. I am not saying that this is the problem, however, they said part of the problem is because they hold it so long.
I am not going to lecture, however, I will state that I think it is awful that you make him clean his own mess. He is still a little boy. We would make my daughter sit on the potty every hour for 3 mins to see if she would go. You should never get mad at a child for having an accident, especially seeing as you know it is an accident. If you don't like the reward everytime system then make a chart and do a reward at the end of the week. Nothing big, something like ice cream or a new book, keep it simple. After about 2 months start not using the reward chart and see what happens.
Good Luck
Jenn......

I liked what Beth had to say. When my son started kindergarten, he started having accidents. Turns out the teacher would tell them to go into the restroom to wash their hands, assuming they knew to also pee. He did as he was told and washed his hands and came back out. We had to explain that when given the opportunity, even if you don't feel the need, you should still try. I'm beginning to think some boys just don't feel the urge. I had a friend tell me she was afraid to sent her son off to college because even in high school she still had to remind him to pee before he left for school. He just never "felt" like he had to go and she had to turn it into a habit. You see those ads on TV for an over active bladder, maybe there is such a thing as an underactive bladder too.

M.,

You might want to talk to your doctor about it, it could be that his bladder is not growing at the same rate as the rest of his body. Sometimes accidents are a sign of a medical problem. Just look into it because it's better to err on the side of caution.

Good luck and God bless,
M.

A couple of things we discovered with our 4.5 year old...

When they say they have to go poddy - make sure they go in there and are going poddy. My daughter would sometimes go in there and read a book sitting on the floor, and all the sudden would realize, "Oh - I have to go NOW..." and would have an accident trying to get up to make it to the poddy.

The best thing we did was to have her go poddy before she wanted to do anything. You want to play on the computer? Go potty first. You want to watch a favorite show? Go potty first. You want a snack? Go potty first. Everything was, "Go potty first."

We did have her "earning stars" when she went potty, but not sure it had as much effect as the "go potty first" before doing what she wanted to do. It could just be that he wants the recognition - so maybe you guys can just do a happy dance when he goes potty like he's supposed to.

My oldest will still sometimes say when we go pick her up, "I was dry all day!" and we tell her, "THat's awesome!!! You're so big and strong!! What a good job!!"

Good luck!!