7 Year Old Cleaning Room

I hate to say it like this but, HELL NO! You are teaching him a very important fundamental in life. It's ironic because i just finished up a conversation with a friend of mine who has a 21 year old daughter that still lives at home that is lazy and doesn't attempt to clean up her room or anything else for that matter. Instill in him what he needs now so that he will have it together when he gets older.

I have a constant issue with my children not picking up. So, I went in and cleaned their rooms and got rid of 3/4 of their toys and the rest I organized on shelves in their closet. The door is locked and they have to ask for something (say, playood and dishes) and I take it out. IF they want something else to play with, they have to putt the first toy away before getting anything new. The RULE was in place before, but not really enforceable. Now, they really can't get any toys unless they are given to them.

also, I told everyone for Christmas and birthdays to only give consumables and gift cards (Mcdonald's Zoo museums ect.) NO MORE STUFF!

It is definitely not too much to ask a 7-yr-old to keep his room picked up. However, I do feel that when then room gets past a certain point, the child is just too overwhelmed and doesn't know where to start. If the room gets that bad, I would help a 7-yr-old, because I am responsible for letting him let it get that way! After the room is clean and everything has a place, then be consistent with requiring twice-a-day pickups. About taking things away, I found a system that worked great: I take it away and put it in a box where they can see what has been taken away. Anytime they want, they can ask for something back (one at a time) as long as they have NO messes out when they ask. They know that the box will go to charity when it gets filled up and I get around to going through it. (I put some things away for sentimental reasons or younger siblings.) Most of the stuff that was left in the box was broken and only worth being thrown away. After a couple rounds of this, the amount of STUFF they had to deal with was greatly reduced, but not one thing they really cared about was given away.

You probably won't like what I'm about to type, nor will many others, but here goes.

Boys, Males, are visual, for the most part. If they don't see what you want, they won't do it. If it is not on a list that they can check off, it doesn't need to be done.

Make a list of what your expectations are: toys in a toy box, bed made, etc. Put a picture by it. Post it on the wall, or door, and each of you check off when he has completed a task.

Boys are also slower to follow out multi stepped requests. If you ask them to go upstairs, get a jacket, turn off the lights, and get the dog, you will often be lucky to get the jacket downstairs, and forget about the dog or the light. This gets better with age. Now, there are boys who do not have this failing, and great for them. But if your child is not so quick on the task management side, for heaven's sake, don't beat him up over the head about it, you're going to ruin what self esteem a 7 year old has. I would bet your husband did what he did because he knows just how his son is feeling (my did, does, and gets frustrated at the multi tasking/streaming difficulty, but so be it.). Manage your expectations, make your requests clearly stated and visual at the same time, give your child something to mark off and see his accomplishment and over praise for what he does get done. Be sincere, realize that your definition of clean is not what his is, and be patient. He'll get there.

A.,
Wow, what a myrid of responses. You know your son better than any of the responders. Each child is unique - their learning patterns and behaviors are differ one from another. Pick what works for you the best.

My suggestion is that both you and "Hubby's" have a responsibility is to be consistant and have a united front. You two need to have a good talk together. Choices have consequences and you need to set the consequences and be consistant with that also.

Then you need to set down with your son - together - and go through expectations and consequences.

Some kids have great attention spans, some don't. Mine doesn't. When he was small I gave one thing to do at a time, when he was done he was to report to me for the next step. Step by step - this helps him... if not, while he is cleaning he find something interesting and go off on a tanget - he has a great imagination. It took me a while to get a technique down with him. As he got older I gave him a check off list, my next step will be making him write his own list.

He wasn't trying to be mean, spiteful or rebellious, it's just his personality and so I had to find a way to help him learn how to get things done. There are consquences for not finishing the list unless there is a valid reason.

Good Luck...
R.

PS... I had a hard time learning this.. it was opposite to my personality.

You were right on, but your husband should be scolded! He cannot undermine your authority, that is a huge no-no. No wonder your son ignores you, because your husband does it. You need to address this issue w/ your husband and be on the same team. I have a 5 1/2 year old girl who I'm teaching this same lesson to right now. She's old enough to know what is hers, and how to keep things in order. I started giving her allowance about a month ago. 25 cents per day/ $1.75 for the week. If she acts up, I take away 25 cents at a time. Actually I started the allowance thing because she wakes us up in the middle of the night w/ silly excuses. Now if she wakes us up, I get 50 cents. That she understands! So age 7 is not too young to learn about minding your own things. Good luck!

I see you have gotten many replies. I will just add to the other suggestions; I told my 6 and 7 year old girls that incase of fire Daddy or I need to be able to grap them quickly and we could hurt ourselves by tripping over their toys as we try to reach them. They don't want that to happen!

I have a 7 year old boy as well and what you are desribing is so familiar :) I finally decided it was just being a boy at that age I have to give him one task at a time. If I gave him too much then he could not seem to comprehend the whole thing and would be playing or cutting up paper instaed! I made a list of simple chores and listed them item by item. When it was broken down and he has his written list to refer to it made a world of difference. He could see that there was a reasonable beginning and end to each task with some small break in between. It also taught him to manage his time a little so that he could watch some specific show on TV later in the evening if he got 10 things on his list done.

As for your husband, I think that parents should always back each other up and if there is a difference of opinion, discuss it maturely, even in front of the kid is OK as long as it is a purposeful respectful discussion of how to handle the issue at hand. Maybe ask your husband and yoru son to sit down with you and the three of you come up with a game plan together and put it in writing so your son knows exactly what is expected of him. My son seems to like having it written down, it avoids confusion and forgetting.

Hi A. (pretty name). I can relate to your son. I had problems understanding orders. I would do great if given simple tasks one at a time instead of just clean your room. It was my learning disability. I did out grow it as a late teenager. What worked after my mom figured out what the problem was she would right down step by step what she wanted me to do. Instead of clean your room she would say pick up toys and put where they go, pick up clothes, make your bed well you get where I am going. It was very h*** o* me when we didnt understand why I wouldnt do what asked when I thought I had. My mom was releived to figure out that I wasnt just lazy. I hope this can help. If I can help you anymore let me know.

cleaning an entire room for your 7 year old may be too much to do at one time. Not all children are the same, for some having this responsibility may be ok. Try doing a reward system, giving instead of taking away for cleaning his room. Make a chart and break up the duties per day. On Monday all shoes must be put in his closet & lined up straight, if he accomplishes this he gets a reward and a star on his chart and much praise from mom & dad. On Tuesday all books must be straightened in book case, and so on. As he gets older and moves up the chart his responsibilities increase to helping around the house.

Good heavens no you're not being to h*** o* him. He's 7? My 4 yr old daughter has the sole responsibility of cleaning her room. I vaccum, dust and wash the sheets. Other than that, all the putting away of toys, shoes and jackets is her responsibility. From the begining we have set up her room so she can do things herself. There are hooks on the back of her door about waist high so she can hang up her jackets. We keep her shoes in the bottom drawer of her chest of drawers so she can put them away when she takes them off. All her movies and DVDs are in a stacking shelf that sits on the floor so she can reach them, and she has a toy box that all the other assorted toys just get tossed into. I don't make her clean it up every day, but at least every other day I tell her that it is a mess and she needs to pick things up. Every once in awhile I get the "but remember Mom, I don't like to clean my room?" I just remind her that I don't like to make the house payment every month either, but if I didn't we wouldn't have a place to live. You just have to find out whats important to him and use it. If he loves ice cream after dinner every night, no ice cream if he doesn't clean his room. If he loves to watch Sponge Bob, same thing. He has something he's not willing to give up, you just have to find it. As for your husband, I agree. He is totally undermining your authority. Your son now thinks that if he doesn't like your rules, if he waits long enough, Daddy will come in and change it all back. You're now going to have to prove to him that it just isn't that way. Every time your husband does that, it takes 3 times to erase it. Your son has to know with 100% accuracy what the result of his actions are...every time. Not "well, every once in awhile Daddy will step in. I wonder if that will be this time". My mother has worked with kids from age 4 to 8 for the last 30 years and I have heard all this from her countles times. It works. Good luck!

First of all your hubby was wrong for going against you and cleaning the room for him. Maybe instead he could have said, "Hey, I'll HELP you this time (not do it for him) and next time you do as you mother says!" Then get together and form a united front on the room cleaning thing. Also, at our house, my kids ideas of clean and mine are different. As long as they can see most of the floor, they think it's clean. My idea is picked up, put away and organized. Be sure he has enough space for the things he has and a place for everything. Take out things that he no longer plays with so that they're not just thrown down somewhere and in the way. Make sure he understands your idea of clean and be specific. Maybe a small allowance each week for the chore(s) that he does around the house each week. No chore done...no allowance. Stand your ground. Unfortunately, getting older doesn't make a big difference for every child. I have four kids: 21 months, 5, 10 and 13. They all need a little reminding from time to time to pick up their rooms.

Hi A.,
Do not worry, you surely are not being too h*** o* your 7 year old. I have three children the oldest being 7 and she shares a room with her 5 year old sister. We take the same approach towards the room cleaning as u. If the room is not clean within a appropiate amount of time I start with no television, then their fav toy and so on. One thing u may want to try doing is just one last time help him clean is room. Do not do it for him but what i do is tell the girls, "you guys clean the toys up and make the bed and mom will sweep and mop for u", or u can make the bed and have him do the toys. Strangely that seems to work because they feel like they r being a help. I hope my advice will help alittle but remember he is 7. At that age they r old enough to help us moms out! Crys F.

no you are not wrong my son is 7 and we go through the same thing the only time he will actually do it is if i set in there and watch him

The only thing I think you are doing wrong is taking things away when he is busted playing instead of cleaning. My son does the same thing, but I find that if I just call up to him every once in a while to keep him on track, that helps him and lets him know if he is playing he needs to stop.

if he has to much stuff. get rid of some of it. it doesnt matter if he doesnt want to. give some of it to a women and children's shelter. explain that it will go to a child who doesnt have much. my 5 year old started clearing a lot of his stuff out when i explained it to him. he still has a lot of stuff, but now there is enough space for it all

Let me just say that I have a little boy that will be 3 next month, and he cleans his own room. I do not have to stand over him. Kids are smarter than you think. The problem is your husband is not backing you up. If he would stay on your son just as much as you do about cleaning the room, then maybe your son would realize that there is no one who will do it for him. You were doing the right thing by taking his privileges away, and it eventually might have worked, but what your husband did was absolutely uncalled for and what he did was basically show your son that he does not have to listen to you.

hi A.
no i don't think your wrong and if your husband is just going to let him do what you he wants then maybe he should clean it up all the time. i look at it like this you are just trying to teach your child some responabilities and if heer husband can't respect that then maybe he should clean up behind him all the time. i have a four year old and she has been cleaning up her room since she was 2 yes a first i help her but then she got the hang of it now she just do it on her own now.also as long as you or your husband do it for him why should he do it cause he knows once you or your husband get tried of looking a it you two are going to do it for him. i think your doing a good job keep up the good work and good luck

Ok I wouldn't take away all his privileges, but I would talk to him about how taking his privileges away is also not something I want to do, etc. i think sometimes talking really thouroughly works well too. I have a 10 boy, 7 year girl, and 4 year old boy. they all clean up their mess... I mean the little one gets a lot of help from the other two... but all of them do it. Sometimes it's a matter of if it's not cleaned up, then the TV does not come on. Or if they do not clean up then, they can't play outside, etc. But they usually do it. Then again you have to remember, I started with my kids from when they were walking... I started picking up with them.. he would help me, etc. And then it came to him realizing that he had his own room, and that it was special. When I fixed up his room I told him where everything goes... in order. A box of toys for car, another one for little action figures, and another one for animals.. now the little one that i have is spoiled and just has too many toys so with him it's more little bins than with my oldest son... a lot of hand me down toys and well we have lots of family.. but sometimes I put toys away for a month or two, so that he gets to enjoy the other toys, etc. Maybe the problem you have with your son is that.. perhaps he has too many toys that he gets overwhelmed on where they should go? Did you start this when he was little.. doing it with him, showing him where things should go? Or did you always send him on his own.. cause let me tell you, it can get to be quite a task if he still has little cars, action figures, etc... and not organization for them.. who knows, maybe having things seperate could help a lot.. You can start with telling him.. listen start with all the little cars and then come and tell me.. let me see how fast you can do it?.. and then when he comes back, be like wow.. that was fast.. man, I wish I was that fast... now try doing the animals, or action figures.. etc.. you can go on and on like this.. it becomes a game. You may just need to help him organize his room differently. Kids all mature at different ages... my oldest was very good at this when he was 3 he could pick up as I mentioned earlier with that game with no problem.. now my 4 year old now.. he gets spoiled so it's taking him longer to do it on his own... he always says that he needs help... and so we help him.. but as we are doing it.. we remind him that this is his room and he has to keep it nice, so that his toys stay nice and don't brake.. and I go on to explaing that I need the floor to be clear to sweep, and mop, etc... and that if he does not pick up, I might just sweep the toys away.. so at that point he relaizes that he does not want that to happen.. and so he asks me for help. But he rarely does it on his own.. but I think we spoil him too much.. but since he is my last.. well, I don't mind much. But as far as your husband goes.. you must sit down with him and tellhim that when he thinks you are being a little rough, that he must bring you over to the side and talk it out.. no taking back punishments right in front of your child... this is tough.. your child is learning that if he just waits around, daddy, the good one, will come for help... but you know what... make sure you tell your son, that next time, you won't even say anything, and you will just pick up the toys and put them away for a week.. see if that helps... I had to do that quite a few times with my daughter.. I just pick up what ever is on the floor and I put it away for a week... that way she realizes that if she does not clean up she is going to end up with no toys to play with... try that.. this may help on him learning to listen to "you", the mom that cleans up after everyone..
You husband either has to get on your team trying to educate your kid to respect your way of cleaning, or he might just have to learn to come in the door and see everything as mess because your kids do not listen to you... ask him would he prefer that... that is what i told my hudband... he always thought that putting toys away was too harsh.. but it worked. So, finally they realize you are right.. at least you aren't hitting them, or anything like that... plus he also has to realize that this not only affects the cleaning up, but everything else you will ask of your son... it's extremely important that you both use the same tactics.. and also, never undermind eachother.. never... if you disagree with him.. ask him to speak to him in your room... let your kids know you guys are the rulers together. i wish you the best.. .email me anytime if you'd like.. let me know what you tried and what worked... I'm still working on my 4 yr old... it's not easy so I know.. no matter how old they are, they are just all so different. Maybe he needs more time on you telling him what to do.. some kids need that.
Good luck.

Yes...you were wrong...remove all privileges until HE cleans the room. Everything:) My 7 year old sons cleans his room very well now without an argument. There are a few polishing touches that I do later after he is done but he maintains it:) Hope it help...REMEMBER....NEVER GIVE IN...NEVER!

Lucky for me, I don't have this problem yet b/c my only child is only 10 months! However, I can tell you what my sister does with her 6 year old boy/girl twins. Their playroom has little baskets that are labeled for all of their toys. Before Christmas and birthdays, they go throuh their toys and decide what's good enough for charoty and what's broken for the trash. Luckily, they're EXTREMELY conpassionate and love the fact that they can give their toys to other little boys and girls who are without. There have been times where my sister got tired of telling them to clean up properly, so she would give them maybe 15 minutes to clean up and whatever wasn't in its right basket got taken away. They're bedrooms stay clean because they're not allowed to play in them or have friends in them...that's what the playroom's for! Sometimes I think that she's a little harsh, but she's very clean and a very "in order" person!

I know just how you feel!!! I also have a 7 yr old son that does the same as yours.I don't think your being to h*** o* him! He's got to learn some time!

I have 5, 9 and 11 year old girls. The only thing my 5 yr old doesn't do is vacuum...she's a little 5 yr old, so she can't push the vacuum yet..it's way bigger than her. They all dust their rooms and pick them up. My youngest has trouble wanting to get rid of stuff...she had way too much..so when she wasn't home, I went through it all myself and hauled it off. She never even noticed...You know they have too much stuff when you take off a 39 gallon garbage sack full of stuff and they don't notice. I'd just go through is stuff myself, just don't take off anything he plays with regularly. I agree with you that he should be cleaning his own room, they have to learn responsibilities sometime. As far as your husband, no parent should ever undermine the other one. I have no idea what you should do on that...if you've already talked to him and that didn't work. It just shows the kids that they don't have to do what you say...just what daddy says. Me and my sisters used to do that with our parents and boy did we get in trouble for it. For example, I'd ask my mom if I could stay with someone, she'd say no, so we'd go ask dad and he'd say yes...then mom would find out. We'd get grounded(which we were old enough that bothered us)and had more chores to do during the time. I have no idea on this one

You have had soooo many responses! Too many for me to read through....so I am not sure if anyone passed this along or not. www.TheHouseFairy.org is an awesome program. It is only ten bucks for access for two years. The house fairy actually helps your kids want to clean their room. She has videos that your kids watch online to teach them how to clean and it is really cool. She also has a parent section to help us too.

Good Luck!
M. L
www.WellnessStartsInTheHome.com
www.WorkingWithFamilies.com

I have this website I am in love with www.flylady.net
It is about organization, cleaning and all kinds of issues that are masked. Check it out it has really helped me.

You have a lot of suggestions there. That's great but good luck reading through them. I have a 7 year old son that isn't so wonderful at picking up his room either. I, like you, believe that they have to learn the responsibility of cleaning up after themselves and giving to charity and such. There 2 things that I can suggest that works for my child.

One; while he's playing I will remind him that while he's having a great time pulling out all of his toys, someone has to pick them up and that someone won't be me. I then suggest to him that maybe he should put away toys that he's through playing with so he won't have to clean as much at the end of the day.

Two; the other thing that works for me is the one that I'm sure MOST mother's have heard from their mothers. "I guess since this toy is still out, it can go in the trash?" I know it's mean and most of the time I don't mean it but it does tend to work. Our moms might have known what they are talking about.

Now, I know this advice might not work for everyone, but it does work for me MOST of the time. I do have a very stubborn child. ;)

well, honey, i'll tell you, i have three children, ages 9, 7, and 5 and they all clean their own room...stand your ground, it's not to much to ask of a child to keep their room clean, or to clean their room. if that had been my husband he would've slept on the couch for a week...it's time, he's old enough now that he needs to start learning some responsability...

First of all, your son is getting mixed signals from you and your husband. So I would recommend that you sit down and talk with your husband and the two of you decide the expectations for your son's involvement in his room cleaning. You need to decide together and then present a united front to your son. Otherwise, the problem will get worse as he'll continue to expect dad to bail him out.
Second, be very clear to your son what you expect to see when you step into his room. I like the suggestion about the list on his wall.
Third, be consistant! I don't know about taking away priviledges, because my kids aren't that old yet, but what works for my son is positive reinforcement. We'd say something like, "Wow, your toys are all in the toybox! Great job! Now, where should those socks be?" or "I am so proud of you for remembering to make your bed! You are awesome! Gimme 5!" (My son will be three in January, so we are still corny!)
Consitancy is the key here I think.

BTW, my son is not quite three years old and can clean his room and make his bed (without me standing over him), but he knows what I mean by that task and my husband does not override my authority or me his.

My 4 year old niece has been cleaning her room by herself and helping with the laundry for a year now. What your husband did was out of line. You two need to be a united front or your kids will use that against you. Don't let this go lightly. You should not have had to stand over him at all. And tell your husband that he is either with you or against you, because that's how your children will see it. If Daddy doesn't listen to Mommy then why should they?

I have 2 teenagers so, I know about standing over them trying to get something done. Well, your son is 7 let him b. I mean Im sure u want the room clean but, is it really hurting anyone? I am always telling my 14 year old daughter to clean her room. Happens once in a great while. But, when she does do it no matter how long it takes, I can see she is proud of herself. I actually clean her room maybe once a month or so. I get to where I can't stand it. But, it's no use. She is like a hurricane and the room is usually a big disaster. She will have friends over who say she needs to clean her room. Sometimes that get's her butt moving. Most of the time it will b a losing battle. Life has some many more things to worry about. So, just let him take his time and hopefully he'll want to clean it on his own. Maybe tell him he can have friends over if he cleans it. U know tell they can do something fun.Or maybe u can play with him in his room making tents with sheets and stuff but, only if he will clean his room after. I use to do that with my son and daughter. My son has always been clean Im not sure what happend with my daughter. Good luck..

Hello,
I have a 6 year old and 4 year old that cleans there room on a daily bases. they have been doing this since they were 3 years old. It's a matter of them not wanting mommy to step on there toys and get hurt. They also know that when room is not clean we don't get to do fun stuff and things are taking away. so for your 7 year old it is not to young, i think you are doing the right thing by taking things away from him. i bet he would get in trouble and get things taken away if it were something else, so whats the differance. You have asked him to do something and he should do it. As for the hubby that was a no no.

What your husband did so what all males do they cover up for themselves. I understand why he did it men bonding. My 8 y/o has trouble cleaning up as does my 2&3 y/o but I think it because we have so much toys they don't know what to do. And I don't know what to do either. But I never have to take away anything because he does pick up he toys I just have to be sitting in his room with him. Boys need a little more coaching. Tell your husband how you feel- you felt put down because he gave in and so on. My husband is the h*** o* he just wants to get everything and toss it out. lol Never going to happening. My advice is to have him do little every day so it doesn't get overrun and so dirty. If you do something for he take one thing away and make him earn it back with extra chores. I came from a family where we all cleaned and had our own chores. We did them even if we were sick it was rough but I love my parents for it. My husband family is quite different they only clean if people came over and holiday. I hate it everytime I go to my mil's I have to clean the bathroom and it so GROSS they bath the dog and my sil does nothing. Just keep up with it and instill good cleaning habits because it will help in the future.
L.

The book, Parenting with Love and Logic has really helped our family in many areas. (look for the updated version).

Hi A.!
I don't feel like you were to h*** o* him. I have an 8 yr old daughter and 4 yr old son and remove privileges. I used to have to fight both of my children now we race. I set the timer for 10 min when the timer goes off I gp look then set it again. Now both rooms have gotten clean it as little as 20 min. Then I go in dust, vacuum, etc. Personally my husband has done things like that and I sat down with him one night and asked him not to do it anymore explaining that it underminds my authority. The race is worth a shot.Hope it helps.

Absolutly not! Your son is perfectly capeable of cleaning up his own messes. Your husband was absolutly wrong for doing it for him!

My son is also 7 and sometimes has trouble cleaning his room up. I don't expect perfection, but i do expect toys to be put away, and the floor clear so i can walk through without stepping on anything.

Before bed each night ds does a room rescue. he takes 10 minutes to clean up his room before he climbs into bed. his room has stayed clean for a long time just by doing that.
Now in the past his room has gotten so bad! I told him that I was gonna stop doing his laundry till his room was clean. He went about a week before he finally cleaned it. (having no clean underware and having to wear stinky clothes to school was a BIG negative for him)

Now I too in the past have gone in and cleaned his room for him. BUT (and he knew this before hand) when I have to clean his room I clean it with a big black trash bag! Everything goes into the trash bag and he has to earn it all back.
THAT really worked!!

good luck!

I read much of what the advice was on this subject. Wow! I don't know, my son is 3, yes he can pick up and clean but I don't get to anxious about it. But then again, I don't make my bed. I figure I'm only going to be getting back into at night and well, you know. I allow my son to do what he wants with his room (prety much). It's his room. He's just not allowed to make the rest of the house look like his room. And he doesn't. And his room is not that bad. There is no dirty dishes or clothes in his room. For the most part when I left it up to his choosing then he started cleaning it (for the most part) without any prompting on my part. I've decided I would rather explore, play and grow with my child then to worry about my house being spotless. Which it hasn't since I got married.