8 Year Old Wants Me to Not Work.

Kids are not adults. They do not understand that some day you are going to be 60, 70, 80, and maybe even 90 something years old and don't want to live on food stamps and state medical cards.

Tell your child that you're the adult and that you have to work. He doesn't need to know anything else, you're the parent and you need to work.

What does your son do after school now? If it's aftercare which he doesn't really like, how about a pt nanny picking him up? With the extra income, you can likely afford one and if your husband's job doesn't work out, you can go back to aftercare. When I mention quitting, my kids say no! They love their nanny! We have a younger one who is like a big sister and fun etc. Lots of people find college aged kids. So something to consider... My kids have tried a little aftercare and don't like it. So if that's your son, maybe consider it. Kind of a compromise. In terms of the pension, lots of pensions have gotten cut... And 15 years is a long time. I'd keep talking to your son about it though. He may forget that he won't be with his friends at aftercare etc. Some kids love aftercare. I do like my kids coming home though. School gets harder and homework I think gets better attention at home from me or a nanny. So don't do anything rash but maybe start considering a change. Lots of people say these are the years it's really impt to be around. I get home really early now so am not sure what I'll do about work....

Does he not want you to work at all? Or just reduce hours to part time so you're there?
I don't know. As a working mom to an 8 year old (with 13 years until retirement), I would think it's sweet but not change my course. It's the long term you are looking at here. I would be insane to quit or go part time at this point if it affected my insurance or pension (which it would).
Can you adjust your hours so that you go in earlier and get off earlier? That seems like a more reasonable solution.

I can't imagine quitting your job because your 8-year-old wants to come home to you after school. Sweet, yes.

I don't even let my 8 YO come home to me after school, lol. He just wants TV or computer, which is not OK. So he does a program where they do sports, crafts and a bit of homework time. He's much better off for it. Then when he does come home, we do dinner and small bit of playtime, then bed.

The tug at your heartstrings from your 8 year old isn't a good way to make decisions. Your being home when he gets home would be nice but it isn't the end of the world if some alternative happened.

Have an honest and open discussion with your husband about what needs to happen. Jobs come and go. I would want to see if there is some kind of stability with his new job before commiting to give mine up for my kid.

Over the last several years my husband has had some remarkable paying jobs that disappeared in 3 months or less. So leaving my job would never work but it's fine. My job stability has kept us with healthcare when he was working as a business humand resource contractor and not a permanent employee.

I would consider all factors. If leaving the pension plan is not in the cards, then I would look at things like flex time, working from home PT or FT or taking important days off if you have the extra leave for it. At 8, he wants you home. In a few years, probably not so much! :) Even if not working at all isn't in the cards, there are often ways to make positive changes. My DH stayed with the same employer but a different branch and improved his (and our) quality of life with a shorter commute. For example.

I don't think you are letting him dictate how much you work, but kids tend to think out loud. If it comes up again, tell him you appreciate the thought, and will see what you can do (within reason) but then explain that you working now has long term benefits that you need to stay working for.

Kids are for a season. You have a good start for your own retirement and that maybe more important than being home to great your children in the long run. Your son will be involved in more sports and activities and it might cost more than you budgeted. How is the family finances for the six month emergency fund and such? Can your son participate in after school activities so he will not be alone at home? Only you can make that decision. Do you like your job? Can you reduce to part time? Once your child(ren) have left home, will you want to go back to work? These are questions that you will have to consider.

the other S.

PS: Do let hubby know that son wants you to say home and he mentioned it to you. I recall making a comment about wanting my dad to drive the car and they switched. I do not know to this day how my mom felt about my comment. It is your life and you must do what is best for you.

If you can manage it financially and not jeopardize your retirement, then do it. Your kid is only young once. Can't you work part time?

Wait till your husband's job has come through, then mention it to him.

I would not quit, you have 10 years left for a full pension? You would be losing more than just a pay check. Perhaps, adjust your hrs so you can be home a little earlier? My son is 6 and he goes to an after school program, he loves it.. He plays with friends and can work on homework.

Our jobs are more than the day to day check. Honestly, even if we won the lottery, I am not sure that I would quit my job. I have been there for 18 years. We would just get a house, and pay off all our debt, and have a college fund if the kids want to go. I would still work.

Good luck

It's very sweet that your son would like you to be home right after school, but he is only 8 years old and doesn't understand things like pensions and new jobs.

I would absolutely mention it to your husband. That doesn't mean that you are ready to change everything in your world, but he should know what your son said. Let him know that it really touched you. But definitely talk about everything - the pension, giving him time at his new job. No decisions need to be made right away, but it's important for him to have the information.

If your husband doesn't take the job, it won't be relevant. But if he does take the job, this is something the two of you can kind of keep in the back of your mind during the first 3 to 6 months. After awhile you'll know whether or not you can make a change in your job.

No hurry!

I wouldn't mention it to your hubby. Let your son know that you don't just work for a paycheck. You work to use your talents just the same as your husband. While you would love to be home with him when he gets home from school it isn't possible.

Please know that if you stayed home you'd feel guilty about not working and since you work you feel guilty about not being home. It's the age old struggle we moms have with ourselves.

I'd vote to leave your job. You will NEVER get this time back. If you feel you must work, get a part time job where you can pick him up in the afternoons.

Sorry but I would not have my 8 year old dictate how much I work. In fact I would stress how working is an important aspect of being an adult and set a good example for him. Also, just because you are making more money now doesn't mean you shouldn't be saving the extra for future expenses e.g. his college fund and your/your husband's retirement.

A couple of years ago, I was able to take the whole Summer off with my boys while they were out of school. The boys now ask me every Summer how much vacation I will have.

If they had their way, I wouldn't work either. What a sweet idea. But, like you, I have a much shorter plan than most for pension. I'll be able to draw retirement when I'm 45. So here at work I'll stay.

Stick with your plans. Could you adjust your work hours so you leave earlier and get home earlier? That might be something to consider.

I have done both. I went back to work when my youngest was 13. It was a rough adjustment for him. He was used to mom being home. He would tell you it was hard. It was h*** o* me as well.

If I could go back, would I make a different decision? I don't know. We needed my income because our oldest was getting ready to go to college but I do know that he needed me home. So, I don't know what you should do. It is so hard being pulled in two directions. I would discuss it with hubby and get his take on this.

"Hey honeybunny, Billy asked me the other day that since Dad is making more money could I work less hours because he would like to come home to me everyday. Has he said anything to you about this? It seemed to come out of left field." Or something along those lines. I don't know if it is practical for you to quit but I think a discussion with your husband is in order.

Good luck!!! I really did enjoy being home with my kids BUT I really enjoy working as well.

Staying home with a kid does mean giving things up. We don't always do what our kids want, and yes you should make sure that your husband's situation is completely secure. Your son should have ZERO idea about your husband's increase in income, by the way, so whatever conversations he had overheard need to be curtailed.

Yes, you mention it to your husband because he needs to know what is on your children's minds! That doesn't mean to make a decision about it but absolutely you should discuss it. If your husband can't handle knowing about the kids, that's a much much bigger problem. This should not be stressful for him to just be informed!

I think you handled it fine with your son. If he brings it up again, you should say you and Dad will think about it but nothing is going to be done in the short run while all the kinks get worked out at Dad's new job. Don't say anything like "It might not work out" because that stresses out the kid, but do say it will take a while to see what's involved, what the schedule is, and more. Tell him you will inform him when you and Dad make a decision, but that in general of course you would both like to be home more hours. However you have to consider their long term needs like braces and college as well as your own professional fulfillment.

Did you delve at all into the question with him? What I mean is, yes it is very sweet and flattering and heart melting for him to ask this. But honestly, most 8 year olds aren't sitting pining for mom to be home after school. What is he after? Is there something that a friend does or gets from his mom when he gets home, that your son is feeling jealous of (besides mom's attention). Does someone else's mom pick them up from school and they go get an icecream every day? or it means they are allowed to have friends over right after school and they play (not spend time with mom)?

Or, and this is what would make me want to query him a bit more... is there something going on now after school that he does NOT like? A bully on the bus? On the walk home? Strangers ringing the door bell? Or is he at an after-school program where there might be cliquish behavior from other kids, bullying, or a tyrant of a child-care person?

Or maybe he really does just want to come home to mom. That just does not seem to me to be the go-to thought, because most 8 year old boys aren't that fuzzy and emotional unless there is something else going on. You didn't mention what your current arrangements are, so I can't begin to guess what he might want to avoid.

It is a tough choice to make for all moms (to work or stay home, if they can work that out). Weigh it all out and give yourself plenty of time to think about it, before making any decision. Too much change all at once, based on husband's new job (which I'd want to have more history and track record with before going to one income), is a lot for an 8 year old to process anyway. If he thinks you suddenly will have a lot more money in the household to spend, he may have grandiose ideas about what that means. Most 8 years have no concept of what things actually cost or what it takes to finance a household, let alone braces, cars, insurance, retirement plans, etc.
For sure mention it to your husband. Talk about what he said. It doesn't mean you need to act on it, or even heavily consider it unless it is something you want and think is both viable and smart. But also consider if there is something going on with son that he is trying to avoid and sees this as a potential way to avoid something.

First let me say, I was a stay at home mom while our daughter was in school, BUT, I never stopped working. Instead I took on all sorts of work and jobs that fit into her school schedule. Money was not great, but it was enough to have some extras.

I had been in Retail my entire working career. I was a Buyer and then a Store Manager. This means i worked way more than 40 hours a week, I had to work weekends and holidays. This is why when she started school, these careers were not going to work for me or the family, .

In your situation I would continue to work and save as much money as possible, so when your son is deciding on the perfect college, you will be able to send him without the stress la ot of us have.

I would also explain to him that you work not as a punishment, but because you love what you do, you are highly respected at your work and your income is important for the family.

He is in class almost all day, what would you be doing all day? Waiting for him to get out of school?

I would also consider maybe taking some days off or part days off and volunteering at his school more often. See if you can work this out with your employer.

I read that Americans only use a fraction of their Vacation days. They also work way more than 40 hours a week. I know this is very true for my husband and me. When I was working for others, I was always working more than 40 hours a week and almost every year, my husband loses some of his vacation days because he feels like he can never take off.

If your son were to see you volunteering at school, or coming home earlier or able to pick him up every once in a while, I bet he would be just fine.

I can not tell you what to do, this is truly a very personal choice and there is so many things to consider when making it. But, I know the choice I made and why I made it. I gave up my career to be a full time stay at home mother. Yes, it has set me back in building my career and limited my potential earnings for my lifetime, but I don't regret it one bit. For me, in the end, I decided I would never look back on my death bed and wish I had made more money and spent less time with my children. But, I do also have things in place to be sure I can retire and not have to work into old age. Planning for retirement is also important. But, they are only young once and before you know it he will no longer want you there. You have a lot to consider when making this choice, best of luck to you.

Sorry, all I could get out this post is that you will retire just a few years after your child goes to college. That makes me sad. You will have all this time to spend with family when your children are out of the house living their own lives.

ETA: My mother worked our entire childhood. She retired early, and passed away soon after. The only thing you know about is now. Who is to say your company won't go under in the next 15 years leaving you nothing or they take away pension? Won't be the first time. I understand planning for the future...but NOT when it takes away from the present time and memories you will never get back.

Can you telecommute the afternoon part of your workday? Some offices will consider that move to keep a highly valued employee...

when i read the title of this post my knee-jerk reaction was '8 year olds don't get to make that call.' but clearly your son isn't being pushy, he's just wistfully requesting something that would make his life a little sweeter.
i agree you should wait until your husband has settled into the new job. but then, why not take advantage of the increased financial freedom and look into reducing your hours a little? if YOU'D enjoy being home when the kids come home, it sounds like a win for everyone.
i guess i don't understand the reluctance to mention the issue to your husband. this is a family matter, raised by your child, and whatever direction you go in, why can it not be at least discussed? i get not wanting to stress him, but if your position is that it would be a mutual decision reached only after he's settled in the new job, it really shouldn't stress him unduly, should it?
does your job have an option where you could stay, but work fewer hours?
khairete
S.

I know you've gotten several answers to this, but I would like to mention a few things. One, your husband should know about this, because you are a team and he and you should decide this together. Two, after a couple of years, your son will not ask anymore, but it will make a huge difference in his life you are there as much as you can be to help him become a responsible, independent, happy adult. In my experience, though they say they don't want you after they reach a certain age, they need you to be there for them until after graduation. Three, by law, pensions can be promised, and then not delivered. Many companies are taking back their policies of pension plans. Four, maybe you could work enough hours (and maybe some at home) to qualify, but be there when he gets home from school - that first hour is critical to how he sees what happened to him that day at school in terms of life experiences and what he can learn from it. Five, Your pension plan may be great, but if your son is struggling with his place in life, you won't enjoy your retirement years. Six, Now that I've given you my opinion, please make the choice that you think is best. Only you know your family well enough to make these decisions. Good luck!