Advice for Leaving Kids with Grandmom for 5 Days

Updated on March 11, 2011
A.C. asks from Sterling Heights, MI
15 answers

My husband and I are leaving our 3 yr old and 5 yr. old with Grandmom for 5 days while we go to Jamaica. (I doubt anyone would, but if you are tempted to criticize this decision, please don't. It's a long story, so please just trust this was a well-thought-out decision.)

Our kids spend a lot of time with Grandmom already and she is pretty well-versed in our routines, but I know I will still spend the entire trip worrying. Any advice (beyond the obvious) for how to make this go as well as possible for my mother and my kiddos? Does anyone (from experience) know what kind of documents are necessary in case of the need of medical care while we're gone? The pediatrician said a simple letter is fine, but I'm paranoid, and the lawyer I keep leaving messages with isn't returning my phone calls.

Thank you for any advice!

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K.M.

answers from Kansas City on

You've already received great advice- I just wanted to chime in... have a wonderful time! The first day will be the hardest on you, but after that, just kick back and enjoy the sun and sand. Let us know how it goes!

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

oh, GOOD for you! your kids will have a blast, and grandmom probably will too, for the most part<G>.
if you spend the entirety of this glorious opportunity stressing and worrying i will personally come to sterling heights MI and kick you in the patootie.
i would make sure the letter is broad enough to cover anything that might come up, not just medical. and yes, a simple letter is sufficient for anything that might reasonably come up while you're gone.
have a wonderful time!
and your kids will also be building lifelong memories. i LOVED my sojourns with my grandparents when i was little!
:) khairete
S.

2 moms found this helpful

A.F.

answers from Chicago on

We actually drafted a document called APPOINTMENT OF SHORT-TERM GUARDIAN OF A MINOR for each child and had her (my mother in law) sign it while we were on vacation in Aruba last year. Of course, we are both attorneys (though not family law) and I did my research in books in our law library to determine what kind of form would be necessary here not just if something happens to our kids while we were gone but also for temporary custody for our kids if something happened to us on the trip. The form gave her temporary guardianship over the kids while we were gone and in the event something happened to us until Wills could be read. I am a worrier so better safe than sorry -- plus our DD (who was 2.5 at the time) has life threatening food allergies so I didn't want to take any chances with a doctor or hospital not accepting her authority on decision-making.

Enjoy your trip and try to NOT call home too often and if you can help it, don't talk to the kids....at those ages, it will probably make it harder for them and you to enjoy yourselves. Call just to get updates from Grandmom if you must!

2 moms found this helpful
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E.T.

answers from Denver on

I second everything everyone else has to say! When we took a cruise our two kids (18months and 3 at the time) stayed with in-laws and had a blast. Only the last day or so did they start asking about us. I made sure they had "their" stuff (special stuffed animal, what my kids call their "magic blankies" that kinda of stuff), plus I sent them with appropriate children's meds (benadryl, tylenol, etc) with the correct dosage written very clearly on the bottle. Everyone had medical release letters, my ped said one for each kid, plus a daily schedule, and a list of places we go in case they ran out of things to do (Jump street, Children's Mus, etc). I wanted to make everything as easy and smooth for my MIL as possible so the kids wouldn't feel as though there was anything different.

Have a great time!! Who would criticize leaving your children with their grandmother so you and hubby could have some time together?? Its not like you're putting them with an irresponsible adult or boarding them in a kennel. As mothers are we expected to spend every waking moment with our children and have no time for ourselves or spouses?? Kudos to you for taking a vacation! I always say I love my kids, but I LOVE my time away from them too!

2 moms found this helpful
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R.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

My kids go on vacation every year with their grandparents, the only thing they need is an insurance card, a letter saying they have permission to take your kids to the hospital and phone number that they can reach you and your regular doctor if necessary.
My advice- DONT call at night, call in the morning or the middle of the day if you call at night they will NEVER go to sleep and when you do call dont start with " I miss you". Trust me my kids go away for 10-14 days for the past 8 years- tried and true method.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.P.

answers from Philadelphia on

My kids would be in their glory if they got to stay with Mommom and pop for 5 whole days, I am jealous! If it makes you feel better write up a "schedule" of how the day normally goes. Does someone have to go to school and be picked up? I would start at 7am wake up, 8 am out the door etc.

Grandmom raised you (or hubby) up very well, and they will all be fine! Even if they deviate from the normal routines. Just make sure you leave a letter for the pediatrician with her, and phone numbers.

Have fun

1 mom found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from Dallas on

Do they live in the same area as you? If not, i'd just write out some simple directions to the grocery store, park, pediatrician and hospital. I also put sticky notes next to the tylenol and motrin with dosages for my kids and how often they can happen. I always leave a copy (front and back) of my insurance card so they can take that with them if they have to go to the hospital/Dr. Your kids are prob old enough to tell Grandmom what they want and need, but a general schedule written out couldn't hurt. I also have left the number of our babysitter in case they need a break for a few hours! Oh, and of a close friend in case they really need help with something.

I think a simlple letter is fine stating that while you are out of town grandma is the one to make medical decisions, etc. It might help to just get it notarized.

1 mom found this helpful
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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

I babysat my grandson for a week, the first 5 days were wonderful, the last 2 I think he may have gotten bored and missed his Mom. My daughter brought some of his favorite foods, not so may changes. She forgot to tell me she still watered down his juice and he got a touch of diarrahea, since he was almost potty trained he didn't always make it to the potty. Write down their daily routine, what kids shows they like and what channels they are on. As a grandma I don't pay a lot of attention to kids programing any more. A note giving Grandma 'power of attorney' will make any doctor's visits easier. I would also get the fax number of the doctor's office, just in case. You should be able to fax from your hotel.
Let the kids know that grandma won't do everything the same way as Mommy and Daddy and different is okay.
Mostly enjoy your vacation. It will be good for both the parents and the kids.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.J.

answers from Sacramento on

Go online and look for a medical authorization form. There are simple ones you can just sign and leave with her.

Also, I found it helpful to type up a "Kid Instruction" sheet with every possible thing I could think of that could come up. I also included our flight info. and phone numbers for the doctor, dentist, our hotel, cell phones, etc. just in case.

Have a terrific time! We take vacations away from our kids, too, and it's so helpful to reconnect. Meanwhile, our kids have a fantastic time with grandparents.

1 mom found this helpful

L.B.

answers from Biloxi on

Will she take my 14 year old also? Really, just for a few days - he could help with your little ones. LOL

Mine has spent weeks with my Aunt for his entire life - she lives an hour away from me - just enough to not be able to get there quickly in an emergency. .

Anyhoo, I wrote a letter giving her permission to seek treatment for him when he was there, she had copies of his insurance card, social security card, and birth certificate. I wrote a schedule for any medication he was taking, and for over the counter meds that he could take - how often and for what. I would call him during the day, or she would call me so we touched base every day in case something came up.

I have also been out of town for business for up to a week and had a sitter stay with him at our home - same procedure for paperwork and everything. During the school year I would let the school know I was out of town and add the sitter to the emergency contact list. I also let my neighbors know since he was staying at home but with a sitter. My Aunt also holds a copy of my will and directives, insurance agent contact, etc. in case somethings ever happens to me when I am out of town I

If you have notified your medical providers, written a letter authorizing their Grandmom to seek treatments, and leave all their documents with her - you are covered. You don't need anything official and lawyer like for a such a short time.

Not to be scary - but you do have a will? Right? One that outlines your childrenss guardian(s) in case something happens to you both? A copy of that, along with any insurance agent contacts and directives should also be left with Grandmom. Oh, I hope I didn't give you more anxiety - I am just over zealous when it comes to that since I am a single parent with very few living relatives.

Realize that their routines may be a little different when with Grandmom - I knew my son was going to suck down caffeine free Pepsi and get a bed time snack at my Aunt's house - and sleep late and not have any chores. Gosh, no wonder he loves it there!!!! But, as long as he was safe, (and she does make him balanced meals), clean and happy I am fine with it.

Know that your children will be well loved and cared for while you are vacationing. This is a wonderful time for them to strengthen their bond with their grandmother - and how lucky are you to have her in their life!!!

Take lots of photos of your trip - mail them a postcard when you get to the airport in Jamaica so they will get it before you even come home - spend some time buying silly, cheap souvenirs for them, but most importantly, enjoy the time with your hubby.

Have a wonderful trip. Your children will be loved and cared for.

God Bless

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K.P.

answers from New York on

Good for you! Have a wonderful trip!

We have left our son with my parents for 2 nights (he's little still) and the only thing I could say to you is... she will do things differently, but that's okay! As long as they are fed, bathed, teeth are brushed and they are actually getting some sleep... the rest of it is "details"!

Are your children chronically ill? If not, then take your pediatrician's recommendation b/c he's correct- I would just add that you may want to have the letter typed and notarized. Make sure that your mother has copies of the childrens' insurance cards b/c she will need them in the event of an emergency. If your children have chronic illnesses, then have a copy of the notarized letter for each specialist.

The lawyer probably isn't returning your calls b/c this isn't an emergency and doesn't require a lawyer's input.

I love that you are taking a leap of faith and going away with your husband, but if you are going to spend the entire trip worrying, then maybe 5 days is too long to start with. This is NOT a criticism in any way- I don't think I could be away from my 3 yr old for more than 3 days, even if he was with my parents.

The kids and your mother are going to be fine. They will have a great time together and if there are any minor issues, you won't hear about them anyway. The only thing you might want to consider is giving the children a calendar with the date you leave and the date you return marked so they (the older one especially) can mark the time b/w the dates.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

We have an attorney who comes up twice a year to our grandparents raising grandchildren meetings and she is on the committee that writes the prospective laws that the state government votes on.

There are different types of authority you can give your parents. Such as temporary guardianship. That requires a judges signature though. The benefit of doing something like this is that if something happened to both you and your husband on your trip then your mother would be the child's legal guardian until someone challenged that is court. If you have a will that states who the children are to go to in the event of your death then that would naturally flow in to that situation.

Another kind of authority can be a lesser style of guardianship, more of a shared nature. For instance, any time the children are with her they can seek medical care if needed in an emergency. This is good in the event you cannot be reached and your child is injured. It may not be enough if you sign notarized papers at the local hospital and the pediatricians office.

If there is an injury while you are gone the hospital will refuse to treat your child even if your parents have signed papers. They could be written by anyone. The hospital will call a judge and get permission to treat if it is serious.

I urge you to contact an attorney that won't charge an arm and a leg to draw up some form or another and have it notarized. Then take it to your kids schools, pediatricians, local hospital, etc...everywhere they might seek care.

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K.C.

answers from San Diego on

Just a heads up! Your children are very young and need to be watched very carefully. A friend of mine did the same thing...she only had one 5 year old son and left him with her mother-in-law while she and her husband went to a island somewhere out of the U.S. Grandma decided to take him out with her shopping, he got away from her and ran out in front of a moving car and sustained fatal injuries. Freak accident? Maybe! But children tend to get away with alot more with grandparents . They have to be watched like a hawk. You've heard the old saying>>"IT ONLY TAKES ONE TIME."

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K.H.

answers from Green Bay on

Have a blast! We too just took a weeks vacation and left out little one her Nana and Papa. They all had a blast. We just had a typed up letter giving permission for medical/dental authorization to them for that time frame. We also left a copy of the medical uinsurance care (front and back)/

I wanted to make is easier for my little one in case she missed me...she did not : - ) I got a card for her that had a calender on it and she could mark off the days till we go home. She also got to pick a gift out of the bag each day we were gone. I made it small items that I know she liked. Books, colors,crafts,a barbie etc...

Enjoy your vacation and do not worry so much!

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J.A.

answers from St. Louis on

I didn't read all the advice so I may be overlapping something below.

My MIL is with my LO all the time too, but things I would tell her before I leave are about medications (my MIL thought it was ok to double dose my 2 yo when his fever didn't go down with Ibprophen both times! she didn't switch it to tylenol).

Since it is such a short time, just write down their schedules and get as much paperwork in place as possible and have a good time! Don't worry about what they are eating or other stuff because they will respond differently with you gone so it will just be good if they are happy and in good spirits and responsive to you mom.

You deserve to have a good time so enjoy your time and try not to dwell on it too much!! Everyone will be better off once you have had a chance to reset yourself!

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