Another Baby So Soon?

Hi,
I have a 20 month old and a 3 month old. They are both girls. It is still very, very tough, but it is getting easier and easier as the weeks go by.

My sister and I are 14 months apart and have always been very very close. I have a brother who is 6 years younger than me and we are close now that he is older, but I went away to college when he was in high school, so I missed a big part of him growing up. I felt that I didn't want my kids that far apart.

We didn't plan the second baby, but I think in a few more months, we will be back on track. Plus, if you have family and friends to help, it is even easier.

My husband and I are very, very, very tired, but like I said, it will be worth it in a few months.

Lastly, I think it is never the right time to have a second or third child, so if you are ready for another one now, I say go for it!

M.

I have one daughter who is 6. At this time she is asking for a brother or sister. I have thoroughly enjoyed being able to focus on her completely with out spoiling her. I wouldn't recommend waiting this long, since I know she is lonely. I would have liked to give her a sibling when she was 4. Then they can still grow up together, but she would have been old enough to help out.

My first two are 18 months apart. Let me warn you, you will be busy, busy, busy. Sometimes it was a little overwhelming. They don't get out of the 'baby stage' until about 2 1/2 or 3. Until then you are constantly changing diapers and clothes, feeding, trying to comfort one while the other is crying too. I just had my third and he is 2 1/2 years younger than number 2. I can't believe how much easier it is, so if you want 2 kids close together, to it with the oldest two.

My two daughters are 17 months apart, and although I LOVE having them, it was very hard in the beginning with double diapers, baby care, etc. And, now that they are 5 and 4, we are having a hard time with rivalries. I am realizing that although they were very close in development early on, now there is a wider divide between what I can expect from each of them. One other thing I will mention is that when my second came home, I was jealous of not being able to "baby" my first. I did not expect to feel that way, but I guess I wasn't quite ready to divide my attention so much when my first was still just a baby herself. That being said, I just love those golden moments when they interact together and I can see the sisterly bond that I have always hoped for them. Please do not think I am against having them so close, it was just alot harder than I was prepared for. If you have family/friends close by (which I did not have), I recommend lining up help. I am sure that makes all the difference. That way there will be someone to help take care of you and everything else so you can concentrate on your beautiful babies.

My two older children are 18 months apart. They are now 8 and 10 and I wouldn't have changed or done anything different. I am glad we have them close together. They are very close. Go for it. You get them potty trained at the same time, they go to school at the same time and they keep each other pre-occupied. Good luck with your decision.

Hi K.,I am a 53 year old mom of 3 sons who are 2 years appart and would not change it for anything. I am from a large family 6 siblings, my sisters and I where all 3 years apart and born in the first round.  We where never very close because of the age difference.  If it had been another year we would have been old enough to understand a sister or closer together we could have been friends because we would not have ever know any difference.  At 3 years you are just to old to play with babies your in your own world.  Now the second wave of kids, I was 9 when Mark was born and 14 months later the twins were born so I watched the boys grow up and they where all so close and played so well to gether.  My ex husband and his sister are 13 months apart and they have always had a very close relationship.
  As a mature woman with many years behind her I recommend you and your husband do what YOU want its your life. Everyone as thier own advice but it is not how far apart or how close together, it is how you teach them.  Do what your heart tells you to do.  One more word of wisdon, you said you are 30  have your kids close so you will still have some good years alone with your husband after they are grown.  I was almost 31 when my last was born an now he has given me a grandson and I am young enough to enjoy him.  I hope this has been some help feel free to contact me if you want to talk ____@____.com.R.

My boys are about 20 months apart (the younger one was born two months ago). The second pregnancy was a lot harder on me physically than the first, though probably for reasons other than being pregnant- my first son nursed until he was 15 months, didn't start walking until he was 17 months, and we moved during the last trimester, spending two months living with family before we got to our new house. We wanted another baby when I conceived, but afterwards I realized that my body just wasn't up to handling it all yet. Barring any of those issues in your life, after the baby is born, you'll have two sets of diapers to change... two children who can't feed themselves... two kids waking up at alternate times in the middle of the night, and not sleeping at the same time during the day... there are lots of practical manners like that that I'm still trying to sort through. I think the African and South American practice of waiting three years between children is as much for the mother's sanity as the baby's benefit. This is not meant to discourage you if you really want another one right now, but are some of the things I didn't think of when I told my husband I was ready to try again. Good luck!

While I only have one daughter so far, my younger sisters are 16 months apart, and I can tell you that it's very, very awkward for them at times: on one hand, they're almost twins, sharing everything; on the other hand, the competition is very subtle but very vicious. Since they're both girls and have similar tastes and same friends, they are always fighting for "alone" time with them, not to mention the whole boyfriend issue. Also, they were always together in school, to the point of switching from a grade-school only facility to a grade/middle-school combo in order to keep them together. My middle sister's first year in high school was quite traumatic for them both.
Oh, and I don't know how mom would have managed without me and my grandparents around to help. But that, of course, was in the old country, with no disposable diapers, prepackaged baby-food, or washing machines :)

Hope this helps!

Hi there. I have three kids, the first two are 27 months apart and the last two are 38 months apart. I much preferred having the 3 year gap so that I was able to really enjoy the baby when she came along. Remember that the first two years of their lives, so much is happening and changing, practically moment by moment. If you are caring for a newborn, you will miss a lot of these moments. My first two, both boys, are at each other constantly. Meanwhile, the 2nd and third are great with each other. I think gender has a lot to do with it. Unfortunately, you can't plan that so...
I think that if you want them to be close as they grow up you can still space them 2-3 years and not lose that. Best of luck in your decision.

Hi K.,
I got pregnant when our daughter was 3 months old, but it was unintentional. Our daughter and son are exactly 12 months and two weeks apart and we wouldn't change anything about it! They are both in middle school now and are the best of friends, always have been. They look out for one anohter and have always seemed in tune with one another. Hope this helps.
Blessings to you,
T.

A little accident made that decision for me -- my second child was six months old when I discovered I was pregnant. I LOVE the closeness in age. They got along so well for the first 10 years or so; they were great companions for each other and no sibling rivalry.

Go for it!!

Honestly I think that if you and your husband are up to it, then go for it. I have two daughters, one who just turned three and one that is almost 18 months. It was a little tough at first teaching the older one to be soft, but I really think that as they grow they will be close friends. Not only that but we are expecting again due in August. I have completely enjoyed having my children close in age and think that it will benefit them throughout their lives. Hopefully as they grow they will think that too!

Hi. I have a 19 month old son and a 9 week old daughter, which makes them almost 18 months apart. It's difficult at first, but it's great. My husband and his brother are 18 months apart and they are so close. That's what made us decide to have our two close together. It gets difficult for me during nap time because my son still co-sleeps, but it works. He loves his little sister so much. He's always the first one to her when she cries, asking her if she's okay. It gets easier too. If you're thinking about, I'd do it. They'll play together and share all the same things. Hope this helps.
D.

My older sister and I are 14 months apart (I was the accident when my mom was actually on birth control pills!). Anyway, my mom had help from family to care for us in the beginning. She has many stories of us growing up together as babies (like when my sister would step on me in the crib for entertainment). We've ALWAYS been very close. Growing up, I felt a sense of "security" in school since I knew my older sister was close by. I loved the fact we are very close in age and can confide in one anoter as well as exchange clothes, accessories, etc. My younger brother is 6 years younger than me. I was jealous a lot (well, I was a middle child after all). I didn't really become close with him till I was about 19, when I moved out, matured and was capable of having a closer relationship. I think because of our age difference, being in different schools at different times, our gender difference, my jealousy ;) etc etc...we didn't have the opportunity like my sister and I. I'm grateful we're close now...better late than never.

I have an 18 mn old son and currently expecting a girl just days before his 2nd birthday. So they will be 24 months apart. I planned it this way (my time clock and preference for close age were the motivating factors:). Not toooo close, but close enough. I do expect challenges 1-2 years. I want to be able to share stories of them growing up together (like my mom), as well as have the opportunity to have that precious bond much early on.

Can you afford two college tuitions at one? It will be tough. And I think the first child misses out on important time. My two girls are 3 years apart and they have enough jealousy issues. I can't imagine them being closer in age. I would give the first child more time.

My girls are 21 months apart and even that was and sometimes is still hard. They are 4 and 6 now. I do feel like I missed out on my older daughter growing up. It was like she had to grow up so fast. She is very independent. when they were both home, they peed and pooped at the same time because they ate and drank at the same time. That was very tiring at times and felt like that's all I was doing. Because they are both girls, grandma would buy two of the same things so there would be no fights. I had asked her several times not to do that and that they needed to learn to share. She ignored that until it was finally her idea that she wasn't going to buy two of anything any more.

Anyway, although it is still hard today at times like when we go places without my husband, sometimes my older son helps out too, I know it would only get better when they are older and become close sisters. I come from a family of 9 and the last 3 of us are each 3 years apart and we were never close growing up. we are now and we ALL take care of each other when needed (good thing about a big family, there are some down sides too). It gets expensive at times, because if one wants and gets something the other wants too.

Another good thing is that my youngest is very smart. She picks up and learns a lot from her older siblings. While my older daughter was in pre-school, my younest was still learning the things that the older brought home or the things we were practicing with her. now my youngest is in pre-school and before she started she knew how to write her first and last name as well as other small words like mom, dad, dog etc. She knew how to spell here sisters name by listening to us teach her sister and she knew her phone number. When my older daughter comes home with her kinder homework, I have to make a copy for the younger and she completes it faster than the older. It will be rough for a while, but may be worth it later (I'm still waiting for that part :). Also, I told my husband that we need to plan graduation parties one year after the other... ouch!

One more thing... my older daughter sometimes feels like I sometimes don't give her enough attention. So i focus on giving her a little extra and the younger one doesn't notice too much. and I have to try to keep things fair. Like you had it last time it's sisters turn now and not give in to the younger one too much. At first it was hard and the older being independent and all, she gave in, but it wasn't fair to her, so I had to watch myself there and make changes.

Go for it! We did, ours are 16 months apart. We enjoy watching them play and learn from one another. Now 28 months and 11 months, we are going for #3. It has its tough times, but well worth it!

My boys are now 25 1/2 and 27 - 18 months apart and they are best friends and always have been. You will definitely have some very busy times at the beginning but I loved having them close together. Having an 18-month old with a new born I had NO jealousy, NO terrible 2's, NO competition. My oldest thought that the new baby was his present. My youngest son's name is David and his older brother called him " MY Davie". By the time the youngest reaches about 1 year old they will be playing together and entertaining each other. It was great! And yes, we planned it for them to be close together.

Do what your heart tells you - how lovely that your husband wants to have another child so soon. Enjoy!!

+B+

My older two are 13 months apart, the first 3 years were VERY difficult. The hardest part early on was toddler crawling around getting into things and the newborn crying at the same time. It was very stressfull sometimes changing two diapers feeding two babies, we ended up having alot of problems with our older one because we couldnt really give him the attention and nuturing he needed early on and we continue to have problems with him to this day. Now, the kids and our youngest (right now) are wonderful they are almost exactly 3 and 4 years apart and I couldnt be more pleased, I had helpers when he was newborn, it was so nice to ask them to go and get me this or that and they were happy to be apart of it and more than willing to help. I even caught them changing his diaper when he was like 8 months old they were like a diaper team. I'm curious to see how all of them react when this one (#4) gets here! My youngest is now 3, I learned. Hope this helps you.

Hi Kassandra. My kids are 2 yrs apart almost exactly. I hear other people with older kids say it's easier to have them close in age. For my husband and I it's been hard! My oldest who's 3 1/2 hit his terrible 2's at 18mos and is just starting to come out of it! All I can say is you never know what you're going to be handed!! It may work out perfectly for you- it really depends on the kids' personalities in my opinion. Lately they fight a lot and are extremely jealous if one is getting more attention than the other! Keep in mind too that if one kid gets something, the other kid has to get one too! Personally we were in a rush to have kids because of our age & we wanted to have another blessing. I see my neighbor who has a 6yr old & is pregnant & I kind of envy her because her son can do everything for himself and he had enough time alone w/ his parents..he's actually looking forward to having a sibling! It's a hard call. Just think about it for a while and you'll do the right thing!! Good luck!

I think there are advantages and disadvantages to both spacing children far apart and having them close together. But I say go for it! (From someone who's kids are far apart, but wishes they were close together.)

Hi K.!

You have received a lot of advice with good arguments for & against having them close, let me tell you our story. I have 5 children, 11, 4, 2-1/2, & 4 month old twins (ALL girls)! The older one loves helping out, reading to her sisters, etc. The 4 & 2-1/2 year old are 19 months apart and do very well together, they play all the time. Yes, it is difficult having 3 in diapers (training the 2 yr old is tough), and the sleep issue, well we're getting there! But honestly, having children is a delight. I am 38, if I did it all over again I'd probably prefer the closer ages, but each does have its benefits. And don't worry, you have enough love for all the children you & your husband bring about. I hear people say that they don't want to 'divide' their attention. I believe it brings character and teaches patience better if children don't get all the attention 'on demand'. My 4 year old is active, busy, hyper and all that, but she has learned to wait for something if mommy is feeding a baby or is somehow else occupied. It is definitely a tough job, but so worth it. Each of my children is loved, fed, clothed, cuddled, read to and given attention. I'm not a super mom, that's for sure, but there's always room for one more! Seeing them interact (when not arguing) is a mom's reward--priceless.

God bless all the moms & dads!

D.

K.,

I am loving having my 3 girls. My oldest will be 16 years old in August. My 2nd will be 11 months old on April 20, 2008. I just delivered my 3rd daughter on April 10, 2008. The 2 youngest are only 10 1/2 months old. It is difficult right now, as I had a c-section and can not lift my 10 1/2 month old or carry anything heavier than my youngest, but, seeing them react to each other, laugh with each other and have the girls look at each other in amazement and awe is great. This is a journey that I would not change for anything. I admit, it is going to be a lot of work....but, as I said earlier, I would not change this for anything. I have a real supportive husband and mother in law. It is great to have their help. Good luck with whatever decision you make. It will be right for you and your situation.

GO FOR IT!! Mine are 21 months apart, and although a LOT of work in the beginning they are such a joy and I LOVE having them so close in age, now 1.5 and 3.

I am sure you will get a lot of advice on this, but here is my two cents. Don't. It is very h*** o* you as the mom and very h*** o* the kids as they grow. If, and this is a BIG if, your children happen to get along as they grow up things will go reasonably well. However, having children so close in age ON PURPOSE is just asking for trouble. Every human being needs the space to be an individual and to feel special. Children so close in age NEVER get this. My brother is under 18 mos younger than me and we HATE it. I am a 32 year old happy mother & wife, but my yonger brother and I still have major issues with each other most of which stem from being "lumped together" as children. Please think of both your children before making this choice. Your ability to focus on them as individuals and the space for them to go through lifes stages in their own way is a true gift that would not happen with two children so close together.

I say go for it. They will be best friends. My first two are 18 months apart and our third was 22 months after our second. They are now 6, 4, 3. They love playing together and always have.

I won't pretend that it's "easy" but it's worth it.

My 2cents.
J.

Follow your heart. While there will surely be challenges along the way, the rewards will be immeasurable.

I have three beautiful children, but it was never easy. The first two were five years apart and both get along great. My second and third children were born 19 months apart and have rivaled from the beginning. Now that my two youngest are older they voice their opinions a bit openly. If you want an opinion of a middle child, she discusses how she had to grow up too fast, and always wanted my undivided attention. Unfortunately, I did not know until my 3rd was much older that he has ADHD. He seems to have always needed more attention then my other two. My opinion would be to wait and enjoy the 1st child and give her a bit more of your quality time before bringing in the 2nd.

You don't have to wait but just know that the first year will be very very very difficult. I have two boys 17 months apart and it was not planned that way. I left my job after the second guy was born so I went from a working mom of one to a SAHM of two...big change. Obviously your experience might be different if you have family in the area, have live in help or send the first one to day care. I have had help three days a week for the past year (household work) and even just taking care of two boys full time has been really really difficult. Now that the younger one is 15 months old and walking around on his own, its a little easier. I am now glad that they were born so close together, there is a slight chance that I could go back to work (part time) in another two years or so.

I got pregnant when my first born was only 5 months old. My girls are 14 months apart exactly. I had the first on Oct. 6th and the second a year later on Dec. 6th. I wouldn't change it for the world. I wanted my children close together not far apart. My son was then born 2 yr.s and 3 months from my second daughter. I am done now, I got what I want. It will be tough in the beginning with all the crying and whining and all the diaper changes but it will be worth it to have the close together.

Good luck,

K. ~ I have kids that are one year and 23 days apart - although I did not plan it this way, and it was a lot of work in the beginning, I would not go back and change it. They are now 5 & 6, and it is so nice that they have a playmate! Even though they do get into their little arguements, that is to be expected with any age difference. I think that if you feel that you are ready - then you should do it, ultimately, you and your husband are the only ones who can really make that decision. I would say this though - if you plan on having more than 2 children, you may want to space them a little bit farther apart. We definately could not have handled another one at that time, and sometimes wonder if we want to have another child, and feel like now that it has been so long, we would need to have 2 more children so that the youngest one would have a sibling to play with also since it worked out so well with the other 2, but don't know that we could necessarily afford 4 children! That means bigger cars, bigger houses, etc.....anyways, just food for thought!

I think you should wait. My boys are 28 months apart and they are best friends. I think you can achieve the closeness we want for our children without having them too close. When my youngest was born my eldest was a potty trained toddler. The older one got the undivided attention a baby deserves and we were all ready for the next phase when his baby brother came along. Although many people on this sight say they love having their children 18 months apart I have many friends in the same situation who wished that they waited just a few more months between children.

I read your post and smiled. I have a five month old son and am thinking the same thing. I am ready to start working on baby #2. I think having two babies that close in age will make life tough for the first year or so but after that it's wonderful. My brother and I are 18 months apart and have always been great friends, especially when we were growing up.I have a friend who has two boys that are 18 months apart and she says the same thing-they are great friends. Good luck!

Your baby needs to be a baby for a couple of years, better for 3 years. Sharing one's parents with a sibling's hard, but not so hard if you've decided you're a big girl noww and don't need to compete with the baby. If you wait til your little girl's nearing her third birthday to get pregnant, you also won't have the hard job of living with a (irrational) 2 y o child while you're pregnant...another unnecessary stress.

I'm an early childhood teacher and I've seen the difference many times...

our oldest 2 kids are 14 months apart. It worked out great.

Hi,

My oldest daughter is going to be 3 in May. When she was 10 months old I found out that I was pregnant. I was quick to call a girlfriend who had two children that were only 18 months apart.I had spent sometime with her in the early months after the delivery of the second baby and realized that although it would be hectic, we could handle it. Sure enough, once Leena was born, life was different. However, it was very manageable. I made sure that Jenna still stayed in some of the same activities(those where I could bring a baby) and that she would be occupied while I nursed Leena. We kept lots of books around. Having a double stroller was key, because that kept me mobile. In summary, you can do, many families do. Sometimes it just requires some creativity on the practical stuff like nap schedules & what not. In fact, the girls are so close and have a great time together. I have enjoyed having two so close that I just found out I am pregnant with baby #3 and am excited to see how the girls respond to having a new sibling. Despite how hard it seems at the beginning, 6 months is the turning point, I remember my girlfriend telling me that & she was right. Go for it & good luck!

K.,
My kids are 14 1/2 months apart, and I'm loving it now. I think the first 3 months were the hardest due to exhaustion. It definitely was quite the juggling act in the beginning with naps at different times and trying to keep the older one happy and entertained while breastfeeding the baby. Others have talked about having a stash of books and toys for the older one to occupy themselves with during breastfeeding time. And we decided to put our son in preschool at around 19-20 months (earlier than we had planned) so that he could have some good activity time and extra attention that I wasn't able to give him. There were some activities we weren't able to do (like Mommy & Me type classes) because I always had 1 extra child with me. But my youngest has learned a lot from her big brother. They are great friends and love to play together. Their toys are so interchangeable even though they are a boy and a girl. And now there are activities for 2-3 year olds (my oldest is 3 and youngest is 2), so we can go do those things this summer to keep them occupied. Honestly, I don't know that things are any easier if you have them 2-3 years apart - it's still a lot of work taking care of 2 young ones. And while my OB/GYN said one should wait a year after delivery to get pregnant so that the body can recover, the total time your body is on loan for pregnancy and breastfeeding is less when they're that close because there is overlap. Another advantage is that you really only to have to worry about losing the pregnancy once instead of twice!
Hope that helps,
C.

Hi,
Well of course it would be totally up to you! I have 2 daughters who are 18 months apart and am expecting my third child, a boy who will be only 15 months apart from the second. So all three will be very close in age. It's still a little early to tell what the long term consequences will be, but it's got its pros and cons. First of all, many will tell you that if you've got them all close together, then you actually "get it over with" quickly. I don't mean that in a bad sense, but you do all the diapers, potty training, etc. done around the same time--not to mention you get a bang for your buck on baby gear. I've even heard that it ends up being a little cheaper for your budget too when siblings in the same classes/schools get discounts -- some even in college. Of course they'll get to be great playmates (and rivals). For cons, it will be hectic! But I think if you can enlist help whenever possible and/or start developing a routine it will get better. My oldest is only 2.5 and her sibling is just over 12 mo. Although they are close in age, there's still a pretty big difference btw the two developmentally. So it's not exactly like they're twins...yet. Also, as a con, I've heard of many close-age siblings who start out being great friends and playmates, but once school sets in (with all the peer pressure, academic/athletic pressure, etc.) they can sometimes drift apart, fighting over friends, jealousy, etc. That is one of the reasons I'm really considering homeschooling. I know lots of mothers who do and they don't have that kind of rivalry with their kids. Anyway, ideally I probably would've waited so that each gap is more like 2 years, but what's done is done and I can't say I've got any regrets! Good luck with your decision!

My kids are 15 months apart. It was hard in the beginning, since both in diapers, napped at differnt times, etc...I was home bound for a while with someone always napping. Now they are 3 & 4 yrs old. They play so well together and are best friends. (boy & girl). I just had my 3rd baby 6 weeks ago, it has helped with the first 2 keeping each other company while I tend to my newborn. In my experience, I think it is a good idea. Good luck!

It is a very personal matter on how quickly to have another child. I will tell you that the needs of a 15 to 18 month old are great and so are those of a new born. It will be very challenging. Mine were 24 months apart. The good side is they play together and are great friends and go through childhood at the roughly the same stages , you have two two preschoolers, two elementary school kids, two high schoolers . . . The tough part is it takes a lot of intensive parenting, especially from birth to age 4 of the younger one. Do you have a helpful and supportive husband? Do you have family nearby? These are questions to ask yourself before having two "babies" at once and it is harder than twins because they are not in the exact stage developmentally and nap wise. Hope this helps.

I am going through the same thing right now. Our son is 7 1/2 months old and so I think we might try when he turns one or between one and one and a half. I just know that I keep hearing that it's better to just get it over with. Also at the same time, it's good to have the kids growing up together. Yes I have heard that it's tough. But the way I think about it, being a parent is going to be tough and the first year only happens once. That's what I think about it. Good luck!

be kind to your body. pregnancy is very h*** o* a woman's body and they say we need two years to fully recover. having another baby so soon is going to put a lot of stress on your body. you are only 30 years old, you have plenty of time.

take care of yourself.
N.