Baby Body Image!

I don't know how old you are, but I can tell you for certain that with age comes wisdom.
I've been a single mom for so many years and there have been so many days that I went to work feeling so bedraggled. But, I don't look at me.
I haven't scared any dogs or small children so I can't be that bad to look at.
When I was younger, I always wore makeup and spent time on my hair every day, but now....believe it or not, and I'm pushing 50, I get compliments all the time. I don't wear a stitch of makeup, my long hair gets piled on my head most days.
I'm not making this up either, but a man came into where I work today, (he comes in at least once a week) and said, "You are beautiful."
He said it in front of a whole office full of women.
I was embarrassed.
But, I thanked him for his compliment.
I'm just an ordinary woman with a great attitude and a smile for everyone that I see. I can be having the worst day, and I've been having a lot lately with personal and health issues, but no one would ever know.
I am absolute living proof that beauty comes from the inside.
As a woman, I make a point of complimenting other women. I notice if they have a new hair cut or a new lipstick or a new shirt that looks nice.
I work in a hospital with amazing nurses and sick people and who doesn't like a compliment?
You should never be jealous of that or feel like you are less than someone else if YOU aren't the one receiving a compliment or your baby isn't the MOST beautiful baby.
Do yourself a favor.
See the beauty in other people.
In other children.
I believe that the beauty we throw out into the world gets reflected back on us and it has absolutely nothing to do with looks, trust me.
I leave for work at 6 in the morning. Do you think I'm up at 4 to make myself look perfect? Hell to the no!
If I get rained or drizzled on I don't let it ruin my day.
Confidence is the most beautiful attribute.
I may not look great while I'm doing something, but I know I'm very good at what I do.
I'm an excellent mother, I'm an excellent employee, I'm an excellent friend, I'm loyal to my family.
If I shaved my head and had to wear an eye patch....
I'd still be who I am.
And thank God for it.
I will never be on a red carpet or in a magazine, but in my own little corner of the world, people think I'm beautiful just for being me.
You should relax and open yourself up to the beauty of that for the sake of your daughter as well as yourself.
We are beautiful by virtue of being.
What a glorious thing.

If you don't want her to inherit your insecurities, then you need to get over your insecurities. Maybe therapy wouldn't be a bad option.

Otherwise, teach her about uniqueness, and how we are all beautiful.

I would suggest therapy! :) Seriously. You sound like you have some real insecurities that could be worked through. I do too. My mother managed to insult her body and hate how she looked my whole adolescence and I inherited that same attitude.

I really try and work on it because it only serves to be damaging to you. Your baby is the cutest baby in the world...to you. Just like my kiddos are the smartest, sweetest, cutest kids in the world to me. You are already feeling insecure about yourself and you are projecting that on your child...not to mention that we tend to do that anyways because it's our job to protect our kids.

Really, you owe it to yourself and your daughter to work on these issues. Wouldn't it be nice to free yourself of these "chains" you have imposed on yourself?

It's a hard road. My mom used to, and sometimes still does, say to me, "well you're not the worst little girl in the world and you're probably not the best". I even say that to myself when I am having a crappy feeling fat and ugly day. Well, I'm probably not the ugliest woman in the world and probably not the prettiest. It sounds silly, but it does put things in perspective. Because, well, I'm pretty much right in the middle!

Good luck. I am sorry you are going through this. Body image is tough ....I would seek some help. I love working with a counselor. It's nice to have someone put things in perspective for me!

Dear C.,
We live in a culture saturated with body image messages. It is so hard! I want to encourage you to make it a point to compliment other women on their appearance. And, when you hear others compliment someone, join in agreement. Force yourself to think of others above yourself. This doesn't take anything away from you at all. You are still a beautiful woman in your own right. Life is not a competition. I think you will find yourself to be more self-confident if you can focus on other people rather than yourself. Beauty is about so much more than what you look like on the outside. Develop a kindness and other-centeredness, and you will blossom! Blessings to you. I know that this can be a huge struggle.

Every body's own baby is the cutest (especially mine). It's built into us that we fall in love with our children and love them intensely like no one else ever will. It's only polite when commenting on other peoples children that everyone say they are cute, but privately we all know OURS is really the cutest ever.
Oh, and I'm the only one in the house who loves chopped liver (with onions!).
Relax. You are beautiful as you are and in your child's eyes, you are the Mommy Goddess, the Comforter and Magical Fixer of Boo Boos. Nothing else matters.

Check out Erikson's stages of psychological development. It is a theory which proposes that much of our identity, esteem and confidence is formed early on (birth - toddlerhood) by either successfully or unsuccessfully going through different stages. Here is Wikipedia's description: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erikson%27s_stages_of_psycho...

I struggled with self-esteem issues throughout my childhood and young adulthood - and after studying this developmental theory, I can see how this played a role in my negative identity formation.

You might want to make yourself familiar with these stages of development so that you know how best to support her on her journey towards building a healthy sense of self.

Oh, I feel your pain.
I have the same problems, maybe not to the same extent, but I struggle with my body image having been a serious athlete growing-up and not being in the shape I want to now.

I promised myself, once I finished chemo and had a clean bill of health, that I'd work on getting healthy again. I ran a 1/2 marathon in May, and I didn't lose the weight like I thought I would. That was a struggle. I need to lose 10 lbs, it doesn't sound like a lot, but I don't like the way I look or feel.

My daughter has always been a chunk. Small at birth, but my breast milk put the pounds on her until we had to switch her to formula. She's tall and thinning out, but she is still chunky compared to other kids. She was the little linebacker in her dance class. She's 2.

So, I tell her everyday how gorgeous she is. How smart she is, how proud I am of her. I compliment her on her manners and correct her when she's being a stinker.

I just have to make a concerted effort to reinforce all that's great about her every day so she's instilled with those thoughts from day 1.
Images of ridiculously fit/skinny women are all around. I personally love the athletic build of most Olympic female athletes......who are NOT skinny for the most part.
I hope my daughter's image of herself is better than mine, and I'm trying to do all I can to help create a good one as soon as possible.

You are aware of your issue, and it sounds like you're on the right track.

One thing you have to remind yourself is that a compliment to someone else, or someone else's baby, does not take away from you or your baby.

Obviously your looks were enough to attract the father of your child. You have plenty of good looks for a very good life. Perfection or great beauty is not the requirement of a good life. I think being Angelina Jolie would be a burden.

Was it true? Are the friend's babies "beautiful?" Well then, what's wrong with the truth? The fact that another baby is beautiful does not take away from your baby's beauty.

I think you should start practicing complimenting people on their attractive physical traits, and you will discover that their physical attributes are not as threatening to you as you think.

Therapy - you can do a lot for yourself, but having someone outside you who is objective can do WONDERS. Good luck!