Babysitting Grand Kids

Updated on February 24, 2011
L.S. asks from Whittier, CA
24 answers

I watch my grand children, a 1 1/2 yr old and a 6 yr old, 5 days a week for almost 11 hrs a day. My kids can not afford to pay for babysitting so I do it for them but all I ask is to get someone twice a month to do it so I can do side job for extra cash to survive on because my SSDI doesn't pay very much($700 a mo). I pay for auto insurance, car payment, $300 rent and vet bill by the time all is paid I'm left with $120 for the month! The extra work I do is to use for gas, and anything else I may need for that month. Is there a way either I or they can apply for some type of financial help to pay me for babysitting? It has become a matter between us that is ripping our family apart. They make me feel guilty for asking them for payment because they pay the bills and food but I help with rent and daycare. Am I wrong for asking them to pay me something for watching them? I was informed by them that they were looking into daycare because I asked them to find someone twice a month so I could work and that hurt my feelings very much because if they can pay a stranger to watch them why can't they pay me? Out here feeling very confused and hurt...........

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

Well we are doing much better! They are being more supportive of me when I need to work and they have been giving me "Thank you's" when I cook or do errands for them. They even gave me $100.00 a couple of weeks ago "just for the heck of it". I will continue to pray and leave it in His hands.
Thank ALL for the wonderful advise and support.
God bless and have a very Merry Christmas!!

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Seems to me for 11 hrs/day of childcare, you should be living rent free in their home? Seriously? I can't believe they have the nerve to change you 300 rent. Let them see what they'll be paying for 2 kids in FT daycare and then tell them you'll do it for $300/month.

6 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

They should be able to pay you something! $100/week for 3 kids would be better then nothing and that should be doable for them. They will find out that they will pay MUCH more then that.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.S.

answers from Chicago on

Ok, If I am understanding this, they live with you, they both work, you watch the children for free and they come up with food and what else? Two people are working? And unless you live in a mansion with a three thousand dollar a month mortgage, WHAT EXACTLY IS THEIR PROBLEM? OH, I see they pay some bills, too. Well, if you ask me if they are grown up enough to have a child then they should be grown up enough to pay lots more than what I think I just saw. They are playing a game with this search for a daycare. STick to your guns, they are playing you.

7 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Well they are selfish... sorry.
YOU are helping them to save money...

MANY Grandparents...are taken advantage this way. I know... I am friends with MANY of the Grandparents at my daughter's school...and they ALL complain about this.

PLUS... you are babysitting MANY MANY hours. That is a hardship... on you and your own daily life.... in other words, when do YOU get to go on your own appointments/Doctor/outings/errands????
When do YOU get any time off????

WHEN are the parents THEMSELVES, with their own kids??? Seems like hardly ever. That is pretty pathetic.....

They are making you feel 'guilty'... don't let them.
They are taking you for just cheap babysitting... with NO pay.
Unfair.
You are NOT wrong.

YOU should not have to pay them anything. In MANY cultures... the children of elderly... HELPS them. Especially if you are barely making anything to survive.

all the best,
Susan

5 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.C.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I'm so sorry, L.. It sounds like a tight situation for everyone. Of course, they don't want to have to budget to pay you to babysit. Most people wouldn't want to have that expense. But, it sounds like they are taking advantage of you, and are not very thankful to you for what you do. They may have an entitlement attitude. They should be helping you in tremendous ways, even if not actually directly giving you cash, because you do this for them. Don't let them get you upset because they are willing to pay someone else to watch the kids. Just let them do it, and move along to what you need to do for yourself. Don't go there. Just accept it with a smile and don't let it eat away at you. Hard, I know. But, you will all be better off for it. What a blessing you are to them, even if they don't seem to recognize it.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.R.

answers from Glens Falls on

Omg, I don't blame you for feeling hurt! I think they are really taking advantage of you! The value of taking care of 2 kids every week day for a month is probably worth more than $1000 plus you are paying them $300 in rent. You can't eat that much. You can calculate the cost of day care here: http://www.childcareaware.org/en/tools/calculator.php. To see if they are eligible for assistance, go to http://nccic.acf.hhs.gov/statedata/dirs/display.cfm?title...

If they are eligible for assistance, it is still okay for them to use a relative and receive the assistance. If they don't qualify for the assistance, there is still a child care tax credit they can take. I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't blame you for wanting to have a little money of your own. I hope they will see your perspective.

3 moms found this helpful

S.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

My mom babysits my 2 year old son 4 days a week for 4 hours a day, and I currently pay her $825 a month for this. She is also on SSI and needs the supplemental income to cover her rent and expenses. I would never expect her to do this on a regular basis for free. It's ok for grandparents to babysit for free every now and then, but asking you to do it for free for 55+ hours a week is taking advantage. The guilt trips are uncalled for and it is terribly rude for them to say they would rather pay a stranger than their own mother to care for their children. I am not sure about them qualifying for financial help... if they did, it would probably have to be with a certified childcare facility... and you also want to make sure you don't make too much in extra income, where you will lose your SSI. I think it's time you had a heart to heart with your kids and explain to them the reality of your financial needs. It's obvious that you have your grandkids needs in mind, but you must also think of your own needs as well. Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

E.D.

answers from Seattle on

In Washington, low income families are sometimes illegible for low cost daycare (if and when both parents are working and/or in school). Many certified daycares are covered by that program. If a person goes through the correct bureaucratic route, they can have a friend or family member watch their kids and the state will subsidize the child care provider. Perhaps your children could speak with their local DSH office about creating a plan that would work for both of you.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.B.

answers from Toledo on

They are definitely taking advantage of you. You are apparently paying to live with them, which helps them pay the mortgage, and lets you pay less than living alone. That helps you both. Then you give them free daycare, and I'm betting there's cooking and cleaning going on, too. It certainly works great for them, but how does that benefit you? When they start pricing daycare, they'll find out how good they've had it. You should check a couple of them yourself, just to enquire about rates. Figure out how much it amounts to for the hours you put in every week, and ask for either a small percent of the cost, or a cut in rent. It's only fair. If they don't agree, maybe you could be someone else's nanny---you'd certainly make more money, and you'd have regular days off!

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.R.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Wow, I can't imagine asking or expecting my parents to babysit for free, especially fulltime and then charging you rent besides. good grief, what are they thinking, how selfish are they! I understand how you are feeling, I am sure you are loving and give great care, so it is a slap in the face that they are considering daycare. They are likely just saying that to give you grief and make you feel guilty, which it obviously is. Ask them what daycares they are looking at the what the cost it... who knows if they have really looked, call a place or two yourself, be armed with information, let them know that you "heard" it is $whatever the cost is, and ask if they would pay you half that amount, or whatever you think is fair. I am sure you can make more money on the side by working more than 2 days a month and have much more free time for you. You are definitely NOT wrong in asking them to pay you something, you are providing such a valuable service for your family and they don't appreciate it. I hope it works out for you all.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.K.

answers from San Diego on

Hello, I have always babysat my grandkids. I have been paid by some, and not paid by others. Where I have had a problem, is when I have had to supply the food they eat. It shouldn't cost a grandparent to help out. Anyway, I am currently babysitting my granddaughter who is two. I don't ask for payment because her father has stopped paying child support. I am also on a fixed income. My husband passed away last spring and I am not 65, so I can't get his full SS. I would love to find a job which I can work part-time to help pay my health insurance, car insurance, home owner's insurance and space rent (I own my mobile home, but pay space rent), groceries and gas. My son and his family have moved in to help, but I find I am covering things and having to wait for them to pay me back. They both work, and I watch their son for free. I think our kids have not all figured out how to manage their money. Most of our kids do quite well, but not this couple. I have tried to help with suggestions (shop for two weeks at a time). I have offered to cook whatever they buy for their meals, but they continue to buy frozen processed meals and take-out. I make my own meals since I eat very healthy. I have no suggestions for you. If your kids can afford to pay a childcare, then let them do it. I think they are threatening you. Call their bluff.
Good luck.
K. K.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

Look on the bright side, if they move the kids to a day care it will free up your time, so you can work for someone (even watching kids if that is what you enjoy) who will pay you for your valuable time. It sounds like they are taking you forgranted, but when they find out how much outside child care is, I have a feeling that may change.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.C.

answers from Tampa on

I just wanted to tell you that I am very sorry that your children are taking advantage of you. That is exactly what they are doing. You asking for a couple of days a month is nothing and they should be bending over backwards in appreciation of you. My parents and inlaws live in different states. Once in between sitters, I flew my father in (he is retired) to watch my son. He would not accept cash so we gave him a thank you gift each week that he was here. A golf club, world series ticket, round of golf,etc. Just because you are grandma does not mean this is your responsibility. You are being generous offering to do this for free. My only suggestion....call their bluff. Say, I am sorry to hear you are going to put them in daycare. I still hope to see them often since I love my grandchildren so much.

2 moms found this helpful

S.K.

answers from Denver on

around here finding daycare for less than 30 a day is a bargain and thats per kid. You are saving them pretty close to a mortgage payment a month. You need to sit down and tell them that with what you are paid a month isn't making ends meet and if they cannot be flexible with your 2 day request you cannot watch their kids anymore and to have fun coming up with the 1200 a mos for 2 kids in a daycare where they don't know who is watching them or what they are doing to them. I agree you shouldn't even pay 300 a month rent. You should ask them to drop your portion of the rent and things can continue as is and you wouldnt need the 2 days a month.

2 moms found this helpful

L.M.

answers from Dover on

I understand how you feel but try not to take it personally.

Maybe they could look into getting assistance w/ child care costs and hire you fulltime (as in pay you through the assistance) and maybe that would eliminate your need to do the odd jobs...which in turns means you won't need to have them make other arrangements.

There is probably a State agency that can help but I am not sure which agency it is there in CA. Here is Delaware, I have heard of one that pays the daycare a contracted rate....some daycares accept that as full payment while others require a co-payment from the parents (not sure if that depends on the program the parent is on w/ the agency or not). I have also heard that some parents pay outright and then get a portion back from the agency but I have no experience in that myself.

You don't say if the two days a month are planned in advance so they can make arrangements or if it is spur of the moment. If it is the latter, making those arrangements can be quite difficult and that may be part of thier issue. Not that it excuses their behavior but if they are able to plan ahead (like if they know it is the 15 & 30 of each month or the first and third Monday of each month) it may make things easier.

The other thing is that if they have to find daycare for those few days a month, they may have to lock in a spot full-time to do so (unless they have other options)...that may be why they are looking into daycare.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

L., It sounds like you are a very loving and wonderful mom and grandma. I have been in the situation where paying for child care was very difficult and my mom (and sometimes my dad) would help me with child care. I did not pay them, but I also did not ask them to watch my kids 5 days/week. They live about 30-40 minutes away, so one of them once/twice a week would ride the Metro Link train out to my area, I would pick them up and they would deliver me to work so they could have my car to use that day. Then, once my husband came home from work, they would pick me up from work and I would take them to the train. Though I did not pay them, I would occasionally get them gift cards or buy them items I knew they needed. I would never expect for them to be available to me 5 days/week with no compensation as they too are on a fixed income and struggling to make it. I say let your kids look for other child care arrangements and then maybe they will see how lucky they are to have you and stop their foolishness. If they see how much they would have to pay for the service you lovingly offer, they might be injected with some gratitude. My thought is that you figure out a way NOT to feel guilty and to acknowledge that you too have needs on a personal and financial level. It's not healthy to be anyone's doormat...figuratively speaking...

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi, My mom and dad take care of both my kids. My son is 2 who stays with my mom and dad every day plus a speech therapist comes over to their house twice a week to see my son. My son also has a constant diaper blistering rash which requires every hour diaper change plus he is very hot tempered...WOW. They also care for my 6 year old. My dad picks him up everyday after school takes him to physical therapy once a week and basball and soccer practice twice a week. I pay my parents $300 every 2 weeks, which is not nearly enough but I can do no more. I also give my dad money for gas each week plus any extra money because I have some demanding kids. As much as I adore and need my parents, I also know that they cannot possibly do all this for free just because they love us and we're cute. They are both 75 years old, live on a fixed income and own their own home. I would never dream of not paying them. I need them more than they need me! Absolutely, they should pay you! My mom has no qualms about asking for her money every other Wednesday morning. Good luck. I hope you get paid what you deserve and more.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.M.

answers from New York on

I'm confused by the whole situation. It sounds like you live together and they pay part of the expenses (food, utilities and some form of rent or mortgage) and you pay part of the expenses (rent). So who lives with who? Yes, this make a difference. What is the rent/living agreement not taking daycare into account?

Based upon the information you've provided, it seems like they are taking major advantage of the situation. How much do you make working 2 days a month? They certainly can aford to pay you for those 2 days, plus a little extra.

You are 100% correct, if they can pay a stranger, they can pay you. They have no idea how good they have it. I don't understand why you would be upset that they are looking for other day care. The way I see it, by doing the research they will see how lucky they are to have you and will appreciate more or they will put their children in day care and it will free you up to do your side job.

What makes you think they need financial assistance to pay for day care? They are both working. It's their responsibility to support their children, not yours.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.L.

answers from Johnson City on

My grandmother watched my son 5 days a week for about 8-10 hours a day. We payed her 10 a day. Daycare was about 20 a day here, so that was what she ask of us. If I had to work longer days we payed her 12. We were fine with that for it was family keeping him and saving us money. If it wasn't for you they would be dishing out alot, so they are kinda taking advantage of you in my opinion.....it would be different if you weren't struggling yourself. But they should be willing to give something.....
God luck sweetie :)

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.B.

answers from Redding on

The solution, to me, would be for you to live there in exchange for the babysitting you do.
Many live-in nannies don't pay rent AND they get paid so they can cover some of their private, personal expenses like car insurance and medications, etc.
$300 per month for daycare is insanely inexpensive for two kids given the hours you put in. You wouldn't need other arrangements twice a month so you can earn some money outside the home if they didn't charge you rent.
I would definitely let them look into daycare and how much it's going to cost them. They'd be better off just not having you pay rent and that way everyone could be happy.
I think you have a right for your feelings to be hurt and it sounds like your kids are being pretty selfish.
Just my opinion.

I hope you get some great advice and that things work out for you.

Best wishes.

2 moms found this helpful

S.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

All good advice.
AND . . . . I think you and they all need some help in communication skills.
I don't think they understood what you told them and,
possibly, you didn't understand what they told you.
In any event, TOO MANY HOURS, not enough flexibility.
Wrong wrong wrong.
Let us know what happens.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

did you tell them how you feel? To an outsider it sounds like they arfe taking advantage of you. Do you live w/ them and pay them rent? Maybe do a compromise, you live there w/ no expenses, and you get weekends off. Child care is VERY expensive. They will not be able to afford some one else.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

This is a very hard situation, on both ends. Depending on what state you live in, there may be programs to help pay for childcare. In California it's called CCRC (child care resource center). Also, if they pay for an actual childcare facility to watch the children, they can right it off on their taxes, where as if they pay you they would not, unless they reported it and then it would affect your SSI. Try not to feel under appreciated. Alot of families were raised with the concept that the grandparents help to watch the children and that the parents help the grandparents by having them live with them. Talk to them about how your feeling and try to come to a compromise.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.H.

answers from New York on

Sully,
I am in pretty much the same boat. I care for my 14 month old grandson for my daughter so she can work & not have to pay the high expense of childcare, but I feel like she kind of takes it for granted at times. I was paying half of all the bills; rent etc., but not long ago told her that wasn't working for me. I'm also on SSDI & make 694. a month to live on. By the time I pd half of all the living expenses & my own personal bills, I was having to rob Peter to pay Paul. Her & her fiance now pay the bills & that has helped some, but at times I still find myself feeling as if I'm being taken advantage of; which in turn makes me feel guilty, but if you consider the price of daycare their getting a pretty easy deal, because if I didn't live here they would still be having to pay all of the bills plus daycare. I recently told her that she's gonna have to find someone to watch him for my b-day, because I plan on going out of town. Not sure she was very happy about it, because she started pricing daycares & realized how expensive it can be. Still didn't help her to realize how much better she has it with me here to help her out, because one of her friends is going to watch him, but as you said I'm placing it in His capable hands. It's a difficult situation. :( I wish you the best.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions