Bad Behavior

Well, My advice is that you need not to stop going places because of his tantrum. You have to retrain him and when doing well reward him for good behavior. For the back talking I think you to be calm when trying to get him back on track and let him no its not a good thing. How you don't like it. Show him other ways to respond to you. Be patient...Also using 123 magic is a wonderful thing I work in a school with students with beahvior problems from preschool-6th grades and it works wonders. Be patient...http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Ch...

hi my name is D.. i have the same problem and i have a 7 year old daughter who acts like that in public sometimes. she does the whole tantrums and kicks the walls in the house and also the worst thing when i take her to her room for a time out, she will throw herself on the floor and say i pushed her. when everyone in the house sees her throw herself down. what i started to do from advice from my boyfriends mother was give her a little more attention. my daughter she likes to be praised for everything she does and likes to be noticed. so i have her help me alot with dinner and liitle chores around the house. i tell her thank you and let her know what a good job she does. at the end of the day, i pull her aside and let her know how wonderful of a job she has done and that i thank her for all her hard work. before she goes to bed, she tells me mom i love you and for the most part she would never tell me that that often. i give her compiements throughout the day and to me it really helps. she feels a little more grown up. you can try this and see if it helps. believe me, i was already stressed out with the behavior my daughter was giving me, and sometimes i cried at night because i thought i was failing. but things got a little better. let me know how things work for you!

Well, I guess the advice I have to give is that your son probably has some self esteem issues and needs attention badly. Most 4 year olds don't know how to voice their feelings and they usually don't even know why they are acting out. My suggestion is to never have emotion when it comes to his behavior. Just tell him the rules and consequences and follow through. Tell him that you are so sorry that he did not choose the right action and that now he has to have the consequence. Remember, no negative emotion. Love him through it. You have to be consistent though.

I guess it is just like on those Nanny shows. But, in my house, it really works. I have 6 kids and when I got the older ones to learn that I was not backing down, the younger ones fell right into place. Now, they still act up, don't get me wrong. But, they have absolutely no question what will happen if they do.

4 years old is plenty old enough to know right and wrong behavior in most situations. You can also tell him that is he just wants your attention, if he wants your hugs and time, to just say so.

I hope this helps. It is NOT EASY!! I wish you all the luck in the world.

My daughter is the biggest brat ever! She does the same thing, she screams at the top of her lungs cries about EVERYTHING I have tried spanking, time out's and even ignoring her. Time out seems to be working now I would just suggest don;t give in to his tantrums I am a stay at home mom right now and somedays I just wanna lock my daughter in her room when she gets to screaming. Just wanted you to know you are not alone and I know exactly how you feel.
A.

Believe it or not but timeouts work wonders. When ever he starts to act up around the house set a quite spot somewhere near where you are. Make sure he understands why he is an a timeout. Always praise his good behavior, and when you notice him acting especially well, bring it to his attention and tell him how proud you are to have a good little man. I've tend to notice in public it does tend to be a little harder having him bring a small backpack with a few of his favorite things such as a book, small toy, crackers and a juicebox can also prove to be helpful.

Hi S.,

You have received a lot of good advice. I have a 5 1/2 year old and a 2 year old, both boys. My 5 year old was the same way at 3 and 4 years old. It got better towards the end of 4 years and beginning of 5, and CONSISTENCY is definitley key, that and PATIENCE, LOTS OF PATIENCE. Believe me, I know, my little guy is very stubborn and threw many of tantrums and still does occasionally. There was a period of time where I yelled at him a lot. I noticed when I stopped yelling as much the tantrums became less. Praising an rewarding him for good behavior is big! Time outs will work, but you have to stick to it, my son would throw himself from the chair and yell at me, and I would put him right back, over and over and over again, and I would tell him that we would keep doing this until he sat there for a total of 3 to 5 minutes (a minute a year of their age). I set a timer for him. It took a while, but he doesn't fight his time outs anymore, nor does he get them as often.
Public tantrums are harder, but sometimes you just got to leave your cart and march right out of the store, every parent who sees you do this, knows the drill. You are in charge, do not give in to the tantrums, I know, easier said than done, and sometimes we do give in depending on the circumstance, and if you have to, it's okay, but try not to let it happen too often. It will get better and hopefully sooner than later, persistence and patience are key. My 5 year old is way better now, and believe me, he was a total nightmare! One other thing, right now we use a point system, he gets points for good behavior, for cleaning up, listening, or being good at the store, etc. He gets points taken away for bad behavior, then when gets a certain amount of points, he gets to pick out a toy or something, it is working really good for now. I also change the way I reward him every couple of months or when he seems lose interest in the system, it keeps it fun and new... because of this, he also is showing a big interest in numbers and adding. Good luck to you!!!

How do you respond to the backtalking? Something you are doing is causing it to escalate. Backtalking sometimes is really not inappropriate, you just have to teach him how to disagree with you politely. I always have to explain to the parents I work with never to ask kids to do something unless they are ready to hear the word NO. If you say "Can you please pick up your toys?" it is totally acceptable for him to say no, and if you get mad about it, you are setting up a situation where both of you will end up yelling. Don't ask, tell. "It is time to pick up your toys." There's less room for argument.

Hi S.,

I have a 2 year old, so I haven't reached the age where problems might start, but I had a friend who was having problems similar to yours and her savior was the book called 1-2-3 Magic...It is a GREAT book, we have started implementing some of the points in the book with our daughter and I have to say she is pretty well-behaved (so far). Anyway, this book saved my friend and she now a VERY well behaved 4 year old. Here is a link to the book on Amazon...it is actually used by teachers as well.

http://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Ch...
Good Luck!
J.

Are you paying attention to him otherwise? It sounds like he may be acting out just to get your attention and being bad is the only way you respond to him so he'll take what he can get. He does not know he is doing that, it just happened over time.

I'm sure being a single mom has its demands on your time, to make a living, keep your house clean, etc., but don't forget one of your most important jobs is raising your child. Make sure you are spending quality one on one time with him so he knows you love him and care about him, then when you have to go somewhere or do something he does not want to do, maybe he will not be so bad (if he's had positive attention).

If you know his currency (what he likes most), you can try to bargain with him. Say, If you are good in the store, we will go home and play trains (or go to the park or whatever his favorite thing is) and follow through. If he does not act out in the store, stop by the park on the way home! It also works in reverse, if he is intolerably bad you can take away one of his favorite things until he behaves properly. Give him a few chances to calm down and if he doesn't, just say I'm going to take away your trains (or something he loves) until you can show me that you know how to behave. Then of course reward his good behavior by bringing his trains back out.

Try to focus on the good things he does. It may not seem like much, but if you don't respond to the bad, and praise him whenever he does something good, he'll catch on and start doing the good things more to get more praise! (Like, thank you for picking up your toys, that is really helpful. Or I am so impressed that you got yourself dressed this morning! You did a great job with... whatever!)

Hope that helps some.

CONSISTENCY CONSISTENCY CONSISTENCY! DO NOT GIVE IN OR IT WILL JUST GET WORSE!!

To me, kids, like adults, are more likely to behave "badly" - whatever that means - when TIRED, FRIGHTENED, WORRIED, or FEELING OUT OF CONTROL or ALONE.

I want my child to be able to keep the word "no" in her vocabulary. I also want her to be able to think and debate - which we often call "arguing". It's so hard to see the sunshine and rain going hand in hand to get to flowers....I've been a single working mom too.

Hi S., I to am going through this with my 3 1/2 daughter everything is NO or I want it now throwing a big tantrum in the store when i tell her no its embaressing but lately i have been marching her butt out of the store and i tell her i will come back by myself because of her behavior. she then goes no mommy i wont do it again but once you let them get away with it oh my gosh it gets worse so now i dont give her a chance and now it seems to be working i hope it helps a little but maybe start showing him you are not going to tolerate that behavior in public.and leave him at home or if he is in preschool maybe shop when he's in school.but start showing him i guess i will be doing this until you can start to behave. its tough i know. but i have to do this because my husband doesnt come home but ever 6 wks so she tries to pull alot.good luck

Dear S.,

I have a six and four year old daughters and this is what I tried on when I needed them to behave better with me: I got a can and put their name on it and whenever they did something good, I had them put a marbel into the can. Now if they missbehaved then I would take one out. It was usually one marbel for morning, another for eveneing and one last before they went to sleep. At the end of the week if they had 15 marbels, I gave them a prize, maybe a dollar, or took them for some ice cream. The most important thing is for you to be consistent, and once you make a rule or punishment do not give in, he needs to know that you are in charge. I know being a single mom is very hard, but you have got to be strong and think that he will not always be 4 years old, and if you don't do something about it now, when?
Also, teach him that having what he wants is a previlage, so when he doesn't listen you take away his previlage(toys, movies, etc)and have him work to get them back. The punishments shouldn't go for weeks, he is still too little, perharps a couple of hours or even one day so he remembers what can happen if he missbehaves. I hope this helps, and please keep me posted.

Sincerely,
Z.