Children Will Not Go to Bed!

I have just the opposite advice that the other Mama gave you on the food...after you are sure there is no food allergy I would think you could move the rice cereal to the evening meal so that his little tummy is full and able to get him through the evening without waking. I also wonder if he is a little old for swaddling and is uncomfortable with the position he is in but can't move without struggling, so wakes himself up. I must admit that I never learned how to effectively swaddle my children, so I have NO experience with it what so ever!!!
For your toddler, could I suggest that you pick up a copy of "Solve Your Childs' Sleep Problems" by Dr Richard Ferber and see what he has to say. We had issues with our youngest daughter many years ago and were totally exhausted from dozens of waking episodes on a nightly basis. With the advice that I found in this book, I was able to start enjoying relatively undisturbed nights after only 2 nights. It may take a bit longer with a child who is no longer confined to a crib but I know it can work!!
Good luck
R. Ann

Hi K., I would cut out the light show at night. With all the toys and such that light up and make noise it could just be another toy for your kids to look at and stay up with. Keep the music and maybe put the volume down to just above a whisper. Try putting your 5 month old to bed later and maybe even shortening his afternoon nap by 15 - 30 minutes. Your two month old you just need to keep putting back in bed. The first time tell her that getting out of bed is not acceptable and she will not do it again. The second time don't say anything. Our youngest was infamous for getting out of bed and we would swat her bottom and put her back in bed with a firm "no mam". Then from then on put her back in. After a few days she'll get the idea and stay in bed. It will take a few weeks, you just have to be consistant with both of them. Good luck and God Bless.

Katie-You will get LOTS of responses on this I am sure, and my advice is to look at your options and commit. Decide that you will stick with one method for a solid week or two before declaring it didn't work and then move on to something else. Most routines take a little while for the kiddo to get used to it. Good Luck

I feel for you. :) When you are trying something new for bedtime you will need to try it for more than 1 night. It's gonna take at least up to a week or 2 to get them used to something new. I have used the Nanny's techniques on putting older kids to bed and it worked w/ my son. You just put them to bed and if they continue to get up - the first time you tell them it's time for bed and put them in their bed. The rest of the time you don't say a word and just put them in bed and leave the room. It might take 30 minutes or 2 hours but it will work. And it won't work in one night - you have to be consistent and it will work - I promise. It's hard when they start talking to you but you can't engage them in conversation it only encourages them to continue the behavior. As for the little one - that's a tough one - I would say that 5 1/2 months is a little too old to be swaddling. Maybe he's waking up because he's uncomfortable. He may be too hot in a sleep sack for the summer. As for the sound in the room - I did sleep machine also for the oldest - not sure if the projection is keeping them up? Just a thought. Good luck.

Eliminate or cut back on your eldest's nap. Limit your books to 3 not 5 and feed the younger one earlier and put him down earlier...try cutting back a little on his afternoon nap so he too will be tired...he may be getting up b/c all that food is making him gassy. You could always try some Little Tummies Gas Drops for him and see if that works...always did with my kids.

As for white noise...go with a fan, some classical music, or American Indian music (wind instruments). Generally knocks my kids right out. I've also resorted to books on tape, they generally don't last past one.

Why are you feeding baby twice before bed?

My advice for your baby: Don't do the 4pm bottle. Breast feed then, and then do the bottle at 8pm. Breastmilk is digested VERY quickly, so put off feeding the peas until 8:00. Feed him all at once and then spike an 8oz bottle with breast milk and a good portion of rice cereal (don't forget to use a nipple with a bigger hole or he will get frustrated trying to get it out...and you want him to get it ALL out). If he isn't downing 8oz at a feeding, you need to move up a nipple size. After dinner, start a bedtime routine...a nice bath with the night-time wash. Keep it quiet and calm. A gentle massage with warm baby lotion, soft songs, then PJs and go sit in your customary breastfeeding spot for a little mommy/baby time. This is not supposed to be a full feeding...just enough to "top him off" and make him super sleepy. Then, just before he's fallen asleep, put him in bed (don't let him fall asleep at the breast...you want him to fall asleep on his own). If he's already pretty much asleep, don't use any of the machines or toys. If you are worried about something waking him up, use a purly white noise...like a fan. Try to use as little light as possible in his room...remember, humans are wired to wake up with the light. Kids are only afraid of the dark if they are taught to be (both of my boys have slept in a pitch black room for their entire lives with no problems).

If he wakes up, and at least 3-4 hours have not passed, don't feed him. He doesn't need to eat. DO NOT turn on a light, and avoid picking him up. Check his diaper, make sure the temperature is comfy, snuggle him back in with his stuffed toy, and let him be. Don't swaddle him...and if he is rolling over, go ahead and let him sleep on his tummy (which is what helped both my boys fall asleep very easily). Don't start up any toys or machines or lights. White noise, but no music. You want him to stay in that "twilight" of sleepytime. If the TV is blaring in the next room, turn it down when you open his door. Avoid anything that is going to startle him into being fully awake.

For your daughter: You have too much stimulation going on. Cut it down to one book, NO LIGHTS or toys in bed, you should not by lying down with her. All toys should be put away. With my boys, we read a book downstairs after PJs are on and teeth brushed. Then go upstairs and do the same routine every night: I turn off the light in their room, and turn on the hallway light. Then I put them both in their beds. We then each tell eachother one good thing and one bad thing during our day, and tell eachother what we can do to make tomorrow better (for little ones, you can help her out a bit). Lastly, I sing their song ("Dreamland" by Mary Chapin Carpenter), give kisses and hugs, and leave. I shut off the hallway light and that's it.

The gate was used when they'd get up and come out...but isn't necessary any more. When they'd get out of bed, if they were really noisy, I would just go in and put them back. No talking, just back into bed. If they were quiet, I'd just ignore them. Eventually they get back into bed or fall asleep on the floor (and I put them back into bed). Often, the attention you are giving can be a problem. Unless she is being obnoxiously loud, or playing with noisy toys, ignore her. She's winding down in her own way. But once it's about 30 minutes after bedtime, all toys should be taken away...because that's what is keeping her up.

Good luck!

for the baby, try the cereal at bedtime with a breast-feeding to set the stage with a full tummy. Another thought would be: more activity all thru the day! At 5 months, he will soon transition to pre-crawling...& then watch out! I also think I would eliminate the swaddling- he's ready to move & roll over at will.

For your older child, you need to simplify the routine & spend less time in her room with her. Don't lay down with her! When she gets out of bed, be firm & set consequences for her actions. (& I don't mean spanking...unless that's your choice.) BUT, you do need to be in charge of her bedtime routine...not dancing to her tune.

I sincerely wish you Peace.

Sorry this is a bit late. You need to google 'sleep regressions.' Children go through phases of sleeping well, then not sleeping well. We tend to think it is our fault, but it is a normal growing-up thing. You can try to 'fix' the problem, but chances are that it will resolve itself in a few weeks anyway. Just try to hang in there while you are sleep deprived!

Did your 5 month old have bedtime issues about the same time you started solids? If so I'm guessing it's something along those lines. Maybe cut out a solid for dinner or moving it up, so his stomach isn't upset when you lay him down.
Personally I think crying it out at 5 months old is a little on the early side.

As far as your 2 1/2 year old. At 8 when the light goes off, you need to leave her room. If she gets up walk her to her room and put her back in bed, or even if she gets out to play. Don't engage in conversations with her, just put her back to bed. It may take awhile but she'll get the point.

Hello K.,

I just wanted to say that I am right there with you. I have a two and a half year daughter as well as a baby boy on the way. What I had done for her was kept her up til 10 pm with us but then I started wanting time for myself. Well i started the same bed routine for her around 8 pm by 8:30 she was in bed and i read to her about 5 to 7 books a night. After that I started turning the light out and making sure a gate was up by 9 pm then I would also leave the door cracked a bit for her and me to hear.

Why don't you try and instead of having her go to bed at nine and then leave the room. Laying down I have found will just stimulate the child and they won't then go to sleep. You also might try to have only as little toys in her room as possible and other things up high so all she has is the blanket to play with or talk to. I did this with my daughter and it took me about two months to have her get used to this routine. I also tried everyone else's ideas but nothing worked on her and then I tried this I hit the jack box. In a few months I'll be changing the time again to an earlier time so I have even more time to myself.

Please don't be afraid to send an email to me if you'd like to get more information on this. I hope this helps you out.

A.

It looks like you've gotten some great advice already but no one has suggested moving bed-time back a little. Each child is different and some require less sleep than others. My daughter sleeps 8-9 hours per night, period. Initially my daughter slept 18 hours per day, but that ended at about 5 months. My pediatrician finally told me that not all kids need 12 hours of sleep per night. Since she was 9 months old she's slept only 8-9 hours per night and that's it. First we had to cut out her morning nap. She basically did that on her own by simply refusing to act tired and not falling asleep. She has an afternoon nap and we make sure it doesn't run more than 2 hours. I moved her bedtime from 8 to 9 because she was waking up several times during the night and after about 4 or 5 a.m. she wouldn't go back to sleep for love or money! That crying it out thing gets old quick, but with the help and strength of my husband I managed to do it. Once per night is more than enough of that. My husband and I were just wore out due to sleep deprivation! Once we moved her bed time back to 9 p.m., she stopped waking up every hour. Moving bed time back 1 hour made all the difference in the world for us, maybe it will help you, too.
Good luck.

Bedtime and kids!! Do I remember those days. I know it's hard to find the right time and method for each child but it does take time to get the idea across to them no matter what you decide. I would say a week maybe, or less. Tell your daughter that you are making new rules and that bedtime is time to sleep and stay in her room. Tell her the consequences if she doesn't obey you then. I would read one or two stories at most, read others during the day, and no lights or sounds or distractions. I used to have music on in the house so they kids did hear it but not in their rooms. Maybe a night light but only if really needed. Then when she comes out of the room use whatever discipline you use and be consistent. Keep the gate up if she wonders when awake. I used to spend so much time with my first kids getting them to go bed and then got them to sleep and wanted to wake them up when I'd look at those innocent little faces.
The baby you may need to experiment with different feedings or foods as suggested by others. You have to find what works for you but I would strongly suggest that you are less concerned about it as babies pick up on your tension and maybe just let him play a few minutes and then bedtime for him later. I would not swaddle him at all at this age. No lights or sounds for him either unless you want that to be the habit for years to come. I know our pediatrician told us to let our baby cry, he was a bit older than your 5 month old but still a baby. He said I was patting and creeping out only to have him wake the minute I moved and my whole night was with him and pampering him. The Dr. said for my husband to be in the house if I couldn't do it and it only took about 2 nights of crying and then no more problem. He realized I was not coming back and went to sleep. I don't know if you should let a 5 month cry for a long time but at least try a short time if he's not in pain, not hungry and dry, etc.
It's a shame that we as parents and adults need sleep and the kids just go on and on and on. What we'd have given for a nap and early bedtime.

I wonder if maybe you just have too much going on in their rooms. Lights, noise machines, light up toys. I wouldn't want to go to sleep either. Have you tried keeping your 5 month up an extra hour? A friend of mine had the same problem with waking up an hour after being put down. After she just let him stay up that extra hour he slept the rest of the night. With your 2 year old I still think she's too little to fully understand staying in her bed. And she has no concept of time so for her laying there for 2 min can seem like forever to her. But every kid is different. Maybe you can shorten your time in her room with her. 5 books then cuddle time is quite a while. I understand spending quality time together, but it doesn't seem to settle her down. It just keeps her awake. I have to tell you though that my 5 year old still gets up at least once every night after we put her in bed (and usually in less then 5 min of being in bed) claiming she has to pee again or needs a drink, etc. I never let her since she's done everything. And after that she gets back into bed on her own. It's good you are getting out when you need too. I know how stressful it all can be. Good luck to you!

FYI, a later bedtime usually does not usually work. In fact, in can make him over tired. He is not hungry, he is tired. I would suggest stopping the swaddle. Depending on how you feel about it, mine slept on their tummies after we stopped swaddling. Of course, they were already able to turn over at that point (same age as yours). Also, if you want to try crying it out, you really have to give it a chance. That means NOT going in to rock him, hold him, drive him around, feed him, NO MATTER WHAT. At this point, all you've taught him is that if he cries for two hours, you will go rescue him. That is not actually letting him cry it out. Good luck!

I am by no means an expert but I do have a few ideas. I swaddled until about 6 months. My daughter started trying to break free and woke herself that way but she could not sleep without it either. I slowly broke her from it by taking one arm out at a time and then went to the sleep sack.

I think the rice cereal at night works well. That way they have a full tummy. And do you give a bath at night? I think that really helps to calm. A routine also works I think.

Maybe he needs more naps in the day and is just too tired at night. My baby is 8 months and still takes 3-4 naps a day. The morning one is usually about 2 hours long. Letting hime cry it out also works. My ped told to let her cry at about 4 months. She said she should sleep 10-12 hours and it is not good for her to slepp less. I did it for 3 nights before she was able to soothe herself back to sleep. It is really hard but definitely worth it when both of you are in a better mood from a good night's sleep. She goes to bed at 7:30 pm and sleeps until 6 or 7 am. Early bedtime is key!

Also, does he take a pacifier? This was huge for me as well. My daughter always needed me to soothe her since she was breastfed. She would not necessarily eat but just suck to soothe her back to sleep. I switched her to a MAM pacifier that was easier to hold onto and it did wonders. Also once she was able to have an arm free she could get the pacifier on her own at night.

These may all be common sense but they weren't for me. When you are sleep deprived any help is worth it. Hope something here helps you and your sweet baby. Best of luck!