Cry Out Method

it is going to be rough for a day or two, but you're teaching her to be self-sufficient. She will learn that she can go back to sleep all by herself. Maybe try with naptime first?

When I started letting my son cry, i sat outside his door :) I felt like I was still "there for him" but still letting him learn some independance. I also would let him cry 5 min and then go in and just talk to him and rub his back for a few seconds. Then let him cry 10 and then 15 - leaving longer periods of crying and shorter periods of comfort until it got to 15 min and me jsut poking my head in and saying "mommy loves you! Mommy and Daddy are here. Go to sleep"

It only took about two nights for him to get it.

Good luck!

Hi J.,
We used the cry-it-out method with my son.
My advice is to keep a log of how long she cries each time. The reason why is it will seem like an eternity when she is crying and you are listening. Keeping a log will show you that it is getting less and less each time, and will help you see the progress that is being made. We did this for about a week and after that, he was sleeping through the night. He has been a very solid sleeper ever since! Good luck and hang in there.

I would recommend finding a pediatrician that is more supportive and knowledgable of breastfeeding. Though she may not need the night feeding nutritionally, she may need it psychologically. My daughter is 14mnths, and wakes up 4-5 times a night to nurse. My advice is to not use the cry it out method - as this causes extreme anxiety for babies. They learn the "self sooth" which actually means "mommy is not here for me." In reality, what you're teaching her is that you're not there for her when she needs you.
Consider how you would feel if you were all alone in a room by yourself, screaming at the top of your longs (often for hours), and no one wanted to come and console you? I like to put myself in their position as it is difficult for them to communicate with us when they don't speak our language.

I would suggest reading the book the "No Cry Sleep Solution" as a start. This is a much gentler approach to getting your little ones to sleep through the night (which, in actuality, is only 5 hours - not 9-10hrs like many people think). And, remember, that, if you do use the cry it out method, it might take a few days this time, but, she'll teeth, she'll have a bad dream, she won't feel good...etc - and you'll just have to repeat the cycle. It's not really a one-time-deal thing.

Research cry-it-out methods rather than just listening to your pediatrician. When it comes to parenting, most pediatricians suggest what they did with their families. They are suggestions, and rarely focus on the psychological affects that any of their remedies create.

Good luck!

The sooner the baby sleeps through the night, the sooner your fertility returns. Is this what you really want? If you want to space your children out at least 2-3 yrs apart, and enjoy not having your monthly menses, then please continue to let your daughter sleep with you so that she can nurse during the night without waking you up. This (IMHO)is the simplest, easiest way to handle both her needs and yours.

Yes, the crying it out method works too, if that is what you really want to do, but then you will get your periods back sooner (so you get woken up by a bloody bed, instead of a nursing child.) This is true even if she continues to nurse through the day. Then you will have to think about being pregnant again, or using some other form of birth control as well. Of course you will have to think about this whenever the amount of nursing decreases, no matter what the reason, she sleeps through the night, sucks her thumb or paci, eats solids, gets sick, etc.

In addition, as someone else already mentioned, do you want your daughter to learn that you will not come to her aid when she cries for you? A baby that feels secure, is more likely to become a more well balanced, loving but independant adult. One who didn't get her needs met as a baby is more likely to become clingy and insecure. They do adjust, in either case.
As mom of 7 grown kids & 11 grandkids, I do have some experience with all methods, and know my statement is accurate.

I did this same thing up until about two months ago (and my daughter is 15 months! Way too long to go without good sleep. I wished I had done this months ago - The method I really liked is by "The Sleep Lady" - the book is called "Good Night Sleep Tight" She really focuses on helping you with the pre-sleep stuff as well as how to handle wake ups - it's a "gentle" cry it out method. It assumes some crying but kind of weans you out of the room over a few nights. I let my husband handle this as the suggestion of the book and of my pediatrician. We both do the bedtime routine (bath, brush, books...) and then bed is handled by my husband. She's to the point now that she goes to sleep on her own and is mostly getting herself back to sleep if she wakes up in the middle of the night with the excpetion of when she is sick or in pain because of teething. I slept in the guest room the first few nights just in case she woke up since I didn't think I'd be able to resist going in there. But since then it has been great! She slept through the night after the first two nights and really didn't cry as long as we thought she would. I am still nursing her in the morning because she wants mommy time before I go to work, but we're going to be stopping that soon too. Once I'm done nursing and she's been going to sleep well for another couple of weeks we'll start having me put her to bed too so she gets used to that. Best of luck!

Oh also, I nursed her with her holding a receiving blanket for a couple weeks so she would get used to it, and now she sleeps with the blanket - it's her "lovey" i guess. It's a great one because it's easily replacable if it gets lost or dirty since we have a million of them. Just a thought!

Let me preface my remarks by saying I *hate* the "cry it out" method... at least as some people do it. My husband made me do it occasionally with one or the other of my kids, and it was horrible.

When my older son was about your son's age, I realized he was just waking up, nursing a little bit, and going back to sleep, and I knew he didn't "need" to nurse, so this is what I did: when he woke up, I would turn the monitor down (so my light-sleeping husband couldn't hear him), look at the clock, and wait 5 minutes. He never worked himself up into a scream, which I could have heard without the monitor, and if he was still awake at 5 minutes, I would go to him. Within a week or two, he was sleeping through the night.

Every baby is different, though, so your baby might not be so easy. But try to think of it from her perspective -- when she wakes up, mommy comes and nurses and everything is right with the world. You're going to be bringing that to an abrupt (and in my opinion, unnecessary) end, by trying to teach her that even if she needs you, you don't care enough about her to come to her. You and I know that that's not really the truth, but that's the way she'll look at it. Where's mommy? Why isn't she here? Has something happened? I need her! I'm scared! You are her world -- let her have a safe and secure world. She has years in which to grow up. Let her be a baby; let her remain secure.

We went through the same thing with my oldest child. At 7 months, he started waking up more often during the night than less, so we finally realized that we needed to end it. We closed all of the doors in between his room and ours, and I set the alarm for 6am (he was an early riser). When the alarm went off that morning, I jumped out of bed and ran to his room. He was just waking up, and smiled when he saw me. He didn't wake up during the night again! I hope the process is as easy for you. Good luck.

I just wanted to let you know that it doesn't last very long. It only takes a few days for them to realize that you are not coming and they go right back to sleep. It can be heartbreaking in the mean time, but once you get your first full night's sleep you will be glad you did it. Good luck!

I nursed my son until he was 11 months old. At 9 months he also was waking at 4:30am every night to nurse. He only nursed briefly so I knew he didn't really need it and it was a habit he had formed. So, it was time to break the habit.

It took about a week. Of letting him cry it out. If you want to ease into it and leave him just five minutes more at a time as others suggested that can make it easier on you and the baby.

My son never cried longer than 20 minutes. So, that tended to be my limit. Normally, he never cried more than 5 or 10 minutes. Letting your child cry for this long is not going to make him feel insecure and think his mother has abandoned him. Please ignore those comments. I posted a similar situation for advice when I was a new mom about sleeping and some of the people out here can try to make you feel awful when all they know about the situation is the one paragraph you wrote, if they even chose to read the whole thing.

I didn't start menstruating until I completely stopped nursing him which was at 11 months. All women are different. My neighbor started menstruating within a few months of her son being born and he was nursed consistently.

My son now sleeps 12 hours straight and take two naps during the day that are 1 1/2 to 2 hours long.

Hope this is helpful and that you have a full night of sleep soon!

Good morning J.! Waking up during the night is such a tough thing to know what to do. I have to say, we are not a cry it out family, just isn't what we have chosen to do. I know lots of people say is works well, but just isn't for us. What I have done with our 2 kids is rock them with no nursing and with my son, who would take a pacifier, I gave the paci. instead of nursing. Took a while, but now he'll root around and find the paci on his own if he wakes up. He is now 16 months old. Another thing that works well for my kids is a crib CD player; although I'm sure a regular one would work just fine. Each child seems to have their fav. lullaby CD.

Not at all saying you are wrong if you choose to "cry it out", every family and every child is different and you have to choose what works for you. Just thought I would share with you what worked for us just in case you wanted to try a different approach! Best wishes to you guys!!

I wanted to second the recommendation for reading "The No-Cry Sleep Solution". Regardless of whether you still want to go ahead with the cry-it-out (CIO), it has good info that might help you to understand how your 9-mo baby's brain works. Their sleep cycles are not the same as ours. My son took forever to sleep through the night, and I finally got desperate around a year and started trying things. The book isn't really about a single method, but more about a bunch of little things that will all help sleep come easier, and different things to try whether you nurse or not, and co-sleep or not. I could never do the CIO method, one night of a little bit of crying and I was done. But I think you could incorporate this book into what you want to try for a softer approach.

J.-

The CIO method worked great for us, although it was tough for a couple of days. (We did the go in every 15-20m with kind reassurance- no picking up) This was one of my first lessons that being a good parent sometimes means making difficult choices.

After a few days, we ALL slept through the night and I knew on those rare nights that my son DID cry, that something was wrong.

I am happy to report that my son is a happy, well-adjusted, very loving, but independent 5yo who still sleeps in his own bed. Use what method works for you, but don't let people scare you into thinking that if your daughter cries it out, she will have separation issues! :)

I had the same thing with my latest child. We finally practiced some "tough love" and moved the pack'n play to the other end of the house where he didn't disturb everyone else. We shut the door to the other kids' rooms and let him have a few nights to settle himself down and back to sleep. I kept a CD with soft music playing for when he woke up and by the end of the week, he was moved back to his own bed. It is so nice now to go to bed and not wonder "is he going to wake up".

It is called the Ferber Method after Dr Ferber. You can get a book if you want to but basically it is letting them cry for 5 mins, go in and lay them back down, pat their bottom and 'shhh' them and then leave. Go back in after the next 7 mins...lay back down, pat and shhh and then leave. Go back in after 9 mins, then 11 mins, etc, etc. We did it with both of our children and it was really hard for us. I cried when we did it with our first born. My husband held my hand and made me be strong while we laid in bed listening to the monitor. With our second child it was still hard but easier. Both children took 4 nights and days..you have to do it during nap time during the day too. It is so worth it and the babies are just fine. They really need to learn to put themselves to sleep. They will sleep so much better and so will you. Whatever you do, you cannot give in. They really do learn and can get spoiled, no matter what anyone says, they do know how to play you! They aren't aware of what they are doing but they do know that if you pick them up once, you will do it again. :o) You can do it, be strong! They will be ok and you all will be better for it!

My child did the same thing. I recommend checking on her(without taking her out of the crib) patting her back laying her down and letting her know you are there. My pediatrician recommended setting a cup of water on the crib.

G.

You will be so glad when this is over!

Our son is 14 months old now. At 8.5 months he was getting up 3-6 times a night and refused to go to dad, so it was all me. To say the least I was exhausted!

We put in place a routine that works for us, you can do anything you want. We have dinner at 6, go for a walk at 6:30, bath 7:00. Then I put lotion on him, and get him dressed in his jammies. He has a bowl of rice cereal, we brush his teeth, read a book or two, put him in his bed (he lays down now, but form months would stand and cry for a couple minutes) start his mobile and say good night.

For the first few weeks I would go in after 5 mins, then 10 mins after that, then 20 minutes later, then 30 minutes later. Then we realized going in just riled him up, so we stopped going in. He's doing great now! Sleeps from about 8-6 (or later).

During the night, for the first week, I would get up and give him a bottle of water when he woke up. He immediately started waking up less! He wanted milk, not water and learned mom wouldn't give it to him!

After that, if he cried, we looked at the clock and then waited 5 minutes before going to check on him. He is back to sleep 99% of the time!

In the morning, I don't get up before 7. I work in the evenings, cleaning and catching up on our business, so I rarely get to bed before 11 or 12. He just chills in his bed...

For naptime, we change his diaper, read a couple books, put him in his crib & start the mobile. We implimented the same increments for checking on him during nap time, but if he was still awake after 1 hour, then nap was over. (This is how he let us know he was done with 2 naps, he kept staying awake and through the whole nap.)

I still have friends who let their baby stay up until they fall asleep between 11-1!!! I can't imagine not being able to get anything done in the evening...even if it's just relax and watch tv. I need some time to myself...

The most important thing you can do to keep your baby healthy is give them sleep!

Good luck, you'll be soooo happy!

Looks like you have gotten a lot of different advice. It just goes to show you how different each little personality truly is. I nursed my daughter for sixteen months but she had terrible reflux and I was unable to use the cry it out method. I tried it and I ended up cleaning vomit off my child crib and floor. Also she never took a bottle or paci so I couldn't give her a replacement object. What worked for me was a routine. I think one other mom touched on this too. Bath, books, singing while rocking her and then bed. It took me forever to get her to bed but after a while she stopped needing me in the middle of the night. As a result I am a strong believer in a bedtime routine. Ive been able to appreciate all of my hard work even more because Ive never had a problem putting my now toddler to bed. If you haven't started one with your daughter I'd supplement it to whatever you decide to do. You'll know within a couple of days if the cry it out method is for you.

Once you make the decision, stick to your guns. That's the best advice!

You may go to her and pat her back and confort her briefly when she cries to let her know you're 'there for her', but then CONFIDENTLY (NOT hesitantly) leave the room. This worked with 3 out of 4 of our (now adult) children. The other one -- don't remember when/how he started sleeping thru the night (he's almost 30, so it's been a while! LOL)

Let her sleep with a sippy cup of water only if that might help. It's good that they have the option to quench their thirst w/o all the extra benefits of nursing! One article I read years ago said that if someone was fixing you your favorite meal(s) in the middle of the night, you'd get up and eat it, too! Ha Ha!

When she cries out, go in and reassure her by talking soothingly and patting her on the back but do not take her out of her crib. Do that for a minute, then leave and time it for a minute, if she is still crying after a minute - go in again. Then make it 2 minutes, 3 minutes, etc. on the length of time you wait to go back in. Don't make it longer than 15 minutes that you are gone. She just needs to learn her own 'putting myself back to sleep method' and she will if given long enough. Just a suggestion. Do what you feel is best. :-)

babies cry because they need something. by ignoring her you are showing her that shes going to fend for herself. not a good thing for a 9 month old. dont do it if you dont want to feed her in the night go in and rub her back and comfort her. good luck

I did this until my daughter was 10 months. It is so easy to get up for a couple of minutes and nurse them to sleep. However, my ped. told me I had to make my husband go in. The baby can sense you and smell your milk. It took 1-2 nights for him going in re-positioning my daughter and putting her paci back in. I could have kicked myself for not trying that sooner! She did not cry it out, she figured out that mom wasn't coming and dad just didn't have anything for her! It was very effective, and quick! Good luck!

Crying it out worked great for my daughter. She was 7 months old when we decided it was time to try to get her to fall asleep on her own. The first night she cried hard for about 7 minutes and then whimpered for another 20. The next night she was out after about ten minutes and on the third night we only heard a few squeaks.

I definitely want to add though that you KNOW you child. Listen to your daughters cries as hard as it might be because YOU know the difference between a cry of "ok this is new and I don't really like" or a cry of "this is NOT ok". I say this because prior to trying cry it out with my daughter we tried it with her older brother and it didn't not go over well at all. He cried out in ways I have never heard before and it tooks months of me sleeping on the floor in his room and him in the pack n play in his room before he would go near his crib again. We finally were able to get him to fall asleep on his own and sleep through the night by doing the moving slowly out of the room technique. Where for 3 days I sat next to his crib, then I moved a bit further and sat there for 3 days, and keep going until you are sitting outside the room.

My advice is research your options and decide what is best for your child and you because mother knows best!

A great book is The Baby Whisperer!

Good Luck!

A. Hasenstab

www.HealthySafeFamily.com Enhancing Lives - One Family at a Time

I just did this with my 10 month old daughter. She had started to sleep through the night a bit or wake just once during the night when she was 5 or 6 months, then we traveled, got teeth, visitors, etc. Anyway, she was often nursing 2 times each night. I have 2 boys also, so I was exhausted and grouchy with them.

Last week, I decided we just needed to do it. She understands: no, no night-night and milk. So when she woke, I went in and held her and said, "No no milk. Night-night." Then held her for a minute or two and laid her down. She cried for 1/2 hour. I went back in and repeated the process and she cried for 10 min or so after I left.

She still wakes on average twice a night but I go in and hold her and lay her down. She'll sometimes cry for a minute or two (maybe five) and sometimes let out one or two fusses and stop.

I decided morning is at 6 am, so if she wakes before then, I put her back down. A few times, she was really ready to be up for the day a bit before that and I got her up because she wasn't going back to sleep and it was almost 6.

I also usually try to take her down stairs to nurse so she sees that it is morning. I don't know if that matters, but at least she can see the pattern of during the night I don't get milk, but when it's morning, we get up, go downstairs and then I get milk.

I hope she'll soon just sleep through since she's not getting milk, but for now two 2 minute sessions to lay her back down is a big improvement to 2 nursing sessions during the night.

Oh sweetie, there is no easy way! It's one of the most heartbreaking moments of being a mother but it is just the beginning of many many more!!! Make sure it's on a couple of days where you can survive with lack of sleep, if dad can help out by holding you down when you want to give in, that will help. I remember all three of mine and literally my husband had to hold me down....I say that, by the third I had it figured out. The important thing is to stay consistent and don't give in. The moment you give in, she'll learn that if she cries long enough you'll give in again and again...I promise it doesn't hurt them and certainly does not cause mental anguish....my children are strong minded, a little too much, and very independent young ladies and little boy. My very best to you and get ready!!! Keep in mind, the louder she cries the stronger her lungs will be!!! Healthy lungs are wonderful to have!

Hi J.,
You might pick up a copy of Ferber's book describing his method which really is not just letting the kid cry, but slowly weaning her through the night by letting her wait a little bit longer each night for the feeding. Our pediatrician suggested offering a pacifier instead of milk for the night feeding. It won't necessarily get you beyond that feeding, and it does take some effort to get up and get the pacifier, but for us, it meant my son woke 15 minutes later the next night, and pretty soon we'd weaned out that feeding. Best of luck. Keep in mind, though, that some kids are sleepers, and if you don't mind the once a night feeding, your daughter will quickly wean out of it on her own. They all do.

Jamie,

Many are going to disagree with your method of making her cry it out. I on the other hand had to use this technique with my oldest son when he was a baby. I also breasfed him and he would constantly wake up in the middle of the night for middle of the night feedings. I would be exhausted the next day and the pediatrician said it wasn't necessary. Before you try the cry it out method have you used other methods first? Have you tried changing her bedtime to later, or feeding her some cereal at night before bedtime? If you've tried everything then I say go for crying it out. Be warned - it's either going to work or not work and you are the one that will determine that. It is hard to hear our little ones cry. It's mother's intution and mother nature to want to pick them up and console them. When you let her cry it out you have to be sure your are comfortable that nothing else is wrong. Many things will run through your mind when they are crying and they don't stop after a few minutes. She may cry for a long time if she isn't picked up and given the breast. You will think of all kinds of things that could be wrong with her because she is crying so long. So my advice would be to still get up when she cries and go to her room but not to let her see you or hear you. That way for your benefit you know she's okay. I would sit down in the floor at the doorway of his room so my son would not see me just so I could be aware of what was going on. Let's face it - you're not going to sleep anyway until she quits crying and you're going to want to go in there if she cries too long. I would also get her used to a lovey or a stuffed animal to rely on during those waking nights. Introduce it during the day and give it to he at nap times until she gets used to having one. Then introduce it at bedtime. It will take a while but it will benefit her to be able to put herself back to sleep when she wakes. Don't listen to those that are against it because it does work it just takes determination, consistency, endurance and patience to get through it.

I did the same thing when my daughter was 8 months old. I actually think that going in the room to "reassure" her makes it worse. When she sees you, she will think she needs to cry harder to get you to pick her up.
What worked for me was... we did our night time routine, I rocked her for a little while, laid her in her crib, told her goodnight and left the room. The first night, she cried so hard... but only for about 15 minutes then fell asleep. Then slept ALL NIGHT!!
Stick with it! After the first 3 nights, she didn't cry at all and now sleeps through the night! I wished I would have done it sooner!