Daughter Drama

No success stories here...at least not yet. I have a 9 year old daughter who is the EXACT same way and a 6 year old who is well on her way there. The older one started about a year ago and has progressively gotten worse. I'm hoping that we're at the apex now because it seems to be at least staying the same and not getting any worse. I actually had a conference with her teacher (3rd grade) to see if things were happening at school that I wasn't aware of. Teacher told me that she has seen girls starting the early signs of puberty in her class for the last 5-7 years! Consistency has seemed to work the best for us. Things still get pretty rough though. Hopefully this phase passes and I'll get my sweet little girl back soon.

I too am a member of the 7 year old girl drama club!!! Mine turned 7 in August and I know what you mean. Now, thankfully, it isn't hard to fix. We still deal with drama, but at a very small scale now and when it's worse, we implement the following things.

In the beginning, when she showed me disrespect or exploded over something, I explained to her that I just didn't understand where her bad behavior was coming from, especially since she was such a good girl. So, after thinking long and hard, I decided that she must not be getting enough sleep. This was followed by a "yes I am!". So I said, "well, it's the only reason that really makes sense to me, so I think it would be a good idea to switch your bedtime to 8:00 for awhile instead of 8:30 to see if it helps. After a few days of you being rested up and not having problems with bad behaviors, then we'll go back to your normal bedtime" So, that first time, I think she had her 8:00 bedtime for 5 days if I remember right. On the last day, it had been 2 days of no drama, so I brought up to her that I thought she maybe was rested enough to go to bed at 8:30 again, but if she chose bad behavior the next day, we'd go back to the 8:00 bedtime again. She really hated this, which is why it works!!! Now, if you don't have a bedtime implemented at your house, what a great time to start doing so! The next time she's crappy, tell her you think she needs to be on a schedule from now on (which is absolutely necessary for all kids in my opinion anyway), and tell her you'll start out with 8:00, but if her attitude is good for a couple of days, you may consider making it later.

Another thing, do NOT argue with her, not even a tiny bit! If you say "bring me your hamper please" and she says "but, I'm playing!!!" Ask her, "are you arguing with me?" If she continues, tell her she owes you 15 minutes that night since she's holding you up on your work. If it's something else, like say she said she wanted pop tarts for breakfast, but then after you give them to her she says she wants something else, don't get involved in her dialogue about it. Instead say "I'm not going to argue about it...eat!" If she gets sassy, tell her to go to her room andwhen she's finished, she can come back out. I constantly am saying "do you need to take a break?" Or if her behavior's worse, I just say "go to your room until you're finished" Almost everytime, I get a "I'm done", but I just say "I said go to your room" If she says she's done again, I just point to her room, I usually don't even look at her after the initial telling her. You have to remember that kids will only do what they're allowed to get away with. If you decide to NOT put up with something, and enforce specific consequences, the behavior WILL stop. Sometimes, it's just tricky to find what works, but don't give up! If you have specific situations that you're wanting some advice on, post them in your "what happened" and I'll check back.

My daughter is nine and I believe she is going through pre-puberty. My friends daughter did the same thing, and although it is frustrating and I correct her, I believe it is a new surge of hormones. I try to remember what it was lilke when my hormones started to kick in.
Be patient, correct and teach.
Good luck. We are all in this together. (my daughter does not stick out her tongue but does have the attitude thing and says she does not realize she is doing it)

Wow this soooo sounds like my soon to be 7 yr old daughter. We use the smart discipline chart/system and it usually takes care of it. Will not happen in one day but by weeks end. There is a website, and a book you can get that has the chart and how the system works. Good luck momma, keep your chin up, our daughters teens are just around the corner, lol HHHEEELLLPPP!!!!!!!

Not only do you need to CONTINUE to take away priveledges, computer time, etc., but you also need to have continual talks about the importance of respect...for parents, others, self, etc.

What happens when people lose respect for one another? She needs to also understand that respect is a two way street. Ask her why she insists on behaving this way. Does someone tell her this is the way to treat your parents? Get what you want? etc.

There is also a book you might want to get called RAISING RESPECTFUL CHILDREN. Part of the reason this society is what is is....lack of respect for ANYONE! No one opens doors for anyone any more, says "Yes, Sir,", "No, Sir,", etc. (I required this out of my preschoolers the second semester as we TALKED CONTINUALLY AND TAUGHT RESPECT.)

If people respected one another and/or themselves, we wouldn't have the issues with people cheating people in business, in relationships, etc. It's a "lost art", but something that NEEDS to be TAUGHT. It's NOT automatic and kids - and adults - need to understand its value.

ST - I'm not an expert on this by any means, but it reminds me of something an old colleague of mine went through. Is there any chance something is affecting her brain chemistry? Food chemicals can sometimes do this. For my old colleague it was the MSG in his daughter's diet. Google monosodium glutamate and find all the ingredients that include msg (things like "autolyzed," "hydrolyzed" for example typicially contain msg.) It's even hiding in things like ranch dressing. MSG is a neuro toxin and if you are really sensitive to it you can see reactions such as headaches and aggressive behavior.(Russell Blaylock is an expert in this arena) High Fructose Corn Syrup can also cause all kind of issues. Is she a big milk drinker? Could it be the hormones in milk? Perhaps a chat with a food allergist would help? My sister had this issue and my niece was put on ADHD drugs. Not a fan of that option. Oh, one last note. I know of a very easy-going man who said he started experiencing sudden fits of rage that were very unlike him. He said he took Milk Thistle and it changed rather quickly (supposed to cleanse the liver). Please note, this is a grown man and I know nothing about milk thistle tablets myself - but it sounds like your daughter's behavior is not the norm for her, so it makes me wonder if there's a chemical trigger. Good luck to you. (PS: Just read Julie AC's comment - that sounds like some sound advice!)

What is she watching on TV? The reason I ask is because our darling 2 1/2 yr old was a great child UNTIL Dora the Explorer happened. Dora's sidekick, Boots, is a Drama Queen (or King...). So Kaitlin started "OH NO!" for everything and whining, etc. when she'd never done that before. We went cold turkey on Dora, and it stopped almost immediately. PS: Dora's okay on Go Diego Go because Boots isn't on there:) good luck!

This is one of those things you have to nip in the bud immediately when it happens. Have you seen "Bill Cosby: Himself"? Where he says, "Don't you roll your eyes at me, I'll knock 'em right out of your head!....I brought you into this world, I'll take you out."

Time outs work if they're done correctly. That means you take on the attitude of "Mama doesn't do drama" and you don't feed into it, otherwise she wins. The second the attitude rears it's head, into time-out she goes, and it's for 7 minutes. That means she has to sit there 7 minutes without getting up or moving around. Tell her she's going straight to time out for her attitude; when it's over, remind her she went to time out for her attitude and you want an apology. If you're consistant about it every time with every little flair, she'll get the idea.

Meanwhile, keep taking away privileges and "property" until there's nothing left in her room but a pillow and a blanket. You guys deserve respect, and once she realizes that, she'll earn her stuff back with respectful behavior.

Let her know that you don't treat her that way, and you don't expect her to treat you that way. I do remember my mother "busting my mouth" once in a while for being particularly mouthy - it was just a little pop on the mouth enough for it to just sting a little. I'm not necessarily suggesting you do that - just stating that's what my mother did.

When she starts screaming, tell her she can go to her room until she gets it out of her system, that you don't want to hear it. When she can talk to you like she knows how, then she can come out.

If you're really doing the time out's "the supernanny way" and it isn't working, then maybe it's time to step it up a little. Designate a "reflection spot" and have her write in a journal during the 7 minutes about why she got mad, why she behaved that way, how she could have better handled the situation and why. Once the 7 minutes are up, talk about it. Still get the apology, but that might have her start really thinking about her actions and let her know there are consequences to her behavior.

Just a few thoughts for what it's worth - and good luck!

YOu know there may be a physiological reason why. There is a condition auditory processing disorder that I have done a lot of reading about. It talks about some people are not able to understand how to process or handle certain situations and then on the other end they don't realize how they come off to other people. What their brain is telling them they are doing is actually not what is coming off. This has to do with how the brain processes. Not kidding. Talk to a doctor who can help you if you think this could be. If this is what is happening then it changes how you have to correct your child. (Teaching them to check cues from the person they are talking to to see how they are responding) If this isn't it then you need some lessons in empathy. For every time she does something wrong she needs to do something meaningful for someone else. Family member or neighbor. Start noticing positive behavior more in case she is getting a response from the negative behavior.

i have the same thing with my 9 yr old daughter who thinks that we do not understand her, we dont do anything but ruin her life lately... LOL.
she is so over the top with her dramatics its unreal. you talk to her and she will cry. you look at her and she breaks down crying. she is so over the top its unreal. the pedi says that its HORMONES and that it will get better.. I beg to DIFFER!!!!!!!!!!

so if you find something that works let me know.. otherwise I think that we all stock up on duct tape and tape em in their rooms. ha ha .... ;)