Disciplining a 20 Month Old

Timeouts work for us. We do the Supernanny techniques we've seen on TV from the very start, and they work.
It's tough, but consistency is the key. At first he wouldn't sit in timeout out, now I tell my son to walk to his timeout spot, and he does! One minute per year of life.
He first gets a warning to stop the behavior, then if he continues, I count to three. On three, he gets a time out. He's no angel, but it helps.

You need to get a gate. You can get kind with a foot peddle so the older kids can use them with ease. I used one and it was great.

I don't think you should discipline her for normal curiosity and adventurousness. She is at the age where this is all normal, even necessary,and that is why we babyproof, or supervise her adventures so she doesn't hurt herself. Things that she can hurt herself with should be out of reach. (even with the help of a chair etc.)Obviously it would be ideal if you could gate off the kitchen but if you can't you have to do some major baby (toddler)proofing. I'm pretty sure there are ways to babyproof the light switches too. Considering you have several children I think that's your best option.

hi JC,

I think 20 months is too young for discipline. You can re-direct attention but otherwise (I know it's hard) you have to watch her every second. In my experience, in about 4 or 5 months you can start time-outs, but only for two minutes and even then re-directing attention is easier. She is exploring a whole new world and loves getting a reaction from you.

Move your knives into a drawer or cabinet with a child lock - you said you're afraid she'll get into them - guess what SHE WILL, turn your water heater temperature way down and look into a stove guard - go to safebeginnings.com and search for 'stove guard'. Get toilet locks for all the toilets in your home.

Get her a little step-stool and allow her to play in the bathroom sink - put some little toys and bubbles in there (she'll get clean in the process) - but again make sure your water heater temperature is turned way down.

good luck to you!

W.

PS... I meant to also mention - have one cabinet or low drawer in your kitchen with stuff it's okay for her to play with - tupperware lids, pan lids, wooden spoons, empty boxes and allow her to 'get into' that stuff while you're working in the kitchen.

Hi JC,

My son is 22 months, so I know exactly what you're going through! Our staircase is the type that is open on one side at the bottom, so we can't even block it with a gate. Any time he goes near the stairs, I say sternly "No stairs." If he starts climbing anyway, I put him in his crib and close the door for two minutes. When I go back to take him out, I repeat the rule, saying "No stairs, or you go in your crib." He usually repeats the "No stairs" part, or says "Okay Mommy," and we're fine for the rest of the day, usually for a few days actually. When he tries to touch anything dangerous, especially when he's been told 'No' before, he gets a sharp slap on the hand, but I admit I always feel so bad about that, so I only do it if it's an issue of safety.

Best of luck to you, and I'm sure it's not new advice, but just be calm and consistent. If she's allowed to play with the light switches sometimes but not others, it will just confuse her. It needs to be a yes or no, so that she knows how to behave. I don't know if kids this age are capable of understanding the sometimes clause... lol. :-)

I'm in the same boat too and can't gate off my kitchen. I've tried timeouts and she justs laughs at me like "whatever you silly little mommy". I use her high chair/booster for timeouts instead and roll it into the dining room. I didn't want to use the crib as I didn't want to make that a "bad" place.

I'll keep checking back. At least you aren't alone. Good luck!

Wow! What a wide vairety of advice you've received! Your head must be spinning! As a mom of 3 teenagers, I can tell you that the time to train a child is NOW. Everyone (including my parents!) thought we were too strict when our kids were young. But we made our standards clear and trained and expected our kids to obey. Now, as they are teenagers, we can relax quite a bit, and we enjoy our kids SO much!!! Our roles have become more like friends than parents most times, because they have leaned self control and wisdom. Many other families I know are really struggling with their teenagers now because they tried to be their "friend" when they were little, and now that they are having to set more boundaries, they're running into a lot of rebellion. By the way- training is not the same as punishing! Training is for the sake of the child, for her benefit. Punishment is about the parents' anger, and that is never appropriate. Training may include a wide variety of disciplines- you'll learn what is most effective with your little one- all three of mine were different! But the time to set boundaries is now- it's okay, even necessary to be the Mommy! Your little one will love you for it, and you will reap a beautiful relationship with her in years to come. PS- there is a really helpful little booklet called "To Train up a Child" that is available on Amazon- it's full of practical advice on training your precious little one. Blessing on you and yours as you strive to figure this whole parenting thing out!

PS- Several moms have said "you have to watch them all the time!" while this is certainly a true principle, it's not realistic, which is why we train our kids not to do those things which are harmful to themselves and other. And as to age, we began the training process well before each one turned a year old, so 20 months is not too young. As soon as you can tell a child can hear you and understand, they are ready. But love and patience will be your most necessary tools, because it may take some time to undo old habits.

That sounds like normal, healthy, inquisitive behavior for her age! Enjoy toddlerhood adventures...

She does not need to be punished because she is not being "naughty". She is just really smart and active. She isn't old enough to understand the dangers. Just take the risk out of the equation. Like the others have said, gate her out of the kitchen or you can remove or tie the chairs together. Once she loses the ability to move chairs, she'll find something else to do.

Enjoy her and give her "work" to do. She would love to wash plastic dishes in the warm water (bathroom sink), or sort real pots & pans on the floor. She sees you at the counter and the sink, and wants to be like you. Just bring it down to her level. Let her measure rice (of course it makes a mess) as long as she won't eat it. Otherwise use Cheerios or oats. The "work" she can do is endless. Have fun!

I have kind of laughed at the previous responses :) just because I have the same situation at home, and there is no way (at least at our house) to gate off the kitchen - it is open to the rest of the house. I don't know what you can do as I am struggling with the same thing. I have a 2 year old and a 6 month old, and the 2 year old will NOT stay off the counters/tables/sinks. The only thing I can do is strap him into his booster chair at the table and do a "time out", but even that doesn't really work. The hand smacking doesn't work at all (like pp said). My son HAS gotten hurt, and still doesn't care!!! He is relentless. It really started when I brought his sister home from the hospital - he knew if I was nursing her he would have a minute or so lead to do what he wanted. During desperate times, I remove the kitchen chairs and put them elsewhere, but then he finds other things to climb on!!! Anyhow, I know this isn't help, but I wanted you to know I feel your pain :) I hope you get a better response!

Our kitchen/family room is one room. We gated it from the rest of the house and I removd the chairs for that very reason. Found our 2nd daughter on the island and my son kept going on the kitchen table

I didn't read all the replies, but my first thought is to get a door knob safety cover for the bathroom. She won't be able to squeeze it to get into the bathroom.
This might be a good time to think out how you would proceed if you caught her in real danger of hurting herself, such as the hot crock pot. Change your tone of voice, and maybe your words, like "NO! Danger!" and use it consistently when appropriate.
Can you put a baby gate around the kitchen table & chairs, then she loses access.
Also, I always found distraction worked great. If you catch her climbing, get out a puzzle she hasn't seen in a few days, or a toy, etc., and get her interested in something that she can do.

Good luck

Instead of gating off the kitchen, which seems impossible. Try using a gate in the room that you are in the most when this behavior usually happens. Say if you are in the family room and you know that your daughter will go when you are distracted try using a gate for the family room. I also agree with major baby proofing. You can also try removing the chairs. Put them in a different room while not in use. Make sure you can close and or lock the door where the chairs are. If you remove the chairs, it seems like she won't be able to get into trouble. Hope it helps!

How about a firm slap on the hand and a firm NO eye to eye with her? Put child gates up and keep her out of those rooms or hook and eye closures to keep her out of those rooms.

Wow, lots of suggestions here!

Your daughter sounds like my 17 month old son. We call him our "monkey" because he climbs on and gets into EVERYTHING. His older brother (3.5) was never like this!

Sure, it's frustrating sometimes, but I actually find it fun. We have child locks on the cabinets we don't want the boys in. But, I've opened up two of them and I just let Ryan go to town in there with the tupperware, etc. I give him a wooden spoon and he loves it.

As for the things that we don't allow...climbing on the chairs, standing on the couch, etc. I just redirect him - even if it seems like 100 times. I pick him up and say, "No Thank you Ryan." and move him to his toys.

He also has a fascination with the bathroom and the toilet, so we keep the door shut. Once he can open the door (he's trying), we will get the safety handle on there so he can't.

We have porcelein floors in the kitchen and hardwood in most of the house, so I'm scared that he's going to fall and really hurt himself. At the same time, he loves to climb and I feel bad taking that away from him. We have changed our basement into a play area for them, instead. If you have the room, we invested in a Little Tikes Bouncer and it fits in the basement. We put it up and they go crazy in there. Laughing, jumping, etc. It burns off some of the winter energy.

And, like the others, I have gated off the kitchen for the times I am using the oven and making dinner, etc.

Good luck to you.

T.

Can you give her a time out in her crib? My little one won't stay in a time out, so this is where he goes. He hates it and knows now when I tell him to stop or he's going up, he stops. Or can you gate off the kitchen until she can follow your rules? It's harder to discipline when there's more than one child in the home. Good luck.

My daughter was/is like that too :) Although it has gotten better as she approaches 2 1/2...I can reason with her a little. Anyhow, she was a little holy terror last year. Same thing...into everything. I just gated off the kitchen, which worked great until she figured out how to stack toys or books or whatever to get over the gate LOL. Then I started the chairs are for sitting, u go to time out and did for about a minute. ANyhow, I don't think it really registered for her until about 2. I decided for my sanity and everyone elses to just double gate. Hope this helps and good luck.

She will not stop until you establish the rules with her and use a punishment that will mean something to her when she breaks those rules. She's more than old enough to understand that some things are a no no. I have two girls ages 6 and 4. I watch a boy who is 5 and his little sister that is about 2 1/2 (I've been watching them for two years now). I have a son who is nine months old next week.

All of them have understood rules from the time they could walk or earlier. Even my nine month old son understands when I say no no and will stop doing what he's doing to look at me...he knows that I'm trying to get his attention. If they look at you when you say no no, they are starting to understand. If they look around to see if you are watching, then they know they are going to do something you told them not to. Your child is more than capable of understanding rules and punishment.

So you have to establish that pushing the chairs around is no longer permitted and that climbing on them to get into stuff is definitely a no no. Tell her she is not allowed to get into anything unless she asks you first. My 4 and 6 year old won't get snacks or even open the fridge unless they ask first. The 2 year old I watch knows she has to leave her sippy cup on the table and not carry it around the house.

It is a matter of telling them it is not allowed and then punishing them whenever they break the rule. Be consistent, be calm, be fair, and be firm. It will probably take a week or two, but she will get it if you insist and you punish her every time she breaks the rule.

At her age I would make her sit in time out until she starts to tear up. That way you know she didn't like the punishment and she doesn't want to sit in time out again. That one minute for every year of age thing is a joke. I don't know a single child that cares about a two minute time-out. (And I've never heard of anything bad happening to a child that you made sit in time-out for extended periods...just keep reminding them why they are in time-out) If I didn't make mine sit until they started to cry, then they didn't care. If they don't care about the punishment, then it is ineffective.

For me, after a few time-outs and they still didn't get it...I explained that from then on out when they broke the rule, they would get a spanking.

I always make mine look me in the eyes when I'm explaining the rules. They then have to repeat what I said until I feel they fully understood what I was telling them and then I make them tell me what the punishment will be if they break the rule again. Always calmly make her look you in the eyes when you want to tell her something and then make her repeat what you said in simple words.

And I know I'm coming across as a really mean, strict mommy. I'm not mean but I am strict and I am the parent. I expect my children to listen to me, period. My 6 year old cried this morning because she didn't want to go to school. She wanted to stay home with me because she missed me and she has more fun at home. So please don't think I'm mean. I'm just very serious about being the parent and expecting my kids to behave.

I wish you luck. Your little one is a whole bunch of fun at that age, but also a whole bunch of work.

We started disciplining our daughter at around 18 months, because she kept flinging her plate off the table when she didn't want to eat or if she just thought it would be funny. We started off with taking a chair and putting her in the corner for a minute. We told that there was no throwing her plate anymore otherwise she would end up on the naughty chair. She got up once or twice and we put her back there and she seemed to have gotten it right away. Afterward we told her that if she did it again she would be right back. I can count on less then one hand now, how many times she has thrown her plate since. She is 23 months now. Little ones are pretty smart, you will be surprised at what they understand. 85% of the time now when she doesn't listen to me I tell her if she doesn't listen to me she will go in the naughty chair she will stop. Sometimes she will even hop in without even be telling her too and she will sit there, lol.

Unfortunately because you have three children you may not have a chance to follow her every movement so since you have the others I am sure you know what you could do. But then it's hard to watch all of them at the same time., Oh dear. Anyway, there are six siblings in my family and it can be done. Those knives can go way, way up high or unless she is Houdini (sounds close) baby locks, not a luxury to people many years ago, are great and well unfortunately you might want to practise your yelling. You can then use that strong voice to become a dramatic actor. You are trying to keep her safe so sometimes things we don't like to do outweigh how sad they might appear after we yell at them or whatever. Can Crock pot be pushed way back? For the time being maybe kitchen needs to be limited unless you can be there and the chairs nowhere near available to her. Good luck. She sounds very enterprising. You poor thing. I know it's awful.