Does My 15 Month Old Understand Time Out?

15 month old children do not understand the time out thing. You are better off telling them no and then redirecting them. It is always best to praise them when they do things right. My sister used time out with her daughter at that age and I actually think it worked backwards for her. I don't use it for my daughter who is 21 months old and I have no behavior problems with her.

My little guy understood. Also cried the whole time. Super Nanny suggests not holding them. This will mean lots of getting up and down for you. We use the naughty step and as long as my son is near it I don't make him sit. He did test me to see if I would be consistent with the time outs. So yes, there can be many in a row. Once you decide on a plan, stick with or it you'll be back to square one.

ey Kristen, you sound just like me! lol. My dd did the same exact thing, but it started at 13 months. I know they understand time outs, but basically they do the bad behavior so that they get attention, the point of time out isto take that attention away, unfortunately human behavior is to pay more attention to the negative. So when you hold her down to keep her in time out, she is getting what she wants, she may not even know it though. Put her in time out and walk away. DOn't talk to her, look at her or anything. When she gets out of time out, say to someone else in the room, gee I wish dd would stay in time out so she can get up and play with me soon! Or talk to her favorite toy about I I know you miss dd, but she can't play til she sits quietly for a minute. LOL sounds wierd but it works. I have walked over my daugther and called my mom to make it obvious that she would not get attention until after completeing time out.

It takes about a week of constant behavior to form a habit, but if you do it all the time it will work for most parents.

If you have any more questions feel free to contact me directly, good luck1 N.

we started time outs with our daughter around 18 months. I think it will take a long time for them to truly understand but like another person said, if you are consistant they will eventually get it. You could try right now is just take her hand when she hits the person and gently pat the person she hit and say qw play nice.. nice.. nice.. and pat each time.. we did that first so after awhile we just said play nice and she would stop and pat, then make a big deal out of that.. try not to give so much attention to the bad behavior and a lot of positive attention to when she pats nicely.. it may take awhile for her to learn the nice as well but I find it works well for us..

I haven't gone through this personally, my DS is only 8 months. BUT I did see something on Super Nanny about timeouts. She had the mom put her daughter in timeout but told her not to hold her there (I don't exactly remember why) and if she got up then to calmly put her back in timeout and turn her back to her daughter. Mom kept doing that and after a while her daughter stayed. After staying for however long without mom would explain to her why she was put in timeout. I don't know if this will help. Good luck!

No, she's not getting anything out of that. I think a child needs to be at least two before she can put behavior and consequences together. Toddlers are lawless little barbarian babies.

When my kids were that age I gently removed them from the situation and said something like "that's enough" and moved on.

I give you guys so much credit for understanding that this behavior needs to stop and doing something about it. She can start to learn some self-control as far as inflicting pain on others. You are helping her already. Have you tried grabbing her hand when she hits (providing you are close enough and sometimes you can tell in which situations you have to be pretty close by) and saying "Be gentle"somewhat firmly and calmly and guiding her little hand to do it and touch the other one gently. Pets are good practice for this if you have one. So you have showed her what to do. Now, when she tries again, give empathy to the victim as appropriate and turn to her saying "I'm not going to let you be by Kelly because I saw you hit her and that's not OK with me." Take your child away by the hand and have her stay with you while you go about your business virtually ignoring her, just keeping everyone safe. What I'm saying is to virtually stop her world, immediately for about 2-5 minutes and then help her back into the situation successfully. She needs some help with self-control and you have to be there to give it to her. Do this every time she offends. You are right, she can't really get the time out at her age. And she might even be enjoying it on some level. When she gets to be about 2, there is help on how to give a time-out that works and helps your child learn self-control, rather than punishes them. The Rainbow Project in Madison is a great resource for this. Learning and teaching is the key and I can tell you are taking your job as parents and behavior coaches seriously. I have 30 years hands on experience in early care and education and am close to getting my master's in human development. Best of luck with your issue.

K.,
your daughter may have the intellect to understand the time-out, but I don't think the chair is working. I would try another place for the time out maybe a rug to sit on or have her sit in her crib or bed, someplace safe where you could leave her for min. It sounds like she still has most of your attention when she is in the time out which is giving her reinforcement for her bad behavior, if the area is safe I would leave the room so she is not able to look at you for more attention. If you can't leave the room, turn so you can't see her and keep a stern poker face on if you do make eye contact. Your daughter is makeing sense of her world and she enjoys seeing how mommy and daddy react to her(good or bad). I also have found that using an egg timer is helpful, it gives them something to look at while they are sitting there. I have two girls 5 and 2, both of them understand what a time out is and they have both been getting them since about 1yr.
I wish you the best of luck in this parenting task!

My son is 12 months old, and I know he wouldn't make the connection between doing something naughty, and a time-out. The fact that you're doubting it is probably a sign that your daughter isn't able to, either.

Of course, that does not mean that she can hit others... Does "redirecting" her work? For example, "Susie, we do not hit. Do you understand? Now leave Billy alone and come over here and put this puzzle together.". Something like that.

But I'm hardly the expert. I only have 1 child and he is, for the most part, not around other small kids. Good luck!

teach your child not to give her hands to anyone....don't give your hands away! (keep your hands to yourself)

I would teach her in the moment what your expectations are. Use simple phrases w/her like, "we use nice touches,we do not hit," "hands are not for hitting, hads are for high fives, hand shakes, etc" "we don't hit our friends, we give them gentle touches, show me a gentle (soft or nice)touch (also teach her what that looks like by giving her a soft touch, letting her give you one or her dollies...practice, practice, practice) etc. This way you teach her what she should be doing w/her hands and then give her lots and lots of positive praise when she does it. Even if she has not hit at all that morning praise her for keeping her hands to herself, for toching nicely, etc. kids repsond well when we praise them for what they are doing correctly instead of always telling them what they are doing wrong.
I would say she is young for timeouts and would respond better to redirection, distraction, and telling her what to do instead of what not to do (i.e. Please use nice hands instead of Stop hitting). THat along with teaching her what your expectations are, for example using a doll to show mommy a nice touch, this way you are providing some pre-teaching and being proactive instead of reactive.
But if you continue w/timeouts then ignore her because any attention is attention. And to the level she understands process why she was in time out. For example, "you hit your friends and that is why you sat alone" etc.

Kids at this age will do almost anything for attention, even negative attention. What might work is to do as much prevention and redirection as possible so you aren't even faced with the time-out issue as much. It can become a game after awhile, and you don't want to get involved in a power struggle with a one-year-old. Start by changing the routine a bit so you are back in control, and have a plan that will allow you to prevent the behavior before it starts. Sometimes ignoring and distracting works wonders--you don't have to respond to every little negative behavior. Try to stop the behavior without giving it attention, and then draw her attention to the black dog across the street or something she's interested in. Good luck!

I have never found time out to be effective for babies under two. My kids all went through the hitting stage. They don't have the ability to connect hitting with hurting someone else. What I always did when they hit was take their hand and have them pat gently where they just hit and say something like "gentle" or "be nice" and when they mimic it, I make a big deal about what a big girl or boy they are. I then would gently pat their hand or cheek and again say "gentle" or "be nice" and made a game out of it. At this age they tend to be more about the reaction, so my thought is that your best bet is to ignore the undesirable behavior and give big reactions to the desired behavior.

By holding her in the chair you are giving her attention. What I do when they are that young and they misbehave is I will put them in a packnplay that is not used on a regular basis in a near-but very boring room out of your sight. The more attention she gets-whether positive or negative-only reinforeces the bad behavior. I will often put a child in time out and turn my back to them and not respond to anything they say. She may not really understand time out like she will when she's older. But she understands that she doesn't like it when you don't pay attention to her. I believe she can connect her bad behavior with the bad feeling she gets when you don't answer her demands. I think this is a good time for you to set boundaries and limitations. It is hard, but it does work. I have a daycare and most of the time I have had to teach my daycare parents how to execute time-out properly. Good luck with your toddler and Good luck with the new baby! ENJOY!

I have two daughters, and I think 15 months is too young for time outs. I have had a lot of luck with discipline after reading "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelsen. http://www.positivediscipline.com

It really helped me up until age 3. It's about guiding and teaching and disciplining according to where your child is in her development, not punishment. You can get it online at amazon pretty cheap, or at the library.

Good luck, it is just a stage. She's checking your boundaries and to make sure you are there for her!

Hi K.,

In my opinion, your daughter is old enough for time-out. Adults don't think that children understand at this age but I am here to tell you, they do. We just don't give our children the benefit of the doubt! In my childcare, I start with time-outs after a year. Of course, there is always redirection first and I always use the same words during the explanation (we don't hit, hitting hurts) but I know that time-out works for children this age as I use it and see the benefits. Fortunately, we don't have to use them very often, either. I am sure this in in part due to the fact that they learn early on that if they misbehave, there will be a consequence.

I have been a childcare provider for the past 20 years, working directly with children on a daily basis and have four children of my own. Kids are the best! Enjoy your little one!

Good Luck!

C.

Is your daughter old enough for time outs? Only you know--and since you started trying them, you must think she's mature and smart enough to "get it". My only advice is something I cribed from Love and Logic (check out the books-totally worth it). You say she needed 5 consecutive time outs. Why? Give her one big long one and she doesn't get out until HER BEHAVIOR IMPROVES. When did we start determining whether our kids were done with a time out with an age=minute ratio? Be easier on yourself and make those timeouts COUNT! She'll have fewer if she's required to improve her behavior before she can get out.

First of all, don't look at time outs as "punishments". Try to get your child to understand that there is a consequence to bad behavior; cause and effect. We started time outs at 15 months with our daughter. We would strap her in her booster chair and put her in a corner so that she could slightly see us, put couldn't touch anything or see too much of anything else. Before putting her in the chair we explained to her what she did, that it was "bad", and so now she had to go in time out because of it. We let her sit there for about 5 minutes rather than the 1 minute per age thing. Once she calmed down we told her she had to be good in order to come down from the chair, etc. After 2 months of this it finally worked. Now if I see bad behavior all I have to say is "do you want to go in time out?" and she'll stop.

I've also taken away cherished toys when she's been naughty, so now she knows that if I say I will take something away if she doesn't behave, she knows I'm serious and that I WILL take it away. (Only for a little while though - I give it back when she's been good for a while again.) I can see a big change in behavior now. She's nicer, and happier, and she respects me MUCH more. I just tell myself - Tough love or they'll walk all over you!

I read something about time outs some time ago (my kids are now 7 and 9, and we have stopped using them now, but used them for many years) that helped me think differently about them. I read that the benefit of time outs is not to deliver a punishment for bad behavior, but to remove the child from the situation and allow them to have a break from whatever is causing them enough distress to behave badly. This way of thinking about it assumes that there is usually a reason a child is acting out: they are tired, or hungry, or some emotional reason, like they want attention from you, or they are concerned about something. If your baby continues to act out, you might try and explore reasons why she might be doing that - have you been really busy and she just wants more attention from you? Is there something that has changed in her life that is causing her stress? Is she going through a growth spurt and she just needs more food and rest? Hopefully you can respond to those things and stop her behavior. But the time-out gives her a chance to breathe, rest, think, reset her emotions... I wish I could recall the book I read this from because I'm sure I'm not reporting it exactly accurately, but that's the thinking that was helpful for us. Good luck!

When my son was this age (3 now) our pediatrician said he was old enough for time outs. Whether they understand or not, I couldn't guage either. We used the time out chair for a bout a week and then just started to put him in his room on the bed after that. this way we couldn't see him, he couldn't see us, etc. everytime he got up, we would put him back. We finally got to the point that his time out did not start until he stopped crying (about age 2). This is a hard age to get through.

I finally had enough when he started hitting at daycare that when he would hit one of us parents we would pretend cry saying he hurt us. He would give hugs and then seem to get better with the hitting.

Part of it is a stage and the other part is a test (they seem to test you all the time :) Whatever you do, try to remain consistent and it should work. She will get the concept over time.

I'm not sure that they do make the connection yet, but if you are consistent, eventually they will. My 2 year old son likes to hit and what we have been doing is holding his hands until he stops fighting then tell him that we don't hit. (We don't have a good time-out spot, so we kinda just give him one where ever we are.) He is starting to get it, but its taken a LONG time.

I do like the idea the other person had about pretending to cry. I know my son doesn't like to see us cry and will come over and hug and kiss us when we do.

My pediatrician says that time outs and most "punishments" don't work at this age (my daughter was born in August of 07). I had a babysitter that tried time outs with my daughter around 12 months of age, and I don't think it worked. I would go with a redirecting method, or possibly just tell her "no, we don't hit" and move on to something else. It could be that the more you pay attention to it, the more she'll do it. Be sure to give her positive reinforcement for being "nice".

I have read that children don't really do well with time outs until about 2 1/2. We started our son around that age and it took some work but now he usually does well with it.

I read some of the advice people have sent you; it is good. Especially the part about not letting the child get in control (ignore. . don't give attention when they are in timeout, etc.) I didn't see anything about any ideas that might say get an evaluation of your child if you think something is wrong with their understanding. Many times, the thing called autism is being displayed by a child not being responsive to cues. I do not think it is a wrong time to discuss this with your pediatrician. Sometimes, we miss our cues. Thanks for your question. M

She is too young for that. The best way to handle it is to show her how to touch nice. When she goes to hit say to her can you touch nice, and then show her what you mean. And when she does it then praise her a lot for it. If she keeps getting praise for the positive behavior she will eventually stop. It really is just a phase. Our daughter did it at that age too. They will do just about anything for attention at that age.

I think 15 months is old enough to begin to understand time out. I would advise you to not spend the time out with her, however. To her, this may seem as a reward - that you are touching her and by her. Just an idea. I would recommend putting her in timeout somewhere that she has to stay, like a pack and play maybe. I know people have different feelings about timeouts in bedrooms and cribs, but at least a pack and play would be contained. I think Love and Logic has some great ideas on this - check some books out at your local library. Also, Super Nanny would tell you to put her in timeout and walk away - if she gets up, don't talk to her, just put her back in timeout and continue until she stays. It might take awhile at first, but she'll get it. Just be firm and consistent - this is probably one of the hardest things in parenting, but you can do it!!

I found that when my children were that age not only did they understand, they wanted to make sure the rule applied every time. Mine would raise their hand to hit and look back at me just to see if I was catching it all and then let it fly. With one of mine, the time out really wasn't all that much punishment. I had to put her in time out in a playpen in a room by herself and turn off the light. She was very strong willed. Be consistent and firm. It will get better. I promise! I've went through this with more little ones than I can count.

Your daughter is too young for timeouts. She needs to be at least two for timeouts. Also, even though you are not talking to her, she is still getting attention during time outs because you are holding her by the waist. At this point you should be quitely redirecting her. In a matter of fact voice tell her "we don't hit." Then distract her with a toy or something else.