Dump the Desserts

A very difficult situation indeed. I would make him eat them in a dark corner somewhere. Let him eat that bad stuff if he insists, but he literally has to hide while he does. My husband is very thin too and sometimes thinks this means he can eat whatever he wants. But things change when you are setting dietary examples, he has to know that that stuff is horrible for him and his children, so jsut make him take one to the bathroom or something. If he insists on eating them in plain view, he is simply being unreasonable, and something else might be going on. Good for you for trying to do the right thing!

We generally do what you do - we don't really have dessert, but you eat until you're full. If you get hungry later, we can reheat something or have a healthy snack. But sometimes, like last night on the way home from our daughter's tumbling class, she asked for ice cream. We don't have that all the time, and she had just done 45 minutes of tumbling. No I don't want to reward with food, but we did stop by for a small ice cream cup from Dairy Queen; and she and I sat in the car having our ice cream and enjoying each other's company.

I feel you're treading thin ice because, while it may not be heart healthy for hubby to have swiss rolls, right now he has a high metabolism, and he's thin. If you ask him to not have dessert until your child goes to bed, then (possibly to her) it's like he's sneaking food, and is that really the behavior you want modeled for your daughter? Plus, he is a grown man - you're not his mom, you're his partner. There is a difference. (Not trying to be harsh, but just saying he could be taking it that way depending on your approach. Maybe if you talked about it outside of range of your daughter's hearing then you could come to an understanding about the situation.)

Dessert's don't have to be high calorie, high fat, all-time-awful stuff. What about strawberries and blueberries over angel food cake or shortcake? What about grapes and walnuts? What about sorbet?

Just like you can have breakfast for dinner, you can have "other healthier things" for dessert than typical dessert fare.

Just a few thoughts for what it's worth, and good luck!

It sounds like you are trying to set a good standard for meals, but here's a question for YOU. Who buys the groceries in your house? If it's you, and your hubby doesn't go shopping with you, stop buying junk food! It's expensive anyway, so maybe you can save money on your grocery bill, or spend that "junk food money" on healthier alternatives. Also, if junk food is not readily available in your home, there's no option but to cut it out of your routine.

I have a sweet tooth myself, and I've noticed that it is not so much about WHAT I eat, but the "sweet taste" that I crave. You could make a quick and easy fruit salad by mixing different fruits with a bit of cool whip or plain/vanilla yogurt. You could use strawberries, apples, bananas, grapes, blueberries, etc. You could offer applesauce or bake some fruit (like apples or pears) with a dash of brown sugar & cinnamon. If you start offering "sweets" that are better for your family, you can change the bad habits into better ones. Maybe you can save the junk food for once or twice a week like family movie night or some other special time together.

Like I said before, it sounds like you are trying to set a good routing for mealtime, but you can make a special effort to include desserts that aren't junk food. That way you still have "sweet" without the high fat/calories.

Good luck!

I would try to get hubby to compromise and move snack/dessert to at least 1 hr after everyone is done at the table. That may help take your daughters focus off dessert. You could also try to switch it up a little with some other desserts/small portions. Split a Hershey bar between all 4 of you, not equally split of course. Have one hershey kiss. Let hubby have a handful of M&M's and let your daughter have 4 or 5. Something small that still feels like a treat to hubby but helps your daughter remained focus on her meal. Good Luck!

If hubby is not wanting to give up the sweets. Ask him not to eat them in front of the children. My husband and I wait till the kids go to bed before we induldge. We had a battle last night because the kids wanted cookies after dinner. Neither of them ate their dinner and I would not give them the cookie. When my husband came home they asked him and he in turn refered them back to me and he refused the give in. Your husband is a grown man. If he is not overweight and generally eat healthy there is no harm in him having dessert but ask him to take it somewhere else and not do so in front of the kids. I was brought up in a house where the day was not complete usless you had a little dessert after dinner. I have switched to heathier options like melon or other fuit. But because I was raised with dessert no matter how hard I try I cannot feel completely satisfied unless I have that sweet item to compete my meal.

My hubby can't live without ice cream. BUT - the kids are in bed by 8pm and then he goes to raid the kitchen for junk food. We do have dessert for dinner a few times a week but it's not an everyday thing for the kids.

I believe in a healthy balance. If you rarely let your kids have sweets, they will crave them. Then when they get to school or a friends' house they will go nuts over them and eat too many - which isn't healthy. My son is in 2nd grade now and I see this >way< too often. Some of my mom friends will brag about how their kid never eats sweets at home and doesn't even want them... then I see that same kid go nuts at a cub scout meeting or a birthday over chips or cookies or whatever and gorge themselves until they feel sick but the mom is clueless (or in denial).

As for the clean your plate thing... most childhood experts now agree that it is the WORST thing you can do for your children. Babies are born knowing when to recognize they are full but most kids lose that ability if they are forced to listen to parents to figure out when they are full. You also shouldn't 'raise' one food (sweets) above another (peas). If you tell a child they can have ice cream after they eat their peas you are, in effect, telling them chocolate is better than peas so eat the worst ones first. It's a reward for eating the 'worse' food. In our house, we give everyone dessert after they eat at least one bite of everything on their plate (the common No Thank You bite rule) because we want them to at least try it. Since we do not have dessert every night, it's not an issue. And half the time, dessert is soemthing like fresh blueberries or strawberries with a small amount of whipped cream so it's even healthy.

Daddy should not be eating his dessert before every one else at the table has finished dinner.After you and the children are done eating your dinner then he could have his dessert and maybe the children could have something similar but with fruit added so at least they are not eating just junk but getting a fruit in thier diet as well.My Mom used to make a fruit thing with cinnomon and honey that was fantastic and mostly all natural and we put a small amount of milk over it and it was so delicious.

We used fruit as a dessert with meals and the "junk" as you label it as a bedtime snack about an hour before bed. Worked out fine, they ate junk, took a bath, brushed their teeth, got read a story, and then went to bed.
The fruit satisfied the desire for sweets in a healthier way.

How about dessert as a reward for eating a healthy dinner? Everyone has a sweet tooth - if you completely hold it back, they will just crave it more. Even something as simple as a chocolate kiss would work for little ones. Then switch it up with healthier desserts - maybe some fruit with a small dollop of cool whip on top or something like that. I do disagree with other suggestions to tell your hubby to wait til after the girls go to bed. It's not healthy to eat late at night.

How about 1 unhealthy dessert a week. All the rest of the days make it fresh fruit or another healthy choice. And give a new name to the unhealthy dessert so she knows the difference. YOu need to show your husband the scientific proof about what is in foods and what he should be eating. If he doesn't want to eat healthy let him know that you want your kids to. My husband eats differently than I do but he is also thinner than me at this time. I try to get everyone to eat healthier and he supports me as much as he can. He makes the kids eat the healthy stuff. I make the kids healthy smoothies either after school or after dinner. SO i know I am trying to get a balanced meal in them. The key is to balance everything out.

hi B....i agree and disagree with you. will your husband compromise? lets not eat the dessert right after dinner, but maybe 1/2 hr to an hr? dessert is a nice thing to have, and i don't think it teaches bad eating habits. putting small portions on yer daughters plate, and asking her to eat it all befor she gets dessert, is ok.And while i agree with you, we don't want to eat til we're full, you don't want yer lil girl learning to eat the minimum so she can fill up on dessert. so see if hubby will comprmise, and if you and daddy eat all yer food, yer lil girl will learn she can too. GL and god bless

If you don't do a plate full of desserts after every meal, it will not hurt your heart health. I also agree with not making them clear their plates.......which in my opinion is worse than eating a small dessert (5 M&Ms, 1 cookie, etc) after meals! I teaches them to ignore their own body signals.

Here is our own "house rule" on desserts. Only after dinner, not every meal. Also, you have to eat all of something on your plate (we do keep portion sizes small) and one bite of everything else. If they are not hungry enough to eat that much, then they are not hungry enough for dessert! That helps them to "test" foods multiple times so they get used to them. It also prevents the "I am hungry!" remarks an hour after dinner.

We also highly encourage only "healthy snacks" in between meals. That way it counts as part of their daily nutrition and I don't feel so bad if they don't want to eat dinner. It is actually healthier to eat 6 smaller meals, rather than 3 larger meals.

Hope this helps.

Tell him to have his dessert after your daughter is in bed.

Just have him eat desserts after she goes to bed. That's what I do!

He needs to:
1. Respect your efforts to teach healthy habits
2. Make the day/time for those "special" and NOT on a daily basis
3. Choose alternative desserts...like fruit or fruit parfaits w/ yogurt & a little granola
4. If he insists on his childish ways.....ask him to PLEASE eat it after she's gone to bed or another time.
5. It's difficult to teach children anything when the parents don't lead by example

There are MILLIONS of obese and unhealthy adults & children in this country because of poor choices. Helping people make those choices EARLY is one of the BEST ways to foster healthy habits. Bad habits are harder to break than it is to teach good ones from the start.

Even if she's not heavy now......that's no guarantee that she won't be later if she insists on always having dessert.

My rule........PROTEIN, FRUITS &/or VEGETABLES FIRST!! THEN.....IF you're still hungry, then you may have something else, but not until. Eat FIRST what your body NEEDS to be healthy, THEN you can have other things you want.

Best advice.....LEAD BY EXAMPLE! Otherwise, they think of you as a hypocrit

I totally understand what you are going through. I grew up on the "clean your plate" method and have issues with food and struggle to stay slim because of it. I don't have dessert every day and don't have the same issue with my husband, but I do struggle with "how much do I have to eat before I can have a treat." I read every day that it is a bad idea to say to clean your plate and then have dessert because children will overeat in order to get a treat and then look at the treat as the "good" food and the fruits and veggies as the "bad food". I have started teaching my 4 year old boy about nutrition and it seems to have an impact. He knows that he needs to eat something nutritious that will make him big and strong like his daddy before he can have an appropriate sized treat. I don't make him clean his plate, and I find out what else he has had at daycare throughout the day before I say whether he can have one. He doesn't ask every day. I am not saying it is easy. But he has actually turned down a chocolate chip cookie from a neighbor because he said he hadn't eaten anything nutritious yet. Another time, he asked for a treat and after reviewing the other surgary items he ate due to a birthday at school, he determined that he already had too much sugar that day. Not sure if this is going to work in the long run or not, but just an idea for you:-) Good luck.

I don't understand what's wrong with dessert? I too always have to have something sweet after I eat lunch and dinner, so I can completely understand where your husband is coming from. My kids can have a treat after dinner, after I have decided they have eaten enough. I'm their mother, I know how much they need, so it's really no big deal. If you've brought her up with good eating habits, then it shouldn't be that big of a deal...my 4 year-old would prefer sweets, but if I put a bowl of grapes in front of him instead, he'll gobble those up without complaining.

I do think it's a good idea to wait for dessert for maybe 1/2 hour after dinner...I know when I do that my kids often forget about it!

Why not suggest to your husband to have dessert a couple of hours after dinner. My hubby enjoys his dessert too. Ice cream, cake, pies, cookies etc. We will have it a couple hours after dinner. Oh yeah, he has gained 10 pounds and I have gained 5 pounds on this dessert kick. You and your husband are younger and when we were younger, we too were slim. But beleive me --- it will catch up to you later in life. LOL

OK first of all your husband can't INSIST on anything unless he's going to get up and make it himself. As parents you have to be a role model for your kids in all you say and do. Can you compromise to desert twice a week? All those calories are not good for a young child OR a grown man. Also if your 4 yr old is hungry enough for desert then they are hungry enough to finish dinner first right? Then see how hungry they are after?

What if he waits to have dessert until after the girls have gone to bed? Then, he still gets his treat, and they don't see it, aren't learning the unhealthy habits. I always tell my kids they don't have to finish their dinner, but if they want dessert, they do. If they are still hungry for dessert, they can finish their dinner. IF it's a habit that dessert doesn't occur right after dinner, maybe your daughter won't be so quick to have it.
Sounds like a reasonable compromise to me.
R.

Without reading all your responses, what about baking some desserts instead of buying the swiss rolls? Oatmeal raisin, persimmon or pumpkin cookies, banana, pumpkin, or zucchini breads with whole wheat instead of all purpose flour, angel food cake with berries, jello with fruit in it. I know that doesn't all cut down on the sugars and oils, but at least there are the natural ingredients and some whole grains. I would feel better about them eating something that I know the ingredients in. I would think your husband would appreciate the effort of your baking as well as still satisfy his sweet tooth. My kids have often gotten pretty excited over "surprise" desserts/snacks slice up grapes and bananas throw in a few M&M's or chocolate chips or anything I have in the house that I can add together for a surprise, and the kids think that is the greatest and have often asked for a surprise snack.

what about making more healthy desserts like muffins or apple crisp?

at our house dessert is a special treat, only a few times a month, and we really enjoy it together. my husband and i also eat dessert together after the kids are in bed sometimes so they don't get a sugar high right before they need to go to sleep.

I agree with your gut feeling that you shouldn't lecture Hubby if he gets defensive about this. Your husband is an adult, and he can make his own decisions (good or bad) about food. But you're also right that you should not teach these habits to your children. Dessert is a treat - something special. It isn't a promise. Your husband needs to compromise, and if he isn't willing to cut back his indulgences, you'll have to find another way.

What about having him eat his dessert after the kids have gone to bed (unless you've made something special for that evening)? Parents do plenty of things the kids don't need to know about after they go to sleep - this could just be another one. If he's really stubborn about this, I think another woman's advice to wait an hour between dinner and dessert is a good idea, so that the focus isn't on dessert during dinner.

B., you could say "do you want to walk your daughter down the wedding isle? or see them graduate?" But it would just be better to learn how to make his sweets lower calorie. There are books out there & cake mixes that have less sugar. Does he like fruit? Always add a fruit to the dessert tray. Suggest that everyone eat a piece of fruit first; then their sugary sweet. After awhile, the sugary sweet may get left on the tray for later or not used at all!!! Good luck