For Moms Who Have Kids (Or Siblings)with Large Age Gaps (10 or More Years Apart)

My kids are 10 years apart. A girl and a boy. I didn't plan it that way, it's just what I got and I wouldn't change anything. My older child was quite confident in her place within the family and was the best helper with the baby. She considered him HER baby. She loved him, playing with him, dressing him, yes...even changing his diapers.
She is 24 and just had her first baby. She wanted her little brother there. She didn't want him seeing her whoo-hahh, but he was one of the first to hold her baby. They are extremely close and he goes and stays with her often.
Their bond is strong in spite of the years of age difference.
They adore each other.

It worked out great for us. They didn't know their family any other way and we've all been happy and made the best of it.

Best wishes.

I'm 24 going to be 25 this June my brother is 10 years younger my sister is 12 years younger my little sister is 14 years younger. Because I was the only child I loved it when my brother arrived I helped out all the time I even took him out to play w/me and my friends.

It's good because the older ones can help with the little ones.

I have a daughter who will be 1yrs old on May 23- she kinda bonded everyone more closer. My parents my siblings my bf's siblings and his parents

Of the few responses I skimmed through, I agree with them all. When my daughter was 17, I had my 2nd. Like another mom said, don't use the older one as a babysitter. My daughter helps because she enjoys it but I never expect it. I could not have hoped for a better relationship between them. They LOVE LOVE each other sooo very much - I can go on and on about their loving connection/relationship (she is now 18 and my son is 15 months).
From a sibling perspective - I agree with another post... I come from a family of 9. My family is extremely close and family holidays and parties are awesome. Remember, there is never a "right" time. all the best, and if you want more babies and are healthy - then go for it! 32 is young so you can have 2 back-to-back. All the best!

My oldest was 12 when the last baby was born.
At times he was a great help, at times he was a pain in my butt.
Kids who are older still need mom. Young teens need guidance just as much if not more than babies. They just need it in a different way.
Be sure that you hire a babysitter when the older ones have concerts or games in HS that need your attention.
Be sure to take care of the babies like you are doing now and not make your oldest the default mother. She may want to help alot and may want to take that role, which is fine, but if she really isn't a baby person don't try to make her one. Always ask, or say Mary today I need you to_____. Could you please_____. High school kids have their own agendas and lives.
If you would pay a babysitter for going out pay your daughter, if you are just goiing to get hamburger at the store then I didn't pay for that type of thing.
My son, quite by accident, stepped into the role of default dad because he was the male role model at home while Daddy was deployed.
My 22 and 16 yo still do not get along all that well. My 13 and 10 year olds think of him as an authority figure and will mind him.
WHen he visits, he is in San Diego, we on the East Coast, he spoils them and buys them all sorts of candy and toys. He is more of an uncle figure to the little ones.
When my youngest went to kindergarten my oldest was a senior in hs. This was the first time in 18 years I had been home without anyone. I was lonely and lost, so we got a puppy.

My daughter will be 18 and my son is 15 months. (Yeah I'm crazy) LOL. When I first had him, suprisingly enough, my daughter was jealous. She had never even saw me babysit, so to have this new baby around ALL the time, was a bit overwhelming for her. Little did she realize, it was new for me as well. Starting over after so many years was a definate challenge. Needless to say, I was also very young when I had her. As time went on, her feelings for him changed drastically. They are absolutely in love with eachother. Just tonight, she was tryin to teach him how to dance. After a while, he just kept going up to her, giving her hugs and kisses. I wouldn't change my decision even if I had a choice. I'd say go for it. Go to school, get yourself established financially and have your kids. It will be a great experience for the entire family.

My kids are 10.5 yrs apart and its great. I couldn't have handled 2 little ones!

I am mom to a 23 yr. old, 17 yr. old, 9 yr. old and 4 yr. old!!! And step-mom to a 16 yr. old!! To me it feels like I had 2 sets of kids. The first set are boy, girl and the 2nd set are boy, girl. The age gaps are pretty big, but honestly my 23 yr. old and my 4 yr. old are best buds!!
Whatever you decide to do will be the right decision!! We love our big family!!!

My daughter had her third 6 weeks ago. Her other two children are nearly 8 and nearly 11. They love the baby and enjoy helping with her. This is new and so I can't tell you what it will be long range but at present my daughter said she thinks this is going to continue going really well.

My brother and I were 2 1/5 years apart. I was the oldest. The third child was 10 years younger than me and the fourth 13 years younger than me. We had no problems because of the age differences. I loved being big sister to my two youngest brothers. My oldest brother (the one 2 1/2 years younger) and I fought a lot. But both my oldest brother and I got along pretty well with the two "little" brothers and they got along better than my oldest brother and I did.

Hi there. When I came along, my Mom was 37 and she had all three of my other siblings by the time she was 26. I was a Surprise baby! However, it's amazing because I hear all the time how I was supposed to be in our family because it was like I bonded everyone together and they all got to help me grow up. My oldest Brother was 14, then a brother who was 12, then my Sister was 10 (four months from being 11). I have lots of fond memories of doing 'cool' things w/my brothers like riding on their motorcycles, snowmobiles etc. in the car etc. when they learned how to drive etc. They took me a lot of places. I am by far closest w/my Sister-When I was 8 and she was 18, she would get annoyed w/me sometimes because I was so curious about her boyfriends etc. and we actually shared a room (poor thing!). However, she always had my back and so did my Brothers. I got to learn from their mistakes and challenges in life-not that I haven't had some of my own. I am still the "Surprise" kid and the only one who moved farther than anyone else-so it's a Surprise when I visit and I always seem to be bonding everyone together again. It's kind of a neat role to play in a family...families are made of all shapes, sizes and ages. That's what makes it such a wonderful experience.
All The Best,
K.

Well I have a 16 yr old and a 2 yr old. It is interesting. Doable though. It is nice because when the teen is crazy i realize it is a phase much easier now.
And when two is really showing I know wow better this then 16.

Now both of my girls are great. But well some ages get testing. I am much calmer and aware. Which has really helped parent the younger much better and more aware.

YOu will basically raise two families. But it works for us. So much so that I want another one so the youngest has a true sibling. I do not think it is any reason not to have more. I really think it has helped me be better with each of them

My son turned 15 almost two months before our daughter was born. I had briefly thought I wanted another child when he was about 3-4 but that passed and as he grew I was fine with just him. After remarrying I was still thinking I wasn't going to try for another. Eight years later, we decided "now of never" and was blessed to get pregnant very quickly.

My son is now 19 and just completed his sophmore year while my daughter is finishing preschool. In some ways, they are both "only children" because of the age gap but in others they are siblings without the bickering and constant competition for mom's attention. The hardest part is trying to keep her out of her brother's room when he's home because she really misses him when he's gone (and worships him) while he doesn't want her in there constantly.

I have 4 children, one daughter age 26, one son age 22, two little boys ages 7(almost 8) and 4. My daughter was graduating highschool when my oldest little one was born and my older son was 13 at the time. They were thrilled about the baby. Now my older two are out and on thier own and it is just me and the little ones.
The biggest challenge I found was being able to attend sporting and school events for my older son since I had a baby. That required alot of my attention so I feel that my older son missed out on alot of my attention during that time. He has never said or complained of that, it is just how I feel.
I think the biggest problem you would run into is if you try to make the older children babysitters for the little ones. My kids loved being with the babies but it was important to still remember and respect thier space and time.
At 32, you will be fine. I was in my early and mid 20's for the first 2, and in my 40's for the 2nd 2. All are healthy and beautiful. I feel blessed.
Good Luck to you!!

I'm giving you my feedback from the sibling perspective, not the mom perspective (my kids thus far are 3 years apart... thinking about a larger gap before the next one or two, like you!)

I have 5 sisters. My parents had their first at age 19, then had a kid every 5 or so years after until we they had twins at age 42. I think they were good with 4 kids, then had an "oops' that turned out to be 2 more. Ha! My oldest sister is actually closer in age to our mom (19 yrs apart), then she is to her youngest baby sisters (22 years apart)!

Anyway, I am in the middle, so I have baby sisters who are 5 years and 11 years younger, and older sisters who are 5 years and 11 years older. I think the shared experience of "family" is what bonds us, not the age difference. I feel equally close to all my sisters, regardless of the age gap. I think there was a huge benefit to being 5 years apart, we always got the High School and the teenage experience to ourselves... I always looked up to my older sisters and whatever experiences they were having, never in competition or jealousy because by the time I got to a certain stage (high School, college, marriage) they were past it. Now my youngest sisters are graduating college and settling down into adult lives, one is even engaged and it feels like it has all evened out and we are all grown-ups.

The down side is, my mom spent something like 35 years straight making lunches, helping with homework, carpooling, etc until the twins finally graduated High School and went off on their own. Poor woman, now she has to help take care of mine and my two older sister's kids since we are old enough to have children of our own!

I think it's great- from a sibling perspective. I love having the range between us all and we often laugh about my oldest sister being such an 80's queen, me being a total 90's child, and the youngest being raised in the era of internet and cell phone and all that. Quite a difference! Also interesting to compare notes because my oldest sister grew up with young, barely out of high school, struggling to make ends meet parents, and the twins grew up with experienced, financially well-off parents. I'm somewhere in the middle along with my other 2 sisters.

We have a strong family bond that ties us together and we are all very close! The age difference doesn't matter. We've all had special experiences together no matter what stages of life we were in at the time. My oldest sister used to take the twins out for "tea" when they were little, now they still go- she's in her 40's, the twins are in the 20's. It's kinda their thing. If you create a close loving family dynamic, it won't matter the age difference between the kids!

I have a 22 year old daughter, 12 yr.old son and 9 yr. old daughter.

My oldest was in the 6th grade when #2 was born and the 9th grade when #3 was born.

People would say to ALL the time that my daughter must be a wonderful help. And I knew right away that they did not have teenagers.

In my generation it was expected and demanded that I help out with the younger children, or else there would be punishment. Of course, I did not follow that in my own home.

The most difficult part was juggling my active teen's sport schedule, with the demands of a baby and toddler. I was emotionally spent by the teen years and physically exhausted by the toddler years. I ended up hiring a nanny so that my youngest could just stay home once in a while.

Fast forward...they now all deeply love each other. They talk, and laugh, and she takes them places when she is home...it's pure joy to see my children truly respect one another and get along and look forward to their time together.

Oh, and it was great birth control for my teen daughter and her friends to see how much work a baby was. Because the baby attended all kinds of outdoor HS events.

I have a 21 and 19 year old and then a 6 and 4 year old. It's doable and enjoyable.
Financially we are in a postion to do a lot more with and for our younger ones. And we also know a lot more about parenting in general. We are more laid back and don't sweat the small stuff so much.

My girls are 14 and 6 and I have one due is October - I'll be 37 when the baby is born. I think the age gap is great because I like the attention the little ones get and the 1-1 that they wouldn't otherwise have. I won't say it doesn't have its challenges - for example my older one plays hockey - the younger one as a toddler wanted nothing to do with sitting in a rink, on the other hand, she became the team mascot if you will. Also, as much as they get along they fight (something I honestly didn't think it'd have) . . . we just had a 4 hour road trip and after fighting nonstop for an hour, I looked at my 14 year old, and said, really - you want to play with her american girl doll?? I do at times have to remind my 14 year old that I am the mom - she like to be bossy/mother the younger one. They are both very excited about the baby and I know they will be awesome big sisters. I wouldn't have it any other way. We are considering another after this, but I know due to my age, I won't be able to have the age gap, and that scares me haha.

Hi
I had two daughters rather young (married at 17) , they are 21 months apart. My eldest son was born later when my daughters were 8 and 9 and then again my youngest son when they were 13 and 14 years old. My daughters took to having younger brothers (they are full siblings) well.
I was a different type of mother when my boys came along so they got the best of me, although I am told I am a great mom by all my children. When the boys were born I was more confident and calm. This being said, I didn't know until my daughters were adults that they were jealous of the time I spent with the boys when they were younger because the girls by that time were in high school I thought they didn't need me as much WRONG! If there is one word of advice I can give you please understand that your kids will always need you, something I would have liked someone else to mention to me. Oh I was there for the daily stuff like always but I would miss my daughters after school activities when the boys were so small, didn't realize what a big deal that was then. I am sure if they could tell you they would say by all means have more kids but remember the older ones even teens and young adults need you to make sure you are still there for them too!

Best of luck! I was 38 when my youngest was born...I would do it again if I had the chance!

C.

In these days and time, no that is not strange at all. Kids are blessings, alot of people want kids but cant have them. You should have as many as you can for as long as you can. It dont matter about the age gap. My kids are 18, 6, and 11 months. At first I had a few issues with the oldest and the baby but everything is great now. I wouldnt have it no other way because the older kids can help out with the younger ones. My lil sis and I are 16 years apart.

My kids were 10 and 7 when I had my youngest. They were thrilled with the new addition and were great helpers! They are now 19, 15, and 8. The girls (19 & 8) are super close. My son waivers between adoring his little sister to hating the little brat!!! LOL
The downside? My two oldest will be in college, and we'll still have one at the elementary school! LOL
It has worked out just fine. I don't think it's that big of a deal. You are possibly stressing and overthinking it! Just go with the flow!

You've heard some great examples of how well it has worked and the kids get along and I too have the same experience. My stepdaughters are almost 18 and 15 and my daughters are 3.5 and 3 months.
The best advice I can give is to avoid putting the older kids in babysitter role. It's great having another set of hands and someone who wants to play with the 3y/o or hold the baby while I make dinner, but it's their choice and not forced. Anytime someone finds out I have older kids too, the response is "how great, instant banysitters!" and it drives me crazy.
And I agree that's it's been great birth control for them to see the discomfit of pregnancy and no sleep of newborns!
Best of luck to you!

We've been blessed with a little surprise; our 9 month old has two older siblings, 16 and 13. They LOVE her and we are having the best time with it.

My oldest 3 are about to turn 8, 9, and 13. Then we have a 4yo and 5 month old. The thought of having a college student and a kindergartener at the same time is kind of "weird" to me, but my bigger kids dote on the youngers (for the most part, lol), and it's been a fun ride so far!

Adding- the biggest "issue" we have is probably the older kids trying to parent the youngers. That's a big no-no 'round here, but it's usually just a reflection of caring and responsibility.

My kids are 17 (18 in 6 weeks), 3 and 9 months. The gap between one and two worked out very well for us. We have friends with kids who are six years apart, who have never gotten along. IMO, it's all about the people involved. As for whether it's strange or not, I was surprised and relieved to learn how common the gap is. Still, don't be surprised when you get the, "Oh, same father?" questions.

I have a 13 yr old boy and 3 yr old girl.....And I will be pefectly honest with you here ~ It SUCKS at times!

The reasons being :

A toddler needs you so much - their budding personalities are nearing the end of that "critical 1-5 yrs old" stage. You know how the experts tell you that the personality is pretty much formed by the end of that time span? - geeeez, you have to make sure you're REALLY doing "it" right or else you'll end up with a nasty, bratty kid who has no manners & struggles in school because they don't know their colors, their alphabet, how to write their name, or how to dial 911 ONLY in an emergency.

A teenager needs you equally as much - their personalities are already pretty much formed, but now you have to contend with hormones making them "weird", challenging and hating you PLUS, screen all their friends (and their parents) to make sure that your kid doesn't have too much freedom to experiment with drugs/alcohol/crime, etc... geeez, if you don't do THAT right, you end up with a druggie who's flunking classes in school, getting kicked off the sporting team, and not welcome in anyone else's home.

SO, from a parenting perspective, teens/toddlers at the same time can be very difficult to manage.....But it's not impossible, especially if you have a GOOD partner to help :-)

From the sibling point of view :

My kids absolutely ADORE each other! I don't know if it's the dynamic of an older brother being protective of his younger sister, or my kid's individual personalities, or that's just the way it all works out in the end.
All I know is that it is THE sweetest thing for me as a parent to see them together : playing, laughing, and even arguing at times :-) It makes the struggle completely worth my while !

Good luck to you, Mama!

My stepkids were 14 and 18 when DD was born. My cousins were 13, 14 and 16 when their brother was born. I don't think it's strange if it works for you. There are no guarantees of closeness when close in age...just an empty nest sooner! In my experience, the big kids have been GREAT with their little sister, especially as she becomes more and more of a person, and she loves to hang out with them. My cousin is now 18 and enjoys good relationships with his 3 big sisters and now hangs out with their families and is close to his BIL.

I joke that since SD is a teenager and DD is a toddler they are in the same phase. ;)

We also never assume that SD will want to play with DD or babysit. If she does babysit, she gets paid for the evening just like our niece would. I think it helps to continue to make the older kids' activities a priority so they don't feel shafted by the "we can't take the baby". We have gotten a sitter for all but one of SD's plays so we could support her and enjoy something that was not appropriate yet for DD. I think SD may have changed one diaper in 2.5 years and that's fine. I don't mind doing the dirty work.

We have also worked to keep a relationship between SS now 21 and DD. Whenever possible, we skype so she can see him and he sees her when he is in school. She loves talking to him on the computer and it helps him not feel so behind the next time he sees her in person.

I had to laugh at the birth control comment. My niece had her brother's baby at home around the same time SD had DD at home and they have both said they do NOT want kids anytime soon. It's a great reality check.

My youngest sibling is 10 years younger than me and we were always the closest out of the 4 of us. We still are really close now, she's in 11 grade of high school, and I am a mom. I just got her all ready for prom and photographed her last weekend :) I have a 2 1/2 year old and am planning to have at least one more child after I am done with nursing school, but for me I wont be out for another 3-4 years. So I will have a 7 or 8 year gap as well. I am not worried.

I have a 22,20,19 and 3 yr old. ok now the shock has set in. :) The oldest one who was an only kid till he come along thinks he is his daddy. My other 2 had other brothers and sisters they are steps. The 20 yr old is willing to babysit only if necessary. the youngest refuses to babysit. Now I always ask before I leave the 3 yr old with them and they get paid for it. It is only fair they didn't have him I did so I pay to babysit. Now all of the kids love to play with him. But in all honest I don't let the 20 yr old babysit. Reason why is he believes in swats which I do to but my 3 yr old has an hearing issue and you can't swat for not minding when you can't hear. They all buy him stuff and spoil him. Now my oldest has asked when he moves out if he gets visitation every other weekend :) I might take him up on this and he gets my kids one weekend and I get his the next. so he wouldn't have to pay a baby sitter and neither would I and we both get alone time. :) Depending on whats going on of couse too. To me it is easier to have them seperated this far apart cause they can and will help out with him and think they "are the daddy". my oldest and youngest are 19 yrs and 3 weeks apart to the day. :) But also keep in mind pregnancy is easier when you are younger. I had a very hard pregnancy with my youngest. Lots of medical issues.

When I was born my brother had celebrated his 15th birthday 2 days before. My sister was 11/12. They took better care of me than my mom. They fought over who got to change my diapers and carry me around at the stores. They spoiled me rotten.

I have a friend who had basically 2 families. Her oldest children were adults when she remarried and started a new family. She is in her 50's now and has 30+ year old children with their own kids and a 12 year old boy and 10 year old girl.

Good luck in school!

my sister and i are 11 years apart(shes 19 and i will be 30 in Dec.). We were ok when she was very young but as she got older my parents started getting tired and didn't discipline her like she should have and spoiled her BIG TIME!!! i gave my mom quite a few problems growing up and was always in trouble so my sister would see this and though she didn't have to respect me. and my mother never tried to instill that in her so my sister and i had a rocky time. she would just say anything to me and my mom would just let it fly. but as i we older and i moved out the house and started maturing i saw the error and where it had been made and mother did also. she regretted not not teaching my sister that even though i made mistakes i was still her older sister and that respect needed to be there. so my sister kept at it with her mouth and i had to put her in her place one day and that respect is there now. she knows she can't talk to me any kind of way or just say anything to me, PERIOD!so my best advice is if your older children make mistakes but you know they would not guide there younger sibling wrong or hurt them instill that in the younger ones. it may help save some arguing and bad attitudes down the road. best wishes to you and good luck with the nursing!

I only have 2 - a 12 year old and almost 20 month old. I also have a sister 10 years younger than I am (and a sister 5 years older and brother 2 years older). As far as I remember I was fine with having a little sister and was so excited for her. My daughter was real excited for her baby sibling (even more excited to see she was the sister she wanted!) and overall has done well. My youngest was real colicky and she would get tired of the crying - by both her sister and me! I keep telling her she won't always find her cute and she won't want her in space - which has happened once when she left a Harry Potter book down that got ripped.
As far as the running around for activities and such, little one travels well.
We have kids at the daycare with older siblings 10-20+ years older - and not all from second marriages. Life just happens and it will be your families normal.