Forcing a Child to Visit a Parent When They Do Not Want to Go

I don't think it matters if it's healthy or not for the kid. It's legally what you have to do. It sounds very sad and stressful though.

**Edit:
YOU CAN GET AN ATTORNEY... via Pro-Bono "Legal Aide Societies." Google search one for your area.
You must do anything you CAN... or risk losing your daughter and having her KIDNAPPED.
You must use the term "Kidnapped" or "Threatening Kidnapping" of your daughter, to the Authorities.

PLEASE TAKE CURRENT PHOTOS OF YOUR CHILD NOW.
To use for identifying her.... if she is taken. Also take hair samples for DNA etc.
Label her clothing. etc.
ANYTHING. But take CURRENT photos of her, now... to show the police etc, if she is kidnapped.

And if I might add, this is a WHOLE other ballgame... than just seeing a parent. Your Ex, threatened to KIDNAP your daughter so you never see her again... and taking her OUT of the Country.... AND he has family there. DO you even KNOW his family there or have relations with them or even know how to contact them, there? If not, you better make sure you do.
He has threatened to KIDNAP your daughter AND take her out of the country. If he is going to do that, I am sure he told his family... they will probably help, him. Then what?

YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING... and once your daughter IS Kidnapped... it will be too late and she will be gone. Your Ex's relatives will hide her, give her a new name, and it will be VERY hard, to get her back.
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Report this to your Attorney.
GET an Attorney if you do not have one.
Get an ATTORNEY, RIGHT NOW.
DOCUMENT all of this.

many children, get abducted by their parent.
Once that happens, it is very hard to get child back, to this country.

I would think, that the parent is NOT allowed to take your daughter out of the State or the country, UNLESS you, provide AUTHORIZATION, in writing and notarized....
Research, this, Right away.

Did the courts, ACTUALLY SAY THAT HE CAN TAKE HER... OUT OF THE STATE AND OUT OF THE COUNTRY??? That is different... than just visitations.

AND you tell the courts, he is THREATENING you and to take your child OUT OF THE COUNTRY... so that you never see her again.
That is called KIDNAPPING.

And don't just tell the Courts, tell anyone and the Cops too.
DOCUMENT all of this and his THREATS.

AND: is your Ex, a U.S.A. Citizen or not?
If not, report him to the Immigration Dept.
Your child I assume, is a US Citizen born here.
Or tell, your Embassy.
The point is: TELL anyone and every government agency, that can HELP YOU in this.

For a child to go out of the country, she'd need a Passport.... AND parental Authorization that she can travel with only 1 parent...and the other parent, has to SIGN AN AUTHORIZATION form, NOTARIZED, saying so.
AND, I would make sure, that your Ex, is not FORGING your signature....

Now, if your Ex, takes your child out of the country... do you KNOW that HE will be returning to the USA, too???? Leaving your child there in his home country????
And, if he does return, and he is only on a Green Card... he is KIDNAPPING your daughter... .and you can report him to Immigration.
THUS, you NEED to DOCUMENT everything and stay 10 steps ahead of him.... to prevent him from acting on his threats, of kidnapping your daughter.

I agree with S.H. that his threats are very serious. I would take every action possible to find a lawyer, they are available pro bono, or on payment plans, and to block his way to taking your daughter out of the country. If he gets her out, there is almost nothing you can do to get her back. He would need a passport, but these can be forged. Really, this is not a normal visitation situation, from what you've shared. This is about keeping your daughter in this country. Write down as exactly as possible what he has said and when he said it, when he threatened you, to share with a lawyer and with a judge in court.

Added:

From three of your posts today, your daughter is kicking and screaming not to go to visitation with her father, is peeing her pants and the bed, and is making herself throw up!! She is crying out for you to help her! She needs to see a pediatrician and then a child psychologist. She is under extreme stress for these behaviors to be happening all at the same time. Has is occurred to you that her father may not just be neglecting her, sending her home filthy and such, but abusing her?!! Please get her help asap.

I know three different white women who married Arab men. Two of them had their children kidnapped and taken to the father's country and the mothers never saw their children again.

I would say, your daughter is being traumatized. From your other post of her refusing food, throwing up, it sounds like she is in distress, and I do not doubt for a minute that he will kidnap her too. You need to get this documented by a health professional and get a lawyer. Call the police and document any time he threatens you or to take the child. Begin building a paper trail against him. Contact a local women's shelter. They have plenty of resources that can help you navigate this.

oh gosh that is so awful!

When I was younger I was that kid. My father actually tried to "kidnap" me once but the Police caught us first. As someone who has gone through it, I would urge you to get a lawyer, document everything (documentation is what allowed my mom to win the case) and try to get him out of the pictures, or at most supervised visits.

If it were me and he wanted to see my daughter, i'd let him but I would supervise the visits. It is absolutely ridiculous for him to behave that way and it would be a cold day in he*l before I let my child go with someone who was threatening to take them out of the country.

Get a lawyer immediately! Record phone calls and save texts too!
You are the mother and i'm assuming you know that something is wrong just by the "vibe" you are getting from your daughter.

Good luck :/

You've gotten lots of good advice, most especially from S.H. so I won't repeat it. I do want to offer some direction. Many states have a 211 help line. I don't know about yours, but if you do just dial 211 and they should be able to direct you to any free legal services in your area. If you don't have 211, try contacting your local YWCA. They have some outstanding women's issue resources and if your ex is threatening you they may consider it domestic violence and that will give you more grounds in a legal battle. Also try your local heath and human services. You do not need to be receiving services to get information. They may also have a list of attorneys that do pro-bono work. And remember document document document, and I mean everything. And to answer your question, no I don't think it's good to force, but unfortunately if it's court ordered your only option is to fight fight fight, or run away which has it's own legal ramifications. Best of luck to you.

It sure doesn't seem right. Perhaps you can talk to an attorney about modifying the visitation agreement. How often are the visits? If there are going to be visits anyway, maybe it's a good idea to help make them as painless as possible for her. Talk good things about her father, send her with her favorite toys, talk to him in a non-threatening way about things she likes to do. Most importantly, keep an open dialogue with her (as much a 3 yo can) about her visits - you want to know if anything neglectful or unsafe is happening.
At first when I read your title to this question, I wanted to caution that in my experience, kids often "don't want" to go with the other parent but that is normal reaction - even if there are no problems. ie she may tell him she doesn't want to go back to you either. It's often a normal part of changing back and forth from parents. However, the more I read your post...the kicking and screaming doesn't seem right. Try to not make a big deal of it in front of her much as you can. If she sees you are all stressed out or negative about it, she will pick up on this and act it out. Kids are VERY sensitive to this stuff.

In order for him to get a passport for her, BOTH of you need to be present with photo identification to make the initial application for one. Call your local passport office and notify them of his threats and ask if there is a way to notify immigration authorities as to his threats to you so that they can put a flag on her name. Give them as much information as possible.

Do WHATEVER IT TAKES to get a lawyer to protect you in court. Imagine the countless money you will spend looking for her or trying to get the courts to go after him AFTER the fact. Get a second job, DO WHAT IT TAKES.

Document everything. Try to get his threats in writing/audio. Be proactive on this because once he is gone with her, there isn't much you can do.

No, this can't be a healthy thing for your child. However, is the right thing to do YES. You chose this man be be the father of your child and according to the law he has rights, just like you do. I'm happy to hear your doing your best to protect your child.

I don't like forcing a child to go but you can't stop him from taking her for a visit if it is court ordered. The issues you have noted should be addressed and if it were me, I would go back to court to get the order modified and have thos issues documented and addressed on the court records.

You need a lawyer.

:(

You can find a FREE lawyer based off income. File a protective order immediatley. Please PROTECT your child. What county are you in? I will help everyway I can, contact me, as I can try to give you many resources for the state of OHIO.

I think it is important for a child to have a relationship with both parents, and you as the mother should be encouraging her to find the good things about this man, to want to get to know him. She can sense your dislike. What would be best for her would be for you and him to find a way to act like adults and learn to be friends since you will forever to co-parents to that child.

In answer to your actual question, no, I do not believe it is right or emotionally healthy to force your child to go with him.

Frankly, if I were in your position, I would not let him take her. And if I had to disappear with her, I would. In a heartbeat.

I'm wondering - and I don't mean to sound critical or anything bad - I'm just wondering..........
you live in Hudson, a very affluent community.....do you have family there? or nearby? anyone that can help financially? who has the money for you to live in Hudson? there must be help somewhere......someone who can help you with the attorney fees.......

Again, these are just random thoughts going through my head. I'm not looking to offend you, just trying to understand better.....

Also, I would ask for a GAL or CASA to investigate this situation. The magistrates listen to the recommendations of the GALS/CASAS. Check with social services on how to go about getting one assigned to you.

DO NOT VIDEO RECORD THE EXCHANGES! At least not without checking your local laws about that. In some states it is ILLEGAL to video record people without their knowledge or consent. For those that will say stores do it all the time...yes they do BUT they have signs up informing everyone who enters the store that they are being recorded.
You might be able to do voice recordings of the exchanges but again check your local laws because many states have laws the make it illegal while others it is legal as long as certain guidelines are followed.

The only way you can prove that it is unhealthy for her to be forced to visit him is to have a psychologist evaluate your daughter and then have that dr either present documents stating that or show up and testify in court for your daughter.
The courts are going to continue to say she has to see him until they have proof from a unbiased medical professional tell them otherwise. Even then they will still consider the father's rights.
But that doesn't come cheap by any means. Whatever you have to do get a lawyer...do not do this alone. Also see about getting your daughter a lawyer even if you have to have the court appoint one.

I think to change it you need to document these things (like the threats - and I'd also go get a flag on her SSN so that if they tried to get her a passport you'd be contacted and I'd also see what I could do to flag her for international travel) and go back to the court.

I would also try to find a counselor for the child and see if there are any family court lawyers or options for someone in your position.

I would secretly start video taping her screaming getting into the car. Have more than one or two. Don't tell anyone ur doing it. Have a friend sit in a parking spot near where he parks and record from the car. Show that to the court. Also make sure u tell the court about taking to another country, make sure he is not allowed to get her a passport.

Document, take pictures, make lists of what you send, take pictures of it and then what it looks like when she comes home, the only defense you have is proof.

It is really hard to see your child upset that way. The best you can do is have someone from family services with you for the exchange and let them witness the trauma it puts your child thru. They can represent you in court too instead of a lawyer.

I know you've responded and I haven't read everything...but - is there anyway to tape her reaction when her daddy comes to get her. Seeing a child freak out like that has to hit the court and help with hopefully a decision in your favor. Keep track of everything. Everytime he says something bad, threatens to take her away, picks up late, drops off late, everything!! Good luck - and keep fighting for what is right for her!! Good luck!