Four Year Old Refusing to Sleep in Her Bed

Sorry to say, but the reason why she is "doing this" is because, unfortunately, you gave her the notion that her behavior is acceptable, and then doubly reinforced it by setting up a special bed just for her. She's learned to use the powers of manipulation to control those around her, which is also related to the other changes you've noticed - being clingy and perhaps a bit demanding, etc. Smart little people, those four-year olds!

It won't be pleasant, but it's absolutely necessary that you undo the damage, and as soon as possible! The real issue here is that your daughter must learn that it's unacceptable to manipulate others in order to get what she wants to please herself. Think of adults you know who possess this trait. Are they liked and respected? Are they happy?

Do away with her special bed in your room and tell her, matter-of-factly, that the "rule" in your house is that she must sleep in her own bed, in her own room all night long, and there are no other options available. Make sure you praise her at the same time, by telling her things like - you're proud of her for being such a big girl, and that you are confident she'll be good at following rules, etc.

If she gets up and comes into your room during the night, it's imperative that you return her to her bed, quietly and calmly reminding her of the rules. Conversation should be minimal, the tone of your voice void of emotion. If she fusses or cries, ignore it, refraining from any sypathetic replies, tell her you love her, good night, and leave the room. If she gets up again, just keep returning her to her bed, the less said, the better.

If you are consistent and stand your ground, she will accept the fact that you mean business, and she does not have the power to manipulate you.

You don't mention how many total hours of sleep your daughter gets, but at four years, I think 12 to 14 hours are recommended. Try to avoid food, snacks, or drinks, especially with any sugar content, a good hour and a half to two hours prior to bedtime. Digestion demands bodily activity. Try offering turkey and/or warm milk as a last snack. Both contain natural sleep-inducing ingredients.

Prior to bedtime, try to maintain a household environment that is calm and quiet, free of stimulating activity and noise. Play items should consist of things such as books, coloring, listening to soft music, etc.

Stick to your guns, be patient and consistent, and you will be rewarded with the trust and respect of your children.

Much good luck!

I wish I had the guts to recommend a lovely book called "The Family Bed" by Tine Thevenin ISBN ###-###-#### It will give you a new perspective about your daughter. This book will definitely help your daughter to sleep through the night again.

My daughter for the first 2 1/2 years of her life refused to sleep with us. Then one night out of the blue she had a very bad nightmare and would not go back to sleep. From that night on she only wanted to sleep with us in our bed. So we let her. She wouldn't even step foot in her room. So I went into her room and removed everything I thought might be scaring her. I even made some "monster" spray. I had my husband who is in the Military get dressed up the scare the monsters away. I even went as far as have the house "saged" to get rid of anything that might be an issue to her. None of it worked. She has now in her own bed in our room. (we have a huge bedroom) so its not a big deal.
I don't believe in forcing her to sleep in her room. The few times we have done that she never went to bed ALL night and neither did we. She threw up and pounded her head against the door and almost pulled the dresser down on herself. So the way that I look at it she is a good kid other than where she wants to sleep. We could be dealing with a ton of other things and to me sleeping in our room is not a big deal. I know one day she won't want to and I think I might miss it.

First of all, have you made sure that there is nothing going on at school or someplace else that is bothering her? If so then here is what I do:

The one thing that I always did with my kids was let them sleep on the floor. I didn't make them a bed or anything if they would come in I would tell them that they were more than welcome to sleep on the floor. I didn't let them bring in blankets or pillows because that messes up mommy's room. It took all of the fun out of sleeping with me.

My older son is visiting his dad far away and I expected a problem for my 3 y/o because he has never slept in his room alone. For Christmas I got some spiderman posters and a bed set. Now he has an extra special bed that he likes sleeping in.

Hope that helps. I wouldn't stress too much because she will outgrow it. He is playing you to see how you react and if she doesn't get a reaction then she will move on to something else.

I know this is a tough one because you want to comfort your child, but you need your sleep! We do not give our daughter the option of sleeping in our bed anymore. Last night she woke up at 3am screaming from a bad dream. I imediatly ran to her and offered for her to sleep on a pallet on the floor next to me. She likes it because we still hold hands. Also, we made her own bed more fun so she likes it at bed time. We gave her a my little pony bed tent for her birthday and I let her pick out a new bedspread (whatever she wanted). You can get a bed tent on ebay for about $20. There are also some cheap pop up tents that go on the floor. We used one of those at first, but it took up her whole room.

My daughter is also being pretty clingy lately. Maybe it is a 4 year old thing. As I drive her to school in the morning we really talk it up about how much fun she is going to have and we name all of her friends that she will play with. Now she gets really excited and says she loves school. This is coming from the kid who "hated" school a few months ago. Good luck! I think a lot of their attitude can be directed by the parent making things seem fun.

Sounds like she may be going through that phase of knowing she's a big girl now, but afraid she'll 'lose' mommy and daddy if she's too independent. Our daughter when through a phase of waking up crying, but we didn't let her in our bed. Instead we (we'd take turns) went and laid down on the floor next to her bed until she fell back to sleep - only words we said were 'you're okay, go back to sleep' when we first came into the room. She'd quickly fall asleep then we'd go back to bed. It only took a couple of nights for her to realize she could get herself back to sleep, then we weren't needed. As far as her crying when you leave her at school - maybe set up a chart: X number of days in a row of no tears at drop-off she earns a special treat or activity with you. As she makes progress make it more days in a row to earn the treat. Before you know it things will be back to normal and you won't need the chart.

M.
Married mom of a 6 yr. old daughter

M.