Friend Wants to Bring Signifcant Other over for Weekend

If it has nothing to do with her not being married and she has ALWAYS stayed with you, then I don't get at all where you are coming from. Let them stay. Make a little joking comment about how the walls are thin, wink, wink. Most people have respect for the person's home they are staying in.

You can request any sleeping arrangements you feel comfortable with.
They have the choice to comply or not.

I don't have strangers sleep over, regardless of having kids or not, so they would have to stay in a hotel.

I'm confused. What do you want help with? How to tell her she can't stay at your home or that you believe she and her boyfriend will be bumping uglies and making too much noise to keep your daughter awake?

If and when we have UNMARRIED couples come over? They stay in separate rooms. if they don't like that? They are free to stay elsewhere. I give them the option.

No, it's not because I'm a prude. I have two young boys - ages 11 and 13 - we have expressed our values of not sleeping with someone before you are married. And don't want to mix that message to them.

If you aren't concerned about them sleeping together but making noise by having sex in the room next to your daughter - then say so. If she is a friend, you should be able to tell her how you are feeling or your concerns.

Good luck!

Do you think they will be swinging from the ceiling?

I'm not seeing the issue...

So, you're afraid that they will have loud crazy sex and your daughter will hear them. Honestly, this shouldn't be a worry unless you feel your friend has no respect for you. If I were visiting a friend and staying with them, even if they DIDN'T have kids, I would either abstain or have REALLY QUIET sex (LOL).

How is 1 extra guest a problem? How long are they staying? I would be curious as to why hubby doesn't want them to stay. Get more info from him. It's not fair to you to have to suddenly say no to your friend for no clear good reason. And "they might have loud sex" is no clear good reason.

Of course you can decide on whether or not you want to have guests overnight, but since you have a guest room what's the difference if it's one or two people? I assume they are adults and would keep their voices down in the room next to your daughter's.
I would find it strange if a friend was happy to have me but not my husband/boyfriend.
I have a feeling there's more going on here than you're letting on, is the guy someone you don't want your child around?
ETA: if it's because they're not married how would your daughter even know that? That's only an issue if you choose to make it one.

Obviously it's your house so do what you want, but if I were your friend it would definitely be off-putting to me. The "my husband doesn't like a lot of guests" thing is kind of a lame excuse, especially since he apparently is fine when it's just her so what's one more adult person? And why have a guest room at all if you don't want guests? The whole thing is weird. Is there another reason like maybe you don't like the guy?

I wouldn't allow it, because that's not the example I want to set in my home. If people want to share a bed in my house, they better be married or children. I don't care if people don't agree with me. My house, my standards, my rules.

Just say that you're sorry, and refer her to nice hotels. You don't have to explain yourself, it's your home!! If they ask, I suppose you can elaborate. I actually think it's incredibly rude to assume bringing guests to someone's home!!!!

I don't get why husband won't want him to stay...history of bad men in her life?

I don't get why the location of the guest room means your friend and her boyfriend can't stay with you.

What am I missing here?

What help are you looking for? I would need more info on what your issue with the situation is..... is your friend only welcome in your home if she is single? or once she marries? Why is her bringing a significant other an issue?

If you share what you are uncomfortable with, we can help you more.

My guess is that you think they will engage in raucous love making. If you think your friend is not mature enough to not be disruptive, then you just say that you are only able to accomodate one guest at a time.

However, this might be something that would end my friendship with someone.... So be prepared for that. MOST adults don't engage in crazy sex while being a guest, so I don't think you'll have a problem unless they're staying with you for weeks.

If your husband likes to keep guests at a minimal, then that is his (or your) right. Just tell them the truth, "I'm sorry, my husband is not comfortable with 2 people sleeping over. He feels it's too crowded."

Are you afraid they will be having sex? Highly unlikely, speaking as someone who has slept (with my husband) on couches and guest rooms of family/friends over the years.

Are you afraid their chatter/bumping into furniture will wake the baby? That is a valid concern. Share that with them.

My husband, young son & I used to sleep in my SIL's guestroom attic. She has a special needs son. She eventually told us we couldn't stay there anymore because our presence was a distraction to our nephew's nighttime routine. Bummer, but we love her, him, her family and we were not offended or insulted. We get it. So SOME people will take offense (too bad) and others won't. You know your friend best.

So have an honest talk with your husband and see if he can deal with it or not. Is it worth it if your friend is put off? Then again, having a COMPLETE stranger in your house is no easy matter either. I had a friend once bring her boyfriend and our cat pooped on his pillow. He never acted like that with anyone. So our cat was freaked out by this person.

Most kids are heavy sleepers once they actually fall asleep (at least mine are). I can't imagine that they will be having wild crazy sex next door to a little kid while they are guests in a house. If the real issue is your husband doesn't want anyone sleeping at your house, then I would get rid of the "guest room" since its next door to the kid, and turn it into a home gym or play room. Otherwise it will just be sitting there unused at least til your kid is 18 and moves out. lol

Most adults travel/visit WITH their spouse, or boy/girlfriend, how exactly is this not "minimal" it's only TWO people, and you have a guest room?
First you imply that it's something to do with having kids, then it's about your husband.
I just don't see the problem. Having another couple spend the night when you have a spare room, what's the REAL issue here?

I do not understand.

Is it that your husband is ok with one over night guest but not 2?
What is the problem with it exactly?

Sharing a bathroom?
Having to entertain someone he does not know?
Feeding them?

Are they going to hang out with you all or just be staying there to sleep and shower?

Walls are thin? What does this have to do with anything? They will talk and wake your daughter, or that your daughter will wake them up? Put a fan in her room to block sounds.. Or get a white noise machine for her room. It is a good thing to have anyway in her room if the walls are that thin in your home.

People have guests over all of the time. You need to be a roblem solver or else just say, sorry that weekend will not be good for all of you this time.

So, just blame it on your husband when you're telling your friend that she can't stay with her partner. Tell her the truth.

No matter what the reason, if it doesn't work for your friend to stay with you, just say that. Keep explanations brief. The important things is to communicate how happy you are that she is coming to town and how much you look forward to seeing her and meeting her new guy.

I would just tell her that since you have a child now you don't want her and her boyfriend staying with you.

I would never let a man I didn't know stay the night in my home with my young daughter. The only exception is if they were in separate bedrooms and my daughter was sleeping in my bedroom, either in our bed in on an air mattress in our room. I just don't trust men I don't know around young girls. One of every four girls is sexually assaulted. If your friend is an adult with a boyfriend, wouldn't a hotel be preferrable anyway.

"keep guests at a minimum" for a friend and her s.o., that sounds like a lame excuse. Maybe you should go with the excuse of "your not married", that sounds much better. But then again it doesn't sound like you even talked to your husband about this since you say "I also don't think DH.....", so why haven't you talked to him?

hmmmmm. I get it it's not optimal for your husband...but be prepared for your friend to be hurt if you don't lay it out with finesse. Usually couples are welcome once a friend has a significant other.

Since this sounds frequent (you say she's always stayed with you) and you know your husband and you -with child now and thin walls-are never going to like them coming ..it makes sense to lay the ground work for her to stop staying with you. But if it's a one time thing, you could try to get your husband to be a bit flexible IF you want them to stay with you. Your child won't care.

Well, I know everyone is saying it is not a big deal, but my daughter had the room next door to the guest room and she says everyone who ever stayed over got it on next door. Poor thing!

I say let her bring him. Tell her that the walls are thin and you REALLY don't want them doing anything that your daughter shouldn't hear. If she's going to be a guest in your home, she should respect that. It's only a couple of nights, right? I think they can manage to keep their hands off each other for two days.

I think your husband should agree to it, too. If they were married, it would be assumed that the husband would join too, so you'd have two guests no matter what. I can understand not wanting a lot of guests in the house, but I don't think there's a huge difference between a single woman and a couple in terms of how much extra work, discomfort, etc it will cause you. Assume this guy is going to be her husband someday, so it's a great way to get to know him better.

We have a guy friend who stays with us as often as we can get together. When he was dating a girl, she came with him. He stays in our basement, generally, where we have a pull out couch. It's never bothered us to have him bring a girlfriend, we know he wouldn't without it being serious, and we also trust that he's not going to be canoodling in our basement where the kiddo can walk in. (She loves him so much and always wants to wake him up when he's here. He also enjoys this.)

Unmarried couples sleep seprate at our house one couple respected and had no prob other choose to make other arrangements

And while I personally would choose not to my. Hubs has no prob having sex when we are staying w friends and relatives so if that is your concern from my experience its. A valid concern although we do try to keep quiet.