Having a 4Th Child?

Some would disagree with me on this, but I have found it to be true, and was told it was when I had my third child; Even numbers are always easier, it's the odd numbers that are more of an adjustment. 3 was a big adjustment, 4 wasn't.

BTW, I do have 4 ranging in age from 5 1/2 to almost 6 mos.

Good luck.

Hey J., guess what you aren't crazy. My situation is a little different I have 3 kids of my own and am engaged to a man that came with 2 more, but I was raising my three on my own and everyone thought I was nuts and then bam he moves in and all of a sudden we go from 3 to 5, ages 7, 6, 6, 4, and 4, and we've been doing this for almost 2 years now so while i may have missed the baby stage on numbers 4 and 5 it's a housefull, but it's really not that hard. the older kids help out, they amuse themselves and each other a lot, we have a whole little cheering section at sports events and we have a good family and someone can always go to everything even if we can't all be there. The kids are close an get along well and have a support system for later in life when they no longer want to tell mommy and daddy everything and I couldn't be happier. there are days when it's like ok how did we jsut do that but we are a great team and we get it done, jsut last night we bathed all the kids and dried the girls' hair (2 girls, 3 boys)got teeth brushed and jammies on in 15 minutes, but we also have two showers. but it can be done and I really think going from one to two was harder than anything after that. So good luck, if you really are worried about time you could wait a year or so but myself i like the fact that they are so close in age.

I had two sons when we decided we would try for a "girl" as our third child.. we knew we wanted three. I come from a family of 8 children and husband, a family of 4. He wanted 4, I kept saying "oh three will be enough" Well our attempt for a girl produced twin boys.. I feel blessed beyond anything I could have imagined. Our boys are 5(in May), 3 1/2(4 in October)and the twins are 18 months. If you want another- you should have another BUT if your husband really doesn't want another you have to take that into consideration. You would not want your husband to feel resentment toward you or your foruth child. For instance, if you can't really afford a fourth- it will put more pressure on him to "provide" for his family, causing more pressure on your relationship.
NOW on the other hand if you talked to him and he agrees to it.. then by all means go for it. Four isn't any harder and three. A tad more expensive, but you will make ends meet when necessary I am sure. Hope this helps.

First I want to know what you do to work from home if you could let me know I would greatly appreciate it. Next I have 5 ages 16, 11, 6, 3 1/2, and almost 2. Yes it is crazy now the three oldest are my bonus children and until recently did any of them help out around the house but now its better. I do tons and tons of laundry seems like it will never end and then there is jealous problems sometimes but we make it work. We get everyother weekend to ourselves(I know in your sittuation you can't) but just spending some quality time together helps. We also have all the kids in bed by 10 the younger ones by 8 so we get time then. The kids all share rooms and it works. Don't get me wrong when there is a fight it starts between 2 and ends up all of them screaming and fighting and crying but I wouldn't change a thing. We are actually thinking of number 6 and people tell me that we are crazy now wait till then. I say if you want another go for it. Good luck let us know what you decide.

I am a stay at home mom of 4. 3 boys and 1 girl. ages 6, 4, 3, and 8 months. My two middle ones are 9 months apart. I am not going to tell you how wonderful 4 kids are all the time. because sometimes it sucks. but isnt that motherhood with 1 or 10 kids everyone has their hard days. I was also in your situation. After I had my 3rd I just knew I wasnt done yet. my husband said no way but deep in my heart I knew I needed one more. So when I got pregnant I couldnt have been happier. I think my husband was a little embarrased we had 3 kids and was expecting another. He didnt really tell anyone I was pregnant. but when my son was born it all changed. My husband seems to have bonded more with this baby then the rest. (not that he isnt close with the others) They just have a special relationship. I cant imagine life without him he has just fit completely into our family. we also live in a three bedroom house. the baby is in our room right now but will more into the boys room. we will have bunks and a twin. The room will be all beds but I dont think they would want to sleep seperate if they had the chance. We did have to get a bigger car so we got a minivan, that was all we had to do to prepare. I say follow your heart. you know when you are done with kids. I know now after my number 4 we are complete. good luck with your situation E. s

Being in a marriage means making decisions as a team. As you stated, "My husband only has a sister and really doesnt want any more kids." leads me to believe that this should not be your decision alone, regardless of how hard or easy it may be. It's not just your life that changes; his life changes too.

You need to have a long talk with your husband to determine whether or not this is the best decision for everyone in your family. I'm not suggesting that having a family of 6 is not a good decision - just that the two adults need to be on the same page and have the ability to be happy and at peace with the decision.

Hello.. I do understand your frustration in regards to some peoples response about having another child. I have a 4 yr old and a 6 yr old, and Im preg with my 3rd. I have had some people say things to me, that I would never say to anyone in my life. Ive been asked: if i learned where babies come from ( ok im 32 and have 2 other kids, so yeah evidently I know how that happens)
"what are u crazy ( dont know how to tell you, but I was crazy BEFORE i started having children) "where will you put this one" (hmmm... i was thinking in the closet.. what kind of question is that ! ) Ive been asked " how will you afford another kid "
(please someone tell me how my fianances are any of anyones business)... I just recently told my mother I can Not believe what some people say... I would just never be so rude. So to answer your question, if your husband is truly set on not having any more I wouldnt, if you have a good marriage and hes a good dad, then you should sit down and the two of you should talk about it. Only you and your husband know what is best for your family. As far as experience with 4, I know a couple people who have had 4 or more, and from what I can see, yes 4 is alot, yes it is caotic, yes its another a child in the home, but if its something you think you can handle then it probably wont be much different then 3. Good Luck to you !!

I am a SAHM of 4. YES it is hard! but if I wouldnt have gotten sick with each pregnancy and it gotten worse each time I would have had more. As long as you and your husband work together it isnt so bad. I got pregnant with my 4th when my third was 11 months, when the baby was born it was VERY hard for him, and still is. It just depends on what is going on in your life now, and when the baby comes. Youjust need some careful planning so that you arent overwhelming yourselves. Right now I am going through the terrible 2's and a 1 yr old learning to walk at the same time. They both want mommy at the same time and arent willing to wait for their turn. My Kids were about the same ages as yours, and I can tell you YES adding a 4th would be a little harder. And it isnt the baby that makes it harder lol, it is if you and the rest of your family is ready. Things change whenever you ad a baby to the family, whether it is the first or any other number. Me personally, I would have waited until my 3rd was almost 3 before I got pregnant. But a schedule makes it MUCH much easier.

I have 7 children. Their current ages are 24, 22, 20, 16, 14, 3 and 1. I think as far as managing the care of a 4th - that part is not a big deal. As your older ones get older - they become easier making it easier to care for a 4th.

I think that first you need to examine your financial situation. Trust me as I talk from experience. As you see - I have older kids. Your kids are on the low cost side of things rignt now. I think that is what men realize better then we females do. I can tell you as you move into the age of competitive sports, wanting thier clothes from the mall, shoes that run $50 - $100, cars, car insurance, senior pictures (several hundred dollars) and college - it does get overwhelming.

That being said - you can do it - but you will have to sacrifice. Maybe your DH does not want to do that. You are also going to make that choice for your kids to sacrifice. My kids have everything they need and then some, but we do not have the video game systems and the plasma TVs to play them on. Most of thier friends do. We take a modest 4 day vacation - not a 10 day cruise.

I have to say that as I have gone down the line with my 7 children - I have been able to improve my finanacial situation. It is a lot less stress not having to worry about where the next bad if diapers is coming from and being able to chose to got to the Children's Museum or the Zoo.

Good luck with your decision.

Hi J.-

I am the mother to 4 wonderful children ages 61/2 to 8 weeks old. I always wanted a big family, and though it has its challenges, I love it. I just turned 33 and now we are officially done. Sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming- especially when everyone needs attention at once. My husband and I have everyone in bed by 7:30 each night so that we can have together time. We also schedule one date per month (*when we have the money to pay a sitter that it)! Our home is 1661 square feet and so far the two boys share a room, the oldest has her own room and the baby is in with us. I grew up sharing a room with my sister so I think the kids will survive and learn from sharing space as well. I don't know if any of this information helps, but you can always feel free to email me!
H.

Hi J.!

I cannot really help with your question, but I wanted to thank you for asking. I am in a similar situation. I am a little older (I turn 36 on Sunday). I have been married for almost 10 years to a wonderful, supportive husband. We already have 3 children - 4 1/2 yrs, 2 yrs and 11 months (boy, girl, girl). They are pretty close together in age...

My husband and I both come from families with 2 kids. We both had wanted a larger family, but I have to admit it is pretty hectic. We are at the point now, where we are considering a 4th. I too am afraid that many years from now we may regret if we don't have the fourth. But, I am organized and fairly (suprisingly) calm now. I may completely unravel with a 4th...

I too have had many people make comments about how many kids we have. In our neighborhood, most families just have 1 or 2. It is uncommon for 3, let alone 4 or more. I had someone at work say they were going to start calling me the old lady in the shoe...

Anyways, good luck with your decision. As others stated, you obviously need the support and agreement of your husband to make this work. For me, my husband is the one that is pushing (just slightly) for another. I think he wants another boy... I have to admit, that I just don't feel like I am finished... Plus, I have been lucky so far that I had extremely easy pregnancies and very good/calm babies.

L.

Hi J.-
I have four kids ages 9,6,3 and 1 girl,boy,girl,boy. I would tell you honestly if I thought having four was too much but for our family it has worked out wonderfully maybe because of the order of the genders because the oldest girl/boy has been so excited for a baby brother/sister but I did worry about the time factor as far as attention for the kids and time for my husband and it does take work but it is possible to do it all. I worried before I got pregnant each time about having enough "time" for the others and it has always worked out. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I have 4 children ages 13,5,4, and 13 months..and honestly it really isn't that much different now, however when he was a little baby it was kind of tough to be up all night, and then take care of the other kids all day (at the time they were 4 and 2) they didn't take naps so i had to go all day on 1 or 2 hours sleep...but I wouldn't trade it for the world..and now that he sleeps through the night, and is walking he prefers to play with his brother and sisters and they entertain him most of the time..the only thing I can see as a disadvantage is that it's hard to get a kid free night when you have 4 of them...but your too tired to do anything anyway..lol well good luck in whatever you decide but if it's something you want you'll find a way..if you want to talk more you can email me at ____@____.com

I have 4, 2 boys, 2 girls, ages 13,12,9 & 8. My situation is very different, i had all 4 by the time I was 22 I have been with my husband for 15 years. With the way mine are split it makes it nice they have play mates, but there have been many times many many times I think back and tell myself i should have stopped at two I love my kids but 4 was alot when the where little it has gotten easier as they have gotten older. This is truely a choice you and your husband must make together and please listen to his reasons about why he may not want anymore because if you get PG and he doesn't want anymore it will put a big strain on your relationship!

Hi J.

Sorry I do not know much about having a fourth child because I just had my first one about three weeks ago but I was reading your profile and wondering if you could help me with me a question I have. I have been taking to find work from home and I was wondering if you could tell me what type of work you do from home and how you got into that line of work. Sorry I could not help you with your question.

K.

Hi J.,
I gave birth to 4 but only have 3 children. My mother in-law warned us about having more than 3 kids. She has 4 children! However she said once you have more than 2 it doesn't matter, because once your out numbered it doesn't matter by how many! She suggested we only have 2.
Mine are older now (11 almost 12, 10 and 5) I can tell you the calendar is crazy. We don't over schedule any one kid but when you write down everyones one or two items it gets a little overwhelming at times. I am overscheduled, but I don't think and hope the kids are not. But it can seem to be bordering on insanity at times, mostly at the end of the school year.
I was an only child so I was bound and detetrmined to have more than one child. I am so glad I was blessed with as many children.
We can't have any more children, but I can tell you there are always neighbor kids over at the house. I really enjoy the extra kids, buthonestly I am relieved when they go home.
One thing to consider is money! everytime I sign my daughters up for dance I pay twice as much since they both do it. They do different activites also, but in trying to keep things as fair as possible it can get kind of costly.
I really don't have advice either way just know if you have more or not when they get older you might feel somedays like you are going a hundred miles an hour with your hair on fire! To be honest I wouldn't have it anyother way!
Oh by the way I didn't start having kids until I was 31 and had the last at 38. I would have started earlier if I had met my husband earlier but it didn't work out that way. It is not that bad being an older mom. There are a lot of us these days. You can always have another one later when you husband comes around. My husband and I both were thinking the other day that we wanted another one. When I told him about it he laughed and said he was feeling the same thing. Then we thought about being done with car seats and bottles and we are just about sleeping through the night almost every night. Healthwise I really can't get pregnant again, but I think it is human nature to want more. But remeber babies like puppies grow up!! Oh and have you checked college costs lately YIKES !
Take care,
J.

Just added my forth! I am very lucky though, I have a 13, 12, (my little nannies :)) 2-1/2 and almost 6 month old. I wouldn't change it for the world! Our caziness comes from our oldest, the fighting and running them around. Adding our last one didn't seem to change a whole lot. We are still in a 3 bdrm 1 bath. we had the minivan before Megan was born. The biggest change, I stopped working to be a stay at home mom again.
We don't have a ton of money. My husband has a great paying job. It takes a lot though to provide for 6. I do some work from my home...But my focus is my girls. We're happy and that's what counts!

I love having so many kids! It's what's in your heart though. I knew I had 4 kids in me, my husband thought it was going to be 2!
One last thing, it almost seems easier with more kids. They know that they have to help.
Let me know what you decide! Goodluck!

Hi J.,
I have 4 children. They are much older now, they are 30, 27, 24, and 15 ! When the 4th one was born they were 15, 12, 9, and newborn. That was pretty nuts as I had to drag my newborn along to all the school activities the older ones were in (my husband worked nights). My 4th was planned and I don't regret it for one second. People can make some really rude and/or naive comments, I would just ignore it. I think you definitely have that inner calling to have another child, but perhaps wait a year or so and then rethink your feelings - you are at your limit with time and energy now. Also, another thing to think about is how that time and energy is going to be stretched with another child and how that will affect your other children. I have friends who have 4 children who are now 5, 10, 13, and 15 now. They are great parents who do well with them and enjoy a larger family. However they are very hectic with the kid's activities. There are many many times they need to be in two places at once and it's very hard. Their 5yo will go to kindergarten in the fall and at that time they will have 4 children in 4 different schools! Hope this helps.

J.,
I know you're looking for responses from mothers with 4 or more children. Unfortunately, I'm only pregnant with my 2nd, but I wanted to let you know that I think it's so great you want a "large" family. I put "large" in quotes because I'm amazed at how many people think any more then 2 is too many. That doesn't seem like very many at all to me! I have 1 brother & 1 sister, but even that doesn't seem to come close to "large."

Anyway, I've have heard from many people that once you're out- numbered, it doesn't matter how many you have...It's all the same! :)

Of course, there must be some sort of agreement between you and your husband, but if YOU feel you are not finished having babies, don't give up trying to make it work. I have always wanted 3 children, my husband wants 2, but we'll work it out if another comes along. It's about compromise.

I know of one family with 7 children & they are working their way to a desired 11...And my pediatrician does have 11 children. I can't figure out how they do it, but it works for them and can work for you, too if it's what you really want.

Good luck and many blessings!

Hi J.,
My situation is almost like yours. I only have 2 children (5 and 2) and I would like to have another one. I came from a family of 4 however my husband was an only child with the occasion of his 2 older step-brothers a month during summer and at Christmas time. There really isn't a reason not to. My family is for it of course but his mom is saying 2 is enough. One for each set of adult eyes. I figure I would give it another year and bring it up again.