HELP!! I Havent Slept Since My Son Was Born... 5 Months and Counting

Hi honey, Im so sorry to hear you havent slept for so long I am a pro. sleep trainer but I need more info to help you
1. How much is he eating at night?
2.How many times does he get up?
3.Where is he sleeping?
4.How much does he wheight?

I'm a first time mom of a 5 months old, and I don't have the perfect answer, but I can tell you my son started sleeping through the night at 3 months when I started him on a schedule that I got from the Babywise book. Now when his schedule gets disrupted (like over the holidays) he wakes up at night, but as long as he's on schedule, he sleeps all night. He also still needs to be swaddled to sleep soundly, and since he's 15 pounds, we had to search for a blanket big enough, found one at babycenter.com by swaddle designs

I know this doesn't make you feel any less tired, but your son's sleep patterns are totally normal. There are so many things that are going on with babies at all times that can create lots of waking. Your choice now is to either help your baby by comforting him and going to him when he needs you at night or to force him into a schedule which may ultimately work, but will most likely cause a lot of tearshed to get there.

My son is almost a year old and I have not slept for longer than 5 hours straight since he was born. His personality is such that he is always on the go, always exploring and very physically active, so not only is it not in his nature to be still for 8-12 hours at a time, he needs to refuel at night because he's burning so many calories during the day. Don't forget, there are reasons why your son is waking up at night. It's not because you've done something wrong in your parenting. And, in fact, my son has slept in our bed since day one and not only do I love having him next to me at night, but you're right, we all get more sleep that way. If I had to walk down a hall every night, I would be miserable.

Something that helps me is that my husband gets up with my son in the morning and gives me anywhere from an hour to two hours of "alone" sleep. If I didn't have this, I might go crazy.

The good news is that as babies get older, they wake less (usually) and I have noticed improvement with my son. You probably don't want to hear it, but it might be like this for you for a while. My advice is to find a way to accept it and make it work (sneak sleep in anyway you can), unless you're okay with making your baby scream his lungs out to "teach" him about sleeping (and also about being abandoned when he needs you - that's only my opinion, of course).

Here are some helpful links to some sleeping articles that I think are more realistic than most out there...

http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/sleep.html

Good luck to you - hang in there and remember they are only babies for SUCH a short time in the big scheme of things!

Dear J.,

No, it is not your fault. He is a baby and babies do that sort of thing. - that is, wake up during the night. First of all both of you need to take a deep breathe and let the baby fuss a little and pat him on the back and sing to him, then quietly walk out of the room and let him learn how to quiet himself.

Just think that is what we have to do in order to drift off to sleep. Thisis a new world for him and he is learning to deal with it.

Also, just look at him sometimes, without wondering anything, just enjoy looking at him. They are so darling and sweet and such miracles.

The other night I dreamed about my son, who passed away 3 1/2 years ago. He was talking and I was just standing there looking at him, filling my eyes and soul with his essence and loveliness and preciousness - in my dream of course. I thank God for that dream.

Relax, O.K.? O.K. Chose your crises - there will be lots of them ahead. God will be with you all along the way. Listen for His advice.

C. N.

HI J.- There are a few things that you can do that have worked for me. My kids are 2 yrs old and 6 months and both have slept 12 hours straight in their cribs since they were 4 months old and are very happy, well fed and well adjusted! First off, all naps need to be in the crib (no swings, pack n plays, etc) If there is an occasional nap in a car seat because you are out for the day that is fine, but he needs to associated sleeping with his crib. Having a nightime bedtime routine like some have mentioned is also important, babies need consistancy. What we do it start to clean up the toys, bath time, pjs, lotion and singing, bottle, book, bed. I use a mobile with the baby every night and put on exactly the same song. It is CRUCIAL that you put the baby into his crib while he is still a bit awake, not fully awake but about to doze off. The reasoning behind this is when he wakes up you dont want him to think "where am I? How did I get here? Where is my mom and my dad? ahhh!"- sounds silly but it is so true and my father who is a Pediatrician told me this and it makes total sense. If you are putting him down at 9pm and he sleeps for say 4-5 hours what you want to do is push that longer strech forward and you can try to do that by what is called "dream feeding"- this is written about in lots of those sleep books. After about 2 hours you pick up the baby and dont turn on any lights, dont talk, no playing etc (all business!) and just start feeding him and then very quietly do a diaper change and put him back down. Eventually you can drop this dream feed out. Also, if he's waking after 2-3 hours in the middle of the night he is probably NOT hungry, just wants comfort or woke and cant self-soothe himself back to sleep. Babies at this age if I remember correctly can go at LEAST 7 hours without food so you are not starving him! Try as hard as you can to just rub his back, put on the mobile, shush him etc and help him fall back to sleep. Just dont pick him up because you need him to self soothe. Like many other moms have said, crying it out is not a horrible thing and if you actually look at the clock, the time is much shorter than you think, but I know that it is torture. Sleeping patterns will still change as they get older and we've had many an interruption too (sickness, teething, etc) If his room is close to yours you also might want to turn off your baby monitor so you are not waking and running to him at every little sound or movement...you may think he's awake and he really isnt and then if you go into the room you just end up waking him up. If you trust that you can hear him if he really cries or needs you then at night, turn your baby monitor off or all the way down. Also another thing is to make sure that the room is not too hot or cold-this may be why he wakes in his crib as well so what we did was got a small space heater with it's own thermostat so it cycles on and off through the night and I dont have to overdress the kids and risk them being too hot or cold. Hope this helps and be patient but stick to your guns, you deserve some sleep and believe it or not, so does your baby! Sleep begets sleep and you all will be a lot happier!!! Good luck and let us know what happens
S.

Hi J.,

Wow, you've already gotten so much advice! I don't want to confuse you further, but I didn't see the name of the book that literally changed my family's life. It's "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West. She's called the sleep lady. Here's her website:
http://www.sleeplady.com/

A friend of the family gave me the book when my son was about 3 months old. By 2 months he was sleeping through the night so I just put the book on the shelf and thought I'd never need it. But at 7 months my son started teething and waking at night. To which I responded by breastfeeding him. I was not used to waking up at night time anymore, and since I worked full time, I started bring him to bed to nurse, then I'd lay him down when he'd fall asleep. Slowly he started not wanted to lay down in his crib, and became a full time co-sleeper in our bed. We tolerated it for awhile (I do love waking up and seeing his sweet head next to me) but it was starting to drive my husband nuts.

So I pulled the book off the shelf and began reading it. I was determined that over Thanksgiving break we would give it a try. The basic premise is that you follow a bed time routine, put your child down when drowsy, but awake, and stay in the room until he falls asleep. It was agony to watch my son cry and stand up in his crib for an hour and a half the first night, but I kept telling myself it will get worse before it gets better. The next night he cried for a half hour. By the end of the week there was no need to stay in his room after laying him down, he would either fall right to sleep or hum himself to sleep minutes later.

My husband and I have said countless times how amazing this method is. It literally changed our lives! Our son also takes 2 naps a day for a total of 3 hours and sleeps about 11-12 hours a night. It's wonderful!!! I really hope that if the other methods don't sound like they'll work that you'll try this one. One of the nice features is that it has chapters by age - so you do the things that will hopefully work for your son.

Good luck - I wish you lots of sleep soon!

God bless,

D.

I think the important thing for you to do is to sleep when he sleeps, so you're at least caught up on your rest. The second thing is, decide if he's going to co-sleep with you or not. Our baby slept in our bed with us for the first 6 months. We all slept better when I just stopped putting him in his crib, until he was 7 months old. We would let him fall asleep in our bed, THEN I would gently put him in the crib. Same thing with his nap time. Within a week, he preferred his crib and has had no problem starting out sleeping there since he was 9 months. If you're breastfeeding, he's going to be hungry more often, and there really is no way around that, other than offering him some rice cereal. Some docs don't want you to give it until they can sit up on their own and they are at least 6-months, but maybe he's showing signs that he is ready early. It might eliminate 1 or 2 of his wake ups during the night if he has some before bed. Some people put it in the baby's bottle, but my doctor strongly advised me to use a bowel and spoon feed him. He wanted to make sure the baby understood food is with utensils, and later fingers, and that bottles are for drinking (until about age 1). Good luck. Even if you could get him to sleep for 5 or 6 hours in a row, you'll feel a lot better and less tired. If that doesn't work, I would suggest you and your husband "take turns" waking up. Either alternate each feeding every night, or say, "I'll do it all night tonight, you do it all night tomorrow." At least that way, one of you is sleeping all night.

Whether you are into co-sleeping or not, everyone needs to sleep. Sounds like you want your baby to sleep in his crib, which is totally and absolutely ok. I also encourage you to "be strong and don't let his sleep habits control your life" as Sherry said. If you are that exhausted, that should be telling you something needs to change.

If you haven't, you may want to revisit the swaddling/5 S's thing again. It's from the "Happiest Baby on the Block" theory. Don't know this? It's by Dr. Harvey Karp. You can google 5 S's for babies. Or you can borrow, buy, or rent the DVD. First, SWADDLE her so tightly (my l.c. says, "like she's wrapped with an ace bandage") so that her arms are firmly by her sides. For some reason, it's an arm thing; the legs don't really matter so much. Your baby'll look like a mummy. Then position her on her SIDE or STOMACH (but don't put her to sleep this way; babies sleep on the backs only please!). Then, as loudly as she's crying, make a SHUSHING noise into her ear. Then, SWING her: while you have her in a side position, jiggle her a little, like only an inch or two, so that her head jiggles around a little, like her head is made of jelly; as well, you can swing her back and forth or put her in a swing (buckled in of course). The last S is SUCKING, give her a pacifier (only if breastfeeding is firmly established) or your finger to suck.

Maybe I'm lucky, but my baby relaxed and fell asleep just like in the video. It was strangely odd, like a magic pill. He was previously doing this waking every hour thing that just killed me. And he would only fall asleep again if I carried him or let him nurse for a minute or two. Now, he's starting to fall asleep on his own in his crib (I put him down drowsy but still swaddled).

I know how difficult it is to hear your baby cry. It just tugs at your heart and makes you want to cry yourself (or, like for me, can even give you a major headache) But letting your baby cry a little, like just 5-10 minutes, is ok and not harmful. Your baby will someday learn to sleep and self-soothe which is an important milestone.

So, you may want to try this! Good luck and be strong!!

Hi J.,

My heart goes out to you. I feel your pain because I'm also a mommy who needs sleep. You sound like you're at the end of your rope - but hopefully things are getting better now. It always seemed in our family that getting to this point meant something was about to change:)
First born children are really h*** o* most of us. It's like a little emotional experiment we're conducting. We made a lot of 'mistakes' with our first, especially in the area of sleeping. I love the advice you're getting about deciding what will work for your family and then stick to it. We co-slept with our first until about 5 months, then we transitioned to a mini co-sleeper next to our bed for a few more months, then we transitioned to a crib. It was really difficult going to the crib. We finally had to let him cry, which we were totally opposed to. I would sit outside his door and just cry myself. But amazingly, after about 10 minutes, he went to sleep. After 3 to 4 nights of this, no more crying.
We also established a bedtime routine. Simple is good at this age. Maybe a bath, milk/nurse in quiet spot, sing a song or two. Then use a keyword. We always whispered, it's night night time, over and over again. Then we put him down and left the room. Do the same thing every night.
And lastly, a 9 pm bedtime seems really late. Maybe try adjusting his sleep schedule a little early each night. It's counterintuitive, but going to bed earlier actually helps some babies sleep longer.
I'm sorry there's no immediate solution. It will get better!
Our kids are now 5 and almost 3. The 5 y.o. is a champion sleeper. Goes to bed before 8 and wakes at 6. The almost 3 y.o. is learning how to wake up and use the potty during the night. So we're woken up 1-2 times these nights. It's a big cycle, this sleep thing. We're hoping that by the time our youngest is 5, we'll all be sleeping without interruption:)

Best,
D.

I also did this with my first baby & I also got to the point of exhaustion that you are now at. Training him to sleep in his crib at this age was awful for me, but I went with the Ferber method (ie: letting him cry & learn to soothe himself)& bought some earplugs. The first few nights, I cried along with him, but after a week, he was sleeping through the night & so was I.

If you have any more children in the future, ALWAYS put them down to sleep while they're still awake- from day one in the hospital! I can't tell you what a HUGE difference this made in the sleep habits of my second child! Everything has been so much easier, from bed time, to nap time, to his recent transition to a big boy bed.

Good luck!
C. : )

I really don't want you to think that your son's sleep habits are your fault! You can really countless books, try tons of techniques, but each child is unique and your parenting style is your own.

My daughter has co-slept with us since birth. She just turned one and it just works for us. She wakes every 2 to 3 hours but now I hardly wake up to soothe/feed her. I really encourage you and your husband to evaluate what you want, what is currently working for you and what you may want to change. You may find that if you stop fighting the co-sleeping arrangement, it may work for you. The great thing is that you can adjust your arrangement as needed. I'm not recommending co-sleeping; we just found that it worked for us. At first, I felt like I was beating myself up because my daughter wasn't sleeping throught the night, in her crib, or had specific nap times - and when she did nap they were very short. It took about eight months for me to get comfortable with the idea that she doesn't love to sleep and we are a co-sleeping family.

I really hope you get the answers you need for your own peace of mind: ) Much luck to you!

Jen

J.,
I am in the same boat with my almost 6 month old. He would wake 6 times at night and could only be nursed or bounced on a workout ball by my husband. It was so draining. I am only now getting a little more sleep. For 5 months I got no more than 3 hours in a row myself! We bought our son a sleep blankie (lovey). He plays with it in his crib and rubs it against his face - actually covers his face with it and I have to pull it off - but it puts him to sleep. He can pull it off himself at this age too. I began putting him down earlier than 9pm. He goes to bed about 8pm and wakes at 6 or 7. He usually wakes up 2x in that time to nurse. As long as your baby isn't hungry or too hot or too cold and has had some cuddle time or light play time before bed, your son should be content to roll around and play in his crib until he falls asleep. Do you have an interesting mobile for him to look at? Is he rolling on his sides and putting his feet in his mouth? My son is so interested in what he can do now, that he spends time in the crib practicing. My recommendation is to have a night time ritual - bath, pj's, nurse or bottle, read a bed time story and then put him in his crib with a blankie that he can get attached to. Is he teething? That could disrupt his sleep too. In the mean time, if co-sleeping gets you some sleep, I would continue to do it. Oh, and my son didn't begin sleeping better at night until he slept better at naps. My mom helped me. I would run to his rescue a the slightest whine and my mom said he was fine and would entertain himself and fall asleep soon enough, after he ate and had a clean diaper. She was right and he began self-soothing to sleep for naps and then that translated to his nighttime sleep. It's like we have a whole different baby. Of course, there are always set backs. last night he didn't sleep as well. But he is napping now and he got himself to sleep. Get a blankie that he ONLY plays with in the crib or holds on to while nursing or being bottle fed, get a mobile and make his crib environment enticing. Good luck!

Hi. i think I can help. i went through the same thing after my 4th child was born. She was born in April and by December I was having sever headaches, bags under my eyes, complete and total exhaustion. i was almost hospitalized for it because I was so tired my body was shutting down. I know that many people say that having the baby in the bed is bad but i disagree. I had all of my kids in bed with me and they are all well adjusted secure great kids. We have an amazing closeness and they all love to snuggle. i still sleep with my 3 and 20 month old and you know what, they are ok. They will grow out of it eventually. You do need to get some sleep though. change your habits. Look at your schedule and cut back outings and events to a minimum. in other words stay home. When your child naps during the day, turn off your phone and nap with him. Explain to your friends that you need to take a social break for awhile just to catch up on some sleep. they will understnad. Lastly see if there is a teenager that lives in your neighborhood. Offer them a babysitting job a few days a week to come over and play with your baby while you nap. you will be home and they can come and get you if they need you. You will be able to get a little extra sleep that way. If your baby is not on solid foods yet then check with your DR and see if you can add rice cereal. give it to him about 7:00 give him a warm bath, a bottle or nurse and maybe he will fall asleep a little earlier. He sounds over tired too. 9:00 is pretty late to go to bed. I hope this helps, it all helped me and 1 year later I am not nearly as tired as I was then.

debbie

I found myself in a similar situation so my daughter is 15 months and sleeps in my bed still, its the only way we can get sleep. Some babies just won't sleep in a crib or by themselves and there is nothing wrong with it. Enjoy the closeness while you can. To make sure that my husband and I get "time" to ourselves I put my daughter to bed in her own bed (with older sister) and she ususally sleeps there for a few hours then we bring her to bed. It won't last forever.

Aloha kaua-

This seems to be a recurrent theme...sleepless nights. But, you didn't say if you were nursing your baby, if so I wouldn't expect sleeping longer that about three to four hours. Breast milk is so easily digestible that baby is hungrier sooner. However, it is the best food for baby at this age. Once I started adding a little cereal at about six months, both boys slept a little longer waking only once during the night. Neither slept through the night until 15 months old. You also didn't say whether or not you had to get up in the morning for work. I was lucky to be able to take several years off when the boys were young.So, although tired, I never minded getting up once or twice a night. Also, unless you want your six year old sleeping between you and your husband, it is not a good idea to start that pattern now. Keep your baby in a cradle next to the bed so he can be layed down in his own bed. I know a lot of parents advocate the "family bed", but I think it fosters dependence. I know that sounds crazy for a 5 mo. old, but it is such a difficult habit to break from and can create problems in the future with intimacy between husband and wife. I moved my boys into a crib at about 8 months old and moved them to a small adjoining room when they were outgrowing the cradle, I think they slept better when they didn't hear our sounds.

When I read back it sounds like I had twins which I didn't. They are three years apart. Both are well adjusted, bright, articulate adults now and I treasure the years I had with them when they were little. They grow up so fast.

Good luck with your wonderful son.

I can totally relate. My son is now 15 months and sleeps through the night finally. When I use to go to his doctor visits I would tell her about him not sleeping through the night and she said you need to take a few nights and let him cry through it. She said she had to do it for her sister and it's worked since we have done it. I know your first instinct is going to be to comfort him when he crys but you really just have to let him cry himself to sleep. He still will cry in the middle of the night , but he is actually cryig in his sleep and if we don't get up he settles down within a couple minutes. Good luck. Oh another thing I did which is totally up to you (my doctor said it was fine) I gave my son some sleepy tea mixed with his formula every night. The brand I used was Bigelow Sweet Dream Herbal tea. You can get it at the grocery store. Let me know how it goes.

Hey J.,
YOU NEED TO GET SLEEP! :)
If you are still feeding him during the night, you should stop TONIGHT! And let him fuss his way back to sleep. This worked great with my daughter. A little after 4 months I finally stopped feeding her in the night. She would wake up and cry and then I would go in a rub her tummy/back and sooth her very quietly for about 5-10 minutes. After a few nights I of doing this I stopped going in and just let her fuss. Sometimes she would fuss for while, but after about a week she slept great. We usually got about 8 hours of sleep out of her and typically the only problems we would have with her waking up were when she was teething or not feeling great. Babies and toddlers seem to wake up often in their sleep talking/crying because of a bad dream or whatever, but they typically can get themselves back to sleep quickly if you allow them to. This is something that I have learned and plan on following this with my second daughter coming in April!
I know it may be hard to hear him cry, but trust me, he'll be okay! I have many friends who have done this and now their children sleep great, as oppose to other friends who just always got up with their children and now they do not sleep well at all on their own. :( Yuck. Get some well deserved sleep!

Good luck and let me know how this goes.

B.

P.S. I have a friend who has four boys who did this when her boys were all around 3 months, and she just used ear plugs! Just an idea.

Hi J.: The first thing I would like to say to you is DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF- being a new mom, not sleeping and being exhausted is totally normal- you are not the only one... specially if you are breastfeeding, babies will fall into their own rhythms, an usually you adapt to those rythms- You say you have not slept because perhaps you have slept in chunks of 2-3 hours -- that is also what happens to many parents. My solution was to have a family bed (my baby slept with us for a long time) and I breastfed her around the clock in bed, which allowed us to sleep and have her near without having to get up (being as lazy as possible). Eventually they sleep longer, in a month or two (at 6-8 months) their stomachs get bigger and can take more milk and be satisfied for longer. All I can say is do not despair! We also tried to bottle feed her sometimes at alternate times through the night so we alternated, so I could get more than 2-3 hours of sleep- that is, her father would bottle feed her in the middle of the ight once so I could have alonger chunk of time, and we'd alternate. (The bottle can also contain breast milk_).Hope this helps. You will adapt and you will survive (with a little help from family and friends...)
G.(FYI, my daughter is now over 3 years old, and I felt that I hadn't slept a whole night for three years until recently...)

Hey J., I am currently in the process of reading the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg as i too was having issues with my baby being overtired and screaming and wailing at night. My mom kept suggesting that might be the issue so I looked on Baby Center and someone recommended this book. Has totally changed my life already. My baby is 3 1/2 mths old and is known to sleep about 5-6 hrs a night (sometimes less) but I was sort of lax about letting him sleep whenever and eat on demand like most books said but let me tell you, in my case, that was a mistake. Babies do need routine and once I followed her advice of Eat, Activity, Sleep, You, its unreal! She is an amazing writer, very common sense approach and it will make you laugh besides. I feel like we're all in the same boat. One of the first things she says is how hard we are on ourselves and if we just understand what our baby is saying when they cry, everything else will fall into place. And it truly does!! I read all the books too, Barry Sears, What to expect, etc... and this one is my favorite by far. Also you might try feeding him formula at night if you havent already, keeps them full longer. Good luck! Erin

Hi! I feel for you. That is how my daughter was at that age. This is when we started co-sleeping. It saved us all from sleep deprivation. There is nothing wrong with your baby sleeping with you(we successfully transferred her back into her own bed around 12 months-she is now nearly 17 months).

Plus, I believe that 5 months is bit young to force him into your routine. He doesn't understand why his needs aren't being met.

Check out the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy baby by Weisbluth-it gives you some insight on how sleeping patterns change through out the first year and also some suggestions on how to navigate the changes.

Hang in there. And welcome to parenthood. :)

I don't see how this is your fault. It seems like normal baby behavior to me. It is much much easier to write a book about getting your baby to sleep than it is to get a baby to sleep. The truth is that the majority of kids regularly don't sleep through the night until something like age 3!!! Your baby will not have a good internal clock for many many months. Go to sleep when the baby does, and take naps when you can. That works for us. My 7 month old wakes up several times a night, but I just roll over to feed her because she is in our bed. Yes, sometimes we have a really hard time getting her to sleep--last night it took hours because she had gas. My husband bounces her on the exercise ball when she doesn't nurse down, and then I try again. I figure this is what we signed up for when we had a baby. They are little for such a short time. You are going to be fine. Just cuddle and love each other. It will help if you deal with night waking in a quiet, consistant manner, of course.

Oh-I almost forgot-until 5 or 6 months, my baby usually had a middle of the night poop. We got her used to being held over the toilet during the day, and then when she was UP in the middle of the night I would take her to the potty. It usually was the poop keeping her up and 80% of the time she'd poop and settle back to sleep.

PLEASE do not try a cry it out method withod consistantly sticking to a kinder method first. When babies repeatedly have high levels of stess hormones from feeling abandoned they are more likely to struggle with depression in adulthood! I am not making this up!

Hi J.! Let's see...first of all this is not "your fault"! My son is almost 14 months old and we've been co-sleeping since the very beginning. I'm sure you're going to get lots of different advice, I'm just going to share our experience. First of all, I love sleeping next to him. In the beginning it was just very reassuring to me to have him right there and know he was okay. Now, it's just awesome to snuggle all night. My husband loves it, too, it's pretty amazing to wake up to that little smiling face. At this point, I nurse him and he goes down at about 8pm. Some nights when I get in bed around 11pm, he'll roll over and nurse and then go back to sleep until around 6 or sometimes 7. But at 5 months, he was still waking up 2 or 3 times a night to nurse, and this is where co-sleeping really came in handy for me, because I just kind of slept through it. Obviously, while they nurse you're not getting the deepest sleep, but it's a lot better than getting out of bed, going down the hall, etc. I think babies kind of "come the way they come" in terms of personality, but I will say I think my son feels very secure that we are here for him. He's incredibly fearless and curious and confident, and really has a smile for everyone. Anyway, you'll probably get people telling you to let your baby cry it out, I could never do it. I really believe if they're crying it's because they are in distress, and ignoring it probably makes them feel hopeless. But that's just my opinion. If you do go the co-sleeping route you'll have to make sure your bed and bedroom are totally safe, of course. "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley is a helpful resource. Ultimately, you have to do what feels right for you, I don't think there is one "right" way. Lastly, your son will sleep eventually no matter what you do! Hang in there!!

Hi J.,
You have to let him cry and learn to go back to sleep on his own. We did the same thing you are doing for our first child, but when the second one came around, we knew better and let him cry. It took a couple of nights for him to learn to sleep on his own, but he learned. He still tries us after two years, and now wakes up and talks endlessly. But we let him talk until he gets tired and goes back to sleep.

Be strong and don't let his sleep habits control your life.

Hope this helps,

S.

Do not perpetuate the habit of your child sleeping in your bed.
Make sure he's well fed and comfortable (correct temp in room, appropriate clothing and blankets) as you put him down for the night. When he wakes, try not to turn on bright or overhead lighting, use night lite or indirect lighting that's not so harsh as you check on him. Do a visual check, try not to touch/disturb him. If all is well: dry, clean diaper, bedding ok, not too hot or cold; let him be. Don't pick him up or talk to him, let him cry. Leave him alone for ~15 min, if crying continues, go in and check again. Tough it out!! The crying/waking frequency and duration should lessen/shorten as your son figures out that you won't be "coddling" him in the middle of the night anymore.
Best wishes and good luck. Hope your new year is happy!!!
K. B

Don't fight it, J.. Two of my five were non-sleepers, breastfeeding every two to three hours. I just counted on sleeping with baby and nursing him/her throughout the night. My husband changed diapers when needed during the night. It got to be normal and we all slept fine between and even during the process. The fright-mongers say you should never sleep with your baby but this is really only advice for drinking, drugging, or obese moms and dads (over-eating causes the same stupor as alcohol). The sensors in normal parents are alert to the slightest move and whimper of a baby. The more positive attention you give to your high needs baby now will reduce his or her needs for negative attention in the upcoming years. If you deprive him of your close and loving nurture now, you will all pay for his feelings of loss later.

Hi I was the same way he just turned 1 year old and he still wakes up. Well about two times the night, But what really help , I gave him more food, maybe it is time to introduce cereal before he goes to sleep or maybe in the bottles that you give him. Also another thing don;t get acostum to having him sleep with you, I learned my lesson when one day my baby was under the pillow next to my husband, watch out!!!!! Can you can cause an accident and not even notice. You don't want for it to happen. Also what I did I put the crib next to our bed, right next to us so I can hear him... little by little the transfer to him room will be easier.

Now is sleeps in his room.. We sleep better. Hope it helps. Take care.

Hi J.,
I think the answer is in your own words....

"...and ends up sleeping between us so everyone will get some sleep.."

There is nothing wrong with your baby. That is a very normal sleep pattern for an infant. I would highly reccomend allowing him to sleep in your bed with you at night. We dont even own a crib for our 7 month old.It is healthier for him and you in every way. The physical contact is so important and will help him to fall into your sleeping patterns.

Another thing I found very helpful is taking a nice warm bath with mom. Then lay down with him in your bed and nurse him or give him a bottle while lying down. As soon as he falls asleep you can sneak away..

Whatever you do, please, please DO NOT let that baby cry it out...

I'm a firm believer the more the child sleeps and eats in the day the better he sleeps at night. I would devlope a sleep/eat patteren that works for you. I would also feed him when he wakes up and not when he naps. at that age I liked my children to wake up/feed them and lay them down after 2 hours for a 2 hour nap that means thier eating every 4 hours. also sometimes you just have to let them cry it out....hard I know but it works!

Hey J., My daughter was the same, but worse. She woke every hour and wanted to nurse, luckily I don't work much so I could nap during the daytime when she slept. To cope with nighttimes I slept her in between us and just rolled over to nurse her back to sleep. My husband took on night time diaper duties. Some babies just don't sleep as well as others. She is 2 1/2 now and still wake up 1 to 3 times a night, but is in her own bed most of the time. I would forget the crib, I tried everything to get my daughter into it but she only slept close to me. Your baby is only 5 months old and wants to be close to you. It is pretty normal to wake a lot too. I read lots of books on co-sleeping and found that it was better for us and helped me accept my childs needs.

Hi...
Mom of 2.5 yr old twin boys, so I know something about sleep patterns and getting them on a schedule!
YOU MUST GET HIM ON A SCHEDULE...NOW!

PLEASE read Baby Wise, it is honestly the greatest book ever written, my cousin Mom of 2 older girls had me read it when the twins were born and it saved my life!!
He also needs to feel full before he'll go to sleep and stay asleep!
If you are still nursing, you may want to pump and feed him by the bottle, this way you know how much he's eating and can gage when he's had enough to keep him asleep longer!! (That's what I did)

Good luck...and KEEP him in the crib, NOT in your bed, he'll get adjusted when he knows your not going to take him out of the crib as soon as he cries!!

I know many people co-sleep, it doesn't let the child learn to "self soothe", which is not good as they get older...it's harder to ever get them to sleep on their own!!

Let me know what happens!!

Hi J., first of all, your son's sleep pattern is not your fault! Many new parents are under the impression that all babies can sleep through the night when in fact MOST babies cannot. And the longest stretch of sleep they have is 5 hours at a time. Some babies are just sounder sleepers than others, just like adults. Even adults wake up at night, we just don't remember it. Do you have the No Cry Sleep Solution? That is IMO the best book on babies and sleep that is out there. Also, there is nothing wrong with having the baby in bed with you as long as you do it safely. If that is the way that you all get the sleep you need, then go along with it. Don't worry, the baby will eventually be able to sleep in their own bed when they are ready. And isn't it wonderful to wake up next to that cute little baby? Just follow the Do's and Don'ts: http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070600.asp
Sweet dreams!

You've had so many responses so I'll be brief. I did what Naomi did and hired a sleep consultant and within the week our baby was sleeping in her crib. It was pricey but so worth it now as she is a great sleeper for her age. Also, I could be wrong but it seems like a lot of the people who respond with suggesting that you continue to let your son sleep with you and dictate the time and amount of his feeding also say their 1 2 and 3 year olds are still waking up which I think would be very rough. Given the right tools, I think most babies can sleep through the night after they reach the 15 lb and other benchmarks. Certainly they can sleep longer than 3 hours. So, I recommend either hiring someone or using the Babywise (or other method) and sticking to it. It seems like one hard week (or even days) would make a world of difference. Best of luck!

Hi J.. I am in the same boat and my son is 9 months! According to the doc when they are 5 mo. or 15lbs. they dont need a bottle at night. He wakes up for a bottle and sometimes we put him in bed with us. I am sooo tired. The doc said to either do the cry it out (3 days til it works?) or deal. He is in our room so the cry it out seems like its too hard. Its easier to give him a bottle. And he is huge, 27lbs. so he doesnt need more bottle. Good luck, I have read the books, I guess we just have to decide too. I can totally feel your pain!

B.

I am a first time Mom too and my son is 27 months ( I still nurse him). He has from day one always slept with us. We are totally into the Co-Sleeping which is said to be great for the child's physical and mental wellbeing (plus it is a SIDS deterrent)...check out any series of the "Dr's Sears" books-awesome!!! I believe for a child this young it is quite normal for a series of awakenings through-out the night. I know...this sucks! It may be helpful to "hit the hay" at the same time as your baby and definitely make sure that they are getting sufficient naps through out the day...if you can, join them DO! Contrary to belief, but lack of daytime naps will cause them to wake at night too! Hate to be the barer of bad news, but my child still wakes up at least one to two times a night! I've spoken to other parents that say even if you get them into their own beds, they eventually will be back in yours! It may be that you'll have to try to cope by sleeping when they do, but it doesn't mean that their is something wrong with you or your child. I hope this helped even though it was not a cure!

Good Luck,

S.

Dear J.,
I completely can identify with you. With my youngest child, I out of advice from a friend read "babywise" and followed what it said. It helps you put your baby on a schedule. Not everyone believes in this method, but worked for us.
After following the books method for two weeks, I saw a huge difference in our childs sleeping patterns.
Good luck,
E.

I feel for you and your husband - sleep is such a precious commodity for new parents. What worked for us when our daughter was at that stage was a combination of things: 1. We learned the swaddling technique that we used until she was at least nine months old. I'm sure some of the books you have may have some illustrations - if you've heard or seen any of the books/DVDs called "The Happiest Baby on the Block"...that author uses some great techniques. 2. We got a $15 sound machine that has different settings for white noise, ocean waves, etc., etc. Our daughter turned two on Thanksgiving and we still use this in her room for naps and bedtime (it's part of our ritual...maybe more for the parents now than the child!) and 3. We doubled up night time feedings after 6pm and her evening bath and just before putting her down for the night - if she had a full stomach - she was more likely to sleep 6+ hours.

Good luck - everyone has to find their own techniques that work.

Are you nurcing your son? I nurced my babies and found this to be a quite natural amount of time between nurcing. They would sleep right next to me and I would just let them nurce and we would both not really wake up all the way. And during the day I would try to nap when they did. It is a very special time when they are this young. ~~~LL

Dear J.,
We are going through the same thing, but found an underlying medical issue for his lack of naps or solid sleep (acid reflux/pain). Have you considered the possibility that he is uncomfortable in the prone position? Just a thought. Unfortunately, if it is medical you just have to work with it and wait it out. Our son is 10 months and he is now sleeping four 4 hour stretches instead of the 2-3 he did for the first NINE months! The best of luck to you- S.

If you are not soley breastfeeding, try a little rice cereal (2 tablespoons or so) in his last bottle, he may not be full enough to stay asleep for longer than a few hours. When he is tired at night, he may fall asleep before getting full. In addition, he may be getting too cold at night which may wake him as well. These are two things that I discovered that allowed me to sleep longer!!

Dear J.,
I know you're looking for solutions, and hopefully others will have some useful ones for you, but in the meantime, I just want to reassure you that you are (a) not at fault for your son's sleep patterns, and (b) not alone! It is very common for babies of his age to be waking up several times a night and also to seek your company and comfort in the night. Especially as teething begins, it seems that babies need more of your reassurance and parenting during the night. Please don't beat yourself up for your son's sleeping patterns - reading the books always makes me feel like I'm doing everything wrong, but you have to trust your intuition as a parent. Just remember that everything is temporary with parenting - this too will pass (though maybe not immediately).

Hi! We used a sleep consultant and it was the best money we ever spent. We used Brandi Rouse and her email is ____@____.com and her phone number is ###-###-####. She is trained and is also a doula. She also has her master's I believe in Childhood Development. at 7 weeks she really helped us get on a schedule and our daughter now goes to sleep at 6pm and wakes up at 7am the next morning! (She is 10 months now but has been sleeping thorugh the night since 4 months old.) I really hope you at least get in touch with her. It's not that expensive, especially when it sets you up for a lifetime of great sleep! N.

Hi J.
I feel for you! I am not a mom, but a mom friend of mine invited me onto this list, and I am learning so much. When I read what you wrote here, the first thing I thought was, "well, why not have him sleep between the two of you all the time?" I lived out of the country for a long time, and have had the gift of learning that parenting is done successfully all kinds of ways, all over the world, and the western culture methods of separating ourselves from each other, that seems normal and correct in this part of the world, is not normal at all in other places. I have discovered that some of the happiest families on the planet are ones that live in one room, sleep on the floor together, and are deeply happy, I think, greatly due to never experiencing a sense of separation and loneliness that comes from having seperate beds, separate rooms, and all kinds of other ways that we divide ourselves from the ones we love and want to be close with, over here.

I met a gal when I was overseas who gave a talk about a book called The Continuum Concept, which is about just this kind of thing. I read it, and it made SO much sense. It reads like a novel, and is incredibly interesting, and I think you may find some wisdom in there that might give you the peace of mind to allow your son to be as inseparable as he wants to be, and you might all find yourselves getting all the rest you need.

That is my hope for you all. Best of luck, and keep asking for help. It will come to you in all kinds of ways. xoxoxoxo D. A

J. , First of all give yourself a break. It's not your fault. I am probably no one to talk since my daughter didn't sleep until my son was born when she was twenty months old. The way I dealt with it was that since I didn't work I napped when she napped and it all worked out. The one book that I did think was helpful was a book by Farber called Solving your Child's Sleep Problem. I don't know where your baby sleeps but things improved for us when we put our child's crib in the other room because then I would go to her if she was really crying but I didn't pick her up every time she fussed. Good luck Enjoy and Sweet Dreams A.

If your husband isn't againsit it, I say just sleep with your baby... Your baby is pretty big now... I coslept with both of my kids and they did great. It's so cozy and you can actually get some rest. You can continue to put baby in the crib when you first put baby down, especially if it's before you go to bed, then baby is safe. And it gives you and your husband an opportunity to hang out or be intitmate... then for the rest of night, if it's comfortable and your husband is ok with it, it is PERFECTLY ok to sleep with your baby. People are doing it, they just don't admit it. In other countries and throughout the ages, that's how it has been done. Sweet Dreams!!!

Your baby has both of you under his control! You have to take back control of the situation! I have raised five children and went thru the same thing with our first. One night i just let him cry (broke my heart), but believe me, he got the message - the next nite he whimpered for a while but then settled down real quick when he realized he had lost the battle! Putting him in your bed is asking for trouble, the only time you invite him into your bed is for a little play time - nothing else! Or your sex life will go down the tubes! Trust me, been there, done that!!!

J.,
Is your little one waking up to eat each time? If so, and guessing that he's bottle fed here's what my pediatrician suggested that worked for me. Put a small-to-moderate amount of dried baby cereal flakes in with the formula. This will make a slightly heavier consistancy allowing him to sleep on a full tummy.

Is he teething...? Rubbing Hylands teething tablets on the gums also helps relieve pain if that's the case.

If he's not waking to eat, before you put him back to sleep try wrapping him in the receiving blanket "new born style" like they do in the hospital so he still feels warm and cozy (like when he's with you) so when you lay him down he gets a good nights sleep.

Hope this helps..and hope you get some sleep.

J.,
Just a couple of suggestions. I love the NO Cry Sleep Solution. I'm blanking on the author but try Amazon. It was valuable in putting things in perspective. Also, books by Dr. Karp are excellent. Have you ever swaddled him? My son did not need it past the first month or so. My daughter LOVED it and we swaddled her until she was about 8 months. We experimented to see what way she liked it. We tried both arms out, 1 arm out, loose, tight, and in between. Slept much longer with it on. We still use a white noise machine turned up pretty loudly. I've also been there to interrupt the sleep pattern before the baby could wake up on her own. Mine went to sleep at 8 and I got both of them out of bed for a 'dream feed' before I went to bed around 10-11. They didn't fully wake up and then they slept until 4 or so. Just try to interrupt whatever waking pattern your son is in. Remember that it takes 3-5 days to break a pattern/change a habit so keep at it and be consistent. You haven't talked about his eating habits so they may play a part in his waking. Get as much food in him as possible during the day so he's not hungry as much at night. Are you breast feeding or bottle feeding? Are you getting him up too soon, before he has a chance to resettle himself? It's really hard to make decisions when your brain truly isn't functioning as it should but remember the time you put into breaking the waking habits will be time well-spent when you get to sleep longer periods of time. You must attack it like a scientist. Change one thing at a time and see where that gets you. This is hard to do when you're desparate for sleep but remember that it will pay off. Good luck! I feel your pain.

Hi!
We had the same problem from birth-5 months with our son who is now 7 months. We received Dr. Ferber's new and revised sleep book that came highly recommended from several family/friends. It is the progressive waiting method. Create the same bedtime routine and stick to it, lay your infant down awake and leave the room, wait 3 minutes and go in if he is crying tell him he can do it (but don't pick him up) and leave the room again. Follow the guidelines (but you can choose times that work for you) as the intervals increase.
Do the same for nap times. It takes about 3 nights the first time you try it. It's all about consistency. You have to revisit the technique from time to time if there is a disruption. But it works!! Now our son sleeps from 7:30 pm till 5 am, I feed him and he is back down till 7-8 am. I know many people who do this and they have all had success. As my pediatrician said, it is not healthy for infants not to sleep. Just keep that in your mind........it is more for him than you. The better he sleeps during the day, the better he will sleep at night and vice versa. Research has proved this!
From: N. O.

Get the book, 12 Hours Sleep by 12 Weeks. If you follow it, it will work (or so I've heard.)

Read "The Baby Whisperer" and follow it

J.,

I didn't have the time to read all your responses so if this is a repeat, I apologize.

My advice is simply, sleep when your baby is sleeping. The dishes, laundry, phone calls etc. can wait. Turn off your ringer and let the answering machine pick it up. For the next month do nothing but sleep and take care of your son. Let your husband, friends and family pick up whatever slack needs to be taken care of. If you can afford it get help with cleaning.

Hope this helps,

Evelyn

hi J.! my son is 15 months old and we are going through similar struggles. my husband feels like he never sleeps, because of it being interrupted so much. someone just recommended this article to me: http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp
and while it comes from a slightly different philosophy from what you're already doing, there are some very practical tips in there for changing night-time patterns gently and as painlessly as possible. he even goes through step-by-step for each night of the 3-4 nights it will take, according to him. you'll have to modify it to fit whatever you're doing to get your son back to sleep now (breastfeeding, etc.), but i'm excited about trying it out! i've heard from others that it really works. good luck! ;o)

It's completely normal for a 5 month old to wake up a lot during the night. It's not your fault that he doesn't sleep through the night. You've let him know that you'll be there for him when he needs you. I consider that good parenting. Expect ebbs and tides, days when he sleeps for longer periods (maybe even through the night) and days when he wakes up a lot. This is normal and natural. My advice would be to throw away most of those books, or at least the ones that give you conflicting thoughts, and listen to your heart and child instead. Co-sleeping is a wonderful way to soothe everyone. Your baby will feel more secure and comforted by your warmth and presence, you will all reap the benefits of being close to one another, and you will get more sleep because he'll be right there next to you when he wakes up.

Pick who will get up with the child each night and rotate the nights between you and your husband.

It doesn't hurt to let a child cry for about 10 minutes. After 10 to 15 minutes one of you get up and without picking the child up sooth him till he quites crying. Then go back to bed. Do not play with the child. Make soothing noises and maybe rub his back or stomach a bit.

You may also want to put a ticking alarm clock near the child, to represent a heart beat.

Absolutely do not put the child in bed with you.

It will hurt you to hear the child cry, but in about a week he will quit waking in the middle of the night.

I'm not sure this is any help, but my daughter slept with us until I stopped BFing her at 2. It was easier and we all slept better. She would wake every 2-3 hours and havng her right there in bed let us sleep peacefully. And my daughter is now 4.5 and perfectly fine for sleeping with us :)

J.,

I am not a big book person but there was one that helped me considerably. The name of it was "Babywise". It talks about having a eat, play, sleep schedule (in that order) and that in doing that it will help with getting a full nights sleep. It also talks about the fact that sometimes you have to let them just scream in their crib. My son is almost a year now and we are transitioning from a bottle to a sippy cup and that has been hard. Especially because he is used to getting a drink at night if he wakes and that will be no more. So the other night he screamed for an hour and a half. But that was that. In order to make an adjustment I think that you have to decide what you will do and do it. Crying will not kill them and hopefully after a few nights of it he will understand what is role is now.

I am not an expert on the subject, some things you might try and you might already be doing is bath and baby massage, play time. Keep this as a routine for him. Something else you might want to consider is that he might also be teething which might be bothering him. Every little one is different and keep in mind he will go through different phases. Hang in there and things will work out fine.

Hi there, can you share any tips from the sleep consultant?? I could use the advice! :)