HELP! My Almost 3 Year Old Daughter Will Not Potty Train! HELP!

My child was trained in less than a week and we used no "method" especially not that stressful sounding 3 day method one of the other moms suggested...sheesh. Did you know that originally the 3 day method was designed for children with special needs who were not potty trained by about age 5. I would hate to use something designed for that on a 2 or 3 year old, just saying. I'm certainly no expert but I agree with those who suggested no pull ups, only panties. I think she's old enough for you to go to her and say listen we've been doing this for a while now and we've been kind of letting things slide, but this is it. We're sticking with it and I expect you to use the potty. When you have an accident, that's okay, but I'll ask you to help me clean it up and then get on dry clothes. If you think setting a timer will help do it, but I agree that she can probably do it since she goes for days at at ime without an accident. Hang in there. Potty training is stressful, especially while pregnant. I think if you communicate to her that there is no more messing around and this time is it, you'll likely see results soon.

When mine was 3 we didn't use any method - just asked him. We did it in the summer so he could just wear big boy pants so it was a little easier and being a boy he could pee on trees - that was fun. I also made him clean up his accidents - not as punishment just because he made the mess. Relax and really praise her when she does go on the pot - she won't be walking down the aisle in diapers.

Skip the books that promise miracles. I've potty trained two kids -- one was SO difficult, the other piece of cake. Here's what I learned:

1. Stick with underwear, no matter how hard it is, if you're getting any dry time in there. Do the loads of laundry and scrubbing of floors and furniture. It's worth it. PullUps, they will just pee in them gladly and make no progress, even with ones with "sensors."

2. Don't use a timer, but stay on top of whether the child might need to go. Don't ask the child. The answer will always be "no." Just say, "Time to go potty now!"

If your child is competitive at all, announce that you need to go potty and want to go FIRST and she can wait. Our son hated to be second and that would get him to run for the potty.

3. Don't spend money on potty training dolls, fancy rewards and all of that jazz. We did "potty parties" with our son that produced no results, other than us laughing that we ever got that desperate and acted that stupid! Just clear, sincere praise and hugs can work.

4. Have her go with you to buy additional panties. Sometimes having a child in on the choice can be helpful.

Good luck! I've been there with the challenging child before and know how frustrating it is. But you're already doing well getting in some dry days in between the not-so-dry ones, which is good. Hang in there! She won't be wearing Pull-Ups to her prom, I promise!

She will train herself when she is ready. If she shows interest then try a sticker chart and after your selected number of stickers take her for an ice cream or some other small treat.

OK, I will be the voice of dissension here. I do home childcare..and will push, prod and cajole all of my families (so far 5 have) to do the "3 day method". I paid for the ebook (it was only about $30)...and share the needed parts with them. IT WORKS.

I always dreaded toilet learning, and as a provider..ugh, thats a long time! But this method makes parents be super active..they have to be involved, start it off, etc. I can't do that, but will support anyone who starts it off at home. I firmly believe any child can be trained quickly...maybe a few more than 3 days, but within a week for sure for daytime training. Overnight stuff really is another animal. Some get it, some don't right away.

I feel if a child is "allowed" to decide when they are ready, we will continue to have a society of 3-4+ year olds who are yet to be trained. We rely too much on products that make our lives easy like pull ups. We are too hurried in our lives to take the time to get this done (JMO.)

The 3 day method is like waging a war and you must be fully committed. The first thing you do, for both of you, is to toss the diapers and pull ups. All of them in the house, diaper bag, car, everywhere. Do it together. Buy alot of undies beforehand (20-30 pairs). Have extra bedsheets. Lots of clean laundry. Small towels placed about the house I also found helpful (not in the book). Your child in undies and shirt and socks. Thats it. For days.

You do NOT leave the house. At all. You have the house cleaned, so no housecleaning or projects or work from home, etc has to be done. Have lots of kids stuff..books, short videos, toys and games they like. Craft projects. Do not leave the house to go to the park or play outside, unless you can be sure to get to the toilet in about 30 seconds.

Have frozen pizzas, waffles, eggs, pre-made casseroles, sandwich fixings, or a second adult who can go get take out. Stay attached to your child 24/7...yes, even at bedtime, you are no more than 2-3 feet from your child. Thats how it works and is successful. You must cue into every single noise and little thing they do that might be their way of letting you know they have to go potty.

You do NOT make them go. No forcing. Ever. No timed intervals. No asking them "do you need to go potty?" but instead you encourage them to tell you..give them the power and the language. "remember to tell me when you need to go potty" "remember that I can help you anytime you need to go pee" Don't forget to let me know so we can get to the potty really quick!". At some points, when I could tell they were getting to need to go (body language..potty dance sorta thing...not playing..standing more still to control things, etc), I would say several things in a rapid repeat. Otherwise it was s till every few minutes all day long. I also offered ONE M&M, but only for success. Not for trying.

Keep the potty chair in the bathroom. Never bring it into another room. Where in the world can you go pee in someones living room or kitchen???? Begin as you mean to go on in this regard, is how I feel.

You will learn to read thier signs (for one of mine it was a distinct whine..and if I caught him doing it ASAP, we made it to the toilet..a few days later he was able to verbalize it..but actually had very few accidents in his 8-10 hours here with me at daycare, and never did at nap).

You CAN train them for at least most of the daytime training. I have witnessed and been a part of 5 living examples in the last year and a half. All very different children and different families. The youngest at 22 mos, the oldest at 28 mos.

Good luck!

It really sounds like she's not ready. I would pull back on the this for another month or so and try again. We have tried a couple of times with my son over the last few months and he just isn't ready!

If you really feel like you need to have her potty trained before the baby, then put her on a toileting schedule- meaning she has to "sit and try" at specific time increments and see if you can figure out "how often" she really has to go!

My daughter is three and a half (and VERY stubborn), and she just decided 2 months ago that she finally would potty all on her own. It was when I chilled out. I stopped asking her if she needed to go potty, and I stopped making her sit on the potty all the time. The more I pushed, the more she resisted... until I realized I was the problem, lol. I told her that she was big enough, that she knew how, and that she was going to do it. Then I pointed out to her the potty chair (though she quickly preferred the toilet), dressed her in loose clothes and told her, "Let me know if you need help, but I expect you to potty on your own because you're a big girl, and you know how and when to go potty." It didn't take her long after that. I also made her clean out her own panties when she pooped in them. She only did it twice, and she hasn't had another poop accident. You have to be firm that she is going to do it, but give her a lot of control over the process. Think about it. Little ones have very little control over their own lives. They'll take control where they can get it, and pottying is one thing they can control. Good luck!

It really doesn't sound like she is ready & you are more or less training yourself. If you do decide to stick with the training, be consistent...that is key. Definitely agree, the fancy dolls & that do not work, especially if the child is not comprehending the concept. LOTS of praise.
If you have to constantly remind the child or make them go to the bathroom, they are not getting it. Potty training starts long before the child is out of diapers. First, they have to show signs of realizing what is happening when they "make a potty" in their diaper (going in a corner or somewhere to potty). Then, they also need to show signs of not liking to be wet / dirty. After you have accomplished that, you can start taking them to the potty to familiarize them with it and if you catch them going in their diaper you can run them to it to get the concept. After that, if they are truly ready they will start getting the concept on their own.
I would suggest letting her go for a while, with no mention of potty-ing whatsoever, & see if she takes the reins. If not, I would give it some time & start completely from scratch. They all break at different ages & I know the diapers get worse the older they get, but ultimately they have to do it. Another to keep in mind, if she is excelling at something else (talking, coordination, abcs, counting, imaginative play, etc), her brain may not be able to focus on potty training at this point in time. Good luck to both of you ...this is def a trying task!

My three y/o grandaughter is trained to a timer. we set it for 20 minutes and when it rings she and I go to the bathroom. (When she is at home or the babysitter she can go by herself but I am disabled and have a really high toilet)! Eventually, she will go on her own and often does at home.. we praise her lavishly when she preforms and she is very proud of herself, If I forget to set the timer she can be having so much fun that she forgets and has an accident but not real often. As time goes by you set the timer for a longer and longer time. I trained my little girl by taking her into the potty every time I had to go. I was pregnant with her little brother!

Hey C.!
This is usually a stressful time for most moms, so don't feel like you're alone in that. I commend you for not showing that frustration to your daughter! What worked for me and my boys was getting rid of diapers and everything diaper related, like pull-ups, (except for bedtime only). We went to the store and got special underwear that my boys picked out themselves. I dedicated an entire week to potty training! They only wore the underwear and I kept a kitchen timer with us and set it for every twenty minutes. Whether or not they needed to go, when that timer rang, we went and sat on the potty. It was like a game! At some point, you will catch them when it's time. Of course, you should expect the occasional accident...we certainly had them. But I honestly feel like the consistency is what works best.
Good luck!

I've had the best luck when I just cheerfully announce once and hour that it's time to potty. With my son, I had some resistance, but we just made it matter of fact and kept on with it. If I had to, I'd scoop him up and take him to at least try and if we had good luck go OVER THE TOP with excitement. With one of mine, he would get one m and m if he went. Good luck!

the huggies potty dance is what got my daughter interested.

and dont do back to diapers or pull ups, pull ups are the same feel as diapers and they become dependent on them. try the potty dance on youtube and make it exciting do the dance steps with her.

i think that she is ready if she can stay dry for 2 days then she can do it :)

good luck

It sounds to me like she is very ready. If she is fine for a couple of days with no accidents than I don't believe she isn't capable of doing it. My advice is to watch her very closely for 2-3 days and look for her personal potty dance, you may even know what it is already. When she does it don't ask her if she has to go, tell her it's time to go try. She can sit on the potty for a brief time-no more than a minute (we sing a song with my son or count to ten) and if she doesn't go tell her good job for trying. My son just doesn't want to be pulled away from his toys, but if he's there he'll go. I would never make him sit for even 5 minutes, if he doesn't go after a few seconds I probably misread his cues (although this rarely happens).

My second suggestion is do not use pullups, that's just confusing and says to her, "I'm tired of cleaning up after you and I don't trust that you'll tell me when you have to go." In fact I would just put her in sweatpants (easy up and down), with no underwear until she goes about a week without an accident. She's a big girl and doesn't need diapers, but she can't wear big girl underwear until she shows she won't make them dirty. This accomplishes multiple things. For some kids underwear feels too much like a diaper and also imagine how gross it feels to have pee or poo running down your leg inside your pants. It will help deter the accidents.

In general, I act indifferently towards accidents (for my son any reaction is reinforcement) and the only reward he gets for going on the potty is lots of praise and high fives. He even gets praise for trying, although not as much as for going.

Just be consistent and let her know this is a permanent thing. If you go back and forth it's going to take forever for her to get it.

I second what CAWriterMom said -- no miracles, just consistency. If you have been training her for a year, she might not have been ready when you started; however, if she can stay dry for two days at a time like you said, she is ready now. She may just lose interest after a few dry days.

Besides CA's good advice, I might add: Try a reward system for staying dry (sticker chart with rewards that really, really matter to her--figure out her "currency") but don't make it too hard for her to achieve the reward (don't say "you must stay dry for five whole days" etc. -- start small, staying dry for two days, then three, etc.).

Also, some parents have the child help clean up messes. Don't do it as a punishment, though! Just take her wet panties and very matter-of-factly say, oh, big girls help clean up, and let her rinse them under the bathtub tap and give them to you (to put in the real wash), then have her wipe up the floor etc. Poop is something you'd have to deal with as the adult but kids can clean up their own urine. Like I said -- not a punishment, just something that "must be done" before she can go on to play etc., so she realizes that it's nicer to stay dry and get to play sooner.

Little girls have a tendency to get bladder infections. Take her to the doctor to rule that out. She might also have an obstruction in her uretha.
Remember we all learned how to control our bladders. She will too.

I love the 3 day method by Lora Jensen (I think). It is absolutely worth the money. Read and reread NBinMN's post.

She will do it when she is ready...I know you are stressed...My DD was almost three as well and then 4 to be completely potty trained at night. I would not go back to diapers but consider pull-ups. When she goes at least a week without accidents then she is ready for her big girl pants. My son on the other hand trained himself a month after his 3rd birthday...His motivation...I am not a baby...no diapers and I think my Spider Man big boy pants are awesome. Every child is different. Take a deep breath and relax..You do need to let it go because no matter what..she'll do it when she's ready... Hang in there Mama! :)

I would suggest waiting - she is obviously not completely ready to be potty trained. Wait for her cues or you will continue to have this battle. You might not have her potty trained by the time your baby gets here but she will eventually.