Help with Custody

From my understanding, the one week with mom-one week with dad is not appropriate for an infant. That is more the case with older children, because it (in the courts mind) makes it easier on the child. I seriously doubt any judge would make that arrangement for an infant. You are more likely to have custody with the father getting visitation. The one week on and off seems to be a fair solution for older kids, but it really isn't. I know many kids in this situation who find it really hard.

As for taking the baby to work...I am not sure what kind of job you have, but you will soon learn you cannot get much done while taking care of the baby.

We have no idea why you are not with the father--maybe it is your choice. Some are just assuming he got you pregnant and left you. And the last time I checked it takes two to make a baby. I don't know this man or if he has any redeeming qualities, but the fact that he at least wants to be involved in his child's life and cares about how major life choices affect his child is a positive. Whatever his shortcomings are, I'm sure you had at least some inkling of them when you decided to have sex with him (which always has the potential to lead to pregnancy) and therefore, the situation is both of your responsibility. I suggest you get a lawyer and go to mediation to settle major decisons BEFORE the baby is born. Even an infant will pick up on the stresses this process will cause.

Hi A..

First let me say there is No Way he's going to end up with a week on/week off 50/50 parenting plan with an infant, not going to happen so don't let him worry you with that demand.

Second I concur with Cindy, you need an attorney and Kristine Cummings is wonderful. Also, if your in the Roseville/Rocklin area try Jennifer Sullivan.

Lastly Google "Age and Stage Parenting Plans for Infants". There is a lot of good information listed about how the court's design parenting plans for infants and small children. Joan B. Kelly wrote a great paper on this topic a few years ago. Knowledge is power and learning as much as you can will help you as you begin this process.

I've been where you are and I know that things may seem frightening and overwhelming right now but know that it will get better I promise. Take it one day at a time, one issue at a time and remember to breathe. My son is now 13 and his father and I are best friends and co-parents. It was a long and hard road getting to where we are today, but it is possible and there is hope.

Take care.

Hi A.!

I feel for you. This should be a joyous occassion and you are being dragged down unneccessarily. Keep in mind, that this relationship will be with you for the rest of your life. You really want to do this as amicably as possible, and it is in the best interest of your child to have 2 parents in its life.
It sounds like you and the father are not all that attached, but you might want to start by sitting down and having a conversation about what he thinks of for names of the baby. Maybe there is one you both can agree on or both just happen to like. If he is that uninvolved or immature that he says he is going to call the kid something else if he doesn't like it, well that is just stupid.
If he is not open to discussing these things and you feel he is unreliable, then you need to get an attorney now and have him served as soon as the child is born. He might act stupid and what not, but whatever you do, it needs to be in writing.
As far as taking your child to work, if your employer allows it and has it in writing, then get a copy of it and give it to the dad. Your relationship with your nursing child is being enhanced by your employer, that is awesome. If choose to get a lawyer, you can find out about custody while breastfeeding. The father might have different ideas about what he really wants when he gets hit with custody and child support papers.

Good luck, and stay focused on the positive. This is an awesome time in life, and I hope you enjoy it as much as possible!

If you are in the Sacramento area... the best family law attorney is Kristine Cummings. She used to be on Madison Avenue in Carmichael, but I believe now she might be on Bradshaw. Look her up... you won't be sorry.

Who is this "jerk"?! Sorry to be so blunt but give me a break. If he is not going to be with you knowing that you are having his child but then wants to tell you how to run your life - tell him to take a hike! Either he stays with you and acts like a father, or he gets to have nothing unless you want to nail him for child support. You will be taking care of your child 100%, he does not get to choose when he wants to see your child and when he doesn't. Go with your gut! Anything that doesn't feel or sound right - is not right.
The only problem with taking a child to work is dependent on the type of job you have and if your employer says it is okay, make sure it is in writing and part of your file. That way if you get fired you have proof if it is used against you.
Tell your boyfriend to make a choice but it better be for all of you or none. Don't waste time on a dead beat (unlike me) because sometimes it is too late and you have to make the choice to not only care for your child but another one too. It is not fun.
Good luck though and you will make the right choice that is why you are asking for advice.

T.