Help with Jealous Toddler and Soon to Come New Baby

I know that it is very difficult to get a little one use to the idea of someone else coming into their space and staying. I just had my 2nd baby at the end of March my daughter was 2 at the time. She was very jealous even though we tried everything that people usually suggest such as having them help as much as possible, giving them their alone time, etc... Nothing was working she was still upset and jealous. About 2 months after the baby was born we went to visit family. My daughter has a cousin that is around the same age as her and she loved the baby. My daughter saw her cousin holding the new baby along with all of her other cousins and I could tell that the little gears in her head were moving. Then she asked to hold her sister after that time she has absolutly adored her sister. It just took someone else her size showing interest in her sister for her to realize that she was not that bad. Congrats on the new little one and good luck. You never know he just might suprise he and already love her from the time she is born.

Shower him with attention, especially during the first weeks, so he won't feel that the baby is taking his mom away from him!
Focus on your newborn when he naps but when he is awake be very sensitive to his needs.
Transform nursing/feeding times (with the baby) into cuddling times with him. For me, nursing time was story time and my son (he was 23 months old when the baby was born) wanted me to nurse all the time!
If both cry, tend to the older first. The newborn will not remember that he had to wait 5 minutes but the toddler could build resentment.
If you can have people around for the first few days / weeks (husband, grand parents, aunts), just to be with him outside and do something fun; visiting the zoo with aunty, the park with daddy, the museum with grandpa is fun and a wonderful distraction for him, so he feels special instead of feeling left out. Just don't say "dad is taking you to the zoo so mummy can stay home with the baby" but more "wouaw, how lucky you are to get to go to the zoo with daddy! Baby is too young to go and will have to stay home" When your baby is done nursing round the clock, you can switch roles with YOU doing something special outside with him (better outside so you are totally focused on him, not hearing baby crying)
My son loved his book "I'm a big brother".
Congratulations!

One thing I read before I had my daughter was to have gift for him when the baby is born one for him to give the baby & the other for you to give him. I agree that making feeding time with the baby into a cuddle/story time for him. Also if peoenask what the can 'do' for you ask them to take the older child for an hour as that hour will give you some rest but also give him some one on one time & a break for him as well the next 6 months are important for him as he grows &matures into turning 3 then he can or will become more independent. Another thing & this is a family decision is that you can get him a boy doll, he can practice at being a good 'daddy' ;) you can have him assist you with the little things can you bring mommy a diaper etc... If you limit YV you can use that too as a distraction for 1/2 hr does
He have a favorite show tape it and use it when you need it ;)

I asked this same question about a year ago. I have a very helpful 25 mo old and a 6 mo old. When I found out I was pregnant again I was scared to death on how my son was going to do and how to make sure he didn't feel left out. The best advice I was given was to have my little guy help with the new baby. Help now helps with everything. And sometimes when I am getting ready to do something he will run up and tell me he will do it and takes over. Another thing I did which some may or may not agree with is I let my little guy get use to his new little brother on his own. Some family members would come over and they would constantly ask him to come over and kiss his little brother or come give him a hug. They would ask him what his little brother was doing. I put my foot down on that and let them know that if he wants to kiss or hug his little brother that is up to him. Now he kisses and hugs his little brother all the time. The other thing was if he asked to hold his little brother I let him. I always make him sit on the couch and then we help him hold him. I have never told him no on that only because I don't want him to stop asking. He has adjusted very well to having his little brother around. We have our days here and there where he may test our patience but I think that is more just because he is a hyper 2 yr old boy not because his little brother. I look back at how worried I was before the new baby was born and sometimes I feel silly because I didn't give my little guy enough credit that he would sail through this with no problem. But I am also glad I was so worried because I got some really great advice that has helped him go through this and it not become an issue. I wish you lots of luck and Congratulations!

There's no way to tell how your toddler will react to the new baby. Remember that he doesn't really understand that a baby is coming to live at his house forever, no matter how smart he is or how well you've tried to explain. The concept just isn't within a two year old's grasp.
I would suggest that you get some new small toys, books, etc. Keep them in a basket and use these new/special things only when you are unavailable to him, such as feeding the baby. Also, if you can arrange a family member or sitter to come and watch the baby even for a half hour as many days as possible so that you can spend some one on one time with your son while someone else sees to the baby's needs that would be helpful
I didn't have a toddler, my daughter was four when I had my son, and we had no jealousy issues, but I'll tell you one thing I did. Sometimes if the baby was just fussing, and I was doing something with my daughter, I would say, "I'm sorry but you have to wait a minute, I am busy with K------ right now." Of course, the newborn baby had no clue what I was saying but my 4 year old got the message loud and clear - at that moment she was more important than the baby and her needs were coming first.
Good luck!!!!

I am in the EXACT situation as you My daughter is 2 1/2 and I am 38 weeks along as well. We have done the same talked about her baby brother, and she is super excited. She talks to him every day. One thing that has helped, is that we had 2 dolls that are about 20 inchs or so. They fit the newborn and 0-3 month clothes. So I got out a diaper bag and gave it to her for the clothes. She went through clothes and she has ones just for her doll. We are cloth diapering as well, so her doll as a diaper on it, and she changes the diaper. I also gave her a couple of bottles so she can feed her baby. We do all of this with her doll so she knows what to expect. We also pulled out the bouncy and swing, and she puts her doll in them during the day and knows how to work them. So she has learned what the baby is going to do when they get here.

I agree with others that you have to make sure he is still getting one on one time with you and your husband. i am not a fan of him getting a present. i don't think that's appropriate. I have already explained to my duaghter that her it's her brother's b-day so he is going to get gifts. If someone gives my daughter a gift, i am not going to say no, but people that have asked i said no. I think if she gets it's setting it up that it's not his special day.

I wonder if your toddler is worried because you are holding a different baby other than his new baby. It is my experience that toddlers do not get jealous with their new sibbling. They LOVE them. It's "their" baby. Just keep re-enforcing that concept, and he will be fine. I love it that you are home with him full time. It will be a great thing for all of you. Just employ his help as much as possible with the baby (Will you go get me her blanket? I think she's cold. Will you go get a diaper for me so that I can change her diaper? You are such a big help! I'm so proud of you. She loves you so much!) Also, before you know you need to feed the baby, have your son go grab a book so you can read to him while you are nursing. Or, set him up with a drink and a snack. I learned the hard way that as soon as I sit down to nurse, the toddler needs drinks/a book/something to get my attention. :) It's normal. You have a great opportunity to build their relationship in these early months. Just keep letting him know how important he is to his new sister and to you and your husband. It will go fine. (BTW, I have 6 children, so I've been through this a few times. My children LOVE babies and beg for more, which we'd love to give them, but it hasn't happened yet!)

I recently had a second baby and my first is 3. I realized that the best thing I can do to prevent too much jealousy is to make sure I have time for my toddler. If I am not giving her enough attention, I will notice more melt downs. My husband can also tell if she has had a good day when he comes home from work. Its a daily effort to make time just for her but I think she needs it. Thats my advice. Good luck.

It helped us a bit to have my husband and me alternate our bedtime routine, so he was comfortable with either of us putting him to bed. I did not want him to associate that change with the baby. I kept up his bathtime routine and made a point of going on short outings just with him--I'd feed his baby brother then take him to the grocery store and stop somewhere like McDonalds for a treat. It was not perfect, and he was incredibly anxious at the hospital and did not want to come near me--I think he just knew it was a hospital even though it was a nice birth center--so we did not push him on anything. Our boys are around 20 months apart or so (should have been 21, but somebody got impatient). I would back off on emphasizing the baby coming just because your belly is a reminder and it is hard for him to understand anyway. Plan some one-on-one time, even early on, plan to let him cuddle up when you're feeding the baby, and don't be too h*** o* him if he has a rough time of it. It gets better--my boys are now 3 1/2 and almost 2 and adore each other, even when they're picking on each other. :)

Here's my suggestions:

1. Buy him his own doll (plastic, not fabric) that he can hold, rock, change, etc. This way the plastic doll can have wipes used on it's bottom and get get bathed too. He can take care of his baby while you take care of yours. (My daughter would lift her shirt to nurse her baby - LOL.)

2. When he comes to the hospital to see you and the baby, make sure YOU hold HIM. Give him a present from his new sister. And make sure he gets a lot of attention too.

3. Start teaching him early that when you feed/change the baby he can't climb on you or "help". That she needs your attention right then.

4. When people come over to see the new baby, make sure they greet him first. And that HE gets to show off his new baby sister. Have a stash of crayons, coloring books, puzzles, etc. so that when people come visit he has something to do instead of feeling left out.

5. Start now with Daddy doing his bedtime routine. After dinner, perhaps Dad can be the go to guy. This way when you have to focus on the baby your son doesn't feel like you've forgotten about him. Let Dad do "bath, books and bed" and then you just come in to give him a kiss goodnight.

6. When you are FINALLY left at home with the baby and your son, trying to learn how to handle two kids at once, just remember, the baby IS going to cry/fuss and that's ok. You can leave her in a cradle or chair (secured) to go tend to him for a minute. She will be ok. It's part of being a second child! Then you say to HER, "Baby, you need to wait a minute. I need to help John right now." (John will be SO HAPPY that he gets priority.) This will also teach John, that sometimes HE is going to need to wait his turn too. Obviously the baby doesn't know any better, but John sure does. Plus, you are also teaching the baby that every cry/fuss doesn't send your running to her. You will come, but it may take a minute or two.

Best wishes.

Hi D.,
I didn't read the other responses so I hope I am not repeating here. Three things I could think of that I think helped when our second came:
1. Refer to your baby as "your sister" when talking to your son so he feels some ownership
2. When the baby arrives, bring gifts to the hospital to give to your son from his sister (our daughter gave our son some lightning mcqueen sippy cups when she was born and he still talks about how they came out of my stomach when she was born (about a year ago) and he will ask to use the sippy cups that his sister gave him!!)
3. Once the baby is here, let your son be your helper with the baby - have him hand you wipes and diapers when you change her, that sort of thing

Good luck!
Cyndi

My son was the same age when my youngest was born, and we bought him a baby and a sweat shirt (youngest was born in Feb) that said big brother! So at this point he was so proud that he was going to be a big brother! And he was in the waiting room with everyone, because he said he wanted to be there as I had a planned c-section! He was such a good big brother! So really stop worry everything will be fine!

didn't read all the posts and apologize if this is a repeat.

Go buy a nice gift your toddler with enjoy. Save it and when the baby comes home tell him it is from his new sibling. Anyone close, ask them to bring a little something when they come with a gift too.......nothing expensive, a toy car will do. A gift for the big brother to help celebrate (not from the baby).

That you are aware and concerned makes your little boy a lucky guy. Continue him in mothers day out and visiting family to help. Be sure to have special time with him after the baby comes.......reading, etc.... Sounds to me like you already have it under control!