Helping Toddler Adjust to Dad Leaving for Long Term Job

Do what military families do. Get a map of the route and daily move a little truck along it with a stick pin. Tell him every day where Daddy is on the map and show him getting to the end. Let them be a part of the trip from home. We also make a strip of paper rings and each day take one off so that the shorter the chain is the nearer Daddy is to getting home. Maybe have Daddy read a book and record it so he can listen to him. If you can video it it is even better.

Hi
we will be facing the same thing shortly....I have come up with these ideas....sending him with appx 10 pre-addressed-prestamped envelopes to send my daughter "love letters" as she likes to call them....all he has to do is write a few lines, drop them in mailbox, and they will be a keepsake for her as well....additionally, having him read and record about 10-20 stories so that he can "read to her" at bedtime.....and he has a digital camera so he can send her pics as he goes, as well as the webcam....hope that helps....

Make a book together telling the story of how daddy has to go a way for a long time and show him coming back. Make sure to reinforce that daddy always comes back. This was suggested to me and it worked remarkably well when my husband left for a business trip.

Hi
How about making a little scrapbook / photo album of them together, and some of their adventures. You could also have your husband read some story books into a cassette recorder, and then you and your son could read along with him at night.
GOod luck

If you can't or don't have time to record your husband reading a story to your son, why don't you find any books you have two copies of (or buy an extra copy of a favorite book of your son's) and send it along with your husband. Perhaps he could call around bedtime and read a book to your son over the phone (speakerphones work great) while you hold your copy of the book with your son. We've done this when my husband is traveling and it has worked really well. Good luck with everything!

i know exacly what your going through my husband is a truck driver and hes often gone for long periods of time. since so much time is driving we have never used the laptop camara but the cell phone has been the best thing every single day 5 10 times a day we call her day and talk to him even if it is just to tell him what happened at daycare and where were going and if he needs something from the atore hes gotten into a habit of bringing her home little toys even if there from a gumball machine : ) he has also taken her for short rides and she has a couple of toy trucks so she understands the whole concept that papa has to go to work he has to drive in his truck. she also has a couple simple tees with pictures of trucks so she can tell everyone that asks this is like my papas truck. it will be hard at first but it will get better. and just keep in mind to make the times you do spend as a family as special as possible i try and do all house cleaning grocery shopping and laundry during the week so when he comes home we can just hang out and have a good time. also i dont know what hes hauling but from personal experience nothing in the trucking business is permanent and as he gets to know people in the business he can get to know people and might be able to change jobs or places or routs. thats what my husband has done he was home every night for a year or two and then he was home two days every two weeks for a while now hes home every other night. i hope some of this helps, good luck to you and your family

Hi A.,
Looks like you've already gotten some great responses....I too am a military wife and am currently going through a seven month deployment. So I can certainly relate! My son is younger (15 months) but I have done many of the things listed below....particularly the Build-A-Bear and a video of my husband reading books to my son which he loves. My son LOVES to sit and watch Daddy on the video. The bear is great because my son pushes the button and hears a message from Daddy...plus he can cuddle it. I also talk about Daddy a lot and I have a little plastic flip book from the baby section at Target filled with pics of my husband. He loves to flip through the pics and give Daddy "kisses." I'm sure it will help too that your husband can talk to him on the phone. I put my husband on speakerphone when he calls and my son loves to hear his voice and he babbles back at him.

I am sorry you are going through this. My husband is a Marine (presently deployed, so I am really feeling your pain!) and both of our boys, ages 3-3/4 and 2-1/2, are very attached to him. We got each of them a "Daddy Doll" - here is the link for the website if you want to check it out.

http://www.hugahero.com/index.php

We also made video recordings of my husband reading books to the boys and talking to them. My boys LOVE them, they will watch Daddy reading the same books over and over. We do get to Skype occasionally which is VERY helpful.

When my boys ask about Daddy, I tell them he is working hard to take care of us and talk about how proud we are of him.

When he has been gone for short trips (month or less), I have used the calendar with my oldest to show him when Daddy is coming home. Neither of my boys understand time or days yet, but I outlined each day on the calendar in a different color, then we crossed off each day that was over. Your 2-1/2 year old may be ready for something like this and enjoy "counting down" the days until he gets to see Daddy again.

None of these things can take the place of Daddy, but it helps just a little. I try to stay upbeat for my boys when we talk about Daddy's absence, but I'm not perfect - just had a bit of a meltdown today. The boys are very resilient, though.

I wish you all the best and I hope your husband will soon be able to find something that keeps him closer to home.

I read this to my husband as we thought it is so nice that your husband was willing to take whatever job he could, for the sake of his family, thanks to this economy. We have also been hit pretty hard although our son is in college, however a very expensive private school. He will do whatever it takes and if need be, our son is willing to come home and attend city college.

So, my husband was wondering if there is any chance that you and your son could go with him every once in awhile. We don't know the trucking business so take it as JUST a suggestion.

Also something I would do would be to make either a small photo album or digital photo album of you and your son and give it to him as a surprise when he leaves this time or even next. I guess if it was a digital frame (small) you could add 10 pictures or so every time he comes home. Then, I would not allow him to see it until he leaves! Maybe your son can make him drawings and they can also go into the digital frame. There are small ones out now that are not very expensive. My husband and I wish you the very best and stay strong! Feel free email me if you just need to "vent". And let's all hope for a better economy really really soon!!!
P.S. I have not answered these very often as I am an older mom and don't have a lot of advice to offer ladies with small children, so I don't know (after I offered) if you get my email address should you want it. SO it is, aloha913-2roadrunner.com Best of luck to your family.

My husband is in the military and is gone alot for long peroids of time. I know the pain! I am not going to tell you that this is going to be easy or that there is a quick answer for the change that is happening in your life. I do have some advice though. There are alot of things that you can do, depending on how crafty you are. You could do a daddy pillow case, have your husbands picture put on a pillow case. A daddy cup. They sell them pretty much everywhere( I bought it at target)the cup has an insert that you put pictures on. Just remember to be patient you and your little one will have great days and then there will be days that you will not be able to get anything done because your son will need you at every turn. When your husband is home don't change your sons sceduale to much. It will be harder to adjust back. I hope that this helps.
Good luck and keep your head up.

I am a military wife and my husband is gone for months at a time. We have a chain to count down the time he is gone. This is a visual help for my kids(9,8,6,4)and for me as well. You can also go to build-a-bear and make up a stuffed toy with a voice recording of your husband giving a message to your son. Another way to help is to video record your husband reading stories. Your husband can read some favorite stories and your son can hold the book while watching the video and read along. These are good because your son can hear dad's voice and see him.
These are some of things I do for my children when their dad is gone and it helps them. Hopefully they will help you as well.

All GREAT advice you've gotten already! I love Mamasource!! My husband is a pilot, gone a lot. When my boys were younger I did many of the things listed by the other moms below. But I also did one other thing. I would get a bunch of little toys/cars/whatever your son is into. Wrap them each in tissue paper and have them ready (secretly). Then when dad was gone and we were having a rough day we would walk to the mailbox and lo and behold, dad had sent each child a little gift! (or a letter with a picture or something.) This took away the hurt at least for a little while and made him feel special. It is hard! Hope that helps.

Hi A.,

I have a 3 year old and my husband has been traveling every week (except the Christmas breaks) since October of 2007. He leaves on Sundays and comes back on Friday nights.

We explain everything to our son about the fact that daddy is going to work, flying on an airplane, sleeping in a hotel room...all of it. I think it helps our son to know what daddy is doing.

We also recently bought a webcam and our son LOVES it!
He asks every day to call daddy on the computer phone. It really seems to help.

The other thing we do consistently is call daddy. We talk to him twice a day at about the same time every day...trying to keep everything as much a routine as possible.

Another thing we do is we got a white board calendar so we can mark off the days until daddy gets home. It's helping our son learn the days of the week and it helps him see how as each day passes we get closer to daddy coming home. (I don't know how much of the time aspect he understands, but I know it will help).

Anyway, I hope this helps. It's a big adjustment, but after you have been through it a few times it will get better.

Also, just an FYI, the biggest challenge for us has been bedtime. Since we have two transitions every week, (with daddy coming home and leaving again) the disruption shows up in his willingness to go to bed like a big boy. Its a work in progress! :)

Best wishes and blessings to your family.

R.

When my husband was traveling for a his job he recorded his voice on one of those keychain voice recorders that my daughter could carry around and play whenever she missed him. All it said was something like "I love you katee and when you look at the moon tonight I will be looking at it too.". Cause the moon was their special thing. Hope that helps

Video tape your husband doing things with your son -- ie reading to him, playing, etc. That way you son can see dad on demand and not just when the webcam is available. Anticipate some difficult behaviors, but stay positive -- its going to be a big adjustment for yourself too.

Hello A.,
I see a lot of great advises and responses. I too agree that maybe you ought to have Dad make a video of himself so your child will watch him on a daily basis especially the times your child knows he is home. That would be the best times. And a little recorder of his Dad's voice where you both carry around so he can hear it. There have been situations where the man of the house leaves for such long amount of time, they come back home, the child has no glue who he is, because the father's voice fades from the child's mind, no realistic pictures such as video of him, etc. That will help your son recognize his Dad when he comes home... :)

My son's father just moved to NY. He seems to be coping with it as well as can be expected. Some days are harder than others. I made a photo album for my son to look at so he can see his daddy whenever he wants. We talk about him everyday and do the webcam thing as well. Most important, make sure that your son knows how much he is loved (although it sounds like you already so this) and that daddy is doing this for the family. For yourself and your husband I would suggest writing letters to each other or talking whenever possible. When he does come back try to make at one of the days that he is back all about you and him. It can be done. Good luck and so sorry to hear that this crappy economy has effected yet another family.

My son is about that age and daddy changed work/schedules also. (Although not nearly gone as much, a 24-48hrs at a time) My son has done well because I explain to him everything Daddy does and where daddy is. They can understand more than you would think. Get a calander and circle the day daddy will be back, and mark the days off each night. Get him some trucks like daddy will be driving...instill a sense of pride of what daddy is doing and make daddy a hero! Also it might be fun to get a map of the US and track daddys where-a-bouts every night too! Again- you would be surprised how well he'll understand and start to get excited when he sees those kind of trucks on the road. He'll follow your lead and if you are super excited about what dad is doing instead of sad he will be too. Good luck!