How Can I Get My Kids to School on Time Without Screeming at Them Every Morning?

I agree with Paige. I used to tell my daughters that they will go like they are when it is time to leave. Since the youngest one likes to sleep in only a t-shirt that usually gets her moving. It was always very productive. The girls knew that I would take them to school in their pjs, no hair brushed, and no breakfast. They never challenged it, but there were numerous times when I told them that they had 10 minutes and then I was leaving that they jumped out of bed and quickly dressed, brushed hair and grabbed a granola bar. They can move very quickly when motivated.
With both my daughters (10 and 14)they now reached an age when hygiene and being dressed became a priorty for them. For my 10yr old that just happened in the last couple of months but it is nice. They both hop right out of bed and fight over who gets the shower and are always ready to go at the right time. This will happen for you also. Good Luck!

Wow, you have a lot of responces. Sorry I did not read them all so this maybe repete. I can still have that problem...it's called me regressing on my responcibilities. I think the bottom line is to set them up for success. However it may be. Setting clothes out, making lunches the night before, etc. But the MAIN mistake I would/do often make...is trying to get ready at the same time they are gettting ready. Get up before them and be fully present!
Funny you are W. O and I am W. O
Good Luck!

We all feel awful after we drop them off after screaming at them.
IF clothes are the issue, I suggest letting them each choose between TWO outfits THE NIGHT BEFORE. Lay them out the night before is what I used to do. (the clothes, not the kids! haha)
You need there to be a CONSEQUENCE. For instance tell them the night before , after they choose their outfit: If you are not in this outfit at 7:30 in the morning, no TV this afternoon/evening. Give them time in the morning to dress: 10 minutes. Remind them again in the morning.
ALSO NO TV before school! At all WHATSOEVER. A radio if you must, but no TV.
Also, if toys are put up before bed, they are less distraction.
Good luck.

When my oldest was 3yrs old and started pre-school by being late the entire first week, we made a large 'poster' for her room. It had all the things she needed to do listed with both words and pictures (big open eyes for 'wake up', a shirt for 'get dressed', etc.) so reading wasn't an issue. We didn't have times listed since she couldn't tell time yet, just a list of what needed doing and she was expected to follow the list without playing around about it.
The weekend before starting this new routine we talked about it with her and set the expectations. She was a big girl now and was responsible for getting herself ready for school. She could dress herself, brush her own teeth, etc. If she needed help with something (brushing out long hair, etc.) I would help. If she didn't do something on the list, or complained, or just dragged around too long, there would be a consequence. Time-outs aren't good for mornings as there is little enough time as it is! All consequences had to do with after school or weekends, and sometimes a quick swat if direct defiance was involved (telling me 'no', or intentionally ignoring direction, etc.), but generally they were more along the lines of lost perks (park trips, library, toys, tv on weekends, etc.)

At wake up time, I went in and kissed her awake with lots of sillyness for a minute or two max (linking wake up with happiness and love) then I walked out cheerfully stating I'd meet her downstairs for breakfast in a few minutes. I didn't go back to drag her out of bed or nag her, just set the expectation and walked away. Her responsibility. If she failed to follow through with her responsibilities I would just calmly say 'since you played instead of brushing your teeth we won't be going to the park this afternoon' (or whatever the consequence was), then walked out. No yelling, just a statement of fact. She could whine and complain all she wanted, but that just meant more consequences 'Since you have decided to whine and complain instead of accepting the consequences of your choices, you now have lost desserts for the day as well as not going to the park.' Always calm and matter of fact. It took two or three times of consistant consequences, with follow through, for her to get it. She knew if she was ready early she could play until time to go, but not before she was ready. A healthy breakfast and general hygiene are a must. Not optional. Not done in the car on the way, but part of a normal happy morning. Pajamas are for sleeping, clothes are for daytime. Getting out of bed and ready for school, properly and on time, was her responsibility.

Kids generally rebel/defy/disobey in an attempt to gain some sort of power. I've always explained to my kids that they are very powerful already. They have the power over the tone of my voice, the amount of tv time they get on weekends (not tv on school days in our house), whether they have playdates, how many extra chores they have to do, etc. All sorts of power. I also remind them regularly that I can't make them obey me or follow the rules at school, only they have the power over their own behavior, but I can make them the saddest girls in town when they don't. :o) That goes for me too. Only I have the power to yell or not. That sometimes is a hard responsibility for me, but I keep trying. :o)
My girls are now in middle and high school and are amazed at how disorganized and irresponsible some of their friends are. Kids complain that their moms forgot to make them lunch, or remind them of something (again), or wake them up (again), or whatever. My girls just laugh and say "your mom makes your lunch?" or "don't you have an alarm?" My oldest was just laughing the other day about a boy in three of her classes that has his mom bringing him lunch/homework/PE clothes, etc. several times a week. She was wondering if his mom was going to college with him!
Giving kids responsibility over their own stuff breeds self-confidence and independence. We really need to be putting resonable expectations on our kids from the very earliest ages and being consistant with those expectations throughout the years, if we want to have well adjusted and responsible adults to emerge at the end of the process.
Good luck and stick with it. You'll be pleased with the pay-off and your kids will be too!

When my oldest daughter was 6 and her brother was 8 she would refuse to get dressed. We screamed and pleaded. yet her brother was late for school just about everyday. I told her one evening that if she wasn't ready for school the next day at 7:45 completely dressed that she would have to get dressed at school. I did not nag her at all that morning. Just reminded her of the challenge the night before and several times the time. About 5 minutes before the impending time, I put her clothes in a paper bag in her room. At 7:45 I picked her up and loaded her in the car. When we got to school I told her that she had 5 minutes to get dressed in the car and if she didn't, she would be dressing in the office bathroom. She didn't get dressed. When she realized I was serious about getting dressed in the office she pleaded to get dressed in the car. I told her that she had exceeded the time limit and she had to dress in the office bathroom. I went into the office and gave them a "heads up" that Megan was coming in her pajamas to get dressed. We walked in and they all "covered their mouths" so as not to laugh as she got dressed in the nurses bathroom. She never gave me any problems after that.

Hope this helps.

J.

Oh, this is a good one! A friend of mine just took her kids to school in their pajamas. Whatever state they are in at the time they need to go, take them like that. They will learn fast enough. (You may have to clear it with the teacher first, and bring their clothes.) And if they haven't eaten, send them hungry. I don't think you'll have to do this more than once or twice.

It's the best form of "natural consequences."

W.
I am a mother of 4 I know your pain lol
this is what we do in our house
we get clothes out the night before and then that way they can get them on and wake them up earlier and when you wake them up give them hugs in bed before there eyes are open and that should help all of you
Example 6 am wake up start at 5:45 giving your girls some lovin them at six there awake enough to get dressed after that eat breakfast brush teeth make beds etc. and off to school
best of luck Danielle
Mom of 4

Page W actually gave you the advice I was going to give you. I studied Child Development and almost became a full fledged teacher. But I decided I liked working behind the scenes as an aide instead until my genetic disorder made it impossible to work anymore.

But to the point while I was in college we had a video (wish I could remember the name). It had many of the scenarios of the moms who left you advice.

The best one to get them to react was tell them they have a certain amount of time to be ready and to show them the time you use a timer in their room where you can hear it.

Tell them they have to be ready by the time the timer rings if not they go as they are. Some kids like to play before getting ready others just want to stay in bed etc, if the school has an issue with this (speak to teachers ahead of time) keep a spare change of clothes at school in classroom or in car trunk.

Most kids will try to go to school in their pjs until they realize you really mean business when you get to school and they still have pjs on.

If you let them run the morning show none of you will get out the door in time or in a good mood. Takes the wind out of their sails big time. I only had to tell my stubborn child once that if she wasn't ready she would go in pjs. No timer was needed, she got the point and got dressed.

Braiding hair the night before will cut down on having to do their hair. And a great breakfast is dry cereal in ziploc baggie. That way they can eat on the way to school. I know many moms who did this even after mine was out of elem school.

My stubborn daughter is now 17 and a senior she graduates in June. Soon you will be onto something new and will miss these times. Time goes by fast enjoy these times for what they are precious.

I made a chart for my 3 year old daughter that works like a charm! The chart consists of pictures I got from the clipping file on my computer. I included eating breakfast, getting dressed, putting pj's in hamper, brushing hair, and brushing teeth. I laminated the chart and put velcro stickers above each picture. I then laminated 5 suns that said all done on them and she puts them above each task as she finishes it. Onmce all the tasks are done she finds me and if their is enough time she watches a little bit of curious george. I would be happy to e-mail you the template I made if you are interested in using it. Since she is only 3 she still needs help with hair and teeth, but the responsibility shifts to her and she comes and find me with her hair brush or tooth brush in hand. Good Luck!

I think they are too young to be expected to get it together by themselves in the morning, especially the three year old. I have a 10 and a 14 year old and I still help them get out the door every morning, including helping them figure out what to wear. You may be screaming because you need more time to help them. Get them to bed 30 minutes earlier, plan out what they are to wear yourself and then guide them in the morning. You can expect more from them when they reach about 8. Kids don't develop all at the same time and they crave guidance from us. Screaming just starts their day off to a terrible start for all of you. By preparing their outfits, lunches, backpacks, etc the night before, choices are removed and you get a much smoother morning. Good luck, it is hard but you deserve it for yourself to have peace in your home. One more thing...my older daughter had a very uptight preschool teacher who was very mean if you were late in the morning. After talking with many moms since, I think that I was crazy to have stuck with such an uptight preschool. There are so many out there you want one that helps you with YOUR schedule vs putting more pressure on you. After all, a loving start to the day is FAR more important in your child's development that regimental drilling of ABC's.

Good Morning W.,
I had this same issue with my boys. Every morning,every day....By the time they went to school I was turned in to knots from frustration & anger. They just would not get up!!!
So I put a boom box in their room. Every morning I would go in & wake them. 5 minutes later if I had no response the radio would go on. Every 5 minute's (or less if you want) the radio got louder & louder until there was no way for them to continue sleeping.Some mornings it would be Loud Rock(something I knew would irrate them in the morning, Black Sabbath @ 6am LOL) or Classical (loud)or in the middle of May get out the Xmas music! After they got use to it, they made it fun. Dancing around their room to the music, while they got dressed. They not only turned it into something fun but they learned a new appreciation for differnt types of music.And they knew, they couldn't avoid getting up & going to school. My mornings became less stressful & we turned a bad situation in to some great memories!
My boys are grown now, but if you asked them they would have fond memories of school mornings....not allof them mind you, but most anyway.
Good Luck, I hope this helped you.....
Happy Holidays & God Bless,
L.

I personally have never used the advice from this website, but the comments I read are outstanding. This site with help you with your overall household as well. The site "www.flylady.net" has some wonderful advice for lots of things. Good luck.

Hi W.!

I think we have all dealt with morning stress on most occassions :o) They are not fun at all, and the "Mother's Guilt" will always get the best of us.....

What I did years ago, is I MADE myself a morning person. I make myself get up at 5-5:30am to do the few things, including make-up, that I need to do before we go to school.

On Sundays, we put the kids clothes in a hanging organizer for the whole week, socks and all. This way, the kids go in and can pull out their own clothes without thinking. Shoes are untied the night before, and backpacks are opened and ready.....

The important thing in my home is to get them up early, which means we're in bed by 8pm each night to make our mornings easier. This also took practice.

My oldest pops up at 6:30am like clockwork now. Obviously, this eliminates a struggle because he is waking up himself. He watches cartoons and eats breakfast for about 30 minutes before his other responsibilities. Result: Happy Kid :o)

My youngest sleeps like a rock, so I have to wkae him up 30 minutes before he REALLY needs to wake up :o) 30 minutes later he MIGHT be finally out of bed. Again, cartoons with breakfast = a happy kids in my home :o)

After he's awake, I set the microwave alarm to beep at 8am, which is 5-10min's before we pull out the drive-way. This has become a routine. My kids know that when that alarm goes off it's time to hurry and get in the van. This way, I am not the yelling to get in, I only have to say, "Did you hear the timer go off?"

Anyway, I still have those chaotic mornings every now and then, and usually it's because I"m the one that's not ready, and that results in me not having enough time to help my kids......then I yell. But if I'm all ready, then I can help my kids get ready, we have eliminated alot of chaos because of me being ready.

I hope something I've said can help you. Establishing routines can take time. Even over xmas break, I will keep routine the 2nd week so it's not too difficult to go back to school. My kids have NEVER had a tardy in 7 years. I guess I should be proud of that, but instead my brain thinks "oh, yeah...anyday that could change!"

~N. :o)

Wow, you have gotten some great advice. I'm not sure I would go with dressing them the night before. The idea of parenting is to teach them lifetime skills and sleeping in their clothes is not something they will want to do as adults. Plus, don't they get all wrinkled and messy?

I think routines are key. Kids generally respond well to them. You just have to be consistent and persistent and starting the night before will help. I got good advice when my oldest daughter was 3 and that was to choose clothes the night before. Pick out two outfits and she gets to pick which one she will wear from those choices only. It didn't work until I took her to pre-school in her jammies one day. She didn't argue much after that.

My two younger kids benefited greatly from my early practice with their sister. Being late is not an option and they just get up and get ready like they are supposed to. The tv is not on unless they happen to be ready early. It is just too distracting. Hth. L.

I used to have that problem with my son, he is now 4. I am so EXAUSTED from all the yelling, not to mention I feel bad about it at the end of the day. I had to start standing there, "here is your underwear and pants, put these on" and stand there till he did it, then "here is your shirt", and so on. Now I can hand him his entire outfit and he'll get it done, but around 3 years old I had to keep on him.
I know how you feel though, you're already on a time limit and then having to rush around, getting frazzled, having to yell, and still not the outcome you're looking for.

You've received some great suggestions: laying out clothes the night before is so helpful.

I have two boys--kinder and 3rd. They are the MASTERS of procrastination. I learned to have their backpacks packed and ready the night before, save lunches. Put the backpacks by the door you go out to go to school. Searching for shoes was my biggest nightmare so we have a bin that they put their shoes in. That has cut down on the frustration level greatly.

I also tell them they have to brush their teeth and get dressed before the TV goes on. We're still working on that one. The consequence is no TV the rest of the day.

Good luck--it does get better.... :)

M.

When my two girls were in grade school, we had the same problem. Not only were in danger of making themselves late for school, but their lagging was going to make ME later for work. I sat them down one Saturday morning and talked to them about how their lagging was affecting the whole family. I let them know that I was tired of yelling in the morning, that it obviously wasn't working and it was starting out MY day poorly, too. Then I announced that, on Monday, whoever wasn't dressed when I was ready to leave would go to school anyway, whether they were still in their pj's, partially dressed, etc. Monday rolled around, time came to go, neither was ready. Dad and I dragged them out (crying and screaming) to the van and I proceeded to drive them to school. They cried the whole way to school, but I drove on as if nothing was amiss. When we pulled into the parking lot, I pulled out a bag with their school clothes and told them they had 3 minutes to get dressed. I added that, tomorrow there wouldn't be a bag of clothes, but they would be marched into school "as is".

Next day both were dressed by the time we had to leave and we never had problems again.

Most important: they have to know that you mean what you say.

This used to be me. We have since overcome this. My twin girls are 10. Since they were 7 they have gotten themselves out of bed with their alarm, gotten dressed, brushed hair and teeth, and ate breakfast, and made their lunch for school. All without being told to. Before this it was yelling, screaming, crying everymorning.

I started to "get ready" with them. We'd all get dressed together in my room, brush hair & teeth together, and have breakfast. They followed me around for a while and did what I did to learn how to get ready. This did mean getting up earlier for a couple of weeks.

Once they could do it on their own, they were set. And, as a rewarad if there was time, they could watch TV if all was done.

We have a "tomorrow spot" for everything we need for the morning. Every night they set out their outfits, panties, socks shoes hair stuff, for the next day. Next to this, is their backpacks, and anything else that needs to go with them.

Good luck.

Dress them yourself. Eliminate the hassle, be fast and quiet and once it's done, you can show them that the mornings can be calm, happy and relaxed once they are dressed. smile.

Hi W.;

I know how you feel! I have been through this, and something that REALLY helped with my kids was preparing the night before by having them pick out a "clothes kid." They pick the clothes they want to wear (with my help), all the way down to underwear, shoes, barretts, etc., and lay them out on the floor so they look just like a "kid." Next morning, they get up, and get right into those clothes! I made them a star chart (they get a star if they are ready for school on time, with a surprise at the end of the week if they get 5 stars), and set a couple of ground rules. The rules were that they have to be dressed before coming downstairs to eat, and no t.v. unless they were ready early. It seemed that allowing them to watch a little cartoon if they were ready early was a big motivator! As they got older, I added time to the mix, i.e. dressed by 7:00, done eating by 7:20, brush teeth by 7:35. For a while, they enjoyed looking at the digital clocks, and it helped "train" them so I didn't have to tell them what to do every 30 seconds!

I hope this helps, and wish you luck! :-)

Up until last year (my daughter is turning 11 this month), I had to sit with her and help her put her clothes on or it wouldn't happen. I'm sorry! Anything to avoid screaming... calendar with stickers for the days they succeed? Prize at the end of the month? Good luck! C.

I thought that I was the only mother that had to fight with her son to get dressed, brush his teeth & put his shoes! Oh and my favorite is the last disagreeement we have before we head out the door, is why he cannot take toys in his backpack to school. I have 5 year old twins, boy & a girl. She is totally self sufficient (thank goodness), so I only have one grumpy kid in the mornings. The only thing I can think of, is get the kids up earlier in the morning, have their clothes picked out the night before & PRAY! Good luck as I am going through the same thing and I work full time so I end up fighting with them, and going to work feeling guilty all day!

I also use the set-time method with my 7 year old. She lived with her dad for 4 years, and through Kindergarten. I was frustrated when she move back with me and my husband and I heard from her dad that she had numerous tardies at school because "She messes around too much in the morning and doesn't get ready in time." I tought to myself, she's 5, get control. Then.....we had our first week of school....and I could feel my hair turning grey. So, we started with picking out school clothes the night before, before bed. That didn't help much, so we started enforcing time limits. We wake up @ 7, she has until 7:20 at the latest to get dressed, the breakfast, she has until 7:45 to eat, if she hasn't finished, tough, she's done, and then she brushes her teeth, and we brush her hair and we're out the door by 8. If she's later than that, she doesn't get play time before school starts, which she loves.

Hi!
I deal with this one, too. The things I've found that work best is 1. The threat to leave anyone who is not dressed with shoes on feet and by the door when Mommy is ready to go; 2. No TV in the mornings unless everyone is ready and Mommy isn't quite ready; and 3. Small losses in their allowance. Some mornings just don't go the way you want, but it's nice to know we're all in the same boat, huh?

W.,

Give them each a timer and set the timer. Tell them they must have their clothes on by the time the timer rings or they will have a timeout. Follow through. They will get it soon enough that you are serious and they will follow your directions.

Molly

3 and 6 are a little young to be expected to get ready on their own with no problems. I have a 7 and 5 year old. My 7 year old is slow in the mornings. I cringe when my husband yells at him. talking to them is much nicer and effective than yelling. Starting out the morning with a hug and kiss and "I love you" goes very far. Even if you do end up yelling at them, they will remember that you always gave them love in the mornings. I just don't think its about the actual morning rush, its about what they experience. Do you want them to remember you yelling at them all the time? Or do you want them to remember you showing them love? We as parents must make these decisions and stick to what we know is best for our children.

I do relate to what you are talking about. Mornings are much better for us now that I had a talk with my husband about how his attitudes affects the kids. Do you really want your kids to go to school with their mother's screaming voice ringing in their ear? We just have to make that decision!

Start waking them up earlier and give them time to wake up. Usually I start waking my son up at 6am, he is out of bed by 6:30am. We have to be to school by 8. From 6:30 to 6:45 he can watch cartoons or get ready. Or he can get ready first and watch 15min of cartoons once he is ready. We are out of the house by 7:30/7:40am. It works well, because, like I have to have a cup of coffe, he needs time to wake up to and not just get up and run around. See if something like this helps. Good luck

I see a bunch of great responses, but haven't taken time to totally read all of them, so am not sure this idea has been mentioned. Does the school, or the teacher have consequences for the children being late? If so, perhaps you could talk with the teachers and let them know you are having this problem and that you will be giving the children certain guidelines without having to scream at them, but they may have to find out the school consequences of being late a few times in order to finally get the message. That way, the teachers will understand that it isn't you getting them there late (and believe me, having worked in childcare I know that teachers do often blame the parent rather than the child in such situations) and can deal with it in an appropriate manner to help you teach your children their responsibility in the matter. The best teacher I ever had was a no-nonsense lady who nipped my tendency to put the blame for every failure of my own on someone else. I think the 'frosting on the cake' was when I turned in an assignment late, got a zero on it, and she explained that my work was perfect, but because I had turned it in late it counted as less than a grade of "F" would have. I started to blurt out that the teacher the year before had given us more time (after her deadline) but this teacher stopped me with "I'm not Mrs. K, I'm Mrs. B and you will do things according to my rules in this classroom or you will get a zero if you don't." That has stuck with me since fifth grade and is still the best discipline I ever remember being given.

I've had a similar problem, compounded by the fact that I am neither a morning person nor particularly organized. My husband IS a morning person but so much so that he's usually gone to the gym or to work before we even get up. He does make lunch (though I still have to pack snacks and actually put all food in the backpack... hmmm I need to work on his behavior, too!). My advice is similar to the others'.

Here's what I've done:
- Set my own alarm for 10 minutes earlier, to give ME more time to get ready
- Spend some of that extra time supervising/helping my 5-year-old get ready. I figure at this point I'm building scaffolding around the behaviors of getting ready, and I can gradually take the scaffolding away
- Put out her clothes either the night before, or in the morning before/while she wakes up
- Take a realistic look at what time we need to be IN the car in order to be there on time; then work backwards to figure out realistic times for finishing breakfast, getting dressed, etc.
- When the time for eating is up, she's done. I'll let her bring the rest in the car if it's not something too messy (like cold cereal). When time is up for dressing, she's done - so far we haven't had to experience this ultimatum.
- Get my OWN stuff ready the night before. Invariably there's at least one thing I have to run back into the house for but it's getting better.
- And, of course, using lots of positive reinforcement for each LITTLE aspect of getting ready: "I'm so happy you have your shoes on," "You look great today," "Wow I see you've picked up your backpack already" etc.

One of my New Year's Resolutions is going to be getting my daughter to bed earlier so that the whole process is easier (and maybe I'll have time with just my husband before that early bird crashes!).

Good luck, W.!

I hear you - it's like that in our household a lot too.
Have you tried making a game of it - set a kitchen timer and say "can you get dressed before the bell goes off? This *sometimes* works with my 7YO twin girls, although my mildly autistic girl will sometimes have a meltdown if she realizes she's not going to finish before the bell rings.
I'm guessing you've already tried the pick-the-clothes-the-night-before-and-get-everything-all-laid-out strategy - I know it works for some households but it doesn't always work for mine ;-)!
Most mornings my two manage to get themselves ready on time - and it's definitely gotten better over the past year or two so there's hope for yours - but this morning was one of those 'don't MAKE me come back there!" ones. After one of my girls said something like "Mom, I don't like it when you yell at us, it makes me upset", I responded as calmly as I could "Do you have any guesses about why mom was yelling?" when she said no, I asked "before Mom yelled, were you doing what you were supposed to be doing?". To her credit, she admitted she wasn't, so I told her that she could help me yell less if she'd focus on getting ready for school in the morning. Hopefully they'll start to make the connection!

Since I leave for work in the morning long before my husband or kids are awake, to make it easier on my husband to get them ready for preschool, I have their outfits & anything they're supposed to bring to school laid out the night before & have their lunches already made, so that he just has to grab them out of the fridge before walking out the door. Also found it helpful to get the kids completely ready first (breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth) & then let them watch t.v. while you get ready. That way, they're done & you don't have to worry about getting dirty or sweaty in your work clothes while your trying to get them ready. We use this same routine on the weekends if we are going anywhere, except for the lunches of course & it works b/c it gives you peace of mind knowing the kids are all done & you just have to worry about yourself. Hope this helps!

You can put them to bed with the clothing that doesnt wrin kle and their socks to cut down time then tell them they are going to school in whatever they have on when its time to go and when you say get in the car even if they are in their underwear you can grab some clothes and go so they can put them on when you get there or in the car on the way. I did this with my son and he got ready real quick when he thought I was really going to take him in his underwear.

I've recently started trying positive reinforcement of good behavior. I told my kinder that if she can get ready all week without me having to ask her 3 times to do each thing (get dressed, brush your teeth etc.) at the end of the week she'll get a prize. Something small seems to work, she doesn't even care what it is. I went to a local store last week that has these bins with little items that are like 50 cents and got a few of those and gave her one and she was happy.

I have a fried who after fighting tooth and nail everymorning, just tossed his clothes in the back seat and made her son get dressed in the car on the way to school. After that morning he was always ready to go ;)

Ugh, my son can take forever to get dressed too! On the nights before he has preschool I put him to bed in a comfortable outfit instead of pj's.

W. ~ I am not really sure why you are having so much trouble with your kids, are they wanting to watch tv, stay in bed, play with toys? Depending on the situation I would take different actions. With my kids (who are 6 &7), they have to be up by a certain time, if they get up before that time, they can watch tv until that time, and then they have to get ready no questions....when they were younger if there was a problem, they got a warning, and then a spanking, now I hardly have to discipline them at all cause they know that they need to obey. I learned over time (and believe me I screamed at my kids several times before I figured this out) that I needed to discipline them BEFORE they pushed me to that point. That was when I started giving them 1 warning, and then a punishment depending on what it was about. And I had to be consistant with it. It was VERY difficult at first, but now it has paid off! If it is a matter of they are not wanting to get out of bed because they are tired, I would move their bed time back 15 minutes each night until they wake up ready to go. For 2 reasons: #1 - if they are not getting enough sleep at night this will help, & #2 - if they don't like going to bed earlier, it will motivate them to get up in the morning without arguments and complaining, because every time they do, their bed time gets put back 15 minutes....you can really use whatever increment of time that you want, 15 just kinda worked good for me. Hope some of those ideas will help you out....

Oh, W., I am here to encourage you, b.c. I remember the days--oh so well! This is a fact of life for the stage U R in. Sticker charts, providing choices like: you can either get dressed or eat breakfast NOW, or if you get dressed now, you get to pick what to wear. If I get to your room before you, I get to pick! Let's race! All of these creative ideas will last for a few times and then you just have to keep thinking of new ones. Little kids are just high maintenance. But, THERE IS HOPE. that was the hardest phase for me. Now my two great girls are 11 and 14. They prepare their own lunches and eat b-fast on their own. They get completely ready by themselves ON TIME. It's amazing that we've come so far. But when they were 3 and 6, I was just as overwhelmed by that daily struggle as you are. One more idea: really throw them off....try whispering. That really catches them off guard, start with whispering things in their ears like: I wonder what Santa is putting in your stocking...then graduate to what needs to happen next, giving the 'choices', and so on. A book you might like is "Creative Correction" by Lisa Welchel. She has some creative strategies to try. The other thing to keep in mind is--get breaks, pull in the supports, you need to take care of YOU during this intense mothering phase. You'll be a better mom if you ask for help so that you can get your tank filled again. Best to you and yours, Happy Holidays!!

I have another take on this. My house used to be like yours, I have 3 kids, and we pretty well, there is still some frustration, but I do have a system that I stick to rigorously.

My 3 kids all choose to sleep in one room, so they all wake up together. I refuse to wake up my kids earlier that 7am to get them ready for school. I also refuse to get up earlier than I do now just to be super-organized, my life is hectic enough as it is to shorten my beauty rest time.

I think 45-60 mins is plenty of time of get dressed, eat and brush teeth, with that time no-one has to rush.

So, I use a carrot method to get the kids ready. If the kids are ready by the time we leave at 8am, they get to play. One exception is NO TV EVER in the mornings. That would be suicidal, it is way too absorbing for them to part with it. They love that they can have free time to play with anything, and so they get done as quick as can be with their necessities in order to play with their toys.

After wake-up and bathroom, they have to get dressed. I never lay clothes out for them, that is what the closet is for. They choose their clothes on the day to match the season, and other needs (PE that day, fieldtrips etc). I make sure they have clean clothes, but they have the responsibility to choose them. It is their responsibility to get dressed, so I will never dress them, they are no longer babies! I keep tabs on time for them, if I have to I let them know that time is ticking, and that they need to come get breakfast.

I also refuse to let them sleep in their clothes for school, this is no way to teach them to be efficient with their time in the morning. For the same reason I refuse to let them eat their cereal in the car, it would spill everywhere, and guess who would have to pick up their bowls afterwards? And clean the spilt milk? No way!

So, after they are dressed, they are allowed to come to the kitchen to get breakfast. They are NEVER allowed to eat breakfast in their pyjamas, not even on weekends. No clothes, no breakfast! I am very consistent on this. I refuse to let kids go to bed in soiled pyjamas from breakfast, and I am not pyjama washing every day just because I don’t enforce no-pyjama-at-breakfast-table rule. We sit down as a family to eat breakfast, nice and calm, that is expected. The kids get their own spoons, and cups for juice whilst I get them their cereal, or cook their eggs, or make their toast, whatever.

After breakfast, their next requirement is put their dishes in the sink. No putting away, no play! Then they can brush teeth - they are all way too scared to leave the house without brushing teeth, so this is relatively easy. My 3-year old is the first to get everything done because she is so independent, my 5-yr old boy is always the laggard.

It helps that my kids love their school (where enrollment is by ballot only), but it has a tardy pass system, If the kids get too many tardy passes they are asked to leave and attend their local school. They live in dread with that knowledge, and get pretty organized in the mornings.

Of course, it pays to get organized the night before. I have installed a five-sectioned cubby near the front door in which the kids put their backpacks, coats, shoes, their envelopes, their school library books, sunscreen, gym clothes, karate belts, play practice script etc. This helps. I also have my own cubby in which I put checks for school, cameras for the day.

Be consistent, praise your kids, give them playtime, no stick, carrots for being on time, and consequence (natural nor not) for being late.

Hope that helps. It was fun reading all the other responses, especailly using the timer, but I don't think I will practice the other suggestions.

P.

Please do yourself a HUGE favor and buy the "Love and Logic" audio CD's by Jim Fay and Charles Fay, Ph.D. You may have seen them on PBS. Worth every penny, and you can apply this style of parenting to every situation. And there is no yelling : - ) Your children learn how to be responsible and accountable for themselves. Magic!

R.

I'm sorry, I have to laugh. I know the feeling all too well. This is something that my niece has done to her kids...and she is one of those women that has so much on her plate that she doesn't have time to waste...so she follows through like nobody's business. My suggestion is to have the girls help you pick out their clothes for the next day, including shoes, socks, hair ties, etc. Lay it all out where they can find it as soon as they get up. Tell them that they are to dress themselves...at least your 6 yr old anyway...as soon as they get up and then come out for breakfast. (Potty before or after dressing is up to you) Tell them ONLY once, that if they are not dressed by the time you are ready to go, they will go to school in their PJs. And DO IT!!! Take them there in their PJs. I guarentee that it'll only happen ONCE! (If you are like me and can't stand the thought of them in class in their PJs, put a spare set of clothes in the car the night before....but if they test you after the first time, you HAVE to allow them to actually go to class in PJs for them to take you serious.) I know it sounds extreem, but sometimes kids need extremes. It's better than all the stress every morning for years on end. Believe me, it'll turn into years if you don't nip it in the bud now. I have four kids...ages 2-16. I've been there...and don't want to go back EVER!!! Good luck, Hon! And may you have a Blessed Christmas and New Year!

Oh...one more idea if you don't like the above...Read the book, "1-2-3 MAGIC". It'll stop the yelling all the way around and if you start it now while your kids are young, you'll probably have an easier time getting started and keeping it up for years to come. It's an amazing book!!!

M. and family...

Went through the same thing with my 4 year old. We now have a list of things to do in the morning. Everything from wake up to kiss goodbye. When he has completed something on the list he gets to check it off. He loves and we actually get to school 10 min early now.

In my house, I often found that it was better to use a timer to decide things than me. That way, when the kids complained, I just said, "The timer says its time to go. Let's go." No one has ever won an arguement against the timer -- and while they don't have a great track record against me, their arguements can be wearing (end result = screaming).

I did all the other tricks mentioned but added the use of two timers to the routine. One timer went off as a 5-minute warning. Anyone who heard that timer was instructed to yell. "Five Minute Warning!" This inspired everybody to listen for the ding since they all wanted to yell in the house.

The second timer meant that it was time to go, just as you were, no additions allowed. It meant that my middle son went to school in pajamas (just once -- but it is has been immortalized forever as he went on picture day) and that my oldest left eating breakfast. But they left -- and they knew that the timer meant business.

When we first started this system, I made sure to dawdle myself one morning, just a litle bit. When the second timer went off, I had one shoe on and one shoe in my hand. The kids were delighted to usher me out the door that way and laughed as I hopped to the car, putting on my shoe as I went. From that silly demonstration, they learned that the timer meant business for everyone.

Now they are all teenagers and often scatter to the winds with their own friends. But we still use the timer method on family outings and they still love to yell "Five Minute Warning!"

But what they love best is to tell the story of the time that Mom had to leave the house with only one shoe on.

Looks like you have lots of advice. I don't know how much time you have in the morning (do you work part time in the morn), but I found that everything ran much more smoothly when I got up a little earlier. I had the kitchen to myself to make coffee, breakfast was set up, and lunches made. Then I'd get ready for the day. After that I'd wake up the kids. They'd come down to eat and watch cartoons while they ate. As soon as they were done I didn't ask for the TV to go off, I turned it off. Then up we'd go to get dressed. I always left it to them to pick out what they wanted, but because I was ready to go and lunches were made I didn't have to do this while they were supposed to be getting ready. I'd help them get dressed if they were taking too much time, and then in we'd go to brush teeth. I'd brush (on dentist's orders) and when I saw they could manage on their own they did it. It may seem like a little too much mommy control, but I didn't need to do it too long and they were doing it all on their own and I didn't need to make sure they were getting dressed or brushing their teeth--they did it themselves. It is one thing to give your kids responsibility for things, but sometimes just a little more monitoring helps a great deal, and it results in less frustration and the resultant yelling. My controlling the schedule and my turning off the TV without yelling about it has worked its way into all behavior at our house. If something was left on the floor (shoes, socks), I'd stand in front of them or take whatever they were playing with out of their hands and point to the item and just say "shoes" or "socks" or "dish" and they knew that meant put it where it belonged before they could continue with what they were doing. No yelling. It has always work and they are now 16 and 13. Good luck.

The bigggest thing that helped us was to get dressed the night before and have them sleep in their clothing. Of course it only works if there aren't any nighttime accidents anymore. My friend even went so far as to have them sleep with their shoes on!

It is not your job to get them dressed. Your job is to see that they get to school on time. Tell them when your car will be leaving. Give them 15 min warning and a 5 minute warning. Once the 15 minute warning has been given, pack a set of clothes for each in thier own shopping bag and place it in the car. When it is time for the car to leave they are to go get in the car. Carry them if you have to.
This time a year, especially, it shouldn't take more than a day or two and they will be dressed before you open the front door. My son, as a two year old once got dressed in the middle of Costco. The next day he got dressed in the car while I was putting the dog out and getting my purse. We haven't had any problems since.

I was going through the same thing with my 3 year old. I started taking things away when she didn't listen. Her biggest thing is that she likes my mom to pick her up from school. The other day she would not listen to me and instead of yelling I just told her that Grandma would not be picking her up. She had to stay at school (she goes to a daycare/preschool) until I got off work. The next morning she listened and everything went great.

My husband had this problem with his two kids when they were little. He solved it by one day saying "the car is going to leave at 8:15am - I will give you a 15 minute warning and a 5 minute warning, then you'll need to get in the car." So he gave the warnings, then physically picked up the children (without shoes or school clothes and they hadn't eaten breakfast), and put them in the car and drove them to school. He had put shoes and clothes in their backpacks to put on once they got to the classroom, but they had to wait until snack time to eat. From then on (they were rather embarrassed having to walk into school in their pjs and with no shoes), they were a lot quicker to get ready and eat in the mornings. You generally have to do the embarrassing thing only once (and you can even warn their teachers before you do it so not to freak him/her out).

Hi W.,

I am the mother of four children (adults now). But as a mother of four mornings could be really hectic.

The best advice I can give you is SHIFT WORK!

When my kids were young we worked in shifts when it came to baths, bedtimes and wake ups. Rather than waking your kids up at the same time, try waking them at half hour intervals. This allows for less distraction, minimizes the early morning fights over the bathroom and allows you a quick fifteen minute intimate conversation with each.

I would wake up at 500am then the oldest at 530 by the time he was finished in the bath, usually at about 600 I wake the next and the oldest would help prepare breakfast. By the time the second was done in the bath I'd wake the third at 630. By then the second was waking up the youngest and setting the breakfast table. By 730 all kids were up. dressed and we had breakfast TOGETHER. It helps to have them prepare their backpacks & place them by the door, prep the lunches and lay out their clothes the night before. This way....no morning arguments about what to wear, what to have have for lunch or searching for the backpacks. As it becomes part of your daily routine things will begin to fall into place for you.

Since you have girls, try combing their hair at night (with a little gel or mousse) and have them wear a scarf. We did a lot of braided styles when they were young and this worked well for all!! A quick brush up in the morning and you're outta there!!

Things became so streamlined that as they got older we began shifting morning chores and they began to plan the breakfast menu the night before too!

We also did this in evening when it came to baths & bedtime. the youngest took her bath/shower at 730 followed by the third, second and first child; each getting one half hour, no more, no less. Their ages determined their bedtimes which was also in shifts to minimize the talking and complaining.

Good Luck!!!!

Happy Holidays!!!
CM

I make a hot breakfast and if you are down in time to eat it, you get it. If you don't get down, you don't get it. Instead you get a bag of dry boring cereal and cup of water.

I make things like biscuits, creamy oatmeal, bacon (toss on rack over a cookie sheet and bake, so I don't have to watch it), quiche I mix up the night before. I make pancake batter ahead of time and keep it in the frig. Sometimes I precook pancakes and warm (shhh.... that's a secret.).

I buy boring cereal and pre-box it for car breakfasts. We drive 40 minutes to school each day, so there is plenty of breakfast time.

I used to have the get up and get ready so you can play, but that lasted for a week.She's tired and could careless about that time.

Stephanie