I have a 6 year old boy who is very active in sports, has good self esteem and has a good amount of friends but occasionally has still gotten into situations of having to deal with teasing (actually who doesn’t go through it?). On numerous times I have explained to him how some kids can be mean and that he should just ignore it and brush it off and/or show them that it doesn't bother him cause when he shows that it does bother him thats when they will taunt him more. Bottom line, I have just tried to teach him the saying of “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”. Well, as we all know…. sometimes our children don’t quite understand this to the full extent. And so of course, it does bother them.
As adults, it is easier for us to just ignore it or handle it but how do you teach a child this? How do you teach them that yes words can be hurtful but it doesn’t have to affect them?
my 6yr old nephew came home crying from school because of teasing. what his mom told him to do when someone teases him or says something mean was "so" it made the other kid so mad that he wasnt getting a hurt and angry response he finally quit teasing him.
Well, first of all, I guess it kind of depends on what he's being teased about and whether it's something easily remedied. But sometimes kids are just mean and in general I think the best thing you can do is just listen to your child when he comes home upset about the teasing. I wouldn't necessarily try to give too much advice unless he asks. Perhaps ask him if there is anything he thinks he can do to improve the situation or ask him if there is anything he would like you to do (e.g., talk to a teacher or the other kids' parents - although usually kids don't want their moms to do either of these). Of course, keep a vigilant eye out to make sure the teasing doesn't escalate to abusiveness. My husband was teased so much in middle school that he eventually needed to switch schools.
Otherwise, unfortunately sometimes there are just difficult things that children have to go through. As painful as it is for us as parents to see them hurting, often the best we can do is listen to them, validate their feelings, and help them get through it as best they can. Try to bolster his self-esteem in other ways so that at least he feels loved and secure when he's away from the bullies.
For anyonethat has a daughter dealing with this sort of thing I REALLY recommend a book called "Odd Girl Out". Excellent!
I have two very little girls. The oldest has been teased for being tiny from the 1st grade. I just explained to her THAT EVERYONE GETS TEASED! If you were tall, you would get teased too. I let her know that people tease because they "lack" words, they are jealous etc.. I also help her laugh it off.
We have a good sense of humor and one day she came home telling me the boys were calling her "Leprechan" (on St. Pats Day) I started to giggle and got her to realize that was kinda cute. The mean stuff we just blow off - now she just says "yea okay, nobody was asking you" and it takes the wind out of their sails. I think maybe because I didnt spend a lot of time giving it energy..now she doesnt eithier. Just a theory...
I have a 4-year old daughter. I read many child development books, and the best advice that I have found is to teach children to "use their words" when any children do anything that makes them feel bad in any way.
For example, if a friend pushes my daughter and she starts crying, I'll have my daughter tell her friend "I don't like it when you push me" in an assertive, strong voice. I will walk over with my daughter to her friend, get down to their level, and be there to remind my daughter what she could say if she chooses. Then I'll try to get her friend to respond to my daughter's comments, and get them both to talk about it.
It takes time to teach kids to be assertive, but it is so important. Not only for the ones being picked on, but to the bullies too to try to get them to think about other kids' feelings.
There is a good book called "How to be a good friend" - this is written for kids aged 4 to 8 and gives examples of all kinds of situations that kids get into with each other. It's a great conversation starter. Many times my daughter will talk about how she tried to play with some kids and they wouldn't let her join in, or some similar situation, and we always pull out that book to read and talk about things that she could try next time.
As you said, these are issues that our kids will be dealing with all of their lives!
fyi, here's the link on Amazon for the book.
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/104-###-###-####-##...
I would look for different things that can boost his self-esteem, like team sports or drama,music,dance classes. I think when we feel we belong and that we are good at something that not everyone else is, we start to feel proud of ourselves, and we are more likely to let some stuff slide. Remember, he is just now entering the logical thinking phase of development and he is taking things personally probably for the first time. Lots of love and support is all we really need. Relate to him, "I remember when I felt like that, I would say to myself, I am the boss of me, no one can tell me what I am" etc. I hope this helps.
