How to Break Sad News to Preschooler

I feel for you. What a sad and tough situation. I would explain that Daddy was very sick and the drs could not help him and that he is no longer alive. Maybe wait until Friday morning so she has time to ask questions and grieve. I don't think at 4 she will insist on what day it happened. As hard as it may be for you it might help her to talk about happy times or funny stories about Daddy. You may want to line up a counselor to help both of you if you feel it is needed. Wow, we just dealt with a pet dying last week and that was tough enough, I can't imagine what you are going through. My heart goes out to you!

T.,
I am soo sorry! I can understand how hard this can be and telling her is certainly very overwhelming. Just think that this will be a process for her and that there are people that are trainned in helping her and you. THere are several grief groups in the area for children who have lost a parent, you can google grief support and find something that will help. They also have suggestions for parents to deal with grief in children.
Take care,

Please do not tell her her dad killed his self. that would be too hard for her to understand. tell her daddy was very ill and he thought he would be better to be with God. At 4 they can understand death, but never suicide. Let her know also that daddy loved and will continue to love her very muh. have her go outside with you at night and look for her daddy star. itb will be a bright star that will make him smile and that will be daddy looking down on her making sure she is allright. Give your little girl a big hug from me and tell her someone else understands her feeling. Good luck with you both.

I am so sorry! My fiance committed suicide when I was pregnant and it is not an easy thing to deal with.

When Azelin was four she started asking questions and I simply told her father died. I did not elaborate. When this was no longer enough I said he died of gun shot wound. When that was not enough I explained that Jeremy was very sick (which anyone who does this is) and no longer could think clearly and shot himself. In this way I did not overburden her with more information than she could handle. I expressly forbid outsiders to discuss his death with her until she was much older. They could discuss grief, but not his actual death.

I am not sure of your faith background, but I started discussing with Azelin that God does not withhold his loving kindness from the sick. If he was to sick to think then God would forgive his actions. I started this long before it was an issue, but there are many who believe suicide is unforgiveable and wanted to address with her indirectly the stupidity of that. None of us are aware of all of our sins and thus none of us have repented from all of them.

Survivors of Suicide is an excellent resoure. The website is www.survivorsofsuicide.com

I am not sure where you are located, but there are grief groups for children in almost all major cities.
Troy Timmons is an excellent counselor also and he does accept Medicaid, if you are in the Amarillo area.

Oh T.. I am so sorry for your loss. I imagine that at this time you are the one who will struggle more than your daughter. I would be devistated if anything happened to my ex. He is my son's daddy and he loves him. If you and your daughter are religious or maybe even if you're not, I would tell her that Daddy went to live with God and all the angels and that he will watch down on her and get to see her all the time. Tell her that you two are going to miss daddy but he will be very happy where he is and one day she will get to see him again.

I'm so sorry for your lost, I know he was your "ex" but I'm sure there was still some love there. I think you need to be honest to her and let her know that her daddy is gone. I don't know how close her relationship was with him, but if she was close to her daddy, you may want to take her there, I would also talk with his mother, to see her wishes. I agree, you don't need to say anything about the suicide part, just remind her of the good times she had with him as well as you, and that he will be missed.
God Bless you in this difficult time!

Goodness, I am so sorry for your loss...and her loss... My Dad commited suicide when I was 13 and it was so h*** o* me (sometimes still is)...

I am now 35 and still miss my Daddy dearly but I know your daughter hardly got to know her dad. I dont know what to tell her... so that she will understand. If you have a paster or a child counsler I would ask them because it could really make a difference how you tell her so her little mind can accept and understand it.

But honor him for her and make a scrap book and keep his memory alive for her. That stuff helps me...

Good luck
A. J

I am so sorry for you and your daughter's loss. You have to tell her now. Even at 4 she will pick up on the fact that something is wrong. I know how hard it is to tell your child that daddy is gone, I had to tell both my daughters that daddy had died. He died one year ago. Just kept it simple, answer any questions she has and remind her that daddy loves her still. If she wants to know why or how he died, just tell her you are still trying to find out. This will give you time to talk to someone about how to help her and give you time to also grieve. Fort Worth has a great place for this called The Warm Place. Call them. My girls are a little older, but they love it there.

The advice you've been given is excellent. The only thing I will add is to contact the Suicide and Crisis Center in Dallas. They have excellent resources and materials. Their website is www.sccenter.org.

First, My sincerest sympathies to you and your families. Please tell you little one her daddy is gone, but don't go into any great detail. You will get lots of "why's", but those can usually be answered in simple terms. I would tell her friday, after Christmas, because she does need to know as soon as possible before she overhears it from someone else. "Little Pitchers have big ears". I would also take her to see him at the funeral home, even if she does not go to the funeral. She too needs this closure and you can explain to her that he is now asleep with Jesus and that God loved him and her. We don't understand these things. It must be so hard. I have a 4 year old grandson who lost his great grandma last year and we took him to visitation and then he came in the latter part of the service and it was great comfort to us all to have him there. He kissed her in the casket, told her goodby and said I will see you one day in heaven. He may not have totally understood, but now when we talk about her, he realizes she is gone, but not forgotten. Anyway, prayers to you all and May God give you the words for this little one and his Grace to get you through the coming days and months. God bless you.

Hello T.,

I'm sorry for you and your little one. How sad. Do tell her how much his daddy loves her and that his love will be with her forever. then tell him how you are sad because because something happened and you won't be seeing daddy for a long long time. Tell her that Daddy went to heaven. Do take her to the funeral and as sad as things are, get a friend of the family to take some pictures. Eventually she will remember and have questions and then you may have one or 2 pictures for her to look at (when she's much older, of course). God Bless and comfort you. ~C.~

Be honest. Don't mention the suicide, she is too young to really understand death much less suicide.

If she was close to her father, or saw him regularly, she may need to go to the service. I would recommend getting some counseling from church to help guide you through this. My 4 year old doesn't get death yet, so I'm sure your won't either. I would tell her he died in the simplest way and answer her questions honestly.

I'm sorry for your loss, God bless.

I agree with the other ladies, don't hide the death from your child, just the way he did it. She's young, but she also needs you to be honest with her (at an age-appropriate level).

I also agree that you need to look into counceling. If you are a Christian I strongly recommend that you find a Christian councelor. A councelor can help guide you on what is appropriate at what age to tell her. They can also help both of you through the confusion you both will feel following such a tragedy.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Be very straight-forward and honest, but in simpler terms. Don't hide your emotions from her. Let her know it's okay to be angry, sad, or whatever she's feeling. Also let her know it's okay to still enjoy life's happy moments. Unfortunately, I have 2 friends who have had to tell their young children about their father's death (one is going through this right now). It is a very difficult thing to do, because you don't want your child to hurt. The best thing to do is to be honest. I am so sorry for your loss, and I will keep you, your daughter, and the whole family in my prayers.

Oh my goodness! I can't imagine what you may be feeling right now. I would probably not say that he took his own life, but just that he died. I know that being straight with her is better than making up things, but I'm not sure what a 4 yr old mind would think about suicide. Death is a big enough concept for her to try to grasp, so it might be better to save the details for later. You probably want to check with your pediatrician for a referral to a child psychologist. You may not need those services immediately, but children internalize these things and it will come out later. Their little minds process things so differently from ours.
May God be with you and your little girl through this difficult time.

I would sit down with her and tell her. Something along the lines of Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I have some very sad news. She probably won't cry at first, then she'll cry all the time - because she's worried about losing you. Make sure she's got the opportunity to talk - that will likely be very cathartic for her.

S.

I definitley give her the details of his death, that would be heartbreaking to hear. Just tell her that Daddy went to be with Jesus in Heaven... When she asks why, just tell her Jesus missed her Daddy and he was sick and Jesus was going to make him all better. She probably too young to comprehend all the details and I would keep it as simple as possible. It's a very tough time for everyone and I will keep you and your family in our prayers.

I am so, so sorry. I agree with the others who say to tell her only that he died. Not how. Not now anyway. As she gets older and more capable of understanding, she will need to know. I suggest lining up some counseling for her. Be sure to assure that he loved her very, very much and now he will be watching over her. I do believe people who commit suicide can go to heaven because they are mentally ill when they do such. If it were me, I would be assuring my daughter that she would see her daddy again one day in heaven too.

My prayers go out to you, your daughter and your ex's family. What a terrible tragedy.

I am so sorry for you and your dtr. I would tell her now - I would not give her the info on Friday and then go to the service on Saturday - she will need sometime to let it sink in. I have done Hospice and Oncology Nursing for 7 almost 8 years. I have found in those years that children handle things better than we think they are going too. She doesn't need to know @ this age that it was suicide but that he was sick. I know this is hard but she will see that you are sad and she needs to be able to grieve with you.

Oh my, T.. What grief you must have right now. I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your ex and father of your daughter. You've received a great deal of suggestions relating to your 4 yo daughter and I agree with a lot of them. I will keep you, your daughter, and your 1yo and the rest of your family in my prayers.

I agree that it might be a good idea for both you and your daughter to see a counselor (together or separate) and I can highly recommend a wonderful counselor who is excellent with both adults and children. Please let me know if you'd like her name and number.

Blessings to you,
A.

Dear T.:

First, my condolences to you and your family. Considering your children's ages, I would not go into suicide as of yet, but let them know daddy is in heaven and he loved them dearly. As for the reason, you can tell them he had a very heavy heart or something wasn't right in his head. This will let you slowly lead up to telling them the truth as they age and can understand the concept, and you won't be telling a lie.

May God carry you and your children through this difficult time. You are in my prayers.

T.

So sorry for your loss. I don't have any advice, just wanted to tell youI said a prayer for you and your daughter and both families!

Randa

I am sorry for you and your daughter's loss. I agree with the other posts...be honest. I am not sure if your 4 year old will ask how he died. I also don't think that 4 year old children have the concept of death. It will probably take some time for her to understand exactly what that means. I will pray for wisdom for you as you handle this difficulty. My husband's brother committed suicide and left behind a 7 year old(at the time-now he is 15). My nephew saw a counselor for a while to make sure he was handling his dad's death ok and also so he had someone he could talk to about it. He is doing great now. I think part of the reason he handled it all so well was counseling. Please consider that for your daughter.

Wow, that is difficult.
I am sorry you are going through this.
I think I would leave out the suicide part. That concept is difficult to understand. You might try the approach of daddy was sick, which he was, and died and went to heaven. I am sure he misses you and can now be your angel. While we can see him, or talk to him, he still loves you very much.

T.,
I'm sorry that you and your family are dealing with this, especially during the holidays. Find a few mins of quiet time when you will have her attention. You're daughter will deal with it much better than you think. You didn't say in your message how, but your daughter does not need to know now that he meant to do it. Tell her basics and let her lead you from there. My daughter (18) was murdered 18 mo ago. She has a half sister that was 4 at the time. What she was told is that Heather's boyfriend hurt her and that she died. She does not know all the details, but is given honest answers as they come up. She doesn't totally understand the concept of death, but does understand that she isn't coming back. The church provided a family dinner before the service. I gave her something that had belonged to my daughter at the dinner and that seemed to help by taking some of the gloom away. She doesn't dwell on it, but does talk about Heather. When she is thinking more of the death, she tells her mom that she thinks Heather's mommy needs a hug. If you think she might need some outside help, there are groups that are age appropriate. The Warm Place (I think that is the name) is run by one hospital in FW. It is for kids up to 21. They do different activities depending on the age of the group.

You are welcome to write me direct if I can be of anymore help ____@____.com

I hope your holidays are as peaceful as possible.
C.