How to Discipline My 1 Year Old?

Hi M.! I would highly recommend "The Discipline Book" by Dr. William Sears. It sounds to me like he has found that this "game" is how he can get your focused attention. Something I've learned is my daughter's behavior dramatically improves with what I call a "Mama minute". Maybe taking 15 minute breaks in when he really starts to act up and, with time, before and give him your undivided attention playing with something he wants to play with, a tickle cuddle session, a book etc. followed by a way he can "help Mama". My daughter loves the garbage too so I give her things to trow away for Mama even if it is a piece of paper towel I tear off to give her something to do. She usually does it 2-3 times and is off to another thing for awhile.

Good luck! J.

I feel ya. I have a 18m old boy who I stay home with that acts the same. It makes me mad during the day when I feel like a broken record. The newest thing that I have started to do to get his attention is having a time out area with no toys. Ours is a pack and play pen in the other room because he wont stay still to be in the corner or on a chair. When he does wrong or wont listen and I have to repeat myself more then once I put him in it for a few min. There is no toys or anything in it so he normally cries. But its been working. I hope that soon he will be out of this. But for the mean while this may help you. P.S. make the time out area something that he will only use for that so you dont scare them away from a normal thing like their bed or high chair.

I personally think that you're expecting too much from a one-year-old. Developmentally, they simply aren't ready for "discipline" - they're still babies. Go ahead and tell him "no", remove him from the situation, and then change the environment so that he can't do what he was doing. Put up a baby gate, move the trash, put the water bowl where he can't get it. Be calm and consistent. Eventually he will develop the will-power and the memory to follow directions. Towards the end of the second year, you can start with short time-outs, but keep the instructions short and direct. "No hitting." "No touching."

I find it helps to think of it as instruction rather than discipline. What I want to do with my daughter is teach her how I want her to behave rather than punish her for misbehaving. So I give her lots of positive feed-back for behaving in acceptable ways. "Look at you playing with your toys. Good job!" "Look at how softly you are petting the doggy. See how the doggy likes it when you pet softly?" If they do need correction, tell them what is acceptable. "Don't throw blocks. Let's build a tower instead. How high can we build it? 1 - 2 - 3 knock it down!" I find these kinds of reinforcements balanced with no-nonsense time-outs when necessary work really well. It keeps the parent/child relationship positive and has the added benefit of increasing their self-esteem since you are focusing more on what they are doing right rather than what they are doing wrong. Do you want to be told everything that you do is wrong or would you rather be appreciated for what you do right?

Best wishes!
D.

I too agree with Jack's mom; you need to get it under control now. I have a 4 year old son and when he does not get his way he throws a FIT; not any run of the mill fit either. You need to teach him that it is not okay to play in the dog dish, or to go through the garbage. I have heard that time-out's do work well, I wish I would have started them when my son was 1, because now he will not stay where I put him (for time out). I am going through the same thing as you!!! I have spoken to several people at my church and have gotten this consistent answer: 1) You ALWAYS win. My son did not want his dad to take him to pre-school this morning and threw a huge fit. (The first one dad has actually been home to see). It would have been easier for us to just give in, and for me to take him, but that is not the point. We said Dad was going to take him, so dad HAD to take him or he would have won. (He was 30 minutes late and still throwing a fit on his way in the door, but dad took him!) 2) Be consistent-it may ruin your plans for the day, but try and always be consistent (I'm still working on this one. It sounds easy, but is probably the hardest thing to do-especially when you are worn down to nothing!!) 3.) Their opinion does not matter-what you say goes. Another one I wish I would have worked on sooner....I use to poor him a glass of juice and he would get mad because he didn't want that certain cup, so I would put it in the cup he wanted. Shouldn't have done that!! Either you use this cup and drink your juice or no juice. And now, when he doesn't get his way.....FIT!!

So, to sum it all up.......nip it now because it can (and probably will) get worse. They are always testing their limits; make sure he knows what the limits are.

I hope this helps! And, I too will be praying for you....that has helped me tremendously! Good luck!

It sounds like he thinks it's a game. I would strongly suggest keeping the dog and cat bowls in the kitchen and put up a gate so he can't get to them. Teaching them to listen is one thing, but at such a young age, it is often best to choose your battles. Do not let him get in the trash by removing his access. Put up the gates; trust me, it will work.

M.,

Honestly, I don't have a lot of advise on the subject. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone! I have 11 month old twin daughters and my oldest tends not to get into things, but the younger of the two is a lot like your son. She gets into things and I say no, no, no. I too have tried raising my voice, clapping my hands, and even lightly smacking her butt or hand if she's getting into cords. She just looks at me and giggles or cries (depending on if she gets startled or not). Then, she goes right back to what she was doing.

We don't like to put her in her car seat or crib if she's naughty, because we don't want her to associate them with punishment, but sometimes you can only pull them away so many times before you want to pull your hair out.

If you figure something out. Let me know. I will certainly do the same! :D

Sincerely,
J. D.

Time-outs are a wonderful thing. For mommys and kids. I have been putting my daughter in time-outs since she was about 1. She is turning five soon and there is nothing worse to her than a little time in the chair in the corner, all I have to say is "do you want a time-out?" and she usually stops her attitude or mis-behaving, even in the store cause as I have told her "I can find a time-out chair anywhere".
Good Luck!
D.

M.,

It can be so tough when you feel a child doesn't listen. I have a 10 year old son who I feel I talk to till I'm blue in the face. I keep on him and on him and then all of a sudden he'll amaze me and he changes. I stay persistant because he is so strong willed. What I'd like to propose to you if you don't mind is just praying with you. That God would give you strength to continue being persistant also as you have been but that God would help mold that strong will in your son. That he would give your son a healthy fear of you and obedience. Would you mind if I prayed with or for you?

-D. S.

M.,
I think you are doing the right thing. Your son is testing limits now with you. You have to continue being consistent and keep saying no. Tell him "You cannot play in the garbage because it is dirty and has germs, you can play with you your toys"...Then sit him with his toys. This may take several times and alot of patience. Babies learn by repitition. Teach him also that when he listens to you (obeys) you want to play with him. So if he starts playing with his toys when you move him, then sit with him. If he starts crawling back to the garbage be coaching himthat he is not allowed to play there and that he needs to come back to you. Consistency is key. Hope this helps.

Might be time to start time-outs...he's not too young. He will stop the behavior if it means he can't be with you. Put him in a room where he can't hurt himself and there is nothing to play with. Do it for one minute (if you can--he will probably throw a fit!) and ask him if he's ready to behave. It may take some time, but soon you will only be threatening time outs and won't have to actually do it. He's just pushing the envelope to see how much power he has, and he needs to know you're the boss. I have a 2 and 1/2 year old, and it only gets worse so try to nip this in the bud now! Good luck...

I understand what you are talking about as I have two small children of my own. The best way to stay sane and even HAPPY is to not have anything available for him to get into that would get him into trouble. Lock up everything, put gates and child locks throughout your entire house. put the pet food where he cant get it, or only put it down when he sleeps. there is no point to trying to reason with a one year old. Good luck and enjoy his curiosity.

In addition to disciple, I used a play pen for both my children. I put a few of their favorite toys in it and tried get them interested in playing with it in there. It is a great way to get a few things done and a break too. My mother-in-law had toys that just stayed in the playpen so if my son wanted to play with them into the playpen he went. Of course with my son... he would only tolerate for short periods of time...maybe just 10 minutes, but it's still something and as he got more used to it he would sit in it and play happily for about 30 minutes. Even if I was close by at least I didn't have to keep him out of trouble for a little while. Hope this helps.