Is there anything that I can do? Right now I am thinking nothing. My husband loves to spend money. He can't wait and save up for things but has to have want he wants immediately. I am a SAHM and he works. I used to do the bills and try to budget. It made me insane because he refused to even look at the budget and refused to budget. If I pinched pennies, then that was just extra money for him to spend. So he took over doing the bills. We got along great for awhile because we never discussed our finances. He paid all the bills pretty much on time, but we were living from paycheck to paycheck and often spending more than we made. I know he could cut his spending in lots of areas, like going out to eat 1 to 2 times a day, satellite tv, toys and gadgets, but me, I can't really cut in any area because I am already tight. I bargain shop and go without. We have too much debt. We don't save. He tries to pay it down when he can, but he is an emotional spender. Like he is deployed, so he can't make any more money right now, but before he left, he took us on a huge family vacation. Every time we go on vacation it is to somewhere expensive in the nicest hotel he can find. He refuses to stay in cheaper hotels. Now I don't even want to talk to him. He wants me to get a job. I don't want to get a job because I am the only parent my kids have right now and they are acting all traumatized and clingy that he is gone as it is. And also I don't want to pay for his spending habits. He thinks me cutting out the cable bill is a dumb idea but getting a job is a good idea. And he refuses to budget.
Thanks all. I am thinking that there is not a point in Dave Ramsay since he doesn't think there is a problem, and also thinking to call it quits. He's not around the kids or me much anyway. They'd probably get more time with him if we divorced and I'd be free to be careful with my money and stop trying to work on the thousands of other issues we have. When I look for the good in him, compliment him, let him take care of the money, and do what I can to make him happy, there is peace and harmony in our marriage, but I don't get anything in return from him. I am tired of him. I have busted my butt trying to fix the marriage and I'm a-done.
Get him to read Dave Ramsey, and when you take back the paying of the bills, cut all his credit cards up and give him cash to use. Once he uses it, it is done. You can budget in a vacation fund, etc, but if everything is in cash, he can't spend what he doesn't have.
I strongly suggest that you get a hold of the money he makes and pay bills asap. If he won't change his habit don't let it harm your household. I would open up an account in your name and start saving the money you can get a hold of as well.
I know how you feel, my husband has run us into the ground a more then enough because he always wants the best! Since your hubby is gone now may be a good time to set up a savings account that he doesn't know about. Set a bit of money aside each month so when you get into financial trouble you will be able to fall back on that. And give yourself a treat once in awhile because it sounds like you deserve it. As fas as getting a job maybe you could do something like Mary Kay, or something that you really like. If it's a product you like to use you'll probably sell more since you'll be more passionate about it. I sell Mary Kay so I am able to stay home with my daughter and soon I will have 2 kids to stay home with. If you don't want to leave your kids do book parties. You can bring in somewhat of an income so it will get your husband off your back about that but you still won't have to leave your kids.
Good Luck to you!
In our household I'm the one who cannot save the money. We get along because we don't talk about finances. We both work 40 hours per week and I pretty much do as I please with my money. My husband buys his "toys" but I'm the one who who is short on cash when it comes to paying my bills. Speaking as someone who does not budget like your husband, it sounds that you are the one going without and he takes advantage of that because he knows he can spend the money that you should have had so that you can treat yourself once in a while. Even if you were working you would probably be using all of that income as well to to go towards the bills. He will ohly think that that is extra money and use it as an excuse to continue spending. So, an extra income will not solve the problem because in the world of spenders the more money you have the more you have to spend. The only thing you have to gain by getting a job, because of his spending, would be more work. You probably still will have money issues plus you will have the job and the kids to deal with.
What needs to change is the need to spend. Write down all your bills and how much money goes towards them and then you know what is left for spending money.
I have told my husband that my new years resolution was to open my mail and at least look at my bills. I will promise to write a check for my bills before I do anything else with the money.
Wow, this is a tough problem to have...if you've tried being frank and downright blunt with him and he still does not get it, then I would suggest marriage counseling. Finances are a huge reason why couples get divorced, as well as not being able to communicate with each other. Hopefully some type of counseling will help with the communication issues, as well as getting the root of why he feels justified in spending like he does.
I can understand why, if he does get deployed overseas, he might feel the need to splurge on a vacation some - maybe he feels he needs to leave his kids with good memories of a special time together in case he is suddenly not around some day. And that is not necessarily a bad thing. On the other hand, is there any money saved for the future? For college for the kids? For retirement? Do you both have life insurance policies? If those things are covered and he were a little more willing to tighten the belt in other areas, a nice vacation would be justified.
Personally, you getting a job might not be a bad idea. It will be money that you earn and unless he seriously expects you to just turn it all over to him (and I hope to God he doesn't), you can put it aside in savings for whatever you might need it for. However, both you and he need to consider that if you are working, someone has to watch the kids and that someone might need to be paid (unless it is a family member willing to do it for free). So whatever money you earn could get eaten up by that. However, personally, I don't think it is always a good idea for a woman to allow the husband to make all the money and have total control over it, especially if the husband can't be responsible about it. Women sometimes need to take responsibility for their financial lives too and not always depend on the husband, if he can't be trusted to do the right thing. What would happen if he died?
I'm sorry you are going through with this...my hubby sucks with money too, but at least I have a job that earns enough to cover our bills and then some. We are having some similar issues and I am trying to figure out a solution too, but if something does not change, I might have to haul his butt to see a marriage counselor myself. I think a lot of his issues stem from growing up poor, never enough money for anything, and now he feels "entitled" to the nicer things in life without realizing that our savings is not an ATM.
Maybe see what other responses you get, and then maybe print all this off and show it to him...and sit down and have him watch Suzie Orman with you.
It's not unusual for couples to contain O. "nerd" (saver/budgeter) and O. "spender" (like your hubby) BUT that doesn't make it right.
Careful spending now will allow for a better financial position later.
At the very least, your hubby needs to admit his tendencies and agree to let you handle the money. Dave Ramsay's Financial Peace University MIGHT get him to see the error of his wreckless spending.
Look in your area for churches, etc that might be offering it. It will help.
At the very least, you need to budget for his "mad money" -- spending before you have the money is immature, irresponsible and showing poor judgment. Many marriages end over failure to responsibly handle money.
men the people you love and hate at the same time. all men are like this and they think they are doing a good thing.:) get used to it I am sneaky with the money I have it when he thinks were broke i just dont cash my checks till necessary.
Do you think he would be willing to attend Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University? I picked up the Total Money Makeover at the local library for FREE but it sounds like he needs to be committed to something a little more than just a book you sit down and read together. I understand your pain.....my hubby doesn't even realize how much he spends per week because he swipes that debit card.....maybe if you give him cash for the week it would make things better. It's almost like giving an allowance to a child and I hate that some adults have to be treated this way but they obviously don't know how to manage their money....we are not born knowing how to manage money- we learn from others like our parents. He might also need to seek professional help if its really really bad.......
