Well to make a long story short. I am in the middle of a divorce and I found out i was pregnant with #3, and I have an IUD which i am going to have removed soon. I told my soon to be ex husband, and he said it wasnt his. I know that i can have a paternity test done after the baby is born, Should i get one done or not. I dont want to go through anymore trouble or stress than i need to go through.
I'm so sorry for the situation you are going through. I know how hard it is to be pregnant and have to deal with a divorce. Everyone tells you to be calm. If they only knew how hard that really is. I don't know if I have any advice that will make things better, but I am a good listener. Please feel free to call me at ###-###-####.
I am so sorry about your situation. But sometimes it is better to get out of a relationship to save yourself and your children emotionally. I went through a situation just the same as you only my fiancee left me when I found out I was pregnant. Then as my pregnancy continued he got married to another woman and decided to deny my child. I left it alone. i gave him a year to start paying child support or to start comunication. You will be going to court way before that because of the divorce. but If he has the brain to develop a sense of logic he will realize that if he wants a paternity test he will have to pay for it. That is what it came dowm to with my ex when I took him to court he denied it until he found out it was his responcibility to pay for then because he knew it was his it would be cheaper to just go without it. Another legal loophole is that if you are still legally married when the baby is born he has to prove he is NOT the father to NOT pay child support otherwise it is defaulted to his and unless he proves it is not then he has to pay the support. Good luck and God bless
Well, if it's a matter of him paying child support, it's probably worth it. Also, if there actually is a possibility that it's not his child, it's important to know who the father is so that person can give you the support you need in taking care of the baby. Best of luck!
Get the paternity test. That way he can't deny that the baby is his when you try to get child support.
Good luck with the pregnancy. I've heard having an IUD removed after becoming pregnant can be difficult.
I would say get the test to prove it. If you end up having to go on State Assistance, they will insist on knowing who the Father is anyway so they can go after him as a dead beat Dad. However...Because you were married when you got pregnant, they will assume he is the Dad anyway. In the end, the burden of proof may be his. Either way, I bet there'll be a test.
Good luck!
Kat
First A. I am sorry to hear you and your children are having to go through a divorce, never a fun thing for anyone. As far as you having a paternit test you absolutely should just because you are getting a divorce you are not a single parent and it is still your ex's responsibility to help with his children. It is not much added stress these days for paternity tests when i had one with my oldest child we had to do blood tests and it was a nightmare but now its a simple tongue and cheek swab no fuss or pain. Good luck and I encourage you to find others to talk to and support you and your children through this rough time.
J.
its not about you , its about your baby. no mtter how much you have to go through, you owe it to the baby to have the paternity test. you are not the first nor the last to have a divorce, we all have lived through it and managed jsut fine, at least you have the support of all the moms here. yea, it might be the worst time in your life but you learn and live on. and everything happens for a reason. i know youve probably heard all this before and you think that we dont know what we are taliking about but we do and we have survived. you might have days where you just want to end it all but if you keep in mind that there is light at the end of the tunnel .. and there is, a big bright sunny warm light. maybe things can be easier for you.
Hi A.,
If you want your soon to be ex to pay child support for your new baby, then yes get a DNA test after the baby is born so that you can bring that to the judge when you file for child support. I'm sorry to hear about the divorce. I know it must be tough for you. When I went thru my divorce from my first husband, we didn't have any children together, but it was a mess and very stressful. I can only imagine what it is like when you have children involved and what they must feel like too knowing that their parents are divorcing. I wish you the best. Take it day by day. Hopefully you and your ex can stay friends, or at least civil for the children's sake. It sure will make it easier on them if you can. :-) God Bless, G.
A.,
The burden of proof is in fact his. After the baby is born file court papers for custody/child support and if he contests paternity he will be forced to take a test and he will be forced to pay for it when it is found out that that child is in fact his.
I know it seems like a hassle and right now I'm sure it seems like much more stress then you could possibly deal with, but as my lawyer constantly told me.. It's not about you, it's about what is best for that baby. And that child deserves to be supported and taken care of. And your ex has a responsibility to do that for that child. And he owes it to you to help you out. You are the mother of his children, that deserves respect and you deserve to be treated with such. And that child deserves to know it's father just as surely as your other children know him.
I hope that everything turns out okay. I've been through it, I know it's hard and I know it's scary but you can do it. If you ever need to talk or just to vent I'm here as well as countless others I'm sure :)
Take care,
Nikki E.
you should get one, if you have two other children by your ex, you do not want this baby to feel left out or not wanted since you will have to have contact with your ex. not only that there is the issue of child support.
OMG, girl..... You have an IUD and still got pregnant. That scares me because I have an IUD also and Im so not ready for another baby yet.... Well about your situation, just hold tight until the baby is born. Dont stress too much about it now. If you are positive that he is the father of this baby then go ahead and get the paternity test after the baby is born. If he is going to deny that that is his baby then he will be the one that has to request it and pay for it. There will be alot of in and out of court, but just hang in there. Its got to be really tough getting a divorce and then finding out you are pregnant. Do you have the 5 year or the 10 year IUD?
Please let me know how things go..... Send me a message and I can give you my number if you ever want to talk....
Sorry I couldn't answer sooner. I raised three girls alone without any support, financial or otherwise, from my ex. I am not bitter but I know how my girls felt not having a father who cared. In short, go for the paternity test and hope your soon to bed ex will be a good father to all your children. Good luck!
