I Don't like School

Have you talked with his teacher about how she sees him responding to his school? What is he like when he's at school, in her opinion?
Maybe he is bored in school, or doesn't feel cared about there? Those
In that case, maybe a school that is more stimulating, has more to do, is more challenging, and/or more caring, would be right for him.
What kinds of things does he like to do at home? Does he like to look at books, make things, tell stories, be read to, take things apart to see how they work? If he likes to do those things at home, maybe you can ask his teacher to do those things with him at school. If he/she is not OK with that, then maybe he needs to be in another school.
Hope this helps!
L.

I had this happen. He wouldn't even want to get in the car! I found out that at gym time they were playing tag and always making him it. I found this out by talking to some of the other moms and asking them to check with their kid. I just told them that Tommy wasn't having fun at school and did they know why or could they ask their kid why.

I would first ask the teacher. That was useless in my situation since when I approached her, she said she had no clue and there were only 15 kids in his class! Who knows what she was doing!

If the teacher is clueless, I would approach a few moms maybe during pickup or drop off time if you walk in. I ended up calling and it was kind of awkward, but it helped me a lot.

Do some investigation and see what you can find out!

I had this problem when my now 1st grade son first started Kindergarden. It lasted for a few months! He would run back to our car and cry, I felt sooooo bad. But, I talked to the teacher and found out he was having a hard time adjusting to all the new rules and was so scared when she would just give him a warning, (he is a very social child!). I very rarely will blame the teacher, every teacher is different and he will have tons of teachers throughout his life, and he is going to have to deal with them, it's just part of life! If something was severely wrong, then, ofcourse, I would speak to the principal, but changing teachers or schools would be last resort.

Good for you for listening to your child! and respecting your child's feelings!! You sound like a great, caring Mom :))

Maybe he's just bored? If he likes the activities I would assume that they get his attention and spark his interest. So maybe the rest of the school's day to day normal routine are possibly too babyish for him? Or he's just beyond his groups level. My 4 year old daughter had a similar thing happen to her and so I spoke with the director at her school and they moved her up with some older children ( five and six year olds). Ever since that she is WAY more engaged and much more enthusiastic about going. Its a thought. Hope that maybe helps you a bit. Best of luck to you and your lil man.

So much of why he doesn't like school depends on the child, the daycare and the teacher. Sometimes it's not a good match. I worked in daycare and have been working with kids for 20 years.

Some children who have grown up very close to their parent have a hard time sharing the attention of an adult with 15 or more other kids to think about. I'm not saying it's BAD to grow up close to your kid, just that it's a big adjustment. He's used to being #1 and the most important and maybe having his activities guided. In structured daycare the kids are expected to play independently and resolve their own issues.

Do not bribe your child. It sets a bad precedent.

I agree you should talk to the teacher and see how he is during the day. Many kids are reluctant to go, and then like one mom said, 5 minutes after you leave they are running around playing like nothing happened. The little drama of not wanting to go may just be drama, and you can handle that easily once you make sure nothing's wrong. Some kids just do the drama every day like clockwork, and really, they are FINE. The more you feed into the drama (with bribing for example) the worse it gets.

I also agree if you can, pop in uninvited and see what's going on. Observe him where he can't see you. If he's withdrawn and not social he may overwhelmed. He might do better in a home daycare setting where it's more home-like and fewer children. Think of it as an in-between step between being the only child at home and being in a large class. If you grew up in a small town and then suddenly went to a large city, how would you feel?

Since he won't tell you what's wrong you'll probably need to use your powers of observation. If you haven't heard anything from the teacher then he's probably fine during the day. Working with the teacher maybe he/she can provide you with insights or behavioral patterns. And you can help her by telling her what works for you at home. Perhaps the way she manages his behavior is different. If there really is a problem then maybe you can find another option than that daycare.

Good luck!

We just went through this with our daughter who oddly enough just turned 4. She's been going to daycare since she was 4 months old. All of the sudden in 3 year old preschool, she doesn't like it. We talked to the the teacher and there were a couple of things going on. first - there were 2 new kids who had never been to daycare or school causing a lot of disruption in a class that had been together and know the routine for a long time. Things have settled down and are better now. second - she's bored. she's a smart girl, catches on quick and going over and over stuff she's got down pat is frustrating her. At 4 they don't know how to deal so her response is i don't like it.

We were going to pull her out but after talking to the teacher, we understand that she'll be bored everywhere since 3 year old preschool is what it is. We're working more with her at home on new stuff to learn. I would suggest you talk to the teacher and/or director. They can have some good insight for you.

good luck
Jenny

I would switch him. It may not be a good match. As kids grow that happens sometimes.

N.

I wish I had some advice b/c to be honest, we're going thru something similar. We have a 4 and 3 year old attending the same daycare/preschool. The 4 year old cries every morning when we drop her off. But she didn't used to. And, the teachers there say that she is fine right after we leave from dropping her off. When I get there to pick her up she's all smiles, playing and having fun. I don't understand it. It starts the night before though, where she starts saying she doesn't want to go to school. It's very difficult.

From a teacher's perspective, I would talk to the teacher/school first to see if they have any insight. If that doesn't work, then I would look at your other options.

Speak to the teacher 1st. See if your son is being teased or bullied or threatened in any way. She should know if she pays attention to the bullies or does her job. If she can't be of help, you can sit in the classroom yourself and see what you think is happening. I use to drop by my kids school with surprise cupcakes for "a very unhappy birthday" or any other tune that I would sing and make the kids laugh but I was keeping an eye on things. I learned a lot about schoold systems when I became a lunchroom mom in the minor grades....

Don't run too soon. What is your instinct about the school? Why did you send him to this school in the first place? Think about how a transition to a new school could affect him (and you).

All of my children went through a phase where they didn't want to go to school. It could be so many things. Listen to him, yet if you don't find any issues at the school after talking to teachers and the director, keep reassuring him. Although so very tempting, don't bribe him--it will surely cause problems in the long run. Reassure, reassure, reassure...him and yourself. He is old enough to understand why you need to work, etc. Keep talking to him about why you are sending him there (ex., friends, learning, other fun stuff--a safe, fun place while you have to be somewhere else).

Hopefully this will pass--soon. From a former private school director with a pre-k program...

Yikes! Can you go over and watch (arriving unannounced would be best). There's probably a reason for his reluctance. Then you could talk to the caregivers etc. If you have any flexibility I would consider moving him somewhere else. Good luck!

Speak to the teacher and find out her perspective.

Talk about how you don't want to be in school either but you learned to like it and then LOVE it! Focus on all the positives of the future from going to school now. Maybe help him put away a "penny a day" to save for something to buy "in the future"....(like a week), so he can see the benefits of persevering...just like going to school every day he is "banking" his education for the future and will be able to "buy" more later. (better job, etc...) Rewarding him will be easy if that is his learning style/motivator.

You are his advocate. You know him best. You do whatever it takes to take care of him. Pray. Pray. Pray.

Trust your instincts. If this situation doesn't feel right to you, there's a reason for it. Switch him to another daycare.

With my son, I practiced extended breastfeeding. So I had to spend a great deal of time at the daycares. I'd nurse him when I dropped him off, when I was on lunch break from work, and before I left to take him home. Sometimes I showed up unexpectedly.

You would not believe the things I saw during those times, some of them quite illegal. Some of those daycares were well known chains, too. Trust me, the care you see when you drop off and pick up are the best they have to offer. Once the busy time period ends, and no one is expected for a while, the care is often considerably lessened. And I would never trust a place that wouldn't allow me to just pop in whenever I wanted, or wouldn't allow me to go see my child unannounced.

Try showing up at odd times, and at lunch times, unannounced, and see if you a difference. Do it more than once, and do it at different times. If possible, hang back at the doorway and watch unobserved for a while. You might be surprised.

It's possible that this daycare is just fine, and maybe it's just not a good fit for your child. Or it's possible that there is more going on than meets the eye. But if you feel in your gut that something is wrong, trust that instinct. Better to be safe than sorry.

Try asking him specifically, "what is it you don't like about school?" and then ask him if the teachers are nice and what his friends are like. He could just be missing the time with you. Or, he could be like my daughter on the days she'd rather stay home. Her reasoning: I don't like to clean up, and I don't like to take naps. You could always visit another school with him to see if he seems more at ease there.

You may also try talking about what he'll be learning at school that day (you should have an activity calendar or something), and perhaps he'll have something to look forward to? Good luck!

I would talk to the teacher and see if there have been any changes that could have started this. Otherwise, if you decide to look at other schools, I'd highly recommend looking into Waldorf schools. There is one in Chicago (we go to the one in Wauconda). My first thought is that your son could just be bored with what's being offered to him at the school he's at now. Waldorf education has a lot to offer in keeping a child's interest.