I Think I'm Having a Mid-life Crisis but for the Better Lol

Updated on March 05, 2015
O.H. asks from Phoenix, AZ
16 answers

Some background. I'm going to be 48 this month. Happily married to my second husband for 5 years, I have a 12 yo son w/ADHD, 15 yo dtr with ADD/Asperger's and an 18 yo step dtr who is moderately retarded who lives full time with her mom.

I'm an only child and raised by a mom who collected things. This being said, when her only brother and both parents died, she kept EVERYTHING. Not even kidding. In fact, she just gave me MY mobile that hung above my crib...47 years ago... So when I say she kept EVERYTHING, I mean it. All of her houses my whole life have been full of shelves and bookcases full of these things, nicely organized and on display but every inch filled.

I liked this. It made me feel good to be around all things that filled my memories. My house too has been filled with 'things' that I liked and have kept on display. However, when I met my now husband, he is "almost" a minimalist and can easily get rid of things and keeps only what he needs. This has sort of been an issue between us although I saw early on that I did LOVE to go to his house on the weekends when we were dating because everything was so freeing and clean and easy to maintain....and when he'd come stay with me, all my "stuff" literally stressed him out.

So now here we are. (Sorry this is so long but wanted you to know where I'm coming from). So when we were married, I told him I would "downsize" because I saw the benefit of not having so much and it did make me feel better. Well, it's been almost 7 years and I have chunked away at it. It is getting easier and easier to organize and keep thing picked up and the house clean.

Here is where my mid-life crisis issue comes in. So I have been going on my merry way, getting rid of things, organizing, etc, and it's been ok, my husband is happy with my progress, I'm not embarrassed to have people stop by, the house is in good order, etc. We live in a 6 bedroom house so when I say I have a lot and it's FILLED, well, you get the picture, it's a lot. As an example I have 4 huge bookcases filled solid with books. Soooooo, a few weeks ago, I literally woke up one morning and was all of a sudden sick of everything. Like I didn't want to be friends with some people anymore that I didn't really "like" but just went through the motions with them (probably cuz we all go to the same church), people on facebook that I don't even know why I had them as friends, we all went to the same high school but didn't hang together, I wanted to get rid of EVERYTHING, I mean, WAY more than I already have and I thought I was doing so good! lol

So I started with fb and literally went from over 500 friends to I think about 200. Then we had our annual "soup-fest" about 40 people came, it was a ton of work and after I was like, why am I doing this? To make me happy or everyone else? It hit me I didn't even want to really hang around most of these people so why did I invite them? Mostly because no one else wants to have a party (duh its so much work) and I'm the one with the big house. So I was trying to make everyone else happy. Well, no more. I'm not doing that again. I even want to get rid of PEOPLE now. LOL

Then I asked my son if he wanted his room downsized, he said yes, literally took ALL his clothes out of his room, put them in a huge bin in my step daughters room, then took ALL his "toys" out except for a few things he picked (and accidentally got rid of some we shouldn't have) and donated it all immediately to Goodwill. I can't believe the difference in his room and his attitude. I'm going to do the same for my daughter then hit the rest of the house (which is really our master closet which is the size of a bedroom) and the 3 car garage that is filled and we can't park in.

A few months ago I came across a couple books about "living simple" and was inspired and that's what got me going initially. Although I don't think I will ever consider myself a minimalist, I am definitely getting rid of all the "extra" and freeing up our space and mind.

Even after already deciding to do this though is that one day I woke up and just was changed immediately. So I guess what I'm wondering is if anyone else has ever had this kind of ah-ha moment where something just clicked and completely changed your outlook, thus changing the way you live? I sort of went through something like this when I was 39 and in an unhappy marriage and just woke up and said, enough of being unhappy and kicked my husband out and was divorced within 6 months. And my life changed for the better immediately after. I'm thinking this new attitude about getting rid of "things" is going to do the same.

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

Over the weekend I was on Pintrest and searched "living simple". Wow. Such great articles and tips! One was of a "minimalist" kitchen, or kitchen essentials. Well, they only have ONE 9x13 pan. Imagine that. I think I have 6. Why the heck do I have 6??!! No wonder I can never find stuff in the kitchen and the kids never know where to put away the dishes! I simply have too many of them! And I don't need service for 16! If we have more than 6-8 people over, we use paper plates anyway! Lol. I can't wait for it all to be done. I'm beyond excited!

Featured Answers

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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

I love simple living! We are minimalists. I have friends that make fun of me, but then thr occasional guest will say, you do simple living, don't you?

In fact, we need a bigger house because I have no counter space, but I'm fearful of a bigger house. A small house forces minimalism. I have no desire to collect things-save for books.

But I can't recall an big ahha moments. Maybe when I realized I was going to marry hubby, but other that that, not really.

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R.C.

answers from Jacksonville on

YES!!!! I do this every few years, although I have never had a ton of stuff to begin with, and it feels great. Now I think I want a smaller house, too!

3 moms found this helpful

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I think this is the opposite of a midlife crisis, it's more like a midlife rebirth!
I am about to turn 47 and going through some major, but very positive changes as well. Having older kids is freeing, and just getting older in general has it's benefits, namely knowing yourself better, knowing what you want and need, and most importantly knowing how to say no without guilt or caring what other people think.
My changes also involve downsizing, both literally and mentally. Stuff is work, people are work, so it makes sense to only have enough in your life that lightens your load and brings you joy :-)

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

I have three 9X13 pans, one with a cover. I think three is about right. ;)

I sort of got my life straightened out in my 30s and became far more discerning about who and what I bring into my life. As I've become older, I've learned to appreciate things as a moment or memory without owning them permanently. I didn't have an a-ha moment, more just some intense growth over about ten years and some maturing, deciding what's important for my family and the person I want to be. For me, using our home well is always going to be a work in progress.

7 moms found this helpful

D.D.

answers from New York on

It doesn't sound like a midlife crisis. Nope it sounds like you've reevaluated what you want to do and what you want to include in your life. Good for you! Women spend so much time doing things for everyone else that its nice to see someone put their needs and wants first for a change. You go girl!!!

6 moms found this helpful
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E.B.

answers from Beaumont on

I did that too! Downsized the house too and it feels GREAT!!!

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S.W.

answers from Amarillo on

I think it is a part of life. You spend time getting things and realize after a while that you don't need xyz anymore or it is in the way.

My home was very manageable until hubby got ill and was no longer driving a big rig around the country. His items in the truck went into the garage and have migrated into the home. Needless to say, it is over full now. And we added to the mess with a change in lifestyles for him and me. He is home all day and I work. When I retire, I will take the first six months and just throw things out.

The minimalist feeling is coming again and it was nice to have just enough in each room to look comfy and that's what I want back.

Good luck in trimming down the items in your home to look like a magazine shoot.

the other S.

4 moms found this helpful

C.C.

answers from San Francisco on

Yes. Recently someone posted about cleaning out an elderly relative's home that was rather cluttered, and I related my story of having cleaned out my hoarder grandparents' home several years ago. It made such a huge impression on me that although I'm not a minimalist, I'm pretty close. I often look around my house and think that I really ought to go buy some knick-knacks to put on some of the tables, or artwork to hang on the walls. But I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm sure the house would look more lived-in if I did. ;) Anyhow, yes, having very little clutter and not very much "stuff" makes an enormous difference in my mental state. I can't think when things are cluttered.

That said, I'm off to clean the guest room closet.

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K.B.

answers from Chicago on

I will be 47 in 5 days and I have been vigilant about getting rid of stuff for the last 12 months it seems. I just realized all of a sudden that we have too much stuff. Especially, clothing. I am on a goal to get rid of (recycle) 25% of my clothes with a focus on those that I really don't wear. This goes for other stuff in the house also.

We don't need 50 cooking utensils, multiple blankets, misc. plastic containers, 15 coffee mugs, 6 bottles of shampoo, 5 pairs of flip flops, 25 purses, etc. You get my point! My mother recently passed and I had to clean out her apartment and she kept everything and it totally overwhelmed me and just kicked me into overdrive about getting rid of stuff. You realize quickly that you don't need and you can't possible use all the stuff you've acquired. For everything new I bring in, I try to get rid of something. This has worked so far. Now if I am out shopping and find something I want to buy, I immediately think of what I can get rid of at home. And if there is no place to put it, then I don't buy it. It has been an eye opening process, but I do like de-cluttering.

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

normally, I read the backstory on posts.
not this time....

you are in my life. I have been trying for years to downsize our possessions. The 3 men in the home have been resistant.

Between adding parents' estates to our home & our packrat tendencies, our home is full of treasures. A release is coming soon tho'....my older son is moving out & my younger son will be heading to college in August. I see the light at the end of the tunnel...& I am rejoicing over this new chapter in my life.

When my older son told me he was moving out (3rd time in 6 years), I felt bittersweet. I was happy for him, kinda mourned his move (I love having a house full of people), & in about 15 minutes....had his room's redo planned in my head!

Additionally, we had a dishwasher leak in our open concept home. We had to gut our belongings to be able to replace the subfloor. It was an eye-opening experience for the men in the home....having to box up/move out taught them the much needed lesson in over-excess in a home. :)
A win-win for me: new floors & fewer possessions coming back!!

Soooo I applaud you. When I began trying to downsize, it was a similar experience for me. I woke up & just could not stand how my home looked. I began donating, throwing away, & re-inventing. I feel so much better!
I wish you luck & Peace!

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A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

Even as we speak I am using the book "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up; The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing.

Like you I've HAD ENOUGH!!!! I'm SIMPLIFYING!!! I've wanted to for years but it's been so overwhelming. Finally I snapped :) I've been doing room by room, area by area, for yeeeeears and it never gets me anywhere enough to feel the lightness.

This book has you do your whole house, quickly, all at once, one category at a time. I already did clothes for myself and kids and it has changed our daily routine dramatically. Now I'm doing books. I've got thousands of books from every crevice of house piled in on place going through them one by one to keep or discard. So far I'm getting rid of about 2/3rds easily, and I love books!!! Next will be ALL papers, then ALL "Stuff" then all mementos or sentimental things. I can't wait to stop being buried under things!!! I friend and I are both doing it and sharing before and after photos as we progress.

I'm a single mom, so it's a bit slow going, it took over a week to get through all clothes, but I dropped 7 large garbage bags at thrift and sold 2 garbage bags worth on ebay for a few hundred $. I figure if I give it my biggest priority I should be very far along by end of March. Just like dieting, if I can't see fast results, I can't stay with it, so this is a good system for me.

Good job on your progress!!!!

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P.R.

answers from Cleveland on

I should get my husband to read this. I've always been a minimalist while he loves to hang on to stuff. He also is the one who wants big parties. I started putting my foot down on the guest lists. We can't even enjoy the party if we're running around from person to person the whole time and I started pointing out to him that so and so never ever hosts us etc. So good for you. I would like to see the entire country start living simple as so much ends up in landfills that we never needed to begin with. It's hard to resist temptation though. So many "cheap" cute household items to pick up at stores like HomeGoods. But we must resist. And it's people throwing big parties for people they don't even like and then posting pictures on Facebook (not you - I'm generalizing) that I think also adds to pressure to have more and more "friends". No one posts these big parties and adds captions saying "I don't really like some of these people" so it looks to everyone else like everyone else has soooo many good friends. It is nice getting older to realize how much is just appearances and decide what's really impt to you.

3 moms found this helpful

P.L.

answers from Washington DC on

I love it. I don't know about midlife crisis but maybe getting older & wiser and realizing your family is more important than things.
Good job! We have always lived in smaller home and just now realize need get rid of stuff too! Well we inherited junk when MIL died so weeding through her stuff b/c she was a hoarder. I don't want to leave that kind of headahce to my kids when we pass.
I love the whole Swedish Ikea kinda thing :) Plus with my Korean background making multiuse pf spaces and not having to much extra junk around, makes me feel anxious, slowly but surely..
I bet you have a sense of accomplishment too, :)
P

3 moms found this helpful

W.W.

answers from Washington DC on

oh my word!! I hear you!!!

As we've discussed, I thinned out my "friends" list too. I'm so glad I'm still on yours! :)

I am ready to rent a POD to go through rooms - one at a time and purge, purge, purge....we've lived in the same house for 18 years...wow...this is the longest I've ever lived in one place! Being a military brat and wife - I knew how to purge and let go...being in one place for so long has made me complacent...

I'm following your lead. I don't think it's a mid-life crisis. I think it's your "wake up" call and you now know that path that God wants you on...it's freeing!! YOU GO GIRL!!!

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O.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

Yep.
I've ended meaningless, trivial friendships.
I'm becoming more of a minimalist every day.
I don't spend my time on stuff that doesnt matter to or interest me.
I think you do get to a certain age and what YOU think about you is suddenly more important than what anyone else thinks about you.
And isn't that just SO right?

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

I was married to a borderline hoarder - one room of our apartment was so full of stuff that you had to climb over it to get to other stuff.
When I left, I took with me only what I had had before we became a couple.
My next husband was a collector of sorts, but more organized with his stuff. Every flat surface in the house had some sort of decorative object on it. When I put him out of the house, I sent all of his knick knacks with him.
I find that I don't require much - a place to set my plate down when I eat, a place to sit my arse down when I watch tv, read, do needlework, or use the computer (and the same couch and coffee table can serve all those purposes), decent cookware (I like to cook and won't cook in crappy pots and pans), and a place to sleep. Everything else is optional.

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