I am sorry for the personal nature of this request but I thought maybe other women out there could help. Let me start by saying I LOVE my husband, he is hot, loving, caring, a great dad, and doting husband. I find him incredibly attractive and want to meet all of his needs. Since having a baby (2yrs ago) my drive for intimacy has delfated to almost nothing. Before the baby we were extremly active. For the first six months to a year I figured it was just because my body had gone through such an ordeal carrying and giving birth to a baby, but now I am not sure. I can look at my hot husband and appreciate his physical appearance, his loving words, and want to be with him, but when I am I just don't feel "into it". Being the loving husband he is, Mark wants to make sure I am taken care of, but it takes a lot time for me to get into it. I am usually working hard not to think about the grocery list, chores, work, or tv. I can't tell him about this because he will feel AWEFUL and think that there is something wrong with him, and there isn't, this problem is all me. It is like my chemistry is all off. We are still intimate several times a week because I don't want him to think that I am not into him. When I googled this issue I found several suggestions about vitamin supplements, drinking more water, living a healthy lifestyle, losing a few pounds. I am doing all of these because it makes for a healthier me, but it takes time and I really want to enjoy the exciting intimate life I used to have. I am struggling to lose weight and I know that is a huge issue, I hate my body and that doesn't allow me to enjoy intimacy like I used to. There just has to be something else I can do to jumpstart my libdo. Anyone experience this? Any suggestions?
K.,
My girlfriend was having this problem years ago and she had her hormones tested and found out they were "out of wack". She took whatever the doctor suggested and she was back to her old self. Sorry I don't have anything more specific.
Good Luck, and congrats on the "hot" husband!
C.
Have you thought about seeing a sex/marriage counselor, or even just a regular counselor? Either by yourself or with your husband? A lot of times a few visits are covered by insurances. Have you spoken with your OB/GYN about it? Maybe there is some sort of hormone thats off balanced in your system since having a baby. Also realize that no matter what you look like your husband loves you and wants you for you.
I hope this helps just a little bit :)
Hi K.,
I am right there with you! I am in a similar situation..adore my hubby, but find myself preoccupied when it comes to our intimate moments and not able to just get lost in the heat of the moment like before having my son. I know that I haven't felt sexy in awhile (I was is great shape before my son and not so much now) and don't spend the time thinking about our intimate moments like I did in the past...and I'm sure that I've spent too much time over analysing what's going on with me to relax..so I am very intersted to see what others post on your question to see if any insite can help either of us! Thanks for posting this! I've been meaning to, but hadn't gotten to it. Good Luck!
Maca root is a natural supplement that you could try. It is the root of a Peruvian plant that is dried and ground into a powder. It helps with hormone levels in men and women and has been known to improve endocrine problems like menopause, libido, menstrual problems, fertility etc. Do research regarding dosing.
Also, a Vitamin B Complex supplement will help you with your energy metabolism and give you more energy.
You should also talk to your husband about it so that you don't go through this alone. You can talk about it and still reassure him that the problem is with you, but there still may be things he can do to help. For example,he could give you some "me-time" by feeding and putting the baby to bed so that you can take a long hot soak in the bathtub and unwinding.
Hi K.,
I can tell you what works for me. I had hired a personal trainer a couple of years ago. He had me taking Spirilina,(blue green algae). I but Harvest health Foods brand of it,at the Harvest Health foods store in Grand Rapids. You take six tablets a day,all at once if you want to. It really makes my libido run normal again. It also helps with energy levels.
I would also talk to your doctor,it could be something else.
C.
Hi K.! Do you exercise? That was the quick fix for me! I was having trouble getting "in the mood" and I read somewhere that exercise helps and WOW! IT DID! I can tell a difference even now if I don't exercise.
I work out 30 minutes on my elliptical 5 days per week and try to do 30 Min. of Pilates at least 3 times per week.
Plus exercise just makes us feel better about ourselves and that ALWAYS helps spice things up!
Good luck, girl!
Talk to your OBGYN K., this could be a hormone depletion. After my oldest was born I too went through this. My vaginal lining was paper thin as if I was in menopause. The doctor can give you hormone replacements that will help. Good luck.
thanks for your post!! tou are not alone. i have an appointment with obgyn, hopefully its a hormone thing!
K.; first of all you are perfectly normal, and as we grow together as a couple we are more comfortable with each other, youd think this would bring us closer in the bedroom, but actually it is perfectly normal to have sex once a week or even once a month, to do this daily usually is at the beginning of a relationship , this does not mean you are not attracted to each other it means you and your husband enjoy being with each other without always having sex, it sounds like you are perfectly normal, and many experience this, ive have been married for 27 years, and the secret to long term relationships is not sex sex sex sex, although it does get better, ahahahahah the sex gets better and the duration in between can vary, you know how to please someone and it just gets done adn both people are happy,but it appears you have built a realationship not on sex, and you guys are well on your way to a long relationship, and if you need that little spark, clear your mind before time by having a date with each other, leave kids with babysitter and pull an all nighter, ahahah by your selves, so just be happy, dont sweat over it, if your husband is happy, do what you can to make life less stressful for you, and it will come when you are good and ready you also are pregnant , so i would not fret too much, have a wonderful day D. s
Even though your baby is 2 years old, your hormones have shifted, and this is a side effect. Talk to your gyn. There are lots of things that may help, such as hormonal creams. This is so common, and I am glad that you are putting it out there, because there is help! Be patient, you will be you again.
Try some estrogen cream (ask your OB). It worked wonders for me, until I could get in the mood the old fashioned way again.
Sorry you're dealing with this. This is VERY common, but NOT normal. I'd see your doctor and make sure there isn't something you can do. It probably wouldn't hurt to see a counselor as well, make sure there aren't any underlying issues that you're unaware of.
Best wishes!
Do you think maybe you have Post Partum Depression? I had that after my third child, but didn't realize it for quite awhile. That would definitley cause a deflated libido. I see you're doing a lot of healthy things, but also sounds like you're down about your weight (which is completely understandable). You could at least talk to your dr about some options. I personally would suggest wellbutrin xl because it does not have the sexual side effects like other anti-depressents, plus it can also help you lose weight. Sorry, but that's all I have to offer on the subject. Good luck!
What you're experiencing is perfectly normal. Women generally need longer to warm up. You can't rush that and you shouldn't. Enjoy the process. You wrote that you hate your body. Don't we all, as women, feel like that so much of the time! Too much of the time. Have you considered turning this around a little bit? Ask your husband what he likes about your body. Maybe the added weight has enhanced your beautiful curves etc. Start to see your body from your man's point of view. Our beauty really shouldn't be marked by the size of clothing we wear. Remember how strong you are, yet soft here and there etc. Think about the good things in your personality. Maybe you're a spontaneous person, or someone who is fun-loving etc.
You wrote that it takes forever to warm up. It's probably because you're really tired from all you do each day while also taking care of a toddler. Sometimes we have all of our touching needs met up when we're holding, touching, nursing, etc a baby/toddler. Your husband making dinner or washing the dishes after (or giving the little one his bath and putting him to bed etc) can be a real turn-on. It gives you a little downtime. The rewards for him (and you) can be huge. Picking a time of the day when your energy is higher, and maybe the little one is napping or otherwise occupied might really help. Middle of the night (if your child sleeps through the night) can be exciting.
You haven't mentioned how you're feeling to your husband because you don't want him to think he has a problem, but in a sense he does. It's not that he's doing anything wrong, but his wife is experiencing something, and that means so is he. I'd recommend talking about it. Not at the moment it's happening, but at a different time of day. Maybe just say something like, 'it takes me so long to get where I need to be in my head to enjoy the moment that I'm concerned you ....' -fill in the blank.
My last thought is maybe you might want to try having your intimate time somewhere else. Make an adventure out of it. If you're a stay at home mom, and really even if you're not, when the moment comes you might glance and notice all the toys on the floor, the dishes that need to be done, and then your mind wanders to the grocery list like you mentioned. If you were to have sex at a place of business that you worked at, during the moment your mind would drift toward work too. It's the same thing for a woman in her home. I think that's one reason to turn off the lights and light a few candles. You won't see the mess so easily.
Just give it time. Relax, you'll get back to where you were. S.
Same issues. I'll be reading the responses to get some ideas as well. You're not alone.
I was going through this too. I started doing light yoga, takes little effort at first and just a few minutes a day and you start to really feel good about yourself which in turn, makes you feel sexy. I did also start to take wild yam supplements and it really really helped alot.
Talk to your gyno. he will be able to maybe give you something also are you on birth control cuz sometimes birth control can do this too you other than having kids.
This is normal, you'll find that your sex drive will return with time. In the mean time, clear your mind of everything, but enjoying your time with your husband.
I know this idea will sound completely strange to most people, but make a time and date as to when your going to make love to your husband, think about this date before it happens, this will help you get into the mood.
Please talk openly with your husband. My family has been very successful on Weight Watchers and the meetings will give you a lot of support. If you have HAP, you can go very cheaply. Otherwise, they're offering the first month free right now. I think a lot of us totally get what you're saying. You have a lot of responsibilities and it's hard to clear your mind.
Yes, your body has gone through changes and it is commendable that you have done your research.
Yes supplements will work and I have a program that in fact has helped many with their weight as well as their libido.
When the body is out of balance the hormones, as well as everything else, is not healthy. Once you get your body healthy, everything else will be "in tact".
Stress has such a negative affect on everyone.
If you would like to talk about the simple program I have to see if it is a fit for you, call me at ###-###-####.
My hope is that you have a great day!
M.
First - you need to talk to your doctor and your husband. From your description, talking to him won't be as bad as you think and you will feel much better. Nobody wants to have sex if it is something they are doing to satisfy their partner and they aren't into it.
You need to see your doctor to rule out any health issues and maybe there is something you can take to deal with all of the stress.
Once you have done these things - take a trip (with your husband) to your local Lover's Lane. Be brave. And a bit adventurous.
I'll be looking at your answers, too. My marriage has been in trouble for quite awhile, but my feelings completely flew out the window...for the last FIVE years since my son was born and it is getting harder to pretend I am enjoying it on the rare occasions intimacy occurs. Good luck, because I know the feeling. Don't wait as long as me to look for answers!
Hi K.,
Please, please talk to you doctor. I am familiar with this issue. You may have low testosterone. It's testosterone that is responsible for your sex drive. Also, if you're not opposed to taking medication for a while, that may help too. It sounds like you have tried very hard to remedy this problem on your own. I think it's time to speak to your ob/gyn. He or she will know how to help you. This is a very common problem! Best of luck to you!
Hi K., try date night, go to dinner, or have romantic dinner at home, get sitter so your alone. Dress up, roll play, watch sex in the city movie, w/him or by yourself, lots of tips in the movie, about sex. The point is clearly, you need more down time, hard for mom's to handle, eaiser for a man to put things out of his head, much harder for a woman. I can think of many times, while watching the clock during a love making time, and thinking did I switch the laundry, set the alarm, did my child have homework, what will I cook tomarrow, for dinner, bla bla bla. It's the same for a lot of woman, the best advice I can give is to be where you are mentally, while you are together, everytime you think of laundry, ectra, try again to think of only him what is going on, how much you enjoy your husband, ectra. Best of luck to you, your not the only one.
