Is It Okay to Offer an Incentive?

Go with the star chart!!! We all need incentives at times and a child is no different. Hopefully a child will eventially develop that self motivation but we as adults often fail to have it. If we all had the motivation we need all the time coming from within I wouldn't be fat, smokers wouldn't smoke and life would be easy! Help the little guy out and get going with the stickers! A.

I'm a third grade teacher and I disagree! Sorry, but you'll get different answers from everyone, even teachers. It's not a matter of whether the stickers would work better or not. Another teacher phrased it best when it comes to reading. Try to think about what you and other adults do when you read... Do you read to get rewards? I tell my class I read to learn about something new, to explore imaginary places and places in the world I've not been to yet, etc. Have discussions with your child and try to make some quality time where you share things you're reading about, etc. If you do use the stickers, it's not the end of the world. It's just a matter of what message you what your child to have about how reading will fit into his life. What you can do is show excitement and praise for new words he's learning and maybe make a "collection" that you add to each time he learns a new word. Many ideas are out there. Good luck!

hmmmm has he ever needed an incentive to do something that he did not really want to do? this would be away to approach him...maybe his mom can give you some times that she used incentives on him. Incentives are what we all use, we reach for the next level, if we don't have an incentive, then what is the use of reaching. You usually work harder for your boss if you are looking to get a raise.... I like your idea. i think it is great. go girl

Simply, if he then sees reading as fun go for it. Reading is a skill that will provide your child with confidence throughout life. Encourage it anyhow!!! Good one you for making it a priority!

For your husband: Rewards are not bribes. Rewards teach children that their actions have consequences (good and bad), and they teach children responsibility for their actions and behavior. For young children, rewards help teach self-control, self-discipline, independence, and in this case, a love of learning.

For you: Just be careful - reading is not a task and so it's not on the same level as emptying out the dishwasher or picking up toys (and if it is, your son will likely not learn to like reading). A love of reading can be taught to your children by example and through your own enthusiasm. Don't let your own anxiety about your son's reading skills rub off on your son - praise what he CAN do and help him with what he struggles with.

A fantastic reward for reading is to go to the library together every week and pick out books to read together - you don't need a star chart, just tell your son that if you can read together every day, he can go to the library once a week and pick out new books. Since you have 3 kids, maybe you could make it a special thing you and your son (or maybe Dad, to get him on board with this) can do together once in a while. My son is just 2, and he's very excited for our trip to the library tomorrow - he's asked me to help him find an "ambulance book."

Hi M.,

While I agree that kids shouldn't be paid for grades and things like that, I think a star chart for kids your age is one of the best incentives going. I think you've structured it well, with the immediate gratification of a star, and a long term goal with a reward. I have 5 kids, and the star chart was a critical tool for us when our older kids were younger. It is important to incent them to do well, rather than engage in a contest of wills, or turn them off to what you want them to do (like reading). Learning to read can be very frustrating, and it's important that he learn to love it. I think making him excited about reading by giving stars and rewarding with books is a fantastic idea. Tell your husband to lighten up--he'll have plenty of time to make his points later (my kids range from 16 to 3--there is a time to teach what he wants to teach, because I agree with his message. I don't think this undermines that at all).

Having internal motivation is fabulous but it doesn't always happen that way. Before I became a SAHM I was a first grade teacher and I have heard this argument so many times :) I think there is nothing wrong with giving incentives and if you think about it we all get incentives in our adult life. You don't do you job just because you have internal motivation. You get a paycheck and most jobs give you bonuses for jobs well done. It's really the same thing. I say go ahead and use the chart. Eventually he will become self-motivated but there is nothing wrong with giving him a little jump start! Good luck!

As a teacher of the gifted and talented, I think your idea is great - as long as you are rewarding reading for reading. There are lots of ways to go about it - and perhpas if the "hard" words are the challenge then you could create a chart to add those new words. When he adds 2 new sight words (ask his teacher for a good list) and one other word he gets a sticker - and after a set number of stickers he can choose a new book. His teacher should also be able to tell you what his instructional reading level is - and then you can choose a book at his level. Internal motivation is great - but so is making a game out of things! Have fun with reading and let him see that trying new words is work that is rewarding! :)

As an early childhood educator, I can tell you that children that young NEED external motivators, so your idea is great! Your son is not developmentally prepared to be intrinsically motivated to do things that are difficult. Providing a motivator (stickers) will eventually lead to an internal motivation, and the stickers will no longer be necessary. But for now, he needs them.

Have a great weekend,

T.

Hi M.!
In theory I agree with your husband, but when incentive is book... than I am thinking maybe it's a good idea! It is a good way of teaching him to respect books, better that giving him stickers, sweets or little prizes like the teacher in school surly will!
I have a table of chores made for my daughters, so we are drawing smile faces when everything was going as it should be, and so-so or sad faces when behavior was not appropriate. Every smile is 10 minutes of watching TV or playing computer games (I calculated number of smiles so that thay always have about one hour per day of that TV/computer time if there are almost all smiles). So we never have problems, I just say 'do you want to clean your room or to have a sad face?' Then they think a little bit and decide to do the task. I wanted to teach them that TV/computer games time must be deserved and shouldn’t be a way of life. (I am also never watching TV during the day; I turn it on when they are in bed already). I also give them an extra smile when they do more that they should, and they are always proud about it.
Wish you the best,
S.

Hey M.,

As great as your idea sounds and as well intended as it is I have to agree with your hubby on this one. As a mom of older children I am a believer in rewarding children for acts of kindness, doing chores, etc. not for getting children to do what is expected of them. If you want to take him to the book store and have him pick out books "just because" that is a great idea. That is how I encouraged my kids to read by purchasing books (or going to the library weekly) and allowing them to be in control of what interested them. My daughter loves to read my son didn't as much. So I let him get sports magazines etc. what ever he enjoyed as long as he was reading. Introducing your kids to reading in a fun way is in my opinion the best way to get them to read. By making it a chore it will deter them and frustrate them. Just think about it as parents we reward our children for every little thing they do and what we create is children who look and crave immediate gratification for everything in life. Your husband is right we want our children to be self motivated as we all were. Did our parents give us a star or a sticker for everything we did? Mine didn't they just said great job and what happened is I loved to please them just so I could make them proud. By using incentives children expect something for everything little thing they do and achieve and that can set them up for disaster because life is not always fair. Please do not take offense I am only stating my opinion and as I said I think your intentions are wonderful. As parents we all want to make our kids happy and encourage them to do well, however there are so many ways to do that just by being the wonderful parents I am sure you and your husband are. Good luck!!

Rewards are always a great idea. The only draw back that I have found is that sometimes you need to stretch the rewards out a bit. For example: Years ago my hubby had decided to give our son a quarter for every answer he got right on a Brain Quest game. Do you realize how many questions are on one card? Both my hubby and son studied those cards too. Yep, it got too expensive and went down to a nickle. What we really should have done was just reward him for every game he wins a set amount. (Yes, my husband is really not good at Brain Quest.)

Rewards are great for young children, because it gives them a good sense of self-esteem and gets them started in the right direction. Once they get started/older,things fall into place and the rewards aren't needed any more. What you also need is to teach your child phonics, so he feels comfortable sounding words out. You could get phonics games or look for the games on the computer. I have noticed another problem with getting boys to enjoy reading, most of the books are written for girls or sport oriented for boys. If your boy isn't into sports, it can be a problem. We wound up getting harder, but more interesting books for our son and told him that we have faith in him to be able to read the books. I enjoyed fantasy books. Now he's a preteen and likes preteen/teen boy books. He wound up reading Dragon Rider and Inkheart in 3rd grade. The stories have to be interesting in order to get them to read.

I think the star chart or some kind of incentive is a great idea. I do agree with Emily regarding - make sure your expectations aren't too high - it's awesome that he is even reading - so stumbling on a word really is to be expected and would be frustrating. He's beyond most 4-5 year olds.

I understand everyone's responses w/ reading is a responsibility - and so is working as an adult. Most wouldn't go do their jobs if the paycheck stopped. Most of us as adults give each other incentives... I know what my husband likes... and it helps him have a little more initiative for other household things. I'm sure he does extra around the house when he's looking for a little something - know what I mean?! LOL

Your reward idea is fantastic - reading for reading. At the same time - the star chart doesn't need to last forever (or whatever incentive you both decide on). My dgtr is 2.5 and is potty training - as an incentive we started with a small treat or sticker when she was successful - she's doing great and we barely use the incentive/reward anymore.

I believe that it ok to offer incentives as long as they pertain to what you want to accomplish - like getting more books if you read so many. Think about it, don't we get incentives for doing things - we get paid to work don't we? I do believe that if you use it for everything it looses its effect but everyonce in a while for specific tasks it is wonderful. I have used it to potty train a strong willed child, and other behaviors that I wanted changed or incouraged. I use it short term until the behavior is learned or unlearned and then slowly fade it out.

I think you are a wonderful mom for taking the time to enhance his reading skills and to offer so much encouragement, however I disagree with the idea of rewarding them for tasks they are supposed to do. I remember reading with my daughter when she was five. We loved doing it together. That was the incentive. My daughter has never recieved an incentive or reward for doing her homework or reading, she was expected to do it. It is her responsibility to do it and mine to make sure she does. The reward would be to go to the library and pick out a new exciting adventure to read. I take my two-yr. old to the library every week and she loves picking out her special book(s) to read every week. My daughter gets rewarded for special achievements, i.e. when she earns high honor roll or when she does something(on her own) that deserves special recognition,(not expected). I want her to want to do her best, not because she is going to get something for it, but because she can and if she can't, at least she can't say she didn't try.

If your son isn't yet 5 and is already reading, I think an incentive is unnecessary. It will all come in time, and pressuring him to read more, or longer than he's interested in, could really backfire. He's learning on his own, at his own pace. When my son encounters a word he doesn't know (and this happens a lot in the dinosaur books!) I pronounce it matter-of-factly for him, he repeats it, and then moves on. It's not a big deal and I've never made a big deal out of forcing him to study it syllable by syllable. My son, who turned 5 in December, began reading at a young age too and while he loves our bedtime stories, he's also happy to play legos all day. I don't push it because he knows how to read and I know he knows, and to push him I think is a little insulting. He's not even in kindergarten! There are days where our bedtime stories are the only thing he reads, and then there are times when it suddenly gets very quiet upstairs and I tiptoe up to find him fully engrossed in one of his shark books, or the Magic Tree House books, which are his favorite right now. Our biggest challenge so far has been finding quality books to read.

Having said all that, I am all for incentives. My son had no desire to poop on the toilet but really wanted one of those big driving cars when he was 3. Ten days and 10 smile stickers later, he was driving and I was (for the most part) done with diapers. Right now he's learning his times tables because he wants a big lego contraption. I think incentives have their place, but I don't think I would use them for reading.

I think offering an incentive is a good thing. Some kids are just not motivated to do certain things and its just their personality. I think you have the right idea and just remember that moderation is key. Don't use it for everything like if you take a bath I'll give you a cookie. I think that is where parents mess up. They start using it as a clutch to get through the rough spots in the day. I am guilty of that at times myself with my yougest. She's four and just plain stubborn. For the most part, you are just reinforcing what is learned at school. I remember going home very proud that I got more stars than anyone else in class because I was good that day. My daughters remember things like that too. Just remember that at the end of the day, you are the mother and for the most part our instincts when it comes to our kids are spot on. I say enjoy it now because before you know they'll be teenagers:)

I think using a star chart in this instance is great. What a great incentive. My 10 year old son is a voracious reader and fortunately, our biggest problem is getting him to stop at night and turn his light off. If your husband doesn't like the idea of buying books as a reward, how about a special trip to the library, perhaps without his younger siblings, if that's possible. Good luck.

Your son is too young for intrinsic motivation and should respond nicely to a simple sticker chart. I am a school psych and use this method all the time with my students and it works! At five, children are highly concrete and need visuals to reinforce a concept. Just remember to "up the ante" once he is consistently earning the reward. Eventually you will want to fade this out and focus on reading for enjoyment, learning and spending time with mom and dad. By the way... ask your husband if he would still go to work if he didn't earn a paycheck? It's no different. Learning is a child's job and earning something for hard work is a great lesson to learn now!

ok, just my opinion... i do like star charts and incentives in general for lots of things. however, as far as reading goes, if your son enjoys reading i wouldnt do it. i feel it instantly turns it into a chore by definition. my kids love to read (be read to), and i completely downplay if not outright ignore all the reading incentive stuff that comes home from school. for my kids, thankfully, reading is a reward in itself, truly. if dont read to them if they are really out of hand before bed, my oldest is devastated (and i am secretly cheering :)) that said, i will tell you that i am/was a teacher, and i used lots of incentives for reading for the kids who didnt like to read no matter how hard we tried. and if, despite everything i do, one of my kids becomes a reluctant reader, i will certainly do the same. but i can tell you i would try my hardest to not get to that point. so, my point is is that it depends on your son. if he likes reading, i would not use an incentive chart, and i would keep reading as fun and as wonderful and interesting as it can be. let him choose his books/magazines/ etc, pick things that he is interested in or curious about, be sure to include things that are funny/silly/gross/non-educational... the silly things that make a little boy laugh (im sure you know all this)..... and even more so if he is on the fence. he is just getting started, the most important thing, imo, is to keep him loving it. if he is a reluctant reader despite your best efforts, then an incentive chart might be a way to go, but i just feel 4 or 5 is sooo early to "lose" him as an excited reader. i dont know what program your son is in, but my son (only went to a little bit of prek, and is now in K) will be 6 in a few days and he is just now learning to read, he is at the very beginning, starting to realize he recognizes lots of words, sounding out, etc, the last couple of weeks, as is his whole class, for the most part... and i consider him a reader for life already because he loves it so much and i am watching him be soooo excited about learning to read, its happening very naturally, its so beautiful:)
the way you are describing your situation, i am wondering what happens when he gets stuck on a word. if it is too frustrating, maybe just give him the words, seamlessly, for a while so he doesnt get anxious about it, maybe he needs a little more time to build his confidence. if he is already reading at under 5 years old, he probably knows more than he thinks he does, maybe he just gets anxious?... keeping it light and fun is so much more important than mastering a few words or sounding-out techniques. enjoyment of reading is one of the most critical things for future sucess in school, i would do everything i could to protect it. best of luck, D.

I think that is a great idea! It is not like you are rewarding him with junk food or toys, you rewarding him with books! I believe you need to do what works best with your child and if that is something he enjoys, keep it up! There are so many children who go into kindergarten and struggle with the reading because they had no help at home. I think it is wonderful you are working with him and making it fun at the same time! Awesome job!

One thing to remember is that he is only just turning 5 and your expectations of his reading skills might be a little high. At this point you want to keep reading fun and and enjoyable activity. I truly believe that an incentive system is a great thing and we all like to be rewarded. Most adults to not go to work for the love of the job (its the paycheck and benefits that we enjoy).

I love the idea! ABSOLUTELY do whatever it takes to encourage him to read (without pressure, though). And if the treat is a new book- even better! As a former teacher, I say yes yes yes! :)

But be careful about pressuring with the words. Just gently sound out the word with him, and if he gets at all antsy- tell him with a smile and move on. That's the best way to keep him from developing a negative association with reading. And if there are more than 3-4 words that are too hard for him, then don't expect him to read that book without your help! The book is above his level, in that case. (But keep reading, and rereading all his books with him- no matter the level. He'll learn even more from rereading those books over and over!)

You're doing great, mom! Tell your hubby that kids don't have "internal motivation" to do hard things. (Like sounding out those hard words!) That's just absurd! We have to support them, and give them lots of positive reasons to tackle challenges. It doesn't matter what the age of the child- it'll be your job (and his teachers' jobs) to keep giving him a ton of positive reinforcement and yes- sometimes rewards- to keep him moving forward. How else will they learn to be hard working? How else will they learn to enjoy the challenge?

M., I think that is a great idea. I have three boys 4 yo, 3 yo, and a 17 mo and one on the way and with the older ones, there are times I may have to do things to motivate them and who knows, your son may just want to read without anything motivational. I think it is a great incentive, something positive with positive. Some people don't have internal motiviation and as adults, we may have some things that we can't get ourselves to do and something else may encourage us or boost us to do it because of positive outcomes. If you two don't agree, then have him come up with something else and let him know that it's not hurting anyone doing it but creating something positive for him. Sometimes we need something to boost us and in turn not needed anymore. Who knows since he's an individual. Let us know how it goes. I'll pray for solution for you two.

i have done this with my own kids, now 15 and 10. It promotes many wonderful things including self esteem. I dont think going to the library should be a reward as most people said. going to the library should be a part of what you do. Earning enough stars to get you a brand new book from the book store is the reward. Kids LOVE book stores and picking and choosing one is so exciting to younger children. My 10 year old STILL loves going to the book store and can stay there for hours.
My 15 year old don't ask to go anymore but when he comes with me and my daughter he browses and will find something to purchase on his own. I don;t ask him, i don;t force him it's natural.
Good luck and listen to your heart (Mama knows best) :)

do the star chart--sounds like a great idea.