Is My Almost 3 Yr Old Ready to Potty Train?

Updated on September 28, 2010
V.D. asks from Smithfield, UT
17 answers

My daughter will be 3 in two months. I've tried to potty train several times. She has the amazing ability to stay dry in her new underpants. But I can't get her to go potty on her potty chair or on the big potty with a potty seat on it. She gets really excited to run to the potty when her watch goes off, but she will never do anything. Not ever yet. Only after less than a minute she'll say "done" and she'll hope off and I can't get her to stay sitting any longer with out the water works. She waits till she's put into diapers for nap to go potty. I've even forfeited her nap to try getting her to the potty when she needs to go. All that happens with this is she'll hold it. I'm worried she'll get an infection for holding it. So I don't do that anymore. I thought she was because she never has accidents in her underpants. Is she just not ready?

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Leave her naked on the bottom.
Leave the potty chair out near her, wherever she is.
They can't hold their bladder long enough to run to the bathroom, yet.

She's trying.
It takes time.
Do NOT forfeit her naps, just because of that.
Do not make her hold it.

She's not fully ready.
Just trying.
It goes in stages.... not all at one time.

A child, this age, will STILL need a diaper for sleep and naps. Its normal.

Then, night-time dryness and control, is not something that is even attained until even 7 years old. It is a SEPARATE process, biologically. So keep that in mind.

You can also get, "Potty Scotty" padded underwear.... from Amazon or E-bay. That is what I use for my son.

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J.C.

answers from San Francisco on

Just a few ideas that help us: Take away the diapers completely. Their is nothing worse than waking up wet from a nap, this might be all the motivation she needs. I often run the tap when my daughter is sitting on the toilet because it seems to help her go pee.

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

She hasn't apparently connected the dots between sensation and results. Try three things that help some kids (and which I sometimes have to do at the doctor's office to produce a pee specimen).

Hearing and sight: The sound of water running can be quit stimulating. This can be a faucet running, or pouring water back and forth between two containers, like drinking glasses, which wastes less water, and your daughter can control it herself.

Touch: Splashing fingers in water and feeling it cooling the skin is another potential stimulant.

Consuming water: The kidneys and bladder can automatically become more active right after drinking water.

Finally, some parents report that if they make a game of it, like "Sink the Cereal," kids figure it out faster, or are willing to sit and try a bit longer.

With my grandson, we'd have "potty parties," in which his toys and stuffed animals would line up and clamor for their turn at taking a pee into a bowl that represented the potty. That kept him entertained and participating until he was able to pee himself. (It also worked well during a period when he was having trouble with constipation and tended to withhold for too long.)

Good luck. If she's staying dry for long periods, she's got part of the needed development. The "sensation" part will just need whatever time it takes. You can't make her get that, and she can't force it either, so try not to make her feel anxious or failed.

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T.W.

answers from New York on

I think you answered your own question. She is obviously not ready and punishing her by not allowing her to nap is not an ideal way to get positive results. She may be close to ready, and when she is, use more of the positive manners below. I must admit I am schocked that so many parents are forcing their children to be potty trained before they are physically and mentally mature enough. My idea of a good day does not involve changing my child's clothes several times just so I can say they are "potty trained". Potty trained means they have occassional accidents, not frequent ones. It shouldn't take a week or cohercing them into doing it. When my first son was ready, it literally took 1 day, that was it with just a handful of accidents which were mostly "too busy to stop" leaking accidents and not full blown wetting his pants accidents. Take a step back, enjoy where she is right now and re-visit it in a month. If that doesn't work, take another break. I can assure you, if she is a healthy child, she will not wear diapers forever!

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L.G.

answers from Detroit on

my daughter DID NOT like sitting on the potty when she did not have to go. at first, she did not make it to the potty. when she started to go, i would put her on really fast. maybe once your daughter goes in the potty, she will get it. is she afraid to go on the potty? maybe she just needs to do it that first time.

try putting her potty in front of the tv if she like to watch, or reading to her on the potty. give her lots of yummy drinks for a few days to give her lots of opportunities to practice...she'll eventually have to go.

when she does go, reward her and make a big deal. each day, wean off the rewards, after she's gotten the hang of it...

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K.F.

answers from New York on

She's 3. It's time. You have to be ready to do the hard work.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

She is 3, plenty old enough to know what to do, as is evident by the fact that she holds it until you put the diaper on. In a way, she is already potty trained, she is just controlling the situation, not you. Naps are only a couple of hours, no need for a diaper. Leave her in undies all day, only going to pullups right as bed time, unless she is already waking up dry, than there is not need for pullups at night either. You could try a bribe, like a small treat each time she actually goes in the potty, or a big toy when she stays dry (except in the morning), nap time included, or a couple of weeks.

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M.N.

answers from Chicago on

An idea that came to mind is to read her a story while she sits on the pot. Give her time to relax and let it all go, and hopefully that will hold her attention.

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J.R.

answers from New York on

Hi, with any current disaster, if you just say, "Will this matter in 5 years?" the answer is no - trust me, she will be potty trained. Is she verbal? If so, I would sit back and wait until she tells you that she's ready to go on the potty. I had so many friends with kids the same age as mine who were "potty training" for years. They put their kids on the potty before they were ready. I thought my son would never be ready and one day he told me he wanted to wear big boy underwear and I told him to do that, he had to go on the potty and he was trained in a matter of days. I never used the little potty seat. I think they want to go on the potty just like we do. Try to remove the battle so your daughter doesn't make it a control issue. She will be trained very quickly once she's ready. My friend told me that her daughter would cross her legs to hold it, and once she told her daughter to stop crossing her legs (very gently of course), she didn't try to control anymore and she was able to just let it flow....
Don't stress and don't let everyone else tell you that their little "susie" is going, when will yours be trained. It will happen.

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E.C.

answers from New York on

Potty Training in One Day

My friend taught me this and it worked, even with my child with special needs. Granted it took two days instead of one (and longer follow up).

The big idea is that you potty train your child in one day. You can start with a 2 year old. It’s best to do it before they get in to the ‘no’s, when they still want to please you. But it still works perfectly when they are older. It is not an issue of waiting until ‘they are ready’. I am not a naturally cheerful person, but I put on a big act all day. Amazing how it works. One cannot get angry or show frustration (trust me I know – I’ve done it with three kids). Cheerful! Happy! Enthusiastic!

You and your child spend the entire day from after breakfast until dinner in the bathroom. You fill them with as much liquid as possible as early as possible for as long as possible so they have to pee a lot and get to practice feeling the sensation of needing to pee a lot and of running to the potty a lot. If they take an afternoon nap, stop the liquid 2 hours before nap time (I diaper for the nap time, but my friend did not).

The child wears a tshirt and panties (thick training ones or thin normal ones) that she can pull down on her own easily.

You two play games, sing songs, have a great time together.

Then you say, “Are your panties dry?”
She feels her panties. “Yes!”
“Good job. You kept your panties dry! You get a skittle! Let’s run to the potty! Isn’t this fun?” You sit on the potty to show how much fun it is to do. She sits on the potty. Have a big drink of chocolate milk

The point is not to go pee on the potty or to wait until she goes on the potty. The point is to keep the panties dry (the derivative is that she pees in the potty).

Every few minutes you stop your song/game/puzzle and say, “Are your panties dry?”
She feels her panties. “Yes!”
“Good job. You kept your panties dry! You get a skittle! Let’s run to the potty! Isn’t this fun?” You sit on the potty to show how much fun it is to do. She sits on the potty. ! Have a big drink of chocolate milk!

Repeat every five/ten minutes. Eventually she will have drunk so much that she will have to go. It doesn’t matter if she has an accident. Be cheerful. “That’s okay. Let’s clean it up! (Have her help you.) Sit on the potty. Yeah! Let’s get on dry panties.’ In a few minutes, ask her, “Are your panties dry?”
She feels her panties. “Yes!”
“Good job. You kept your panties dry! You get a skittle! Let’s run to the potty! Isn’t this fun?” You sit on the potty to show how much fun it is to do. She sits on the potty. Have a big drink of chocolate milk.

In the afternoon, practice running from another room to the potty, repeat everything.

They will get a lot of practice feeling dry (treats), sitting on the potty (balance, coordination, success being independent). And eventually even peeing on the potty. The focus is on keeping their panties dry!

Before the Big Day
Let them be in a diaper. Don’t worry about potty training and previous struggles with it. For a week ahead of time, talk about what fun mommy and child are going to have, a whole day together – no sister, no daddy, no etc. We are going to have fun! You get to keep your panties dry! We will play! We will run to the potty! We will go peepee on the potty! So exciting.

The Big Day
Do not: answer the phone, check the computer, make dinner, call about the roofer coming.

Do: Put on an apron with good pockets filled with little favorite treats (skittles, m and ms, goldfish – whatever she doesn’t usually get). Fill sippy cups (stoppers out so easy to drink more fast) with whatever she will down huge amounts of (I never gave my kids full strength juiee or chocolate milk, but they got as much as they wanted that day). Stock the bathroom with toys, books (not a movie player), music, little puzzles. (Don’t have them all out to see and be overwhelmed with – have them in the bathroom closet or under the changing table – bring out a few things at a time to play with.

She will get lots of experience and joy out of keeping her panties dry and lots of experience running to the potty and experience in peeing in the potty. You are well on your way to having her out of diapers.

For the night time, I kept her in diapers. The reward for keeping her diaper dry for three nights in a row was getting to wear her panties to bed. Stop liquids of any kind 2 hours before bed. If she regularly has a wet diaper at night, no big deal. Tons of kids have small bladders. Just let it be. Make it a big deal to get to wear panties, but not cajoling/punishing/teasing/stressing about it. One of my girls wore diapers to bed for quite a while after being fully potty trained during the day.

You’ll do a great job!

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N.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

Your daughter sounds like my niece. My sister potty trained her by eventually putting the portable potty in the family room and kept a bag of M&M's within eye shot. I think she had just turned 3.

My niece one time got up and sat on the potty while watching a cartoon. Without really realizing it she went potty. My sister said my niece became so excited that she was jumping up and down saying "I did it!!" She had to keep the potty in the family room for I think a few days... It seemed that after the first time she went potty it just clicked. However the M&M's were a big help too =-)

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K.M.

answers from San Diego on

My daughter is going to be three in a little over a month. We did three things that seemed to help - got her the singing potty from Target, so when she did her business it plays a variety of celebratory songs. That's fun for everyone!

We also read her the princess & the potty every night for about 2 months, Ernie's Too Big for Diapers was required reading too. She was allowed to pick 1 bedtime book that was her choice! We let her watch the Elmo Potty time video. I don't know if I was motivating/encouraging her or me - I was really anxious about potty training her!!

We went cold turkey and said "now you wear your princess panties all day, hooray" and only put on a diaper when she goes to sleep. She had a couple of accidents in her panties at first and really didn't like that feeling, which made the transition pretty easy (other than asking her if she needs to tinkle every 5 minutes!!).

Good luck!

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I.S.

answers from New York on

She's definitely at the right age for potty training. I had plenty of clean underwears when my daughter did it on her pants. I allowed her to get wet so she could feel uncofmfortable, which she did. It worked. My son on the other hand took a bit longer. He peepe'd often on his pants, but oh well, that's life, and he had to stay wet at the park or elsewhere until we got home, or I had a change of clothing. I can't say that girls are quicker than boys when it comes to potty training. It all depends on the child. When I registered my son last year (3) at school, the staff asked if he was potty trained, or else they would not accept him. I don't know if that applies to all nursery schools.
Good luck, before you know it your child will be potty trained and all.

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R.Q.

answers from New York on

I don't think your daughter is "too young" or "not ready," but she definitely knows where she wants to spend her time :D She has been trained for the past 3 years that pee goes into the diaper and is now confused about why you suddenly changed the rules (now you want her to pee into the potty).

Start taking her to the potty when you go and tell her about how much easier it is (for her) to take care of her eliminations by using the toilet. Encourage her to try when you are using the toilet.

Take the diapers out of the equation (use a towel and waterproof pad under her during her nap). She knows pee does not go on her body or on her clothes. There is no diaper, so no assumption that she can choose to use the potty or choose to use the diaper--no confusion. It's eliminating in the potty or peeing where she knows she shouldn't.

When she has an accident, remind her that she doesn't have a diaper any more and her clothes are "just like mommy's" so she should pee in the potty "just like mommy."

T.B.

answers from Chicago on

I agree she needs some kind of reward for staying on the potty for some time, then for actually going. Set a timer while she's on the potty, read her a book, run the faucet a bit and see if that helps. I agree- no pull ups during the nap. See what happens. Sounds like she has great control. Once it clicks for her, it should be quick. 3 is definitely old enough! Just figure out what is reward enough for her to go on the potty. For my son, it was Matchbox cars. Also, get a sticker chart and work toward something she really wants- new doll, etc. If she goes for a whole day, she gets something, a week, something bigger.

Good luck!
T.

Updated

I agree she needs some kind of reward for staying on the potty for some time, then for actually going. Set a timer while she's on the potty, read her a book, run the faucet a bit and see if that helps. I agree- no pull ups during the nap. See what happens. Sounds like she has great control. Once it clicks for her, it should be quick. 3 is definitely old enough! Just figure out what is reward enough for her to go on the potty. For my son, it was Matchbox cars. Also, get a sticker chart and work toward something she really wants- new doll, etc. If she goes for a whole day, she gets something, a week, something bigger.

Good luck!
T.

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B.M.

answers from Chicago on

one of my co-workers did this (.....

her daughter was doing the same thing.
She LOADED up her daughter with lemonade. Let her have AS MUCH AS SHE WANTED all day. Encouraged her to drink all the time. This way she got too 'full' to hold it til naptime. In one day she was able to understand the 'sensation' of 'having to go'. They never had any accidents and potty training only took one day.

It sounds like you have your daughter 'trained' to go to the potty, but she hasn't connected that with the physical sensation of 'having to go'. So, that's why when she relaxes her muscles during nap she can go, but doesn't do it on the potty.

I would put HER in control. I would take away the watch and tell her when she feels like she has to go potty, she needs to go to the bathroom. Then say nothing else and let her get the hang of how her body feels.

Good Luck!

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