Laziness??

My friend had the same problem and she boxed up all the toys except 5 they got to pick out. For everyday that their rooms were clean they got to earn back some of their toys. If the rooms were messy then she took back some. It worked wonders and now they have clean rooms and all thier toys back!

Hello,
Here is what works for me. When my children are given chores or something to do, I also explain that if it is not done there will be consequences,punishment. I tell them what there punishment will be. Usually that is grounding, no fun stuff like tv, playstation, gameboy, computer. When you lay out what is expected and what the punishment will be kids seem to respond better to that. Then you would have to follow through with that for it to be effective. If they know that your going to give in and clean up the rooms for them, they won't do it. I bet if you take away something that they love, or time with friends maybe anything you think will work for your children then they will be more willing to come on over to your side and get it done! I also set a specific day that is for room cleaning, and chores. That helps keep them on track. Hope this helps. Good luck to you

K.

My daughter is four and what I have done is set a timer for her to get things done by. I usually give a 20 minutes to get her room clean, that time would obviously vary vary depending on the size of the room, the size of the mess, and the age of the child. I tell her she has X amount of time and if she does not finish she will lose a privelage or a special toy for the day, again this would vary depending on the age. But the following through with the punishment is critical, if you dont they will never do it. I also try giving her a small reward, sticker or something, if she finishes on or before time. One other thing you have to be a little flexible if you see that they have been working hard the whole, but see they wont finish before time is up extend the time, but dont let them know.

Hi K.,
I don't have children that age but I have brothers and sisters around that age. (I'm the oldest of nine.) Being the oldest I was sometimes pretty bossy and there were several times I got tired of their rooms (especially if I had to share a room). I used the trash bag method with some of the younger ones (4 and 6 at the time). I wanted to throw everything away that I had to pick up after the timer rang but mom wouldn't let me so I settled for hiding the stuff and giving something back for each extra chore they did for mom. I noticed that for the 4 year old it didn't work as well, because she waited until the timer rang and when she saw that I was really going to take her things away she'd run around the room crying and picking up precious articles she saw. Since she was so little, I helped her out by picking up the trash first and things that would be thrown away anyway and saving the things she liked most for last so she'd have a chance to pick them up. Then, she'd also forget about the things she lost-- so they just sat in the trash bag for quite some time, forgotten by everyone. It may work better if your children are older.
What I do for my own son, who is 3, is ask him at the beginning of the day to clean up his room (usually with more specific instructions because of his age) and when he asks to be able to do something, (go to the library, play with a friend, ride his bike, have a treat, etc.) I ask if his room is clean. We go check and if it isn't he has to complete that before we can do any fun stuff. Sometimes it takes all day; he'll end up playing in his room when he's supposed to be cleaning it, but with a few reminders when he wants to do something else it all works out.
Good luck,
A.

Hi K.,

I lost the battle of getting my kids do do chores as soon as our oldest moved out at 17. My husband sad to say, would demand for her to do dishes. (She is his step-daughter.) As soon as our two other kids were her age, (about 8 and 9) he started waiting hand and foot on them.) Favoritism is such an unkind thing.
I tried to get them to pitch in, but whenever I would start to raise my voice, daddy was right there to do it for them. He still waits on them...They can be upstairs in their rooms, or getting ready for bed, and if they need a glass of water, he brings it to them! I have told him that they are not learning responsibility, and they are dissrespectful. I can not get them to do anything...they are 14 and 16.

They are not doing well in school because he bought them each xboxes. And, my son spends every waking moment on the weekends and weeknights until late playing with his online friends (who I am assuming don't do anything either.)
I have tried to be the inforcer, and well, I earn the title of "You're mean". So I don't know what to say...I just kind of stopped cleaning their rooms, and as long as their mess doesn't come out of their rooms into the hall, I don't care anymore...When the clothes do get thrown over the railing down to the family room for me to wash, I do the wash, fold it and put it into each ones basket...
They don't put the clothes away, they pick through their baskets until the clean clothes are strewn onto the floor, and then I wash again. As for dishes, my kids eat all over the house, until sometimes there are no dishes in the cabinets, and then my husband will go around and pick up after them.
Our house is so unorginized, that at times I wish that I could have DAV or Goodwill just come by and I would start loading up their truck! My husband is anal retentive, and everything has value in his sight. So, I can't stress enough, don't keep clutter around, it will eventually own you.

I hope for the best for you and your family...
Have a nice Christmas.
C.

That is so funny i received this email,, i am just dealing with this situation as we speak. all i asked was to clean up the family room a task that would take 15 mins at the most, so my 9 yr old gets busy as well as my 5 yr old girl and 3 yr old son and my 7 yr old goes into his room. i ask him politely to come help and to no avail 10 mins go by and still nothing so i walk in his room and tell him that he can stay in here and i lock the door from the outside, he hates that and after 10 mins of drama queen crying he ask politely if he can come out and gets a laundry basket and starts cleaning his room.(because the family room is done) i at one time made the mistake of being so tired of screaming at them to clean so i did it but it became more overwhelming to me. Mother of 5 kids ages 9, 7, 5, 3,and 18 months (Do not do it!! )they will only learn that it is your job to clean it not there's. i know it may seem cruel but i tell my kids that the house is mine and that they have to earn the privilegde of there room(decorating or putting a tv or computer or playstation in there) or they can stay in it with bare white walls and nothing.. i only have to deal with the whinning every so often, but they know that when i shut them in there room, i am mad, and i would rather do that then say something i would regret. it seems to be working with the occasional set backs.. i also give them a set time on when i want it done so there can be no disagreements on what is said. usually i say you have till the end of the day to have it clean so when i come kiss you goodnight it has to be finished.. or they have to stay in it the next day.no tv or fun,, usually it is done. But do not do it for them

I would definitely not clean their rooms for them or they will think you will always do it. Not a good path to go down. Have you considered taking away some of their most treasured things...whether it's a toy, watching tv for an hour, video games, allowance, etc. if they don't follow through? This seems like it would be a good strategy, especially if they have strong feelings toward something. Then if you do take something away, just be consistent with your threats. Follow through is the biggest thing, so they know you mean it. Hope this is helpful. Good Luck!

Hi K.,

I have used the following method for about a year and it's been quite successful. My son is 13 but has the maturity of a 3 year old. He has Asperger's Syndrome which sets him back about 10 years behind. This system will work with children of any age.

We use poker chips as tokens and place a value to each color of the chips. We use the red chips to equel 10 points and all others are worth 1 point. Then you place a point value to each chore or behaviour. Example: making bed = 1 chip; cleaning own bedroom = 5 points; get caught being good = 1 point.

Then you place a point value on the rewards. Example: 5 points earns a half hour of tv watching; or 5 points = special alone time with Mom or Dad; or 5 points = choice of game to be played with the family.

I bought a clear glass jar to place the earned tokens into and typed up a list of rewards and point earning activities and tape them inside the jar so that there won't be any confusion and relying on memory. I place the jar in a prominent location so the child can see his/her points add up. And, I had my son decorate the outside of the jar so he had more ownership with this system. Since you have more than one child I recommend that you place vaules based on the childs age and ability.

Good luck...I hope this has been of help.

W. Q

In regards to room cleaning my favorite is the "trash" bag. Tell your kids their rooms must be cleaned by a certain day, or every day if you like, and then go through and put everything on the floor into a trashbag. You have the option of either really throwing it away or letting them earn things back. It's not such a good idea to take on cleaning their rooms for them- that tells them that by ignoring you they got what they wanted. Hope that helps!
J.

They are probably not lazy, just typical kids who don't want to take time away from playing to clean! Don't clean their rooms for them!! If you do that, they learn that if they put it off long enough or complain enough or do a crummy job of it enough that you will give in and do it for them- unfortunately, kids have more time, energy and patience than we do to get the desired end result (that is, not having to do it themselves!!) You could take either of two approaches: 1)Think of a fun activity that they would both love to do, then tell them that they can do that activity in 20 minutes, but only if their rooms are cleaned and beds are made. Stick to it (just don't expect a Merry Maids kind of cleanliness!!) OR 2)Find something (a toy, activity, etc.) that they would truly hate to lose and let them know that if they do not get the room cleaned and bed made in a given amount of time that they will lose that toy/priviledge/activity. Stick to it! Consistency is the key. They will always challenge you if they think there is the slightest chance you will cave in and do it for them.

Change won't happen overnight, but if you are consistent they will soon do what is expected of them.

Hope that helps!
P.

I have an 8 year old and a 3 year old. I expect them to clean their room each morning, but its a battle. I don't let them watch TV or do anything fun until their rooms are clean--they don't do too great of a job, but at least the floor is picked up and they make their beds (sort of). Good luck.

T.

HI K.-

I AM SURE YOUR FRUSTRATED WITH THIS SITUATION,AND CLEANING UP AFTER 4 CHILDREN IS AN AWFUL LOT TO ASK OF ONE WOMAN!!! NOT THAT I AM ANY SUPER NANNY-BUT I DO LOVE THAT WOMAN!!! I WOULD SUGGEST THAT THEY CLEAN THEIR ROOMS, OR ELSE THEIR OTHER PRIVELEGES WILL BE TAKEN AWAY...TV. GAMES... PLAYING OUTSIDE ETC WON'T HAPPEN, STICK TO IT, AND HOPEFULLY YOU WILL START TO SEE IMPROVEMENT...