Major 2 Year Old Behavior Issues

In GA we have "Babies Can't Wait" and they test for learning and speech development. They might also have suggestions for behavioral training.

She's too young for "talks" and perhaps she's just "overloading" therefore tantrums. If "calming situations" like time out and high chair make the behavior stop, that's good. Next step in some time would be the communication and why.

My 2-yr-old is very opinionated, stubborn, and yes, he doesn't get the sticker or treat thing either:) He can scream the paper off the walls and hits like a wrestler:) He does well calming down on his "anger step" as we call it, then we move on. I just think control is hard when you cannot tell the adult why and when why doesn't matter, it's harder. Right now, no tantrum days are great:)

Another thought might be chiropractic or diet, and good luck:)

Parenting the strong willed child helped me when mine was a very unruly 2 year old. Got it cheap on Amazon. I ignore a lot of her bad behavior and try to give her choices. Sorry I'm not more help. Good luck.

I don't want to worry you, but I would definitely be wondering about Autism Spectrum, maybe Aspergers. Your child's tantrums could be due to sensory issues from AS, or Aspergers. My child had horrible tantrums, and it turned out he had definite sensory issues due to his Aspergers. In short, he has heightened senses, and things that may not bother you would overwhelm his senses, and so the tantrums. Google sensory integration disorder, and maybe get your pedi to consider an Autsim screen. Also, an Occupational Therapist can screen for sensory issues.

Have you looked into what state-sponsored programs there are? We have First Steps here in Indiana and they do speech, occupational, and behavioral therapy for cheap or free on a sliding scale.
Here's the "test" the pediatricians use to determine if there are issues that need to be addressed:
http://www.northpointpeds.com/images/uploads/files/asq/as...
It's meant for a 2.5-year-old. I had already had questions about my older son, but after going through this with him, I knew he needed some speech help and the nurse agreed. The state provided speech therapy for us until he aged-out at 3-years old. We could have continued through the school system, but he was so much better I decided to forgo it.

Try Dr. Sells at Intown Pediatrics. She's amazing. Also, and I hate to refer you to another book, but Dr. Harvey Karp's Happiest Toddler on the Block gives a great mindset tool for dealing with our 2 to 3 -year-olds. It's an easy read and the techniques he suggests have worked well with our VERY tenacious 2 1/2-year-old son.

Just to share, my son (almost 6) had some similiar behaviors up until he was almost 4. He has sensory integration disorder (along with some other issues - aspergers and ADHD). He would bang his head on the floor, bite me something horrible, loved timeouts, had night terrors, etc. He was basically non-verbal until he was almost 3 1/2. We are under the care of a developmental behavioral ped, along with our regular ped (whom we really love). I was told the same things, that it was a phrase that he would grow out of eventually (and he has greatly improved), but I truly believe that a lot of the acting out was due to an inability to communicate on his part. Once his speech developed, the behaviors also improved. He is on meds for ADHD and we also do methyl b-12 cream to stimulate his speech. (can't say enough good things about that!)
I am not suggesting that your daughter has any of my son's issues, and I truly hope she doesn't. I just want you to know that there is hope, and others have been there and understand.
We started receiving services through Babies Can't Wait when he was around 18 months old. It would definitely be worth looking into to see if SC has some program like that. The earlier intervention is started, the better. If someone had told me 4 years ago that my son would be doing as well as he is now, I would never have believed it. YOU are the expert on your child and if your mother instinct tells you something is wrong, then you are totally justified in looking for answers.

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Have you looked at her diet? I do not have personal experience with this, but I have friends that have. Some people are very sensitive to certain things in the food we eat (artificial flavors/colors for example). I know a mother who swears this made her child a new (and happy) person. You could check out this site, not sure if it will help, but you sound like you are looking for answers...
http://www.feingold.org/

I had a similar experience with my son at the same age. Try taking her to an ear nose and throat doc and have her hearing checked out thoroughly. My son is 14 now and doing great. He had to have surgery for extreme hearing loss in both ears. He had tubes put in and adnoids removed because they were extremely swollen that caused pressure on the eardrums and fluid filled up causing the hearing loss. This surgery changed our lives. The behavior was a result of my son not being able to hear and communicate his needs.

With a set of 21/2 year old twins at home, I really feel for you in this situation! I am just now reading The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr Harvey Carp and I think it's full of a ton of easy and effective ideas. I also found a DVD on amazon.com but haven't had a chance to order it yet.

We were fans of Dr Karp's Happiest Baby on the Block so it was a no-brainer to pick up this book and I'm finding it's just as insightful. FYI - his DVDs are quicker and typically easier for dads to digest.

Good luck with your wonderful toddler and going back to work!

Have you tried Parenting Effectiveness training --google it, there is a blog? It sounds like you are all locking horns with this child and she is unable to express her needs/wants in appropriate ways. So, it seems to me like you need to teach her how to express herself more appropriately while really trying to listen to her, as opposed to using punishment and discipline.

I would encourage you to contact your local "Babies Can't Wait" program, or a local psychologist who specializes in seeing young children. Due to the nature of the tantrums you described, I would recommend seeking professional help/evaluation. Tantrums in 2 year olds are normal, and typically last for 10-15 mintues (give or take). Tantrums lasting 30 mintues or longer, multiple times per day, self-injurious behavior (as you described) and excessive agression needs to be looked into. You are doing a great job and it seems your "gut" is telling you that your PED is not taking this seriously enough. If your daughter does need assistance, early intervention is paramount. Best of luck! F.
ps- I'm an LCSW who is the director of a children and adolescent behavioral health clinic.... your questions and concerns are very well put!

Have you asked the pediatrician to give you a referral to the behavioralist so that she can be tested? I have a great nephew who has autisim and my own son has Attention Deficiet Oppositional Defiant Disorder. They both receive medication which seems to help. Keep pushing your pediatrician for a referral (or find a new one that will request the testing through your insurance company). You are your childs only advocate for better health care!

teach her how to communicate... her feelings.
Teach her the names for feelings.... mad/happy/sad/frustrated etc. Kids can learn the vocabulary for it and it helps them to articulate their irks and upsets. Or, is she is not talking a lot... teach her gestures/sign language for it... the point being, she NEEDS a way to express herself.

And, well for me, I teach my kids its okay to have emotions/feelings even if it is mad feelings... but to tell me. And then we will work on it together... not just punishing them for that feeling. Because, "adults" get negative feelings too... but we don't go around punishing ourselves everytime we get mad/upset/irked/irritated with things. So... in the long run... teaching them that feelings are normal... but there are better ways of expressing it. Like punching a pillow or something, and sometimes I do that WITH my kids... and then they either realize how funny it is, or that "Mommy" understands them TOO. Then it makes them feel better. Instead of me always censoring/stifling their feelings. BUT... as they get older, I taught them that hurting others is NOT acceptable... they can feel things and express it, but NOT hurting others with words or physicality.

At this age, lecturing about it will not help. They are young, and wordiness is not taken in well at this age. You can "validate" her feelings... but then try to then redirect her to a more positive way of expressing herself, even if irked. Or tell her, "How can you redo that in a more happy way?" And offer her ideas and suggestions. THEN that way the child, in time and maturity, will begin to "learn" alternate ways of handling their emotions and HOW TO COPE with it. THIS is key for a child... learning how to COPE with feelings and expressing it. Not just keeping it all pent-up and taught that they "can't" express themselves or that they will get punished for every irritating feeling they have.
It is teaching them HOW to "navigate" themselves... their feelings. So that as they mature, they can cope better with it, themselves etc.

But she is young... but through teaching her "skills" about it (not just punishing for it across the board), a child will begin to learn how to handle their upsets. Better.

So along with "rules" and schedules... and child ALSO needs to learn the actual ways to express themselves, and how to cope. If they do not learn how to cope with irritating feelings, then, you will have a frustrated/fussy child who cannot express it to you and will not understand it themselves.
You can also try role-playing too... as she matures, teaching her the words and skills for managing her upsets. I tell my kids "Mommy gets yucky too sometimes and fussy... but I try to be nice about it... even if I don't feel good..." and then I show them my tones of voice, my facial expressions and that just by my expressing my feelings to them... it shows them HOW to communicate things.

Also, make sure she is not over-tired or lacking regular naps. Because an over-tired child or an over-stimulated child, WILL be fussy and irritable.

to me, the problem may just be that she can't express her feelings, or does not know how to... and she is feeling not understood... so she gets upset and acts out. And by that point, it is too late. So then she just gets punished. And then it just becomes a battle.

Just some quick ideas.

All the best,
Susan

Have you tried some positive reinforcement for good behavior? Stickers til they add up to a treat?

Has she ever hurt herself or somebody else in a way that there is demonstrable injury -- could you show it to the doctor in person or send a picture? Has your pediatrician specifically dismissed this? If the answer is yes and you still aren't getting some help in that department I agree with Dawn that you might try another doctor. Frequent tantrums are one thing, but a child that injures herself are another.

Someone beat me to it. I definitely second looking at her diet. Even things that most kids eat (milk, wheat, eggs) can cause behavioral problems in kids who have a sensitivity, if not a full out allergy. I also think that getting a referral to some type of OT would be a good idea. Can you pinpoint when these tantrums started? That kind of information is going to be helpful, as well as keeping a food journal (what she eats, when, and the behavior that follows). Good luck! Don't let the babysitters or doctors try and make you feel like a bad parent. I truly believe that you are dealing with something medical here!

I think the first step is getting a second opinion. If you truly are doing everything, giving her adequate attention, diciplining her and not spanking etc... then the problem might be something other than just behavioral.

Before becoming a mother myself, I was a nanny for nearly 10 years. One thing with dicipline is that you don't want to give negative attention. Put her in a room such as the kitchen and put her in time out, tell her you will not talk to her until she calms down and no matter what she does, do not give her attention. When she calms down, explain why she was in t/o, etc... give her hugs and resume what you were doing. Make sure you are spending good time with her on the floor playing and not doing other things. At this age, they really need to have play time with Mom and Dad. Good luck!