My 5.5 Yr Old Daughter

I think she can have a good in depth eval by mental health professionals. Then you'll know if there is a problem or if it is parenting issues. NOT saying it is, sometimes we're ineffective because we're in the middle of it and can't see what's going on.

So please can I suggest you go through with this? At least an evaluation for her.

I think Love and Logic made a huge difference in my parenting and I think it has made life better.

Please don't prejudge your therapist who is not a parent. In fact, the point of view from a person with zero parenting personal experience, and a shitload of education, who is not in anyway emotionally involved with you or your family, may in fact be exactly the point of view you need.

Sometimes the only person who can see the forest is the one standing farthest away from the tree line.

(I say this from experience. I brought my miserable 5 yo to a 20 something child psychologist, fresh out of her doctorate program, unmarried, and childless. And she taught me more about me and my son and my family dynamic than anyone. That was 20 years ago, and I still use what she showed me to help my son have a better life)

:)

I think it's a good call to go see a therapist. Make sure they specialize in children though. At best, you've gained insight. At worst, you're out the copay. I would do it. They can tell you if there is reason for concern.

I think that, as her mom, you are seeing that there is something going I that requires some attention, right?

It might be REALLY eye opening for you to talk to a behavioral therapist.
Try it and don't pre-judge the abilities. Go with a reco from your pediatrician.

i think the suggestion to talk to a behavioral health specialist is a great idea. but don't prejudge the therapist. it's far more a matter of that indefinable 'click with you' quality than age, or parenthood status. sometimes you need to talk with a few before you find the right one, but don't try to predetermine who will be the right one(s.)
don't feel bad for getting help. it may be that both you (for handling advice) and your daughter (for professional feedback) should both go for a bit, and see if it ihelps.
good luck, hon!
khairete
S.

Sorry you are so frustrated - understandably so.

I don't think there's a benefit in dealing with a therapist who has her/his own children. That doesn't give them built-in skills. In fact, there is a possible down side that the advice would be colored by their own background - that's at least as likely as what you fear.

I do think you can say you would prefer someone a little older with some years of experience and a lot of clients in her/his work history. You want someone with experience in therapy, not someone book-smart. But an older person just out of school may not be as experienced as a 30 year old either. You also want someone who can relate well to your child. That's hard to predict with a list of criteria ahead of time.

Therapy is like dating - only professional. You have to click with the person. They have to be a good listener, they have to have experience. But all those experienced people started out with no history, every doctor once had her first patient, every dentist once touched his first tooth. They've all trained in teaching hospitals or in clinical rotations in which they saw real people with real problems.

If your daughter has gone for 2 years without these issues being resolved, it's long past time to get some help. Remember that, as miserable as you are, she is also unhappy. I don't think there's any way for us to say whether there's something "wrong" with her or with your parenting. Try not to look at it in terms of placing blame. It's more important that you find a strategy that works. Think about it more simply - if you bake a cake and it's not right, maybe it's the oven and maybe the cake mix was made wrong or maybe you made a mistake in the measuring. It doesn't matter so much, as long as the next cake you make uses good equipment, good technique and good ingredients. You're raising a child, stuff goes wrong, and we don't always know why. But you're looking for causes without talking to someone first. Try not to figure this out now - devote your energy to finding a good person to consult with. Then you can also do some reading as an add-on, but I don't think it's a substitute for a good give-and-take, and some strategies that both you and your husband can agree on and stick to.

I haven't back through your older posts, so I'm just going to go from what you've written here.

You mention your daughter is introverted and sensitive.

Sometimes introverted quiet kids get really stressed out if they do too much in a day. I'm introverted and quiet. If I am hanging out with my really extraverted (go go go) friends, I get wiped.

My good friend has a husband who is hyper. When he's home, their child gets stressed, anxious, shows a totally different side to herself. It's like she overloads on his energy. Everything then becomes a huge deal and she's very emotional.

So - just wondering, what's the rest of your family like? You mention her older sister fights with her - can you stop this? Friends over ... maybe it's too much for your daughter?

This particular friend I have has to limit playdates to an hour or two max. One child.

Her child did do therapy, but ultimately they just weren't listening to her. She was stressed.

It's hard to say (I think you could benefit from the therapist and so could your daughter.. even just a session or two) - but I look at environments when kids get stressed or anxious. Another friend of ours had a really anxious child yet he was in competitive sports - 3 days a week. They took him out of it (down to rec) and he was able to go off his meds.

Just a thought. Anyhow, I'm sure it's nothing you have 'done' - although I get why it's easy to think that. We parents tend to blame ourselves!

Good luck :)

"is there something "wrong" with her and/or did we do something wrong as parents".
I don't know.
Anything is possible.
It could be that you have a child whose personality falls into a normal range that you just don't know the best way to handle it.
This is where counseling can help you/her find better ways to communicate/interact/work together.
It would be nice to find a counselor that's a parent - BUT since there are all kinds of kids and parents their direct experience might differ quite a bit from your own - so that may or may not be something that would help you.

I think my sister was/is ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) (this was way before it was ever given a name).
She was fussy, cried over every little thing, a challenge at every step and extremely stubborn and difficult for our Mom and hard for me to get along with her.
It was just one long non stop bicker fest with her (still is, really).
I wish there was some help available for my Mom back then.

https://www.aacap.org/App_Themes/AACAP/docs/resource_cent...

My 4 yo granddaughter is easily upset. I've learned to just let her go to her room. She screams for 5 -10 minutes or so, is quiet for 15 -30 minutes before coming out to play. Before, her parents tried to calm her which caused long time screaming. Now that she knows to go to her room and we let her scream or cry these episodes are getting shorter.

Her screaming is always her response to frustration and/or anger. She is overly sensitive, thus easily frustrated and angered. We have been giving her words to describe how she feels. She sometimes uses them but she still yells and screams. She always yells "leave me alone."
Her 2 yo sister cries easily but calms down when held.

For a variety of reasons, I think the 4 yo is depressed. In reading, I learned that sometimes children do not appear depressed. Their symptoms are more related to being angry and easily frustrated than down and sad. I would like for her to see a counselor. I have to gradually.introduce the idea.

A change in the way you and her Dad manage the screams/tears may reduce the fits. A child therapist can give you ideas for doing that. The therapist will also I ideas to explore for why she does this. I strongly suggest you make an appointment for you and your husband first to see if the counselor is one you and your daughter can work with.

My grandson is now 12 and on the spectrum as well as having sensory issues and apraxia of speech. Therapists have been helpful. He's had occupational therapy and physical therapy and others. He's currently seeing a childrens therapist for treatment for depression. I often wonder if seeing a therapist earlier would help him be less depressed now.

My son used to scream and cry and yell for an hour when he was upset and mad about something at that age. It is not normal. Just last year (5th grade) he would cry, yell, and be angry for an hour or two or three when he did not want to do homework. He has always been "out of sync", unique, sensitive, stubborn, reactive, etc. He has always been a very hard kid when things are not going his way. He's 11 now and we are having an awesome summer bc there are no homework battles. What has helped us is being very consistent, calm, and empathetic. Yet, not giving in and giving consequences calmly every time when he refuses to listen. The other thing that has really helped is behavioral therapy with a child psychiatrist. He really likes her and works well with her. It has helped me also to talk to her.

I went back about 3 pages and only saw really about one post regarding issues with this child. Essentially saying that she has said she needed to be by herself when she was upset.

Can you give more information about what your child is doing, or what situations seem to result in her being upset and screaming? Honestly, there are times that *I* want to scream when there are too many things going on at once around me---even if I am not a part of them. So there was a playdate going on at your house (this daughter's or her sister's friends?) and she got upset. Ok. That happens. Perfectly normal.
Screaming about it for 40 straight minutes is not normal. Is that what happened? She literally screamed for 40 minutes? Or are you saying she was upset for 40 minutes (a combination of yelling, fussing, crying, pouting, not wanting to play b/c of hurt feelings still, etc)? Big difference there.

Perhaps if you can share more details, the moms here will be able to offer better input.

I was going to recommend The Out of Sync Child. I think it will really tell you if you need to see an OT or a behavioral specialist or both. My 5.5 year old sees her OT for SPDs and a child counselor for generalized anxiety. The OT has made the most difference in our lives!

Try Love and Logic. People on here are always recommending it. If you gave a more specific example, it would be easier to suggest something.