My ADHD 8 Year Old Son

I totally understand I have custody of my nephew that has that and Oppostional Defiant Disorder. They just started him on Strattera a non stimulant and it has worked so far. Ritalin and Focalin made him depressed so I took him off of it. Sonoma County is not good with kids that have special needs but there academic level is ok. They expect the kids to have problems and be below academically and that is where the problem is. CPS is looking into a behavior school setting in Santa Rosa I don't know where you live but I can let you know. You can always email me to keep in touch.

Jen

K.,

You say your son is ADHD. Has he been diagnosed by a child psychiatrist? If not, don't just take the school's word for it because he may not be. Some children learn differently and public school is not a one-size-fits-all education; there is no such thing. Your son may be a kinesthetic learner which means he may learn by being "hands-on" rather than auditory or visual--like all classrooms teach through lectures and sometimes notes written on the board or reading a book. If your son scored above average on his tests, it's likely that his cognitive abilities are beyond what the school is teaching at his grade level.

Read a book called "Dreamers, Discoverers & Dynamos: How to Help the Child Who is Bright, Bored and Having Problems in School" by Lucy Jo Palladino. Look it up on Amazon. The paperback is ten bucks. Before you buy it, also look up the book "The Edison Trait" by the same author--it's the hardback version of the same book. Now scroll down on that Amazon page and read the reviews. There is one long review about half way down that lists the principles/traits of children who have this. Read it and see if you see your son's behaviors listed. This book helped me understand my son (and myself).

Also, go to the Google screen and type in: The 7 Learning Styles, Stacy Mantle. You will come up with hits for an article that will give you an overview of the different learning styles that will help you with your son. She uses the word "bodily" for the kinesthetic learning style, but it means the same thing. Also Google the words "kinesthetic learner" and you will find a ton of information about it. This type of learner is often mistakenly thought to have ADHD.

I know all of this because I fought with the school system from the time my son was in 2nd grade until I finally took him out of 6th grade (at the beginning of the year) and homeschooled him through junior high. I filed an R-4 with the Department of Education and started homeschooling with a traditional textbook style method, but by the end of the three years, we were unschooling, with the exception of me keeping up his math by using Aleks.com, an online math program. There are many options for homeschooling depending on how far you want to get into it--by choosing and teaching your own curriculum to using an ISP through the local school to teach the same classroom material at home.

If you decide to take the plunge, assuming you are in California, I recommend you contact HSC (Homeschoolers of California) it is an amazing organization. Check out their website. They have a conference every year where parents go to fellowship with each other, keep updated on teaching methods, legislation, homeschool success stories, etc. BTW, the book Eragon was written by a homeschooled boy. =) Anyway, the conference is a great place for the kids to see how many others homeschool. There are activities and roundtable meetings for them to do with their peers while you go to other functions. The support system there is incredible. Also, like another mamasource mom said, check your local area for homeschool meet-up groups. HSC has outreach people who can help you find a group in your area. There is a website: www.meetup.com that you can check, too.

The one thing I will encourage you to do, more than anything else, no matter what anyone says (family, school admin, etc.)--trust your instinct to know what your son needs. I waited too many years and fought too many battles trying to keep my son part of the "mainstream." In those three years that I homeschooled, he turned into a different child: his self-esteem went up exponentially, he learned better study skills, he found his love of learning again, and he became so confident in himself that he decided he wanted to try high school. He graduates this June and has completely shunned peer pressure for drugs, alcohol, smoking; he has almost straight A's (one B); he plays sports, has a ton of friends, is considered very mature for his age, is taking college classes to use as electives for high school requirements, and most importantly--he's happy. The child who wouldn't listen in class, ran across the tops of desks, failed tests and classwork, and cried saying, "Everybody hates me. Everybody thinks I'm stupid. I hate myself." That boy is gone.

Good luck. If you have any other questions, feel free to contact me. ###-###-####

Hello,

I know exactly how you feel. I have a six year old - first grade, and a 4y/o. Both boys are ADHD. My youngest is in a specialized preschool program through he school district and is doing great. My older boy, though, is having the hardest time. I read your responses so far and I thought I'd add somethings I've experienced. I don't have anything against home schooling, but it takes the right type of person to be ab;e to do it. And I don't think people without ADHD kids have any idea what it's like and don't realize how difficult it is not just for the kid, but the entire family. I don't have the patience to home school my son. Just to get him to do his homework can take up to 3 hours to write 10 sentences. I'm learning ways to help try to make it easier and I decided to start him on medication, but I'm feeling lost and confused and my husband and I keep going back and forth on second guessing our decision.

I want to pull him out of school, I don't like our school system at all. I've looked into Montessori schools, which I really love, but can't afford. So, I am trying to find that same support from our school district for him as I get from my youngest and setting up a IEP. I don't want to discourage you from homeschooling, but take all into consideration before you make a decision. Feel free to contact me anytime. ____@____.com I would like to talk with others who can relate to ADHD and don't think it's all 'made up'. Some times I feel alone and don't know how to make sense of it all or how to slow my family down.

Hi K.,

I am homeschooling my 10 yr old twins after pulling them out of school in 2nd grade.They could not read or write. They are now in 5th grade and way above grade level. They were shy and withdrawn from feeling so "dumb" in school. They are now happy, outgoing kids who are comfortable talking to anyone. We would have homeschooled from the beginning if we had known about it.
There are several options on how to homeschool. I assume you are in California? If so, you can file your own R4 which is essentialy opening your own private school from home. You can enroll in a charter school that overs homeschool such as Caliva.org you can enroll in a private homeschool such as arboracademy.com or you can enroll in a public school isp program. These are just examples there are lots of charter schools and private schools. HSLDA.com CHN.com CHEA.com CHEAFA.com these are just a couple of great websites to look into. They both offer tons of info on homeschooling. There are sooooo many opportunities for homeschoolers that people do not know about. There are classes, park days, skate days, plays, field trips, etc. There are tons of homeschool support groups in just about every city in Ca that you can get involved in and make lots of new friends for yourself and for your son.
Let me know if you need any further websites or info and I can help you out.
Good luck
K.

I was in the same boat as you several years ago with my oldest son. At the time my son also scored high in testing,he was even recommended for the GATE program however his ADHD hindered him from that program. I did try to home school him for one year. It is not easy and you MUST be very dedicated. Our biggest issue was that in my home schooling of one son,my other son seemed to suffer which was never my intention! Because I had to put all my efforts in to providing my oldest with the necessary schoolwork etc... Talk to your teachers! If you are in a decent school they will do thier best to work with you, even recommending required school material.Some schools will even allow you to bring your child to the district office for testing. This way your child has passed the required testing,and it is added to his school record.This helps for future schooling.(If you decide to put the child back in public school,for jr. or senior high school, and you can't prove he knows the material they may want to hold the child back). If I could suggest anything go to a local school materials store. I'm not sure where you are located but here in the Sacramento area they have several.The people there will also help you decide the proper material.Look thru this and make sure you know it!! Then talk to the school district. I did it the other way around and found out once I had already pulled my child out of school,that I needed to know the material backwards and forwards or I wouldn't be able to teach my son properly! It's not just thinking you are smarter than a 5th grader.....You need to be able to teach the same lesson in several ways (to find which works for your child)....Good Luck and just make sure IF you decide to do this you need to do your homework!!! Check out everything first!!! Hope this helped.

Find fun ways you can teach him at home. You can work with the teacher to find out what skills or subjects they are working on, and then be creative with toys and games that could help him to associate learning with fun.

Discovery Toys carries these great games called "Think it Through." There are these little tiles, an answer on the front and a pattern on the back. You use these books to answer the question, and as you answer the question correctly a pattern appears on the back. It's a little confusing to explain, but kids love it and there is math, english, and science.

That is just one example of MANY educational toys they have. I tutor my neice, who was having a difficult time in school, and we use many of the products they have.

Check out this website. If you want to get anything you can order straight from there.
www.discoverytoyslink.com/kimhaag

HOPE THIS HELPS!!!

I do not homeschool myself, although I have thought about it from time to time. I've heard both sides as far as pro/con. I can't really give you an opinion as I have never tried it.

But there are some websites you can read about it. Such as HSLDA.org That has alot of information.

The homeschool in our area is: http://www.hcs.k12.ca.us/ They have regular homeschooling and a campus based program. But hopefully this will give you a little information.

Only you can truly know what is best for your own family. Good luck with your decision. I would love to know what you decide. :)

If you home school your child at 8 years old because of problems in school then he will never learn how to deal with it, you will not be pushing meds down his throat when he is an adult (Not intended to sound negative) He will choose and most adults with add adhd do not take meds because they learn how to deal with it. I would find another way to handle it try getting him focused on something that teaches him self disapline, hopefully something he enjoys tremendously. Try Karate or another active sport. He will grow and mature and learn to deal with it in his own way.
Best of luck

K.,

Hello there, My name is D. and thought I would respond to your concerns, I am 32 and a Navy wife, I stay at home with my two kids a boy who will be nine in a few weeks and a girl who is going to be five in July, besides staying home I homeschool. I have been homeschooling since my son started school so he has never been. I love it and so does he, with the one on one you get though lessons at lot easier and quicker than in a classroom setting, and we can go on any field trip we want and I don't have to worry about how he is doing. We have the freedom to go on vacation when we want and he doesn't miss anything if he is sick, as far as the social interaction goes he has friends in the neighborhood and is in cub scouts so he gets plents of social time. If you have any questions just feel free to ask away, my email is ____@____.com, it may be easier to get in touch with me that way, would love to hear from you.

D. V.

Kear K.,

I think that it might be best for you to home school him for a while anyway. You can do a lot of research on the internet to find out how to train him to be able to control himself. He will like it if you act like a friend rather than a disciplining mother. He is going to have a life time of handling himself and he would do better if he could start right now. Also, you can tell him that you are doing this for his peace of mind. I am so glad that he is so bright, he will love to be in charge of himself as soon as he understands how to do it.

The internet will, hopefully, be able to help you, and then there is a book written especially for Boys - In fact look in the library for it or I have seen it on EBAY too. I have bought it for friends off of EBAY, so sorry that I can't remember the name or the author. But, go for the BOYS clue. You will find it and the guy who wrote it is a psychologist and is a human being. You will love the book and remember, you don't have to read the parts that don't pertain to your problem. Skim through and mark it up - it will be your very own and you can go back and remind yourself the parts that you thought were important to remember. O.K.?

Also, look up homeschooling on the internet and really get into it for what to teach him, use the library, and get going on math and writing stories - and reading and geography. You can do lots of interesting things with geography, especially using the evening news - that would be history and geography. Sorry about the bad parts of the news - Have maps available for when you or he think of something to look up. You two will have fun and, as I said give him some peace. He can help with the house cleaning too, that can be learning to be a good husband. Sincerely, C. N.

P.S. remember Physical Education - it is lots more than games and rules. It is training for leadership and following directions and so much more. He won't lose out, he will gain.

My sister did home schooling for most years for 3 kids untill 9 th grade. All did excellent when they chose to go to "real" school. One is in medical school now...

One other option if you want - the ADHD makes your son eligible for Federal Special Education. Request an SST meeting and IEP testing for him. Even though he is academically ahead - putting him into and RSP class for 1/2 hour or hour a day they can really help him work on his self-esteem and behavior issues. They can also force the teacher to make modifications in the classroom for him to help him deal with the ADHD. The break during the day may really help him... I am a teachers assistant and have quite a few ADHD kids that come to the class just for this - some need the academics, but some don't.

Maybe his problem is the teacher?
You have the right to switch your son to any school in the district to meet his needs.
Personally, I would never home school. I think it's cruel to keep kids away from their peers. They need to be with kids their age to help with development and socialization.
Have you had an IEP meeting? If not I would request one immediately, tell the school exactly how you are feeling and see what they can do for you.
Maybe a Special Day Class would be better for your son. It would be a smaller class size with more indivualized attention which is probably what your son is lacking.
If your son has not had an assessment yet I would contact the Inland Regional Center in San Bernardino. The handle all psychological assessments for purposes of diagnosis. Your sign might qualify for extra services to help him learn better.
E.

Hello, I hope this will help you.

Go to www.dailycatholic.org. Scroll to The Catholic Mom, click on Home School Library. From there Denise gives the instructions on how to start home schooling. She also has her email address if you have any questions.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
T. Collins

My age is 48 and my youngest son is now 11 will be 12 in June and is in the 5th grade. I had the same problem as you are now experiencing, I took Keith out of the elementary school (he was in 3rd grade also). Public school and all the distractions of all the other kids were not working for him. I now have him in a charter school Julian Charter School, this is a good school. I homeschool Keith for reading and math and he goes to their classes for Science and Social Studies. You can view them on the internet. Next year he will attend the Middle school academy 3 times a week and they will teach every subject to include a liberal arts class and physical education. Help your son now if you can, he will thank you for it. You should be able to request an IEP and occupational therapists and/or tutoring is available also. The kids are real nice...believe me. I do like this charter school but don't like that my son is at home with me all the time. I have 2 other sons in high school and hubby works in San Bernardino schools so I have to be available for all kids and it kind of limits what I can get Keith into. This charter school has a lot of programs outside of the curriculum. The curriculum is good too, much better than the public schools. If one doesn't work for you, you can try others also. The Educational Facilitator you are assigned to can help you out a lot. Hope this helped. This is our 3rd year this fall and I have no plans on switching schools. The only problem is the drive, they are in Murrieta and got to go there 2 times a week at minimum but he does tutoring in math, he has Science class and tutoring on Thursday's; he has Social studies and art class on Monday's. Once a month I see my EF (Keith's assigned teacher) to turn in his samples of all his work done during the month. Keith also has an occupational therapist that he sees once a month for an hour. Again, hope this helped. My email if you are interested is: ____@____.com Have a nice day

I don't have any advice but I am in a similar situation. School is torture for my 8 year old boy. He is dyslexic and adhd. the adhd is newly diagnosed and he is on Statterra which does seem to be improving his ability to focus while at school. By the time he gets home he is so done that he always has at least one melt down if not more.Its beginning to control our family. we tiptoe around him to wvoid his outbursts.He is a great kid I just wich I could take his frustration away. I am considering getting him evaluated by a neuropshchiatrist I heard great things about in Berkeley. So I can better understand how his brain works what is not working and what more we can do about it. I don't know if this helps ir not. Good luck.

Hello K.,
I understand where you are coming from I went through something similar with my 8 yr old in 2nd grade and we decided to pull her out and homeschool her. I work with a school district that has a charter homeschool setup and a teacher comes once a week to bring work and help with any issues. My advice is to do what you feel is right. I know that homeschooling is hard work and I also am an online college student, it is hard to keep my daughter focused on her work without sitting next to her and walking her through everything. She will wonder off and trying to do other things, but i do know that her being in a room full of 20+ children is more distracting to her and she is getting a better education at home. We are now in a financial situation and i need to go back to work so I am making sure she has an IEP in place before the end of the year and then we will enroll her in school again with our fingers crossed that we have put her in a place where she can succeed a little better in that environment. Go with your gut and it will be the right decision. Good luck!