My Child Is Slapping and Kicking! HELP!

When my son entered this stage, I gave him one swat on his bottom each time he hit or kicked me (or anyone else) and said in a very stern voice: "Do not hit Mommy."

I know that some people are very anti-corporal punishment, but I find that it can be very effective when it is used very sparingly.

The only way I could get my daughter's attention was to pick her up- gently but firmly. Then I sat her down on the counter in the kitchen. This way we were eye to eye. Very clearly I told her "You can not hit mommy anymore. You can not hit anyone." Very clear direction is needed. I think saying "we" and "it's not nice" is too ambiguous for small children. I had to repeat that action a couple of times. After that, I started introducing consequences that were logical and immediate. Be very clear. Have your husband tell her she's not allowed to hit. If she hears it from both of you, it will stick with her better.

After my daughter got the hang of it, she would raise her hand like she wanted to hit me, but she didn't. After her immediate anger passed, I made sure to tell her that I was happy that she didn't hit me. It pleased her to know that I noticed and praised her for choosing the right behavior.

No matter what, just remember that this too shall pass...

Hi,
This is pretty normal behavior for your little one, although it is very undesirable behavior. When she slaps or kicks you, put her down if you are holding her, turn her away from you and give her a gentle push, and say, "You hurt Mommy, I don't want to hold/play when you hurt me". Don't let her back into your good graces unless she is willing to say, "sorry" and have a hug. You can also time her out after the gentle push (timeout in within your sight, of course). She will weep and wail and throw a big fit most likely but you will eventually get her to understand that slapping and kicking is not ok. You must do this because if you don't you will be dealing with her kicking and slapping others and you certainly do not want this to go any further if you can help it. Your little one is just trying her baby wings and flapping them too hard.
Best to you,
J. S

Assure yourself that this is pretty typical behavior for the age as this stage is all about autonomy and exploring power. Moms always seem to get the brunt of this stage since, even while working full-time, you are likely the one who meets most of her needs at home. Children have a real struggle with accepting that the person who brings them the most pleasure-hugs, food, bandaids for owies...also frustrates them the most with limits and discipline, so they act out more with you.

With both my kids, it was helpful for me to get down at thier level, gently hold thier hands and say "hitting hurts mama" and "gentle hands". I also gave them a lot of words like, "you can say, 'I'm mad'-use words-no hitting" Try not to take it personally. If getting hit really infuriates you, there's nothing wrong with telling her that you are mad and need a break-cool off in the bathroom and come back when you can talk-works for me:) And repetition, repetition...Hope this is helpful,
Amy

I don't know, but if anyone gives you any good advice, please pass it along. My 16-month-old son hits and bites me, not my husband. I have noticed that this does not happen during the day, while my husband is at work, only once he returns in the evening. I am really not sure what the correlation is, but if you figure out what works, please let me know! For everyone else, we are very big on discipline and my son is well behaved. He has just begun this behavior and I assure you that we do let him know it is unacceptable. In the mean time, however, he has hit me in the face with the TV remote and it hurts. I don't really think that it is motivated by anger. He is not mad. I think that he is just playing too rough.

K.

Kids do this for attention. Since you work all day she wants all your attention when you get home. Try some total mommy and daughter time when you get home. I know you probably have a million things to do when you get home but this is important. Maybe she can help you do some dinner prep. even at 2. They like to be included. Also, let her know hitting and slapping are not ok.
E.

Hi M.,

I think that slapping/hitting/biting/kicking is a phase that most all children go through. I would recommend the book "Hands Are Not for Hitting" and the associated series of books ("Teeth Are Not for Biting), etc. that can be purchased at almost any book store. These are board books that tell children what hands, feet, teeth, etc. are really for. I read these books with my son and also implemented time-outs when he would hit me. (He never hit my husband either...only me). With the books and time-outs for negative behavior, he quickly learned that hitting his mom was not acceptable. We haven't had any issues since. (Also make sure that her childcare provider reinforces what you are teaching at home...if your daughter stays with someone else during the day). Good luck to you!!!

Did you just return to work after some time off, or have you been a stay at home mom until now? Consider any other changes.. caregiver, did she just get moved from a crib to a bed and you are the one putting her to bed every night (maybe she didn't like that change and since you put her to bed.. is taking it out on you). Some kids just go through a phase.... but since she seems to be singling you out.. consider what changes that might be connected to you that would give her a reason to be taking it out on you if she was angry about them. It could be that she just has gotten to a stage where she has decided that she doesn't like the fact that you are leaving her with someone else while you are at work and just now found a way to let you know - since feelings aren't as easy to convey as physical needs such as eating, drinking ,diaper change etc.

First, you are the parent and set the criteria of what is acceptable in your home. Then you communicate that to all around you, including your child.

Your daughter is the one who is young, unschooled and certainly without the wisdom of life. It is your responsibility to help her to learn how to function appropriately in this world.

So, when she starts slapping or kicking you, you take her in your lap and begin teaching. "In our family we use our words not our hands and feet to tell each other what we want." That is the standard that you continue to hold her to.

Next, you will want to let her know that you understand that she has something that she is wanting from you and that you cannot understand hits and kicks, only words. (This is where you will need to help her depending on her ablity to verbalize.)

You could make a game of it. "I know that you may be frustrated because you don't have enough words, so let's make a game." You could go through a list of possible needs with her responding "yes" or "no". You could have her take you to what she needs/wants, point out what she is trying to tell you, etc.

When she starts to hit or kick, remind her that "we use words" and go through the process. If she refuses to calm down, you could put her in "time out" to give her brain (or her hands and feet) a quiet time to remember that we only use words. (Time-out is another discussion.)

I have worked at a day care and then preschool for several years and find that children respond to being taught more appropriate behavior.

Hope that this gives you some ideas.

S-