Need Advice on Custody Issues?! - Denton,TX

First of all, dating (and marrying, and having children with) one's second cousin is legal in all 50 states. It is not incest. It is not really anything. At that point, the bloodlines are so far removed that most people wouldn't even recognize their second cousins on the street. In most states, marrying one's first cousin is illegal, but not in all. One's second cousin isn't even a consideration. The only thing sick that I see about their relationship is that he was still with you when it began.

Secondly, I would be very careful about telling your ex-boyfriend that he cannot have visitation with the kids because he took them around his new girlfriend. No court is going to insist on supervised visitation for that reason, even if he did break your heart by cheating with her. If you file for supervised visitation, you are going to have to prove that your ex cannot be trusted around the children alone, and if the girlfriend is the reason, you're going to have to prove that she does drugs and such IN FRONT OF THE KIDS. I think that, by denying him visitation, you've created a lot of trouble for no good reason, and it seems petty of you.

Having said that, unless his name is on the birth certificate of your first child, or unless he legally adopted your first child, he has no rights to that child at all. If he takes her and hides her, it is kidnapping. As for the child you share together, yes, legally right now he can take that child, and although you could go to court for a custody hearing at that time, in many states, he could keep the child with him until the hearing. So get to a court and get a custody order in! Even if it isn't supervised visitation but just regular visitation, it will get the courts involved in your custody, and then if he takes the child, he will be breaking the law and can be charged with kidnapping. I would petition for a custody hearing at the same time that you file for child support. I hope that both of you can stop the finger-pointing and threats and eventually have a cordial relationship for the sake of your children. Good luck.

Well the bad news is this new relationship of his is not incestuous in the eyes of the law in the State of Texas. In Texas, and in many states, second cousins can marry. I actually know, and am friends with, a very happily married couple who happen to be second cousins and who have six very normal children.

That said, the concern here is that he threatened to take the children. However...you are also threatening to take the children. So how serious are the threats? He considers them both his. You are saying, "You can't see them." So he is retaliating and saying, "Then I will take them so you can't see them." Is it all talk or are these serious threats on both your parts? Are you both just throwing out words to hurt each other some more?

It is definitely time for you to get legal counsel. Legal counsel will cement child support and award custody, etc. You also mention that his considering the first child his is "a good thing." I don't know if this is because deep down you think he loves her and vice versa, but if you decide to end their relationship and she loves him, but you can't legally end the relationship with number 2, then you are doing her a HUGE disservice. If he is willing to father both of them, and he is a good father to them, then that is what is important.

VickiS

I like what Amanda said. I was going to add that you could insist on a morality clause which basically says no overnight opposite sex guests unless married, but you would have to follow the same rule and they are very hard to get added unless both parties agree. Even if you get it added, it's very hard to enforce and file contempt on unless you hire a PI to prove it for you.

While I understand your situation, you will never have the right to tell him who he can and can't have around the children. You said she uses drugs, but it would be a very long and expensive road to prove that and make her legally unable to be around your children. So, unless you have a spare 20k-50k laying around that you would like to give to a top notch lawyer, you have to let that go.

His behavior probably doesn't warrant supervised visitation. Him being an idiot and making poor decisions doesn't get him supervised visitation. As long as he's not putting the children in danger, he's allowed to do what he wants.

of course you should file. these 'we haven't filed' situations rarely work out the way both parties intend. Get it all in writing or risk even more drama than you'll have for the rest of your younger child's life.

good luck!

AmandaC gave great advice - to add to it, even with a custody order in place, if he takes his child it is not kidnapping but interfering with custody and you must file with the court for child support and custody not the AG - the AG enforces court orders not make them. Good luck and I hope you can get past your hurt to look at what is best for the children and that is a relationship with both of you.

Somewhere along the way you've decided that you need to punish your ex by using the children as pawns. You have no right at this point to decide who he can and can not see while having the children. You are obviously very hurt by this situation and can not get past this anger to make a determination about what's best for your children at this point.

Amanda C gave you all the advise I would have written. Please remember that right now it's not about you being right and him being wrong. It's about doing what is best for your children to make sure that they have 2 loving parents in their lives.

Darcy Loveless is an excellent family law attorney in Denton.

You need to get a court order that specifies visitation and support issues so you don't have to wrangle over every detail every time.

I agree with everything HAPPY T. said. I had a AG once, it did take forever, but when my ex quit his job they knew exactlly when to find him. That said...

You SO totally have rights! Any court would be crazy not to agree with you. Especially on the 4 years old who IS NOT his child, he has no right to her. Teh baby however could be another matter, BUT you have many valid reasons to ask for a legal visitaion agreement, a restraining order on the cousin, and child support. PLEASE talk to an attorney, don't let this go on further than it has, you have to protcet your childs rights,and your rights as well. Even if your ex is a semi nice guy (altough very sick indeed), he has made a bad decision that WILL effect your children emotional, if not metally. It IS in their bed interest to have a legal document that sets guidlines and a fail safe for you and them. It never hurts to be safe, and this seems like a situation taht you may really want to have the law back up up should anything happen. If you ever get into a sticky situation you can provide proof of your ex's and or his cousin's breech of an agreement. Try to find all documentation of any interaction you have concerning teh matter. Email, phone records, written agreements, messages from the cousin, proof that they are blood relation, proof that he lied to you ect ect. Good Luck!!!!!

Know this before all else... If he is threatening to take the kids and hide them from you and you do not have any legal custody papers filed THERE IS NOTHING AND I REPEAT NOTHING YOU CAN DO IF HE DOES THAT. THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN GET YOUR KIDS BACK IS IF HE CHOOSES TO RETURN THEM. Most people make the mistake of thinking they can file kiddnapping charges after a certain amount of time of the children being out of your possession, this is not true. I would not let the kids go on ANY unsupervised visits until papers are filed with the Court.

Second attorney's are very expensive especially good ones. You are looking at, at least a $1,500 retainer just to start your case. Personally I wouldn't have the AG handling my case but if you can not afford an attorney the AG is certainly better then nothing. The down side to the AG (other then the fact that they do a terrible job) is they are extremely overworked and it will take a very long time for you to get into Court. The good thing about the AG is once you file with them they will mantain a constant search on his S.S # so if he ever quits his job and thinks he is going to hide his new one from you, they will find him. Plus if he gets into arrears in child support they will alert the IRS to take it out of his tax return, the return will then be sent to you.

Third- ok that is just sick! Do you really want your kids around him? Also, you need to wake up, if she is doing drugs and they are dating trust me he is using too!! I would ask for supervised visits and required random drug tests (and yes you legally have the right to ask the Judge for both). It is up to the Judge to decide rather or not he thinks supervised visits are in the best interest of the children. If the Judge will not grant supervised visits you can ask the Judge to make a special provision within the Orders that state the children our not allowed around the cousin. You can and should ask that no over night guest of the opposite sex are allowed, this is in the Denton County Standing Orders so you will at the very least get this.

If you can afford an attorney I would highly suggest Tom Jester of the Minor & Jester Law Firm, he's the best hands down! His office is located off of Carroll and the # there is ###-###-####

S. you should consult a good Christian lawyer that knows the law well and can help you accomplish your goals. My husband fits the bill. His name is John Haugen, www.HaugenLawFirm.com, you can call him at ###-###-#### and talk to him and/or schedule an appointment. Best wishes and God bless!

you cant keep his child from him, but he has no rights to the 1st child. file papers so that everything is in motion once the custody agreement is in place if he keeps the child then it is kidnapping even if it is his own child. as long as the court has decided who gets the child when. I fully understand you wanting to protect your children. but unfortunately the court says that each parent has the right to decide who their children are around especially since you weren't married (unless you get an expensive lawyer to do research in a divorce setting)you definitely should file for visitation rules to be set up but keep in mind the court could very well decide that he gets the kid 50% of the time. If he truly has made a threat to take the kids from you then you can go to the police station and simply file a report saying that he made a threat of kidnapping. they can do nothing at that point but it will be on file so if he ever does take the kids then he can get in more trouble because he "planned" to do it. you want to make sure your kids are safe so it is fine to ask how the visit went did they have fun with daddy, but dont turn the kids into spy's and grilled them for info every time they come back. i hope for the sake of your children that everything works itself out, this will be a long road so you will need lots of strength and patience to get through it.