Post Partum Dep and Attachment Parenting

I love Dr. Sears advice. It's attachment parenting but not over the top. You don't have to cosleep or exclusive breastfeed on demand for older children. I use it to a degree, but find a good alternative that works for us in the middle.

Having kids are going to be crazy stressful no matter what method of parenting you use... especially if some children are more high needs than others. Throw in post partum depression and it is more difficult. In any case, I do hope you are receiving help for it.

http://www.askdrsears.com/about.asp

he has some great advice for discipline as well:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp

What the heck is attachment parenting? Dont you want a good nights sleep without having to worry about suffocating your child? No wonder your depressed, your sleep deprived. And does this go along with "wearing" your baby all day? Really, whats the point?
I breastfeed, I dont sleep with my kids, I have a moby wrap, and two sling carriers, I have these out of pure convience, not because I feel like wearing a baby all day.
Really, you can love your child, nuture them and raise completely normal healthy kids without reading into all if this I have to be attached to my kid all day.
Put the baby down and do some you time. Get out of the house!

I was heading down a deep, dark path when I was living the AP philosophy to the "T". Once I gave it up and let my son CIO, it got much better. It's way too demanding on the mother and unrealistic. My children are very happy, they sleep, they are smart and securely attached to me but they learned to fall asleep on their own, and yes a little bit of crying was involved. You need to get sleep, you need to get yourself back and take care of YOU and not just cater to your child's every whim.

My husband and I practice attachment parenting. We have two girls, an 8 month old that co sleeps with us still and a two year old who is getting great at tantrums. I had horrible postparturm depression with our first - was edgy, easily aggravated, etc... The only thing that helped was anti-depressants. Once my doctor put me on them (while breastfeeding and our two year old is just fine), I felt like myself again, and was a much more patient mom. I went off of them and during my second pregnancy began feeling like that at about 7 months. My doctor put me back on them (zoloft seems to be safest with pregnancy and breastfeeding), and I am still on them. I feel happy, healthy, and patient with our kids. The benefits have outweighed any worries I had regarding medicine while being pregnant and breastfeeding. I am a health nut and struggled with the decision but in the end I decided happy mommy, happy babies was my take on the situation.

I hope this is helpful, that is a horrible helpless feeing. It's hormonal, and is out of your control. It has nothing to do with you as a mom and nothing to do with practicing attachment parenting. As to the responses saying co sleeping is "suffocating" or depression is sleep related and to get the baby out of your bed - you should pay no attention. As many women sleep the same if not better with their children in their bed than those that do not and sleep deprivation causes irritability not any type of clinical depression. You should take what works for you from attachment parenting and practice it. If the baby is waking you up, try getting a co sleeper if you aren't willing to move him out of the room. Most importantly, take time for yourself, especially if you are a SAHM. Even if it is putting on a face mask or doing your nails during nap time!

Yes, I think my PPD was worse because of attachment parenting. I tried it with my second child (my first was 2 1/2) when she was born. My husband called the doctor when I curled up on the floor in the fetal position crying uncontrolably after spilling my son's breakfast - a class A tantrum on my part.

The doctor put me on meds - Zoloft worked great - and told me the following: Attachment parenting is a wonderful theory. What parent doesn't want the best for their kids? All different cultures have different parenting techniques and all different cultures end up with great people and some not so great people. In practice, carrying a baby around all day was physically exhausting my body when it was trying to heal from pregnancy. Add to it exclusively breastfeeding (I did for a year with both my kids) and a 2 year old with a boatload of energy and I was literally having the life sucked right out of me.

The meds helped me enough to be able to start making some additional changes - asking my husband for help, doing a project that was just for me and made me happy, reading a trashy magazine, etc. - and that helped. My daughter is now 2 1/2 and my son is 5 and they are both doing really well - so am I. A happy, patient mommy makes for happy kids.

One thing I want to note - PPD or any sort of depression is a DISEASE, not something cured with more sleep and vitamins (like the ever so ignorant Tom Cruise believes). The OB's have seen PPD and all kinds of versions of what you are going through. They are a wonderful resource for finding a solution that works best for you. If you had a broken arm, you'd go to the doctor to get a cast, wouldn't you? Get to your doctor. NOW.

I have/had PPD (although, now, I think I just have depression since my kids are 4 and 6)
The most important thing I learned was that unless I made myself better, i was of no use to my children and I couldn't do any time of real parenting. My boys are 26 months apart so I had a newbie with a 2 year old (that was born with a heart defect on top of that) so the downward spiral was hard and fast. I breastfed and never wanted to leave the little one alone! I felt like I was neglecting the other one. I was very confused!! I'm on meds now and I also had talk therapy and let me tell you, hearing other mom, knowing that I'm not the only one that had a hard time, really does help the soul.
TALK to your DOCTOR ASAP> you may not need meds, but, they will point you in the right direction to start taking the proper care of yourself. It's okay to cry. It's okay to let the kids cry for a little while if you need to recoup and they are safe. Deep breaths. This does get easier

Been there, done that....not too long ago. You must find the middle ground that makes life do-able for you and your family. Please talk to your doctor and consider taking medication. I was at my 6 week apt crying my eyes out. The nurse told me that she herself took meds. Talking to my doctor I learned that they wanted to put me on meds for 6 months. That sounded like such a long time!!! You know what? To do over again, I should have done it. My youngest is just turning 11 months and I've barely climbed out of that black hole on my own. About two weeks ago it got bad again...really bad.

It's a real thing and should be treated as such. You want the best for your kids, we all do. You have to take care of yourself to be the best mom for them. I also highly recommend that you schedule a night out every week to two weeks to give you something to look forward to. You need to get away, enjoy doing something just for you, and giving hubs the chance to do it on his own. EVERYONE will benefit from Mommy's Night Out.

Giving you a big HUG....or a knowing smile if you don't feel like being touched!

If you resent it change it. Some people thrive on attachment parenting and others don't.

Heart goes out to you--trying to keep up with the attachment parenting philosophy is not for everyone both with and without PPD. Cosleeping and babywearing should work for you not something to be strictly adhered to out of guilt that baby will not attach properly otherwise. There are ways to get baby to sleep in their own room or at least out of your bed in a gentle way if you are against CIO. Look up Elizabeth Pantley and Tracy Hoggs. Babies and toddlers can thrive in lots of different ways.

We practice attachment parenting - as much as possible with 3 kids - all of whom may need something at the same time (so sometimes we don't succeed and the kids weather it fine).

So...I am saying this as someone who is all for attachment parenting...but who knows that it is not the definition of "successful parenting" from experience. If it's destroying you, do NOT do it.

The whole point is to "be there" as much as possible for your kids..and not just physically. If this approach is breaking you, then you can't "be there." You need to regroup and re-examine...

Every family is different. What works FOR YOU is as important as anything else in determining the "right" approach for your family.

So while I don't feel the same as you, I understand where you are coming from. I encourage you make your physical and mental needs a priority in determining a new way for your family.

Good luck. And hugs.

Anything that makes you feel guilty is going to increase your negative feelings and possibly depression. Attachment parenting philosophy makes me feel incredibly guilty that I _don't_ want to have that relationship with my kids, that I _can't_ just give myself over to them like that, that they drive me _crazy_ when they're all over me all the time. If you can accept that those feelings are okay, you'll feel better.

Attachment parenting works really well for parents who feel guilty hearing their children cry, putting them in a stroller, giving them a bottle, etc. Follow the parenting philosophy that makes you happy, and you will also have happy children.

Depression is very often the result of a lack of sleep. For your own sanity, get the kids out of your bed so you can some real rest. Baby whisperer or no cry sleep solution are great books.

Have you considered stopping attachment parenting. If it is making you miserable, the attachment is probably not going to be healthy/helpful to your children. If you have "completely lost" yourself, to what are your boys to attach?

Go talk to your doctor. They have heard it all. There is nothing wrong with getting help, either with drugs (Zoloft for me), or they can lead you to other helpful ideas. Just know, you are not alone. I was struck with post partum panic attacks/anxiety and then during weaning, would get the PPD. Anyway, all my children 6, 3, and 13 months are all healthy, happy, well adjusted little people. Happy, healthy mommies are the key to a happy, healthy households. AND, if you choose to get help through drugs, that does NOT mean you are weak.
I think those of us who make the choice to get help are the strongest. It takes guts to admit you can't do it alone, or that we need help.

Oh and if you don't already have one, invest in a good pump or rent one and start pumping. I introduced the pumped milk bottle to all 3 at 3 weeks. It lets you feel a little more independent; which is amazing when you have a leach on you all night long!!! ;-)